Open Thread: Use This As Your Group Chat About the Election

Hi <3

Consider this a post-election group chat of friends and strangers who could be, of broken-hearted people and those who feel emboldened by challenge. Everyone with an open mind is welcome in this conversation; different opinions will only help to convey the wider picture that is our current America. Share what you are thinking. Share what your friends and loved ones are saying. Ask questions and answer them.

Think of the comments section under this post as a place to have open, honest and frank discussions with one another about the election and about the outcome, how you plan to take care of yourself, how you plan to take action (while we work on rounding up some links for you — hang tight there, please; we’re in research mode).

If you are feeling really pissed off and angry for any reason, great, here’s your place for that, too.

For anyone unfamiliar with Man Repeller and how we operate, kindly note: vitriolic language, threats, abusive speech and any sort of hate rhetoric will be deleted.

Illustration by Emily Zirimis.

  • English Jane

    Take it from a Londoner who, I’m ashamed to admit, burst into tears when the Brexit result came in, seeing a career/life dream I’d been nursing recede further towards the horizon: the shock won’t always be this raw and strong. Protect your mental health, especially if it’s fragile at the best of times like mine is. You keep getting up every day at the same time and showering and going outside and drinking water and answering friends’ texts and unbelievably, the horror lifts. If you’re healthy you’re better prepared to fight to keep what you need, things that this election is trying to take away from you- a sense of control and understanding of the world around you.

    Remind yourself that you’re only here because your ancestors were very tough people. Depressions, genocides, natural disasters, political upheaval- if you were to go back to any time in history, you’d have a relation living in that period, somewhere. They faced a lot, and a lot of uncertainty.

    Now, immediately, there’ll be a lot of ridiculous headlines, rumours, hot takes, gifs on the internet- don’t blame yourself for refreshing your phone for hours at a time, just staring, getting a sore neck and dry eyes. Group texts about who’ll be in the next government, new policies and all the rest of it. It’s fine as long as you sleep and eat and keep going outside- the sick feeling will lift and you will still be on two feet.

    I think community id the most important thing now. Get yourself a community, make yourself a node in a network- not necessarily only with people like you or even one that’s focussed on politics- just something that connects you to other people to fight this feeling that everything is sliding down around you because you absolutely cannot grasp what’s going on. This too shall pass & only connect.

    • ALM

      Thank you. This is calming me a bit. I am so broken and upset right now and it always helps when someone who I know has been there before is there to tell me it’s not the end of the world and it won’t always feel this awful. Thank you stranger.

    • Bee

      This was a very reassuring message. Your comments about our ancestors really put things in perspective and make it a bit easier to feel empowered.

    • deedee haileselassie

      I was beginning to drown in all the negativity…THANKYOU

    • wielding

      From the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing this out so calmly and plainly. This is the reminder I needed to read this morning and I’m going to share it.

    • Tiffany Persons

      Thank you for posting this. It was so needed today.

    • Aydan

      community is important. the chow chow nuzzling everyone in the coffee shop this morning sensed it

      • Samia

        Guys I am so disappointed in this country I can’t even express it. As women I think it’s. Time to change our attitudes and show the men who believe they are superior to us that we are better. I thought America was liberal but I’ve been proven wrong. Being a teenager this has affects me beyond belief. I still can’t get over the fact that she lost. I’m just so devastated and angry with the result.

    • helayne maria

      oh god bless you for these powerful words.

    • Jess

      this is the best thing i’ve read today and, aside from Hillary’s concession speech, makes me feel the most filled with hope.

      thank you for writing.

    • Chloe Bruderer

      Thank you thank you thank you. I just burst into tears.

    • Julia Park

      This is just what I needed right now. Thank you.

    • caitlin allmaier

      I really needed this today. This fills me with the first thing that feels like hope since the results came in. Thank you, thank you.

    • Sarah Weisz

      Thanks for these words. As a French who had to deal with the 2002 presidential election (when our then Prime Minister lost on the first round, and we had to chose between the then President and Le Pen, the most fascist politician you could imagine), believe me, it takes time to heal the wounds. And as history repeats itself, it is possible that Le Pen’s daughter gets elected next year. Yeah, France is the most bizarre country.
      You had an Obama, you’ll get another one. Or a Warren.
      So, go, make your voice heard, get involved. Speak loud. And get a drink. That helps.
      Love from Paris.

  • I’m trying really hard to think about this. I don’t want to cry anymore, so I want to do things that make me laugh. I’ve decided that a way I’m going to move through this is to empower myself. I’ve made a decision to be a louder voice to my generation, and to help push forth movements I believe in. If the government isn’t going to be there for me, I will be there for myself and for the people around me.

    I’m angry. And through this anger I will channel action and change. I’m trying not to be hateful or disillusioned by society. America has laid out its dirty little secrets. And like Leandra said, now I know what I’m up against.

    Finally, I’m sure as hell going to treat myself to something expensive. Because life is too short and unpredictable to not indulge once in a while.

    • Rebecca Fear

      I feel similarly. I hope that once I move past this sadness I can get to a place where I can help make change in the world.

  • Lynn

    I found Amelia’s comments and permission very helpful. It will take some time before I can think clearly after everything I believe has been up-ended. I feel excruciatingly that I have let my (gay teenaged) daughter down. Friends have invited a group this evening to share, comfort, mourn, light candles, read poetry and whatever else we need to process the election and all that is coming our way. I’m not sure I will be ready for people, but I am impressed that they are ready to organize.

  • Issel Galindo Aguirre

    So deeply sad, I do not remember when was the last time I feel this ashamed. At the end of the day, as I read in a tweet this morning, “being racist, prejudice and a lying sexual predator is still more acceptable than being a woman”.

