Hey…Can You Not Invite February? No Offense.

Thurs, Feb 19, 10:30 AM

A: Hey

B: Hi hi. What’s up?

A: Ok…kind of awkward, but I was thinking, can you not invite February this weekend?

B: Haha.

B: Not really, why?

A: I mean…

A: February is the worst, dude.

A: We go out and drink all the time — Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, on desperate measures, Sundays — to try and make it better, like we’re going to find some magic antidote at the next bar if this one sucks. Some ideal moment or some perfect night that’s going to make February feel worth it. It’s never worth it! And we get fat. I have gained 10 pounds since Christmas.

B: Shut uppppp, you’re fine.

A: Think about it. When have you ever looked back on your Instagram feed and thought to yourself, “Man, February ruled!

B: True, but…

A: Instead of always going out with February we should just stop. We should stay in, work out, eat healthy, do yoga, listen to music, read! When’s the last time you stayed in to read? I think that is what February is for. Not all this late night bull shit that feels like some last-ditch effort to get in on cuffing season.


B: Oh god she just texted me.

A: What did she say?

B: Hang on


A: She’s a psycho!

B: I know. She’s so annoying.


B: Because we literally cannot ditch her. Not unless we move to like, Florida or Australia or something. Just accept that February is that friend who we grew up with because our parents are best friends with her parents. She’s gone skiing with our families. We’ve seriously known her our whole lives. We can’t get rid of her.

A: So we do we do? Suck it up?

B: She’s only here for 9 more days. So yea, we suck it up.

A: Ugh, I miss Summer. When is she moving back?

B: Not for a while…


A: At least we have time to start working out again.

A: Speaking of blast from the past, March texted me…

B: Oh god. He’s annoying.

A: I know, right.

A: Btw, delete this convo. February just said she’s gonna meet us in ten.

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  • As far as I am concerned, January through April can die. buh-bye

  • I don’t like September through February!


  • Quinn Halman

    February is also a shitty friend because they’re never single and always rub it in

  • yours was much better. but i had the same thought a couple of days ago. february is the worst. http://aweebitskint.com/2015/02/february/

  • parkzark

    Plus February gets pissed when you mispronounce its name. Get over it Feb.

    • i was going to say a version of that but i just had to pick out my lunch. BEAT ME TO IT.

      • parkzark

        OHHH what did you get for lunch? And great brilliant minds think alike.

        • a dumb salad

          • parkzark

            I had a clif bar, it was sad.

  • Ok, but March is SO fake. At least February is honest GOTTA GIVE HER THAT. March pretends to be nice and springy, but then can be all “I know yesterday was 53°, but lol here’s a blizzard today” Besides March making me a sister and St. Patrick’s Day (woo half Irish), I have NO USE for it.

  • Feb and Mar need to go somewhere and kick rocks together! Bunch of Debbie Downers anyway!

  • Aydan

    but guys, February is my birth month! Amethyst stones and being an Aquarius. What could go wrong?!

  • Jamie Leland

    February is always invited in Phoenix. High 70’s and sunny.

  • Haha! Loved this.

  • Soooo happy to live in Socal these days :/ Sorry to all my nyc babies



  • Lauren Ann Long

    And what’s up with her making Valentine’s Day a thing.

  • Lauren Swindol

    I just sleep through it.