Do You Have What it Takes…to Stop Once You Pop?

A little while ago, I learned — or rather convinced myself — that if I wasn’t fed every two hours my blood pressure would plummet, giving way to faintness and the spins. I’d envision myself waiting and subsequently fainting on the Duane Reade check-out line. The paramedics would find me with a Kind Bar and carton of Tropicana still clutched in the palm of my blanched hand.

These fears were  born out of a doctor’s diagnosis and exacerbated by the hypochondriac within me. I have since been known to carry around an almond snack pack or two, and almost always have a carton of kale chips/almonds/almond butter cookies/raw cookie dough bites/and or emergency revival sugar sticks by my desk.

Am I being dramatic?

The problem with snacking is that it’s so hard to stop. One tablespoon of almond butter soon turns to four and before you know it you’re double fisting Justin’s Nut Butter like a Squirrel during harvesting season. I envy snackers who can exercise a bit of self and portion control, but don’t care for those who adhere to the three-meal-a-day plan, snacking hardly ever if at all. To them I say: what is life if not a box of daily, 4PM chocolates?

The spectrum of snackers is wide and varied, including but not limited to:

1. The Whole Foods Bandit

When hunger strikes, you head not to the corner bodega, but to the nearest Whole Foods. Why settle for a $4 protein bar when you can taste the world’s cuisine FOR FREE at one of the store’s many sampler booths. Craving salty and sweet? A mini tempeh slider finished off with a spoonful of vegan chocolate mousse. Bon appetite. Appetit?

2. The Snack Attacker

You take your snacks like you take your cocktails: inventive, in small doses, and every half hour. You also don’t pigeonhole yourself, time-wise, allowing your taste buds to know ecstasy whenever, wherever.

3. The Tapas Queen

The ultimate snacker. In fact, rarely do you sit down to enjoy an ordinary meal. You’re the friend who suggests we “order a bunch of small plates for the table” and “share everything.” Your palate is greedy. That’s okay.

4. The Copy-Cat Snacker

You’re observant; you notice all of your friends’ weird-ass habits and sometimes adopt them as your own. You also can’t stop once you see your friend pop, and heaven-forbid your co-worker starts eating chocolate coated apricots, because she makes them look so damn good and now your stomach is suddenly rumbling for a snack you technically hate.

5. The Recess Free-Loader

Your mom never packed you snacks as a youngster. Instead, you relied on classmate Edith to half her Fruit By the Foot with you. You’d clamor around during recess, looking to score until your pre-school teacher agreed to give you just one more graham cracker. Not much has changed only you can afford to buy your own Dunkaroos now. But can you find them?

6. The Faux Splurger

You credit your taut abs to your three-meal-a-day regimen, consisting, at least once a day, of Chobani and honey. I’d bet you frequently mention the French ancestry in your genetic makeup but I don’t know you so that’s just a guess.

7. The Mindful Snacker

Everything else in your life is perfectly proportionate and compartmentalized and your eating habits are no exception. You snack only twice, either between meals or after an intense workout. You’re not one for overindulgence and that makes me sleepy. Now, reach for that carrot and hummus dip and tell me (BECAUSE I’M DYING TO KNOW), where on the spectrum do you fall?

Come over, I have cookies.

— Esther Levy

Photos by Krista Anna Lewis

  • Aubrey Green

    I need this almond yogurt, now.
    I have to eat every 3-4 hours, or I will shoot someone (undiagnosed).
    I’m probably a combination of Wholefoods Bandit and Mindful Snacker. I’ve never not eaten a cookie though.

  • So many great suggestions via pictures, but unfortunately they all have so much packaging. We’re definitely drawn to packaging — fun lil pop-off lid and what have you — but I try to stay away from it as much as possible. Bulk nuts and other fun snacks are definitely the way to go. Cheaper, too, in most cases.

    And when I was younger I was definitely the free loader. I’d come home from a friend’s house with a bag of snacks my mom refused to buy. Both junk food and packaged goodness. Whenever I go to my aunt’s house I essentially have three meals a day of fruit roll-ups.

    • Esther

      Emma, you make a great point… bulk nuts are the bees knees but can we agree that the snacks pictured are way more attractive?

      • Attractive, totally! Some of the best things in life are indulgent.

  • GapToothedGirl

    I’m a secret snacker…I have to eat by myself!! Just snacks of course!!
    XOX, Gap.

  • ee_by_cc

    Gurrrl, you’re speaking my language. I am Queen of the Hangries! Sustenance required every 2 hours or else I turn into Animal from the Muppets.

    • Esther


      • ee_by_cc

        That face never gets old for me.

      • If only I had those glasses too

  • Charlotte Fassler

    Guys I love pringles so much.

  • Annabel

    eating dark chocolate covered acai berries at my desk as I type, and I also subsribe to and get snacks delivered to me that are supposed to last a week but last about an hour. #snackattacker.

    • Aubrey Green

      this sounds perfect.