    • Leandra Medine

      Let’s refuse to believe that’s true and prove why it’s not

      • hearceespeak

        Yes, yes, yes. Keep fighting. We’re a powerful voice. No president can take that away.

      • Lauren Michele Gerstle

        He may have been elected to represent the US, but he doesn’t have to represent you and your morals. We, as women, need to speak louder – we are CLEARLY assessed under a stronger microscope and we have to rise to that challenge. Remember, “when they go low, we go high.”

    • M

      I’m no Trump fan, but this is a strawman. The reason Hillary didn’t win was because of her vast corruption and the way she repeatedly thumbed her nose at the law.

      • Ashley F.

        Totally agree. Bernie should have been the candidate. He would have beat Trump. Now all we can do is keep on being kind, work hard(er), and pray for the next four years.

        • Alexia

          Please, stop talking about the past. There is no proof Bernie would have won. Saying so now is mean to the woman who fought so hard for this nation.

  • Rhia B.

    Leandra and Amelia, and everyone who has commented already – thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m still trying to process mine. I cried all through Hillary’s speech this morning. And that gorgeous purple tuxedo jacket she was wearing… I wish she’d gotten to wear it under different circumstances.

  • Sflawstudent

    I am so disgusted. Sad. Angry-so very angry. And tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of defending. Tired.

    • helayne maria

      Take a break, take your time to heal! <3

      • true…! just take a chill, 5 years will pass very soon. Then change your President…! Respect to other Americans, whome elected Trump…!

  • Renee

    As a Latina, when I woke up I felt like I had no place in this country anymore. I sat in bed, and thought to myself “do the majority of Americans think people like me are a threat to society – rapists, drug dealers, murders?” I checked my phone for the millionth time to confirm that the news was in fact real, and saw that Hillary had won the popular vote (and still counting). While that means nothing in terms of actually winning the presidency (unfortunately) it does mean that despite this close race the majority of Americans do not agree with Trump’s views and positions. That thought brought me some comfort on this dark day, and just thought I would pass it along. Also – the number of women of color in the Senate quadrupled, and while that is not the progress we expected, it is progress nonetheless.

    • BuffyAnneSummers97

      As an English person all this talk about Hispanics is so bizarre to me, and others in the country. We have no concept of South Americans as a ‘threat’. On the BBC they were saying that the fastest-growing demographic in terms of birth rates were Latinos- this is just the beginning for your story in America.

    • Bird

      Agreeing with all your sentiments here. I am Latina as well and am not surprised at our parallel thought process today.

  • Alice

    As a Brit who cried over Brexit too, I agree with my fellow Brit below.

    The best thing you can do now is to be proactive and not complacent. Talk to your friends and surround yourself with a positive community (MR is a good place to start!). Force yourself to feel empowered rather than depressed. Defy Trump and fight even harder for what you believe in, not only as a citizen of the United States but as a woman and a human. This is a time for revolution and women aren’t going to be written out of this one. That’s for sure.

  • Molly D

    Just being here in MR with everyone makes me feel so much better. Thank you so much, really.

  • Gwyn

    i think self-care is paramount in times like these. self-care can even be a form of protest

  • Quinn Halman

    I emailed, on behalf of the high school girl gang, all our female teachers thanking them for being good role models

    • Harling Ross

      I love that.

    • helayne maria

      That’s so sweet! and meaningful.

    • susan

      doing this rn. thanks for the idea.

    • Aydan

      teachers and parents have an even more important role than ever before.

    • Alison

      I’m a professor, and we meet TuTh. I emailed my seminar with a doodle poll to see who would rather continue with the reading (a Chicana feminist interpretation of Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz), and who would like to use class to discuss things we’ve been working through all semester: gender, spirituality, politics. Everyone voted for the latter (and some said “either,” because they like the book we’re reading).

      I cried on and off all day today, and then thought about what my students need. So, today was for me and tomorrow is for them.

      • Alice

        I wish my professors were more like you!

      • Adrianna

        My friend said that she and her classmates read James Baldwin excerpts in her grad school class last night. She was thankful her professor facilitated it.

    • Katy Scheuer

      Love your point and I am so grateful for my teachers who facilitate discussions on race, gender, and politics. And for my mom and grandmothers for showing me that women can be smart, strong, and persevere through this hard time.

  • Was just at the grocery store and I made eye contact with the woman at the register opposite me. We made the downward smile one does in the wake of sadness or defeat. And then we maintained eye contact and began to cry. It was public and cathartic and I’ll bet we both felt immense sadness and despair and hopeless but also anger that will fuel work ahead. But until then, we cry.

    • Lisa Estrada

      I actually teared up a bit reading this…sigh

    • Lauren Michele

      I feel you, Emma. I think the best thing for us to do now, is to be there for each other.

    • Mariana

      That is so emotional. I WANNA A GROUP HUG!

    • MT

      I’ve been full of despair since I went to bed last night. It permeated fitful sleep, it hung over me like a cloud as I made my way through my morning routine. This morning I chatted my sister, that I could not imagine being a parent right now. She responded, “I apologized to them for our generation failing theirs.” And I burst into tears. I’ve done it again right now relaying the sentiment.

      We need to take this time to mourn. We were making progress, as a country, and as a culture. We were fighting what was wrong and we did not let this happen quietly, but it’s done and we need time to mourn. We’ll get our fight back in us, eventually, but right now I think it’s okay for us to be in a collective cry into our wine sort of space.

      • Rebekah

        I had to sit and hug my son this morning and tell him that all I know for sure is that the difference between right and wrong in his heart yesterday is still the same today, and that kindness is still the most important thing, no matter what happens in the outside world. It’s hard to explain to your kid that you did your best but sometimes things just don’t work out the way they should.

