10 Things That Work Better Than Friends with Benefits

In a perfect world, “friends with benefits” could totally work. But if you’re a human with a functioning cardiovascular system, you know it’s a type of relationship that’s easier said than done. It’s like licking your own elbow: everyone’s got to try it, but few ever succeed. (And afterwords you feel like a doofus for even thinking it could work.) Here are 10 things that work better than friends with benefits:

1. Mating with nuns

2. Vacationing with babies

3. Playing with fire

4. Rhyming with orange

5. Painting with cement

6. Fighting with Gandhi

7. Living with wolves

8. Running with scissors

9. Golfing with chopsticks

10. Writing with sarcasm

Commiserate with me and add some of your own below! (And be honest: how many of you just tried to lick your own elbow before starting this list?)

Image via Elle Ukraine, shot by Nikolay Biryukov

  • kk

    Jobs with benefits!

  • ee_by_cc

    To add to #4, What rhymes with hug me?


    • Merillionaire

      Robin Thicke

  • Meredith

    Wiping with poison ivy

    • ilze

      Wiping back to front

  • MerryMeli

    Painting your nails with your toes.

    I fought myself not to lick my elbow…at least I didn’t do it in public.

  • Alexandra Puffer

    Yes. Down with the ways of modern dating! Even relationships built with this foundation require SO MUCH healing afterwards. Thanks for being vocal about this.

    Warm Regards,

  • Aubrey Green

    I had a friends with benefits that actually worked really well. Maybe I’m just heartless ;). It obviously has to be a mutual feeling and understanding, which basically means that this isn’t going anywhere, don’t get any ideas.

    • Bruni

      I got u. I do the same. I came to the conclution I am cold hearted

  • This has me laughing so hard!


  • Amelia Diamond

    girls peeing standing up!

  • Alejandra

    Something else that works betters than FWB: Freelancing (take this as ironically as you’d like)

  • Lyz Muller Beltrame

    oh boy! I had great friendships with benefits rerere

    just one of them got wrong. people has to understand that FWB is not dating.

  • Z

    Watching the notebook without crying like a hysterical teething baby

  • Larissa L. C.

    11. Dating Ryan Gosling – PS: Thanks for making me smile (during work!!!) because of the elbow thing

  • 11. Staying dry in a sauna.

    P.S. Loved this list; absolutely hilarious!

    | http://jordancathleen.blogspot.com/

  • nick

    nice tips LOL

    kemeja pria

  • jonh

    like the this epic !
    sepatu pria

  • amalieilund

    All I could think of was words that rhyme with orange – am I just bad at rhyming?

  • SueK

    Gandhi, not Ghandi. And fighting with him wouldn’t be difficult at all. Please don’t use sensitive historic references in light-hearted articles like these. 🙂

  • Ugh I so appreciate having this out there. 🙂 Nice one.

  • Camille Roberge

    watching one last episode

  • Annie Leue

    Tanning with LEDs
    Going out to eat with a vegan
    Jazzercising with a pillow pet
    Nothing with no one
    Running. Period.

  • Surfysummer

    I totally just tried to lick my elbow, I felt like bending my arm and twisting my hand out and my elbow in would make it work and I got pretty close… Maybe if my tongue and neck were a little longer..? Thus with every friends with benefits attempt of my life as well.