What Does The Status Say?
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It’s 1 PM on a Wednesday which means you are on the hump of hump day and perhaps, if you work in a zoo or a desert, you are also on the actual hump of a camel — which would actually mean you’re reading this via smart phone and I think that’s illegal for safety reasons. But I digress.

Actually, to digress is sort of the point of this post. You probably need a little brain break. A little laugh. A little chuckle. And lucky for the planet, someone came up with a simple Internet machine that generates Facebook statuses using compilations of words and phrases from all of the old, weird shit you’ve ever posted on the ‘book.

It’s all I have been for the past hour hour. That and texting screen shots of my statuses to friends. Let’s pretend I’m texting you! Here are some of my favs:

“This really annoyed me.” — It’s like even when generated by a machine, my personality shines through.

“KURT GET OFF alexander wang sample sale hiiiiiiiiii” — So I guess here the app combined my rountine anger at Glee‘s Kurt Hummel with my fondness for baggy white tees and also, my affinity for a multi-“i”-hi.


“One bro per arm I am their way to BK.” — Prophetic, perhaps?

I have to stop writing now so that I can play with this for a million more hours, but hop on What Would I Say and then tell us all of your weird yet perfect statuses this thing makes.

[What Would I Say?]

  • Charlotte Fassler

    Some of my highlights include:
    – New years has pooped and cried
    – 1,000 haribo gummy bears were harmed in Paris!!!!!
    – Brooklyn, in my train just seen this Mark Rothko is the Guiness (new Jay-Z lyric, perhaps?)
    – Friday is a beautiful morning for a boyfriend that works in Paris????

  • jo

    much more f*****g difficult when you post in two different (very different) languages, I guess.

  • Gplusm

    The best of mine are:
    ‘we need a badabing haha’ I have no idea what it means, but sound funny!
    ‘This ain’t no fashion show, motherfcker, we live here or somewhere familiar u know D. And yeah, I keep on movin’ with the sun!’ alright..
    ‘Ohkkaaay Never thought this would eat them with Ron Weasley on the news..’ whaaaat

  • Leandra Medine


  • Gabriela


  • grace kane

    I think it is broken…too much traffic via THIS?

  • Anna

    Jason drank too

  • Anna

    don’t yell at Bergdorfs! Dan My BFF’s only, Birthday to encourage them to play for finally seeing Dinner after a week of Little League!

  • Rebeka Osborne

    Some of my highlights:
    I would be the most amazing dinner.
    Life after law school is going TO pay for me, and everyone doing tonight.
    I would have known.
    I’m thinking about/praying for a Speakeasy.
    Just save them for breakfast.

    I can’t stop! This is too entertaining for a hump day hump.

  • Maura

    “21 stomp off to go swimming with me all weekend!”…
    What the hell?!?!?!

  • Aubrey Green

    I’m dying over these – this is hilarious.

  • Bobbi Jo Gregory-Hobbs

    Thank you for the uncontrollable laughter at myself. I am dying.
    ‘my skinny cows are now’ | ‘hmmmm, must look significantly younger than 37…’ | ‘sister lovin’ just need to pack a little champagne & caviar!!!

  • Lauren DiPrenda

    it’s MY life and I can’t stand BEYONCE.

  • ThisIsMyFace

    “Lt. Commander Data is organizing a clothing swap.”