  • Grace

    Amen. We all need catharsis and (maybe at the same time, maybe later) to be proactive – thinking of channeling this (THIS.) into painting. Maybe Hillary quotes, maybe a series of nasty women portraits, maybe just nice things to look at. Could even sell them to raise $$ for the next campaign, or planned parenthood, or… Any ideas?! Interest?

  • Lauren

    As a gay woman, I am devastated. As a young environmentalist, having just graduated university, I feel hopeless. I am not American (I’m Canadian), but America has one of the most significant (negative) environmental impacts of any country globally. We NEED them to change if we have any hope going forward. People don’t take it seriously enough, people don’t think about it daily. I know so many other environmentalists in therapy because we’re all fucking depressed because the world is going to shit and no matter what we do, people are barely lifting a finger to change their lifestyles. And now one of the biggest players on the international stage has elected a president who doesn’t even have a consistent understanding of climate change and will undoubtedly do nothing to make our situation better, and will likely make it worse. I have so much compassion and love for this world and I can’t help but wonder if I even want to stick around to watch it go down in flames. Believe what you want, but climate change is not a matter of belief. It is a fact and it is the most pressing issue we as humans have to deal with. Yes the economy is important but when there is no safe water to drink and no unpolluted air to breath, money will be the last of our worries.

  • Belen Pulgar-Figueira

    I am terrified, I’m appalled but I’m also so used to this. I’m venezuelan so I’ve lived last night countless times before. I’m very conscious about my accent now, about the color of my skin, about being correct and hold back. It’s hard to believe that a sexual assaulter, bigot, inexperienced man is better and more valuable than a woman. I don’t want to move, but I don’t know if I should stay.

  • susan

    This day also marks 78 years to the day of Kristallnacht, and 27 years to the day of the fall of the Berlin wall. So if the pattern is to repeat itself, at least we know that the next major event to occur on a 9th of November may at least be a better one.

    Other thoughts: let’s just be there for our friends/people/family. Help people out, be kind, with no reward in mind. It’s one of the only things we have against an impending regime that elevates all the worst features of humanity. Have compassion, even//especially for the people who support trump. The only way to move forward is to (calmly) educate people. Teach your kids about diversity. The present is fucked, but there is still hope for the future.

  • Adrianna

    Right now I’m eating free Mexican food at work. Carnitas will make America great again.

    The Trump campaign was not shocking to me. I immigrated from Poland. I attended high school in Pennsylvania along with the people who already felt left behind during the Bush administration. 14 year old high school students repeated xenophobic and anti-Muslim rhetoric without ever meeting an immigrant (let alone a Mexican one) or someone who practices Islam. I stayed Facebook friends with some of these people of the years – I told myself I shouldn’t live in a vacuum. That these people are the ones who need assistance from my political candidate.

    But I can’t do it anymore. I unfriended a lot of people before the results were announced. My self care includes not subjecting myself to a feed of hate.

  • Natty

    I’d like to call to attention one glass ceiling that’s been shattered: Kellyanne Conway is the first female campaign manager of a Republican presidential candidate. And she singlehandedly turned around Trump’s campaign in a few short months, having only been brought on board in August. Impressive feat, really, and worthy of acknowledgment.

    • Autumn

      *fist bump* respect

  • Maleny Martinez Astiazaran D

    It incredibly hard to focus on anything today, I feel sad, angry, and in a state of dream. I want tyo cry out for help, I want to believe that This morning I am simply speechless, and heart broken. That sense of safety and peace that I felt just 24 hours has left my body. It has been said that all great changes are preceded by chaos. Chaos:
    complete disorder and confusion.
    Today I think of the truly great leaders:

    Rosa Parks
    Martin Luther King JR
    Malcom X,
    John F Kennedy
    Mother Theresa
    Susan B Anthony
    Michelle Obama
    Barack Obama
    Alice Paul
    Ida B Wells
    Nelson Mandela
    14th Dalai Lama
    Harriet Tubman
    Mahatma Ghandi
    Abraham Lincoln
    Frederick Douglas
    Mary Wollstonecraft
    Malala Yousafzai
    Mary McLeod Bethune,
    Eleanor Roosevelt

    Today I wake up with a heavy heart and an uncertain future, but make no mistake, we will persevere in these times of challenges and we will follow the steps of our great Nation’s leaders, who despite of their circumstances achieved the chance of a better future for us and the generations to come. I know a lot of us are asking today, “how did we get here?” How did one of the most influential countries in the world, end up with a rich, sexist, racist, and uneducated man as leader of the free world? I guess money talks? I don’t have the answer, or the energy to try to figure it out. What I can say is let’s educate ourselves and hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

    I am a 24 year old Mexican American woman, and on November 9 2016, I have questions about the future of my country, I have questions about the stability of the border town were I grew up, I have questions about healthcare, I have questions about student debt, I am concerned about the NAFTA agreement, I and concerned about the taxes in MX produce, I am concerned about the rise in us mx currency. Does this country have a contingency plan for electing the Ms Universe guy as our Commander in chief?

    My heart is heavy 🇺🇸💔 like Martin Luther King Jr, and Ida B. Wells are still out there fighting, but all I see is people buying there regular Starbucks, people confusing politics for religion, and then every once in a while I see people being happy and enjoying this day. I don’t understand it. Now more than ever I realize how wrong I was in believing that our country was finally equal in every way. Donald Trump is a joke, how is this happening ?

