What’s the Best Pick Up Line You’ve Heard

The other weekend I had the good fortune to witness a group of men learning how to pick up women. They seemed to have lots of positive components to their technique: they chose a sunny day, picked a public park, wore their best shoes and as far as my nose could smell, they had showered. What I witnessed was their approach (it appeared polite, direct, if not slightly startling — how often does someone make a beeline as you’re mid-jog and extend their hand in introduction?) but what I failed to hear was their “line.”

I also failed to understand why they hadn’t hit on me yet, which I later learned was because A) they thought I was a lesbian and B) they saw me watching them and thought I was super weird. But once they finally did come over to talk (aka to ask the fair question, “Why are you and your friend STARING at us?”) I found that I too had a question for them, which was: What are you saying to these women?

And you know what they told me? “Hi.”

Hi! Just good old-fashioned “Hi”?!? This wasn’t a tupperware convention or a college orientation, or any other scenario that requires writing your name in black marker on a sticker that begins the sentence of “My name is ____” for you. This was the park! In the summer! And they were wearing nice shoes and trying to meet women!


I mean they really and rightfully thought I was insane. It’s just that some of my best laughs have come from a guy asking, “On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?”

When I broke my shoulder and had my arm in a sling, I prayed someone would ask if it hurt (when I fell from heaven) so that I could kind of slump my arm over and with big, sad eyes be like, “Yea, it did, wanna sign my cast?”

Charlotte told me someone once asked her, “Are you Jewish? Because you Israeli hot.”

My favorite was the time a guy landed a line so wonderfully terrible on my friend I really thought I might have to marry him. “If you were a pirate,” he asked while standing directly next to her, “would you keep you parrot on this shoulder” — he pointed to her left — “or this one?” — and when he said “this one” he stretched his arm over her back so that it slung across both shoulders as though they were at a 1950’s drive-through and he’d just made his big move.

Speaking of big moves, let us not forget Ryan Gosling’s from Crazy Stupid Love, and his ab-laden character who perfected The Patrick Swayze:



And now it’s time for you to pass your favorite lines on to us. Maybe they’re ones you’ve heard, or maybe they’re ones you yourself have delivered. Ain’t no shame in this pick up game, because at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to wear our best shoes out and find something to say other than “Hi.”

— Amelia I’m a Taurus Thanks for Asking Diamond

  • Leandra Medine

    My best rejection line came last week when a guy asked me if I had a lighter to which I said I don’t smoke and then followed up by asking if I had a number to which I said yes but that I also have a husband

    I guess I need to get out more

    • This happened to me in college and the guy quickly replied that at any rate he’d love to buy my lucky boyfriend AND myself a drink, then. Smooth. Moves.

    • Aubrey Green

      My friend was engaged and we were out dancing with our other girlfriends, a guy came up to dance with her, she showed him her hand/ring and he flips her off. So classy.

  • GapToothedGirl

    Mine is : “Do you loose one tooth?”
    Me…nothing, simply astonished!
    XOX, Gap.

  • I was once asked out by a man in the meat section of Whole Foods…I don’t remember him having a particularly cheesy line, but I do remember him being creepy as eff. I mean, c’mon, the meat section?!

    • LUCKY! I feel like that’s my dream to get asked out in the meat section of Whole Foods.

  • Emilia Petrarca

    The other day a man told me I dropped something and when I looked down he said, “You’re smile. It’s beautiful,” which then prompted me to frown.

    • Amelia Diamond

      You should have said, “the only thing i drop are beats” and then started making dub step noices

      • Emilia Petrarca

        hahaaha i would marry someone on the spot if they said that

    • Prenouveau

      I’ve gotten that one too–and he got such a scowl from me in response. Definitely backfires.

  • CaseyKathleen

    How much does a polar bear weigh?
    Just enough to break the ice… Hi, I’m ______.

    • pinkschmink

      My sister has a variation on that which she likes to throw out to unsuspecting Tinder matches. She literally just writes, “Fat penguin.” And when (if, really) she gets a bemused response, she replies, “Broke the ice, didn’t it?”

      Note: don’t use this on Tinder matches whose profiles include pictures of themselves in a tux. Doesn’t go down well.

