Hello friend. It might comfort you (or depress you) to know that this is the single most commonly asked question that I receive. It upsets me that this scenario occurs so often, because it destroys my faith in huMANkind. And guess what: I was guilty of pulling the same shit in my younger years. I’d meet a girl, get super obsessed with her for a minute, love every moment of the early stages of the courtship, and then once I knew I could get her (or once I actually had hooked up with her), I’d go cold. It was like every little bit of the excitement and attraction had suddenly disappeared. Game over.
The more I see this stuff occur from the woman’s perspective (whether that woman is a friend or family member or a blog reader explaining her situation in an email), the more I’m convinced that this kind of situation might be avoided if things were clearer from the beginning.
Know this: I understand the desire to get physical with someone you like. It’s basic human instinct. BUT! You wouldn’t buy a car if you hadn’t inspected the motor, right? So why would you jump into a sexual relationship without doing your due diligence?
If you’re hoping that he’s going to be sleeping with you and you alone, ask him if he’s ready to be exclusive. If you’re hoping that he’s going to be your boyfriend, ask him if he’s ready to make things official. If you’re worried about STDs, ask him to get tested before you start sleeping together.
Trust me when I tell you that if he’s scared off by any of those questions, then he was probably going to disappear straight after you had sex anyway.
Wouldn’t you prefer to know before the fact? I sure as hell would. The next time you find yourself in this situation, be assertive beforehand. Take control. And if I were you, I’d cut things off with this guy. He’s shown you who he is; believe him. Also: Long distance relationships are often much more trouble than they’re worth.
Collage by Krista Anna Lewis. Got a question for Isaac? Write to him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Want more Isaac? Click here. Then check out Isaac with makeup on (sort of) here. Finally, stalk him on Instagram, Twitter and through his website. He won’t mind.