  • Brielle Saggese

    As a college journalist, I’d anticipated yesterday’s whirlwind of calling county polling stations, editing last minute stories, huddling around the newsroom TV and publishing a front page of hope and history. But as the hours creeped by, the evening turned into the most heartbreaking experience I’ve ever endured. It was like a nightmare, sitting on the floor and watching each state get tallied as we talked about what this night could mean to us – as journalists, as young men and women, as immigrants, as first time voters, as sexual assault survivors, as people of faith and as Americans. Do you know what it feels like to stand in a room with the most hardworking, intelligent and passionate people you know and watch them sob? A little past 2 in the morning, Pennsylvania’s count was confirmed and our front page went to print with the headline, “It happened.” I went home around 3 to a quiet house, but today we woke up and started work on tomorrow’s paper. As scared as I am for the future of this country, it is our duty to keep fighting and to know that the front page we wished for is still in sight.

  • Molly

    The shock and disbelief are powerful emotions right now, I’m walking around with the handful of tissues because every time I think about what happened I cry. As a women, an immigrant in this country and just as a human this breaks my heart of so many levels. On a positive note, I’m trying to see this has a really hard lesson I had to learn … things are not what I thought they were. I have been naive and must now find ways to educate myself and actually do something to help. I would love to hear about ways to actively do something, what are you guys doing?

    • Brielle Saggese

      It may seem small, but my friends and I are writing letters to Hillary and to her campaign staff thanking them for their work and service.

      • Molly

        That’s a great idea Brielle. I also just signed up for a monthly contribution to Planned Parenthood.

  • Tears have happened and will continue to happen for awhile, but my girlfriends and I have been lifting each other up. Reminding each other that yes we can mourn but we need to keep fighting. If we band together and keep trying to break that glass ceiling it will happen. It will shatter. We need to believe that.

  • Max

    I plan on spending the day watching the X-files and finding strength in bad-ass Dana Scully before researching and identifying local volunteer opportunities. I think in the next month/year/4 years, fighting back will be a form of self-care. Jezebel has a good thread going of groups to donate to/volunteer for:

  • Kurie Fitzgerald

    I am deeply grateful to MR for this open thread. I am deeply grateful to know that I am not alone in this. I felt overwhelming sadness when I learned the news. Always <3

  • Sara

    I have read and re-read this poem today probably 25 times. I’m going to listen more. I’m going to be kind to people I disagree with. I will not call them names. That’s one way I’m going to cope.

    Turning to one another

    There is no power greater than a community discovering

    what it cares about

    Ask “What’s possible?” not “What’s wrong?” Keep asking.

    Notice what you care about.

    Assume that many others share your dreams.

    Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.

    Talk to people you know.

    Talk to people you don’t know.

    Talk to people you never talk to.

    Be intrigued by the differences you hear.

    Expect to be surprised.

    Treasure curiosity more than certainty.

    Invite in everybody who cares to work on what’s possible.

    Acknowledge that everyone is an expert about something.

    Know that creative solutions come from new connections.

    Remember, you don’t fear people whose story you know.

    Real listening always brings people closer together.

    Trust that meaningful conversations can change your world.

    Rely on human goodness. Stay together.

    – Margaret Wheatley

  • Sloane

    Thank you MR for making a space like this. I am 17 years old and while I could not vote in this election, I volunteered with Hilary’s campaign. But, that is besides the point. Right now, I cannot put my emotions into words. I feel vulnerable, scared, nervous, defeated… the list foes on. I also feel a pit in my stomach and a fire in my soul that is ready to spark a revolution and make a change. Please remember my fellow ladies out there, you are worth more than you know and you can make a great change. And while our hearts are heavy and we are on the brink of time of uncertainity, we must, must band together, face the dark unknown, and be ready to fihgt with love, courage, hope, and justice.

    We can mourn, we can cry (trust me, I did while listening to Let It Be), we can hug and hold hands, we can comfort each other.

    But the sun will rise and the globe will keep spinning. And we will keep going.

    One foot in front of the other. One step.

    And here is a quote from Hilary,
    “Every moment wasted looking back, keeps us from moving forward… In this world and the world of tomorrow, we must go forward together or not at all.” – Hilary Clinton

    • Sloane

      Also, if anyone would like someone to talk with, I am here. x

    • Alice

      I am sorry that the generation above has failed yours. I also felt incredibly disenfranchised from other British voters after Brexit over here. I was scared after Brexit but I am petrified after this. For a 17 year old you are incredibly mature in the way you express your opinions, frustration and anger. I salute you.

      Stand by what you believe to be true and NEVER let anyone tell you otherwise. Keep the conversation going. Keep an open heart. Spread love. I am in London where British citizens were blatantly morning but even my student friends in Paris walked through the streets today handing cards to people with messages to inspire love, not hate. We are the next generation, we are the change and we are the future.

      • Sloane

        Thank you Alice for your kind words. And I agree, we must keep the conversation open and not let anything just simmer in the pot.

  • I feel ashamed, hearbroken and generally sick to my stomach. As I watched it all unfold last night, I kept saying “how is this possible?” Truly, how is it possible that a majority of voters live in a totally different reality than me?

  • Sneha Davda

    As Manrepeller is a community of open minded, kind and progressive women, the comments here contain a sensibility I want to emulate throughout womanhood. As a Brit of 22, and 2nd generation immigrant, the issues at the heart of both the American election and Brexit are close to my heart. As a student of politics, the whole debacle of 2016 is analytically erratic and disturbing. The liberal order is currently voraciously challenged, and we as women will be the front line in making sure inclusivity and unity are at the centre of our futures. The women here are inspirational and I can only hope bigotry and hatred will subside as a result of our strength.

  • Lauren Michele Gerstle

    Today has been one giant anxiety attack. I don’t think my heart has stopped racing since I woke up this morning. I feel as though there has been a death in my family. I can’t explain it better than that. Hillary was not perfect, but she was obviously the only qualified choice. Sure, she had a ton of baggage, and people can argue every point the choose to against her. However, the alternative was to elect somebody who build a campaign on fear alone. Psychologically, fear is the strongest emotion – it’s not wonder that Trump was able to lodge a successful assault into the American voters’ psyche.