    • ilze

      oh fuck you’re gorgeous

  • Heather Funk

    Last week I went to a bar that only had one open table, which was right by the men’s bathroom, and guys KEPT SITTING DOWN and wanting to talk, which made me grouchy because I just wanted my midnight fries my friend was getting for us. The first one asked about my phone case: “Uh, so, is that a wallet for your cell phone?” I held up my left hand and said, “Yes, and this is a wedding ring.” Then his friend sat down and said, “Hey,” and I said “Hi,” and he said, “You don’t have to be so rude,” and turned away and stared across the room for the next two minutes. You can call me Captain Smooth. Yes, I do seminars.

  • Ana

    A guy once walked up to me and asked me if I had a map. I took him seriously and politely said no, to which he replied.. ‘Cos I’m lost in your eyes’ :O

    • BethanyBeach

      the same thing has happened to me hahaha

    • Hadas

      Hahaha a 13 year old boy who just exited the train with me said “Ow! Excuse me do you have a bandaid”
      I replied genuinely “No. Sorry!”
      And he said without missing a beat”Oh because I scraped my knee falling for you.”
      It took me a second and then I cracked up.

  • Teresa

    One day walking downtown during lunch, a bro swaggered up to me, cocked his head to the side while rubbing his chin and looked me up and down. He then stated, “Mmmmm, I sure would like to be your friend…” To which I kindly replied that my husband won’t, smiled and winked. He got he point and took the put down in stride. Personally I love bad lines, especially now that I’m married…I can appreciate being appreciated by the opposite sex.?

  • Deborah Chloé

    The best (or at least funniest…) thing a man ever told me to get “in contact” with me was… “hey… I’m so bad in bed.. you have to try!”.. I’m not sure. Does that work with ANY woman? If not.. What the hell?! haha

  • Ann Thaden

    “Who painted them jeans on you!? Rembrandt?” Which was so fitting since I majored in art history!

  • Maria

    “Wow wow wow WOW- yo shit is beautiful!” said to me by a stranger at a bar at my alma mater during a homecoming game weekend. I thought that perhaps there was in fact shit on my pants or coming down from my pants. Needless to say– no numbers were exchanged.

  • Charlotte Fassler

    One guy sidled up next to me in line for the bathroom only to ask, “Are you into ska?” when I returned from the bathroom I watched him approach my friend only to ask her the same question…..

    • Amelia Diamond

      like the music?

  • Guy drops his drink on the floor next to me at bar, asks “I’m so sorry, did I get you wet? ….*wink*” smooth one, after breaking a glass

    • Amelia Diamond


  • I think my favourite pickup experience has to be when someone literally hollers at me from the passenger side of they best friend’s ride. The song proceeds to get stuck in my head for hours, which is not a bad thing 😛

    • charmystique

      I don’t want no scrubs.

    • That jam though.

  • Lucy Martin

    I remember walking out of a store in NYC with my hands full and this man chased me and said, “Mam! mam! You dropped something” I said, “what! thank you!” He looks all suave and says, “just my heart” shocked I said, “don’t do that, that’s annoying”

  • “i want to bang you like a storm door in a hurricane”

  • Emma

    ‘But I showered!’ Delivered to me dead pan in Ibiza last summer when I declined his invite to Pacha. Because recent use of shower gel was going to make it happen.

  • Jessica Barthel

    On the red line one morning a scruffy James Franco look-a like sat down next to me, leaned over, and whispered in my ear: “Remember this-God has whispered to me that I’m going to regret not having the opportunity to spend time with you.” He then swiftly exited the train while I stared after him, struck dumb with shock.
    It was the best non-pickup line I’ve ever received.

    • Charlotte Fassler

      i would maybe be oK with this James Franco look-a-like character…..

    • Amelia Diamond

      I think I would be concerned he stole my wallet

  • Katie Katie

    “I wish I was your injury”

  • Autumn

    To quote the movie Hall Pass: “does this napkin smell like chloroform? Just kidding! I’m ____”.