  • Not sure what exactly this says about me as a person but I measure my work day in snacks. Prior to even setting foot inside the office, I strategically plan out my snacks for the day to order to ward off the 3pm slump into despair/fatigue/mindlessness

  • RT

    I’m a Tapas Queen – meals are for basic bitches

  • Kandeel

    Im a Whole Foods Bandit and a Snack Attacker because I stock up on snacks while I sample. Just had the Whole Foods tortilla chips and Spinach and Artichoke dip…..a half hour ago….?

  • Gene

    My friends and I refer to maintaining a good blood sugar level (caffeine is involved as well) as the veneer of civility. Its amazing how quickly it flakes and cracks…

  • gina

    i love cookies!!! i can’t stop, ever.. it’s unhealthy for sure!!

  • Kelly

    I work for Google. It’s amazing and yet also so, so awful — there is food everywhere. All the time. And I’m not just talking about about meals of impeccably prepared food or the sandwich assembly lines or baristas at our coffee bar or the juice guy who hands out smoothies will nilly during normal feasting hours, I’m talking about fully stocked kitchens on each floor that are, yes, accessible at all times and absolutely plentiful with row upon row of chip, popcorn, protein bar and jar upon jar of assorted dried fruit and nut (both packaged and bulk!). Plus, the refrigerators plein with yogurts and fresh fruit, carrots, humus, sliced turkey and.. Shit. I’m gonna go grab a popsicle.. #thesnackerstruggleisreal

    • yunijmk

      I would never buy my own food if I were you.

    • Hereshoping Themayanswereright

      OMG!!! I guess google is heaven then?

  • When I am busy doing things I don’t care for snacks. But when I am sitting around…yogurt, bread, KALE CHIPS, you name it.

  • Mafalda

    Those snacks look like the dreeeaam! here in the netherlands there aren’t any good snacks, people here mostly snack on stroopwaffels (google it!) and don’t get me started on the lack of dairy-free anything. practically nonexistent. Can’t wait to move to NYC and start my snacking education. I know there is a Tapas Queen inside me waiting to come out!

  • Jenns10

    4 pm cookies accompanied w/ coffee #clockwork

  • hila

    it’s 3:45. Did someone say cookies???

  • Sabrina Haskinson

    Definitelly the Tapas Queen. All day every day.

  • I have to eat every hour if possible! All snacks above! Wholefood is my second home! =)

  • Tapas Queen, I don’t do meals. Crisps are my weakness

  • Sylvia

    What kind of mother doesn’t pack her kid a snack????anyway Es, the question is which one are you??

  • This post is perfect timing as always. Just posted to insta my recent (as in 20 minutes ago) snack attack haul. For further proof, here it is:

    So I supposed by default I am indeed The Whole Foods Bandit!

  • Boryana

    I am probably the copy-cat snacked which is annoying because people around me usually go for really unhealthy snacks.Hmm that Mars bar looks delicious….

  • yunijmk

    I’m mostly a Tapas Queen. Can’t handle large amounts of food at once and I love to snack. I basically snack all day long and gawd forbid if I’m awake between midnight and daylight….oohh, the worst snacking.

  • Dondalyn Breaux

    Reading this as I nom on a XL Cookies n’ Cream Hershey’s bar. Snack all day. Snack all night.

  • t

    yo, leandra. What do you think about the luxirare’s latest post showing you’re a human being? LOL. That post was so weak and all over the place ..

  • alex

    Im pretty good about not snacking, except Cheez-itz. Done deal. Entire box gone.

  • projectmakeitwork

    Do not put anything salty and crunchy nearby. We will destroy it. And if you follow up with something sweet, it’s over.

  • Nidia Cruz

    I wish I was a mindful snacker… Oh to actually have order. But no. I’m a snack attacker or the whole foods bandit. I just love snacks, and at whole foods? Or costco? (Whatever, Costco can be somewhat glam) I’m in beastmode. If only everyone was as snack self-aware. Oh the drama we could avoid in the world. Snack on people!

  • The snacks are calling

  • Elisa Taviti
  • Greer

    I can’t believe the first photo is of almonds!! Earlier today I don’t know what came over me but I had a few, then I literally could not stop eating them. I probably ingested a pile the size of a small kitten. They are so addictive and I don’t know why!!

  • charmystique

    If you guys haven’t tried Marks & Spencer’s Extremely Chocolatey Chocolate Cornflakes Mini Bites, you’re missing out!!!! No matter how much self control I exercise, I just have to take one more before i pop the lid shut.

  • Dominique
  • Melissa

    If snacking were an olympic sport I would be a gold medalist. The pictured food all looks really good, but sadly, most of it is not available in my area. I live four hours from the nearest Whole Foods.

  • A Tapas queen, always. Variety is the spice of life!

  • pamb

    How about the ‘in case of emergency’ snacker? I have an energy bar in my purse (Larabar, Kind, Luna), more in the glove compartment in my car, kids’ snacks in the back seat (yes, I need to be prepared for them, too), in my desk drawer at work. It’s mostly energy bars, nuts and crackers, but I need to be prepared at all times for hunger to strike!

    • BethanyBeach

      I DO THE EXACT SAME THING. Emergency bars in every purse/bag imaginable, and I call them my “emergency” bars too!