    I woke up yesterday feeling really excited and invigorated. I thought we were electing not only a well qualified life-long public servant, but the first woman president. In my worst nightmare, I couldn’t have predicted this outcome. I’m not even a very political person – I just believe strongly in liberty and justice for all. My husband is pretty much inconsolable. My mother has been commenting on my friends’ posts with Trump propaganda. I’m honesty at a loss. We need like a 48 hour time out to asses our emotional wounds and be good to ourselves, but I guess that’s not an option. I’m grateful to MR to opening this thread, makes me feel a little less alone.

  • helayne maria

    I’m a brazilian and my country is facing its worst political crisis in over two decades, recently, I saw our first female president has been deposed and replaced for a conservative All-White, All-Male government, so I get you. It seems like our world is falling apart, I feel powerless and sick.

    I think that the message is clear, the world hates woman more than anything.

  • Storm

    Don’t give in to the fear…that’s what the powers that be want. Chaos always happens before real change…a new paradigm of peace and love is going to happen, but it’s been centuries like this, and things will get worse before they get really good. Just carry on being kind, compassionate, radiating the love and light within you and we’ll get there. As long as you be the change you want to see, then you are doing what is needed of you to bring about peace and love on this Earth! ❤️🙏🌍

  • Jess Candelaria

    I’m scared for what this will teach the children and youth of today. How do I look at my niece and nephew and tell them to have compassion, love, and respect for all living things- but the leader of our nation doesn’t have those things? I will try to continue and live my truth and do what I believe is right and fight for these things and not let this overcome me with evil and darkness. Everyone out there, you are not alone.

  • I’ve cried three times in my work bathroom, and just consistently throughout the day at my desk. No one has said a word to me. Everyone here is very conservative. I deleted my facebook last night and then woke up at 5am I got it back. I had to express my thoughts somewhere so that was my first go to. I just can’t wait to get into bed tonight, and wake up tomorrow and do something about my deep, deep sadness and anger. Stay tuned… love you all.

  • Anna

    All of the words I’ve read here so far have really touched me and despite my bad english (sorry!) I really want to thank you all for being such a wonderful example.
    I write from Italy and what I’m reading now, here, it’s really something I wish I could hear from my compatriots when it comes to such issues. We’ve had Berlusconi twice, we’re living years of profound political crisis, fighting with unemployment and enormous problems (racism first!) related to immigration and I swear I’ve NEVER seen anyone sharing this solidarity among each other like you’re doing today.
    We italians now live in fear, the urge to survive first as an individual has made us forget that it’s a community we live in and as a community we must behave, sharing thoughts and projects as well as support. Too many times I’ve seen people blaming each other for having made Italy what Italy is now – poor, discouraged, fearful – and tonight, for the first time, I realise that we forgot how to build a real community, the real community you’re showing me in those beautiful comments.
    We’ve got so much to learn from you all. I’m not going to write things such as “be strong” ‘cos you know you are. Wonderfully strong.

  • Jolie

    I live in one of the most diverse communities in the world. On line to vote, I heard everyone speaking in different languages, and the only words I understood everyone say were “Hillary Clinton.” I spent the entire election reassuring my loved ones that Trump could never win – I truly did not believe that this man represented our country. He hates women, immigrants, people of color, Mexicans, Muslims, LGBTQ people, etc; he’s proven that. I never thought our country would support someone so bigoted and hateful.

    I have lost faith in America. I don’t feel optimistic whatsoever about any aspect of this. My partner is an immigrant from a country Trump particularly hates, and I fear for our future as we try to make a life together here. I feel EMBARRASSED by this country and the way it has treated me and my loved ones by electing this disgusting man.

    I don’t know where to go from here. I haven’t left my bed all day and am wondering why my country hates me and my partner so much.

    • Lauren Michele

      Jolie, I feel the same, but know in my head that it WILL be ok, eventually. It won’t feel ok in my heart for a long time. Communication with supportive like-minded people will be cathartic. We are all in this together.

    • kay

      you are loved!!! you are wanted!! you belong here, stand your ground!!!

  • Abby

    I bought myself a BEC on a croissant, as greasy as I could possibly find it, because what’s one more day of emotional eating?

    • Alice

      This is heart warming

  • Erika Cooper

    I kept telling myself after hearing the shocking results, that everything would be okay and life would go on. Initially I was doing a pretty good job of believing it but as the day wore on I have been doing a poorer and poorer job of believing it. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I am a bundle of nerves this is insane!! Finally I have given way to crying which I told myself I wasn’t going to do. O when is this going to stop? I just want to feel better and have hope for the future. I feel so helpless and scared. I just hate feeling this way.

    • Lauren Michele

      Same here, sister. We all need to lean on each other now more than ever. We need to be the example for the American people.