  • Rdizzle

    A teenage boy tripped and fell in front of my friend Rachel at a museum once. He looked to be 15ish, and his friends were huddled off to the side watching. Concerned, Rachel and I asked if he was ok. He looks straight at Rachel and says “Yes, I just fell for you” while the friend group dies laughing.


    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahahaha win

  • “nice boots”
    “i’m not wearing boots”
    “i know, i said boobs”

    saw him an hour later at the same bar:
    “hey! nice BOOTS!”

    then I think I pushed him.

  • Nikki Lakin

    “Are you Jewish? Because you Israel hot.” And yes, I’m Jewish.

  • zallyhood

    I was a restaurant last week and the waiter told me he would “look the other way” if I wanted to take something from the salad bar. He then brought over a plate with a smiley face made out of cucumber eyes, a chickpea nose and a baby corn smile.

    • Amelia Diamond

      free salad is the way to my heart

    • LISA

      That’s adorable!

  • Dorothy

    I was at an outdoor bar last weekend when a guy walked up to my friend and I and politely asked, “Would you like to join my friend and I in a game of badminton?” Being that we are both pretty competitive people and we were the perfect amount of tipsy, we quickly replied “yes!” We looked around the bar for a net… To our chagrin, there was no net. Confused looks. Guy sheepishly admits, “Oh, yea, sorry… I just needed something to break the ice.” Laughter erupts. So random. We did end up chatting with him for a while… so I guess it worked.

  • Purejade30

    A guy once came up to my table where i was having a coffee, gave me his smartphone and said: i will call you later. And then he left de cofeeshop.
    The same afternoon he called 😉

    • Amelia Diamond

      And thennn?

    • Amelia Pita

      AWWW ! I also want to know what happened!

    • hanne

      what happened then???

    • coco

      tell us what happened!

    • Lia Marques

      Yes!! I wanna know what happened!!

    • Roxana

      how did you know it was him when you responded? I mean, did you respond to all the calls on his phone, hoping it was him?

    • Henry

      whoa whoa WHOA, Hold the phone! What HAPPENED!?

  • ‘I’ll get your coat, you’ve pulled a gentleman’

    • Amelia Diamond


  • Anna

    Two pick-up lines, one guy (on the same night)
    1. You’re like Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, you’re just too good to be true.
    2. Hey feel this, (points to the sleeve of his sweater), it’s made of boyfriend material.

    Aaand this guy is now my boyfriend.

  • ee_by_cc

    I once had a guy at the Soho Grand tell me that I was “magical”. I wasn’t even performing any card tricks or pulling bunnies out of hats.


  • janice

    5 am in a club, lights are being switched on and i’m waiting in line to get my coat. a guy approaches me saying “usually, I’m shocked by a girls face when they turn on the lights but your face is really okay”

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahaah wowwww

  • pinkschmink

    A guy I literally just met (and who moved to London from Paris six months ago and thinks his English is no good) pulled this one on me:

    Him: “I’m jealous of you.”
    Me: “Why?”
    Him: “Because every night you go to bed with a beautiful woman.”

    Took me a minute, I’ll confess …

    • pinkschmink

      Though I think one of my favourites was: “Can you do my laundry? Cos you hang them other girls out to dry.” Which actually made me spit out my drink all over him in a horrifying combination of laughter, surprise and utter cringing incredulity.

  • Carrie

    Once when I was relaying a story to my mother she gave me some advice. I was telling her the most recent pick up line I had heard from a man, “That dress is beautiful.” She told me I should have replied, “Thanks. I’ll let you borrow it, but you’ll have to find your own shoes.” Ohhhh Mom.

  • BethanyBeach

    At summer camp one year I met a guy who figured out that I loved bad pick up lines so he took every opportunity to come up with ones to use on me.
    My favorite was when we were standing by the Lincoln memorial and he told me, “Four score and seven years from now, I want to be with you.”

  • KittenRainbowMagicKatie

    In my building’s elevator a guy asked me “Are those polka dots?” He was referring to my white dress with large black polka dots all over it. I responded, “yes.” Does that count?

  • katije

    Damn, girl! You hella thick!
    (misheard as, “damn girl! Elegant!”

