Where in the World is Cara Delevingne?

It’s been 5 days of fashion. The collections have been cool and all, but something is missing. Or more like someone. And you know we’re nosy so we gotta ask:

WHERE in the name of thick-browed ladies is Cara Delevingne?

We’re starting to get worried. Last season we convinced ourselves that she was a super human who teleported between shows because she was, quite literally, everywhere.

So we’re putting out an Amber Alert.

She’s uncomfortably quiet on Instagram and has lead us to believe she’s in London. Yesterday in lieu of selfies, she gave us an inspirational quote: “Stand up for something you love even if it means to stand alone.” OK, thanks, but where are you?

So we started to cogitate.

Did she ask Rita Ora to fill in for her at DKNY? Has she joined the Witness Protection Program? Is she going to do a death defying cannonball into the Marc Jacobs show?

And then an epiphany struck us (“us” being The Man Repeller Investigative Department for Catfishers and Missing Persons) while discussing Cara’s weird affinity for onesies. “Oh my god,” we cried. “How could we be so blind??”

So cancel the Amber Alert!

Cara IS here! She’s simply been sporting frighteningly realistic BAPE-style onesies of everyone in fashion.

Naomi Campbell at DVF? That was Cara.

Grace Coddington at Victoria Beckham? Just Cara.

The ATL Twins? Cara strikes again (she’s so good she can be two people at once).

Believe us yet? Ok, cool because we don’t want to be the ones saying “We told you so” when the sprightly man we believe to be Bill Cunningham unzips his face to reveal none other than…Cara.

So actually, the real question is, how does she hide the zippers so well? Another cogitation for another day, dear friends.

Oh, and now we ask you: Who else do you think she’s been wearing? And if you don’t believe this theory (which means you must hate true facts, to each their own) then where do YOU think she’s been?

— The Man Repeller Investigative Department for Catfishers and Missing Persons

INSANE photoshopping by Charlotte Fassler

  • Inês Meireles

    You never fail to amuse me.

  • Boo InsaneBazar

    One thing: I love you, Man Repeller.
    Has someone checked under the front row bench?

  • pixiedust8

    I wish the overhyped Karlie Kloss would wear some onesies and disappear. Cara, come back!

    • TNA

      If anything Cara is over hyped. Loved her since her first Burberry campaign, but it’s undeniable.

      • pixiedust8

        I’ll agree she gets a lot of hype, but as someone who remembers the early 90s supermodels and is mystified by the current crop, Cara and Joan Smalls are really the only one who can hold a candle to them!

  • Lisa Daniels

    She might even be wearing you ..

  • Madelaine Diamond

    She’s filming for ‘Kids in Love’ (a new film) in London (I think).. & yeah I wish she’d come back too..

  • mademozel
  • Iréne Shûkriya-Dutta Scharief

    I think she’s busy partying!

  • byjacquelineho

    i was worried about her too, but Man Repeller Investigative Deparment for Catfishers and Missing Persons i absolutely LOVE your theory.

    who would have thought she would disguise herself in onesies. I think she has been wearing, dare I say it, ANNA WINTOUR!!! the queen herself. hhahahah, thanks for the good laugh MR Team 🙂

  • a.n.a.l.u

    hahaha, i love your post. I just thought that she was going to be in every show, she is the so called IT model after all right?


  • Love this haha

  • Katie

    She is probably partying backstage with Rihanna!

  • she’s filming something apparently? left us all behind, we’re having eyebrow withdrawl symptoms here.

  • Sophs

    omg i love you totally believed it too

  • marianagerarda

    This just in

  • TheNextAnna

    Surely she will be at Burberry, right?

  • Shawnee Rajala

    haha love this. seriously though cara, you’re my favorite, what’s going on.

  • Jamie

    didn’t you get the memo? She’s not doing fashion week anymore because of her psoriasis

  • MaryDee

    I bet her mates got her wasted and shaved an eyebrow off. Classic.

  • I guess she is in London with Rihanna..

  • Springg

    This obviously solves the question of how Anna Wintour gets around FW. Cara is wearing her! Anna attends a Lincoln Center show, but then magically supersedes traffic and shows up 8 minutes later at the Highline Stages? Nope, it’s just Cara. She’s more of a downtown girl anyways, so it works well for both.

  • Jordana

    Where in the world is Agyness Deyn?
    She was (is?) just as cool as Cara, and made just as much success and appeared in lots of campaigns. I know she got married, but where is she in fashion world?
    I miss her.

  • Kristen

    I WAS WONDERING THE EXACT SAME THING and your answer made a lot of sense so I’ll take it