  • Chioma

    Why are people still discussing emails when people are concerned about their families being deported and their drinking water being tainted? Why can’t feminist ideals be for the benefit of both Black and White women and thus sacrificed for supremacy? How is it our government doesn’t realize the same sentiments that fuel extremist political/religious groups are the same ones that can manifest in this very nation, because the trust is not there? People do not feel safe, do not have allegiance, HALF THE POPULATION DID NOT EVEN VOTE. Why is White America still so salty about the changing demographic? People still say Obama isn’t a US citizen. 🙁 Why don’t people like change? These are the questions we need to ask ourselves. I do believe it was naive of us to believe that in just 40 years anti-Other sentiments would simply fade away, however I did not believe that in 2016 I would fear for my life and rights more than ever before. Thanks ManRepeller for making this space, wish this would translate to our nation. xx

    • Subrina Ejoke

      I am not surprised that no one responded to your comment. As a woman of colour I fee so alienated from all of this because I feel like we are focusing on just the gender part of this issue and not the racial part (which in my opinion is bigger). How are we ignoring that 66% of white women voted for him. How are we ignoring that black women showed up with their babies in their arms, pain their hearts and hope in their eyes and voted for a woman who did not look like them. We can continue to have these conversations but if these conversations do not include POC then it is useless. And we cannot have these conversations with white women as facilitators because they have proven with this election that preserving white privilege is more important than their feminism

      • kay

        Clearly we have so much work to do (understatement of the year, f**k 2016 btw), but also clearly white women don’t all feel the same way. Almost half of them stood in line to vote against trump. White women overall was 53% for trump, and college graduate white women was 51% for Clinton. The 66% you mentioned is closest to the figure for non-college graduate white women.

        It feels like a huge betrayal that so many white women excused open racism and misogyny to vote for trump, but you are not alone. you’ve got almost half of us. and i for one will fucking be there against the resurgence of stop and frisk.

        • Subrina Ejoke

          the problem here isn’t the ones who didn’t vote for him. It’s the ones who voted for him. It is such a bitter pill to swallow that this many people do not care about what they have done to others. Trump swept every category of white voters and that is what scares me because these people have families who I’m sure don’t agree with their decisions and probably said NOTHING. Silence is compliance/agreement which is violence. That is my problem. I’m sure you’ve heard about Katy Perry proudly stating that her parents voted for him and she was going to have thanksgiving dinner with them. This to me is absolutely nauseating. I have several white friends who have completely distanced themselves from their families because ANYONE who chooses their self gain over the lives of marginalized groups of people is not family to them. White people need to confront their family members and friends who comfortably voted for him and until this happens, NOTHING WILL CHANGE. And I should add that I am black (African, Nigerian to be precise) and my mother doesn’t get it, her husband voted for trump and this year I told her we’re not coming for the holidays because I refuse to eat at the table with such scum and have my child around someone who has no compassion for human life. So I am talking from a place of experience

  • Jessica Barthel

    Hello Ladies. I rarely post here but have a quick question for you all. Like many of you I’m devastated about Hillary’s loss. I’ve spent the morning crying and trying to understand this new, surreal reality of ours. But my conservative Republican family has called several times to gloat about Trump’s victory. I’m sure several of you have experienced this. Any suggestions on how to appropriately deal?

    • Lauren Michele

      I’ve just been expressing that everybody is entitled to their opinions – that though theirs and mine don’t align, this is not the time to gloat about it. Respect me as I respect you and give me time to adjust.

      It’s tough with family.

    • kay

      don’t let them shut you up, literally just keep talking. you can tell them the issues are still the issues. what many conservative voters want is to stop hearing the voices and concerns of POC and women (they call it PC whining), but we do not have to stop talking about what we care about. they want us to stop competing with them for jobs and power, but we don’t have to stop competing. you could read some Lindy West for inspiration, she’s amazing at standing up to people who troll her which is kind of what that gloating is.

    • helayne maria

      Take care of yourself first, there’s too much pain to heal right now, so, take a break, let them celebrate or whatsoever. Arguing over, at this moment will not worth it.

  • dk

    Hello ladies, greetings from Germany. I’m confused by your voting system and feel a little bit of unease about the future. I have only question (sadly no answers).
    Why do You have an electoral college? What’s its point? And how can someone win the popular vote, but not the presidency?
    What does this means for Europe? Are the USA and Russia going to play ball now? Am I, in Germany, outta a safe place to stay? Do You know that the USA still has nukes on German territory?
    If the UK foreign minister and Your president meet, do You think that the secret services are going to confuse who’s who and take Boris Johnson in the White House?
    Are You at least somewhat happy that the elected president supports a strong second Amendment, so You have a chance to actually use it to its purpose?
    Why is the future always decided by the 45+ age group?

    • Emma

      The electoral college still exists in America because it is required by the constitution, and because of the way our political system is set up, amending the constitution is a long and arduous process.

      • Emma

        At the time of the constitution’s inception, the founding fathers of our country (is it still ours, I find myself wondering) had reservations about the common man’s ability to make informed decisions when voting, due in part to both the complicated nature of politics, but also the sheer size and diversity of our country, which made it difficult at the time to receive information.

    • Lauren Michele

      The electoral college was established in order to represent voters who could not read. At the time that our government was set up, it made sense, but has been long outdated (as proven by this election and the Gove v. Bush match up, as well). Each state is designated a certain amount of votes proportionately to their total population. The polpular vote in each states’ district is tallied and then the states electoral votes will go to the candidate who wins.
      The other questions, only the future can tell. I think the main difference between Trump and Johnson is that Johnson’s hairdo seems to be on backwards.

      • Senka

        I think that this ellections result has actually ( as well as the Gore vs. Bush one) been decided by those whose ability to read is questionable. It’s the only way I can understand it. Or is hatred of other, a woman, Latin American, Muslim, stronger than common sense?

  • Ashley Robinson

    The most qualified American female politician just lost the highest office in the country to a fraudulent businessman who sexually assaults women.

    I can’t stop rethinking that sentence. And I can’t stop thinking about every girlfriend who has been assaulted or raped, and then how they, through tears, admitted to feelings of guilt. I can’t stop thinking about the time when the crotch of my pants was grabbed so hard by strangers that it ripped, and how I was too scared to even scream. And I can’t stop thinking about how people have defended that kind of behavior. And I can’t stop thinking about the mothers and fathers who have to explain this to their sons and daughters.
    But somewhere, I feel the urgent need to love harder and defend better. I feel true awe for the reality that power will be peacefully transferred. I feel hopeful about personal freedoms. These feelings are numb now, but they are there.