  • Emily T

    I’ve never had a man try and use a pick up line on me but I did have have a handsome man with an Australian accent tell me I was “gorgeous” and asked if I would have a drink with him that evening. I went (as a 26 year old American I just think there’s nothing more attractive than a man with an accent). That’s the first time a random man ever asked me out. I’ll take it as a win. 🙂

  • katije

    Girl, you looking hella fertile today! Better watch out …

  • graceyu

    I think the worst one I’ve ever gotten was “If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seeds?” +2 pts for creativity, -100000000000 pts for creepiness.

    • LISA


    • Amelia Diamond

      I just learned that when Beyonce sings “I’ve been drinking Watermelon” — GUESS WHAT WATERMELON MEANS?!

      • PrettyFritz

        OMG Amelia, you’re brills girl

  • “Girl you got some fine-ass toes.”
    “You’ve got a face that could launch a thousand ships, Helen of Troy.”
    “Fergie! Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Fergie?”
    “You must be exhausted from running through my mind all day.”
    Men. So creative, so misguided.

    Although a barista once mentioned that I “smelled like sunscreen and perfume, the way a woman should be in summertime.” All my change went straight into that tip jar.

  • Alba B.

    The best pick up line especially today:
    the Boy:”hey girl is the entire Italian Team inside that luggage!!!!”
    The girl’s response: No, but there is enough space for your balls as well!!!!

  • Caitlin

    I never get anything creative, it seems to always be “hey, do/did you go to xx school/uni?”. Although I did get a few ‘charming’ ones on tinder (by charming I mean disgusting!).

  • Matilda

    In McDonalds (Ew!) I guys said to me: “Excuse me, my phone book is looking empty, can you please fill it up for me?”
    Worst line ever. He wasn’t even hot, he was like 12 and I was 17!

  • Ecem Sheyda

    I was walking into a shop after work to pick a few things up, y’know wiped out, tired, looking terrible, and this super cute guy stopped me and said ‘Excuse me ma’am, I think you dropped something….is that your smile?’ He was HOT. (Caps Lock on purpose). Anyway, I was too cringed to stay and talk. Maybe he reads MR?

  • Matilda

    I forgot this one!
    A guy in like his forties was in line next to me at a buffet and looked up at a picture of the mona lisa on the wall and then looked at me and said “You know, you look a bit like the Mona Lisa” I was like “What? Oh no!” and He smiled and was like “No really, the mona lisa was known to be a great beauty in her day.” I have never felt more old or ugly in my life after that.

  • Aubrey Green

    I was in Wholefoods, a guy asks, “please tell me you are either married, or at-least have a boyfriend?” at the time I did have a boyfriend, so said, yes i have a boyfriend. He said, “ah, thank g-d someone has you..”

    • WhiteLady


  • suzyd

    The best one I’ve ever heard is, “Dang girl, are you my appendix because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.” So weird and perfect!

    • Amelia Diamond

      points for creativity

  • Monkeys cannot sell bananas!


  • Guest

    Now that I’m married, any time a guy tries to hit on me, I’m pretty sure I look like this:

  • Ever since I got married, I’m pretty sure every time a guy hits on me I give him this look:


  • Amy Parent

    When I was very young, while passing a construction crew in Montreal, one guy stopped,hit his buddy and said “Regard, une fleur jusque sur la pointe d’ ouvrir” which translates to “Look a flower just about to blossom”. Nobody can top that

  • Bonnie

    A gut would ask for my name and then he would introduce himself as “Clyde.”

    Multiple times. …

  • Kristen

    Why don’t you sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up

  • Racheal F

    “I have the box set to Rocket Power at my house. Want to come by and watch it?” strangely I was kind of intrigued.

  • Kirsten

    Coincidence because today the guy working at a bagel shop near me gave me my food at a discount so I thanked him and he replied, “it’s not only my job, but my pleasure” and then he followed up by giving me his number. it was very smooth of him but mostly it was fantastic because discounted bagels are the way to my heart <3

  • Most people I’m around aren’t that creative, they just tell me straight up how much they bench press, usually completely unrelated to the conversation. Best pick up line I’ve ever heard came from my husband the first time we met, “You’re looking beautiful today.”