    • Lauren Michele

      Thanks for sharing this. Love, just love will get us through this.

  • Arlie

    I’m afraid I’m not as optimistic as the rest of the commenters here. We may get thru this but there’s a good chance that our republic failed last night. My grandmother came here from Nazi Germany. She was persecuted by a fascist similar to the one who stands before us. I’ve been around long enough to know that not all of us will survive this.

  • Tanner Stormborn Ewing
  • Alana

    The battle has already begun in Australia. A rally of Trump supporters have been removed from Sydney University afternoon proclaiming ‘Grab them by the pussy, that’s how we do it’. How can we prevent this behaviour from becoming culturally acceptable when the President inspired it? I’m REALLY concerned.

    • That is awful. No matter which side of the aisle you are in the US, it’s tough to watch sexual assault and the demeaning of women be validated. I’m sorry that it’s spread beyond our borders.

  • Antoinette

    TToday, I am devastated. My mood is solemn, and after spending the morning comforting and encouraging family and friends, I’ve spent the afternoon withdrawn and quiet. I barely spoke to my husband who is also solemn, but he knows I need my space to absorb, feel, release and re-group. I was physically sick last night when I realized that Trump could really win, and sleep evaded me when I needed her most. I haven’t left my house today because I don’t want to, because I look like hell, and because I feel as if the space outside my house is hell. Trump as president has real consequences for minorities. We will all feel the brunt of Trump’s inadequacies, because he lacks so much knowledge on how to repair, maintain, enhance or create programs or systems that are necessary to keep the country in one piece. This is no easy task, and even the best of them barely get it right. I am very happy to see white women and some outspoken white men speak openly about this great wound, and offer a community of hope. However, I am hoping it will not be short lived. People of colour, immigrants, Muslims, and the LGBTQ community will suffer greatly. The majority of Trump’s voters subscribed/subscribe to his racist and sexist rhetoric, and we will be the recipients of their jubilance, racists rants, and God knows what he has planned in terms of policy changes. Racial profiling is not legal, is heavily practiced and will most likely increase, because Trump said he supports stop and frisk. What does this mean for people of colour? America has shown her heart, and I believe it. Racism trumps everything else, as the large number of women who voted for Trump declared. The need to not be touched inappropriately is secondary to racist ideals. I’m sad and scared but above all I’m heartbroken. As an eternal optimist, I’ll recover but for now, I’m allowing myself to feel.

  • Erin

    I know the tears will subside. I know the anxiety will level off and I’ll feel I can breathe normally again. But the fear will still exist. Especially leading up to the first day in office. I believe there has to be good in all people. I believe that maybe things won’t be so bad, now that he got his 1st place trophy. Now it’s time for work. For them, and more importantly, for us. I vow to continue to fight for all of those who have been persecuted. I vow to continue to speak my voice when a man tells me I’m lesser than, or makes a lewd remark. I vow to talk to others who may have differing views from mine, and ask them questions, and try to understand where their fear is coming from. And I vow to bring my future children into a world where they don’t have to be scared of who they are. It’s not over, it’s just beginning.

  • Hannah Voss

    I’m terrified of the immense damage we’re going to do to the environment over the next four years—can anyone talk me down? and then I’m so disheartened to think that for so many Americans the definition of greatness comes at the expense of others…

  • It’s my first election so maybe I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure people don’t usually text their friends, with genuine/non-ironic concern, “how are you?” and “are you doing okay?” as a reaction.

    I keep going through cycles of shock, anger, apathy, acceptance, repeat.

  • Whit

    I don’t know how to resolve my feelings of disdain for family members of mine and my fiancé’s who voted for him. I know that sounds horrible, but as a sexual assault survivor, it just feels personal. It feels like money and the need to stay loyal to a Republican Party and the hatred of women is just that much more important. Already I know of friends who have been heckled by white frat boys around my university’s campus. I am heartbroken, angry, and torn.

    • kay

      it feels personal to me too. every time i see his face i am reminded of the feeling of being assaulted, and knowing i was on my own because it wouldn’t be believed. to have someone in charge who actually does the assaulting, and who denigrates in the most personal terms women who disagree with him, is fucking terrifying. through every day i have always had an underlying fear that if i stand up to men, they will retaliate in ways i can’t defend against, and i have long thought of this as part of my issues that i need to work out and overcome. with this man in charge, it now seems like a rational response to reality. the only thing that keeps me going is that HE WANTS MY FEAR. my fear, while it might be justified now, is what allows men like him to proceed in terrifying me. the alternative to despair now is limited to one option- i will face the retaliation i know is coming. i don’t know if i can take it, but to not try is to be silenced, and despair.

  • elpug

    I have been discussing this a lot today with my peers in classes from biology to military science to mapping. I’ve mostly been talking to other women and my lab group for biology is all non-white except for me, consisting of two black women and a black gay man. We usually spend the time joking around while trying to get the lab done but today was rather somber. They were able to provide various perspectives that I had not yet heard based and their feelings ranged from disappointment to sadness to fear. Frightening as the occasion may be, I feel lucky to be surrounded by people who are willing to be so candid about their struggles and to provide their perspectives so that I may check my own privilege and broaden my world view.

    I was able to open up to my mom about my own sexual assault as she was concerned that the country is about to be led by a man who represents the enemy and negative experiences of many women and men as well. While it is painful and triggering to expect the next President to be a rapist, it is important that these discussions occur in order to enlighten those who are unaware of the residual hurt sexual assault survivors face.

    I plan to continue candid discussions with my peers and to gain insight as to why the America we live in today let this happen as well as how to prevent the hateful rhetoric from continuing. I hope this election is lights a fire for further social change and that future America never lets this happen again.