  • I must say ladies, I’ve been reading these comments for a solid 15 minutes, and they are fantastic! I fear, however, that my affinity for cheesiness (the cute kind, not the corny kind) will have me falling for a cutie who uses something like “You must be exhausted from running through my mind all day” someday soon.

  • Magdadielena

    While dancing with some friends at a club a guy turned to me and said in a serious, slightly offended manner “Did you just grab my ass?”. I replied that of course i did not. He asked “why not?”. I have to say it made me laugh. My brother adopted this pick up line and apparently is doing really well :D.

  • i dunno if mine counts as a chat up line but i was at a party once and this guy was clearly trying it on so i pointed out “don’t you have girlfriend?” (as i had heard he had was in a committed relationship for almost 3 entire years)…his response was “yeah but you know how McDonalds can be like your fave fast food place but sometimes you like to go to Burger king” the guy compared me to a burger, i had nothing else to say. I feel I need to point out that this guy is now a doctor, i know its silly of me, but i always put down doctors as the people who automatically have to have the most morals just because, you know, they save lives.

  • wotsitwoo

    A new one on me last week: If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed? Just made me want to barf.’my seed’ eeewwww.

  • amalieilund

    A guy once asked me how much a box of cereal costed – and then put a box of cereal at the bar table. It was weird.

  • CharlotteC

    3h checking a hot guy in a club, 10 tequila shots to find the courage and to go talk to him and once drunk and feeling confident and all I say “hey, nice cap!”… Smooooooth! And because it was the worst pick up line ever, it had to work 😀 hehe

    • CharlotteC

      good day to you too 🙂

  • shanicesayshello

    Summer two years ago my girls and I went out dancing. I was standing outside with them and three guys swaggered up on us. So one of these guys immediately compliments my very long hair and then asks me if ever a guy during sex really grabbed my hair, like really pulled it and that he would like to try that on me. He just keeps on going about his lets say ”fantasy” . I was being really sarcastic and rude, telling him to get lost.What he didnt, so I left. I was 19 at that time and 2 weeks later summer break was over, college started again and my sports teacher was pregnant. Turns out he was the replacing teacher. Classy. The moment I walked in his face expression changed drastically and is just absolutely unforgettable. Needless to say that sports became my least favorite class and that he no longer was being taken very seriously in my class.

  • Alana

    Wtf is wrong with you? and the you go write whore on the other woman? Her’s was at least legitimate and funny! Go bitch somewhere where this belongs, like a therapist office!

  • “i want to bang you like a storm door in a hurricane”

  • Sarah Shelton

    “I’m a stud. I’m the S T D all I need is U”

  • Maria

    My personal favourite was also by far the most random I’ve ever heard. It was a night out in a cold, dark northern European country and I was out with a friend for a couple of drinks. A guy walks in and stares at me like crazy from a cross the room. In all honesty, he was rather short and there with a “tall-dark-and-handsome”-type friend that much more suited my fancy, so I wasn’t really that interested.

    Anyway, he kept glancing at me and I acted coy, as you do. After finishing my first drink I went over to the bar to get another. I hadn’t realized that he’d gotten up and followed me. He knocked on my shoulder and asked, with the most amazing Scottish accent (I’m a complete sucker for a man with an accent from the Isles), “I’m sorry, but are you Canadian?” I was completely lost for words. “Sorry? Why would I be Canadian?” He answered, “well, you look Canadian”. Our discussion continued, he threw in a lovely compliment about me looking like “the cheerleader from Heroes”. (I’m also a sucker for flattery)

    Granted, it was a very succesful play on his part. In all honesty, with that accent, he might have gotten away with it just by using a simple “Hi”. Anyway, it sure was a novel approach and, in many ways, one of the most memorable nights of my life…

  • Elena

    “Hey girl how do you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, or fertilized?”