  • Alexia

    I am 17 years old and British-American (currently live in America). I remember feeling so shocked at Brexit but nothing like this. As a woman I am insulted that a man who believes he has a right to my body can become President. I am terrified for all my friends who are protected from deportation by DACA. And I am angry at myself. I am an avid Hillary supporter. I tried to volunteer although all the events were far away from my town. I talked to everyone about voting and registering; I wore LGBT and Planned Parenthood pins on Election Day. But I feel like I should have done more. I should have donated; it kept slipping my mind, but it is no excuse. I desperately wish I could have voted. I feel very helpless right now.
    I hope that those who voted Trump will be able to take responsibilty for their actions. Many people at my school could not stop crying today, myself included. Those I know who’ve been sexually assaulted are taking this especially hard. I know we are supposed to accept this result, but I refuse to. Yes, maybe Trump will become President. But he will never be my President.
    In all this helplessness, I am more determined than ever to make a change in this country. I will be writing my representatives with my opinions. I will be volunteering at the ACLU when I go to college next fall. I looking at organizing a candlelight protest. Trump will be a one-term President; in all the dismay I’ve seen lately, I know that despite what it seems, America will continue to stand up against injustice. We won’t let this happen again.

  • doublecurl

    I just can’t get over feeling so BETRAYED by my fellow Americans and more than anything betrayed by the appalling number of women who voted for Trump.

  • Katy Scheuer

    I went to school today and the feeling in the air was indescribable. Sadness, fear, frustration, anger. I felt those emotions too, so I think the best thing is to give everyone a smile and a hug because together our love can trump hate. Remember we are stronger together and there are silver linings to every situation. I am very proud of my state (CA) ballot measures that passed on education, cigarette tax, and marijuana. The first openly LGBT governor in Oregon, the first Latina senator, the first Black female senator since 1999. It will be okay in the end and there is hope in the progress that can be seen in the younger generations. Stay active, make your voice heard. It is okay to cry and the next four years will be a formative experience and hopefully we can learn from the mistakes that have and will occur.

  • Mariana Aguirre

    I am a mexican recent graduate living in México and I have been crying on and off since tuesday night. I am devastated for America and the consequences that a Trump presidency is already having on the minorities and specially women of color. My heart hurts for all my family members and latino inmigrants currently living in the States for the fear they must be having now and the potential physical and verbal hate they will probably have to face because of this result.

    I am also terrified of how it will impact my country and the economy, making it even harder for me and the rest of the millenial generation to find a decent job in the arts and design field, as well as the crisis that is inevitable coming in economics, human rights, and progress.

    I can honestly say this is the most fear and hopelessness I have felt in my life.

  • Mariana

    Step by step, year by year, I believe we are making our way to a better world. We have to remember something that is very important: nowadays, in the developed countries, such as UK and USA, we have more old people than new, due to people having less children and due to better health and therefore people live more. I’m not saying that ALL old people like Trump or Brexit, but there are a big part of that people that are more conservative and was that number of people that made Trump POTUS and made Brexit win in the UK.

  • nicolacash

    I’m so terrified for the future and angry at the uneducated people in this country who would vote for a man like that without fully grasping the effects it would have on the world…I’m honestly looking into moving to another country for a few years. I don’t want to economically contribute to a country that doesn’t respect my existence as a woman and minority.

  • BB

    Hi 🙂

    I’m portuguese and I’m so sad with what happened… It’s revolting and maddening if you think about too much… They can explain it over and over, but the only simple and truthful reason is this: people would rather choose a literal piece of sh*t on the ground than a woman. How sad, an empty little orange figure, whose concept of sucess in this life is having a really tall house with walls covered in gold, choses a wife based on what will turns more heads when he enters a room, walks in on teenage girls changing clothes on pageants, legitimises ignorant and hatefull little humans like him to look at a person that is only fighting for their daily bread and ther children’s like they are less, unwanted, criminals…even makes it acceptable to hurt them. A preverted sexual offender. It wouldn’t have been possible for any other candidate anywhere else. But somehow the world closed it’s eyes and normalized it from day to day. It’s sickening to hear people talk lightly about how it won’t be that bad, he can’t do all of this things and we may even come to like him in the next years????!! What the actual f**k??????????
    But the worse is,he stoled,robbed a little girl who wasn’t born privileged that one day heard Martin luther King talk about his dream and the injustices of this world and was inspired and decided to make her life’s mission helping people, working for the public cause, dedicate herself to change the world even a little bit. He robbed her in the most vicious manner of her hard earned and deserved place in History! She would be a beam of light and hope, an example for women everywhere.In my heart she will always be the first woman to be president of the United States of America.

    the coronation os a lifetime work… they just couldn’t let her have it. The stupid media, the little minded racist, misoginist sad people, the men…

    I cried so much yesterday, was up all night to witness History, just like I did with Obama, fell asleep just 30 ,min before they finally anounced it. The disbelief when I woke up, the tears and hurt.

    I love you Hillary, you are my champion, like you said. My life will never be as meaningful and impactful as yours, but you are an example. I will always admire you. We, women, were all looking at you, just like you said, and were all deeply hurt and personally offended with what happened.

    I’m coping by reading everything I cxan find about Hillary 🙂
    I had her biography by Carl Bernstein on my nightstand all this months, and now I’m reading Hard Choices.

    Lots of love, stay strong everyone!


  • danishdesign

    I do not live in the US, but I fear the effects of this horrible election, and I really hope that the election of this deplorable candidate can spark strong movements against racism, sexism and neo-fascism. Remember that only a quarter of the american population voted for the “winner”, who got the least votes and only gets the post because of the outdated election system.