  • Karen

    Some guy passing by eating a chocolate bar in the street starts to follow me.. Suddenly he is glued to me asking ‘you want a piece of my chocolate?’ obviously I said ‘NO’ then he goes ‘what about a piece of my lips??’
    It wasnt even funny, very creepy instead.. I just answered ‘Oh come on, ew’ and walked away.. Brazilian guys can be very weird and disgusting sometimes

  • Katie Turner

    It was just last night that I went with my mom to bingo night, and she’s only in her 50s but everyone else there is 60+, and I was wearing skinny jeans that hit at the waist and a top that wasn’t meant to be a crop but shrunk a bit so just the bottom part of my stomach was showing. When my mom and I went up to the table to buy our bingo cards, a man working there, around 75 years old, told my mom that she needs to buy me longer shirts in a joking way, and I was standing right there but she just kind of laughed it off and then he says “not like I really mind though!” and it was just so strange… (keep in mind I am 18)

  • Nancy

    The worst ones I’ve gotten are both related to being a redhead.
    1) “Does the carpet match the drapes?” To which I typically reply, “Actually I had hardwood installed.” Depending on how you say it, that really throws them for a loop.
    2) “You know what they say: red on the head, crazy in the bed!” For this one, I respond with, “You know what else they say? Nasty talk, tiny cock.” And then you flip your hair and fly away.

  • Kayla

    My favorite pickup line ever used on me: “That blouse is really becoming on you… Of course, I’d be coming if I was on you too”

  • Yaya why not

    5 am, coffee shop, London’s train station.
    Me : I’ll have a latte, please.
    HER : Would you like a muffin with that?
    5 am was definitely too early.
    Took me a while and many laughs to figure that one out.


    • Cory

      sounds like a legitimate breakfast-related question, though.

  • Nives

    A guy once asked me if he could borrow my phone to make a call but he didn’t make one of course. Instead he saved his number to my contact list and made a little ‘call me’ gesture while giving me the phone back. And I just really feel like I should mention that he was on a season of Big Brother a couple of years ago here in Croatia. Beyond creepy.

  • RebeccaL

    When there are ice cubes in front of someone and someone else grabs them and breaks them. ‘Well, now the ice is broken.’ 😐

  • Lara M

    “You can’t sit there, my imaginary friend is sitting there.”
    ..to which i said, “oh yeah? what’s his name?”

    he had my number by the end of the night. NO IDEA how -____-

  • Nives

    A guy once asked me if he could borrow my phone to make a call but he didn’t make one of course. Instead he saved his number to my contact list and made a little ‘call me’ gesture while giving me the phone back. And I just really feel like I should mention that he was on a season of Big Brother a couple of years ago here in Croatia. Beyond creepy.

  • Ltthar

    Once when I was walking down the street a guy yelled from his car “Hey gurl, wanna pickle??” and I was totally baffled. An older gentleman once said to me in passing “you sure make the sun shine on a cloudy day” – it actually made my day.

  • PrettyFritz

    One of my of my friends has this whole system figured out; every time he wants a girls number, he asks them if he can borrow their phone, ’cause he’s missing his. When his phone is loudly ringing in his pocket, he just asks the girl very nonchalant’ish if he can call her some time… Despite how creepy this actually sounds, it has been working out great for him

  • Ezinne

    One of my faves was when I walked up to a counter to order food, and one of the guys looked up, smiled at me, and said, “aurora borealis.” It was so sweet and unexpected.

  • Leslie Hitchcock

    Creepiest one for me was in Boston. Was standing at en event I was producing and a guy comes up to me.

    “What are you doing here?” he asked.
    Me: “I work for ______, this is our event.”
    Him: “Oh, I know. I follow you on Twitter and watched what you were up to today.”
    Me: …. ::backs away slowly:: “Enjoy the meetup!”


  • At a stop light, 9am on a weekday btw, the guy in the car next to me signaled for me to roll down my window. Then asked if I knew how to get to Lover’s Lane and if I wanted to go there with him. I declined.

  • Vanessa B

    Walking down the street a man asked if I was pregnant?! When I replied no, he asked if he could ‘impregnate me’!!

  • Ana

    True story: a man once told me “Girl, you ain’t nothing but a pervert’s dream.”

  • john
  • “I bet you get this often but you look like a christmas angel”

  • Danielle Stolz

    There was once this creepy old guy hitting on me and he said, “you’re like my future ex-wife”. I don’t know what kind of pick up line that was supposed to be…

  • x

    I had to come talk to you or I never would have met you.. And that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.