MR Writers Club: Describe Yourself From the Perspective of Your Phone

Have you heard of the Man Repeller Writers Club? Every month we pose a story idea, you write about it and then send it to us ( with the subject line “MR Writers Club.” We go through all submissions and post the winner on the first Saturday of every month. Ready? Let’s go.

If I read one more think piece about all of us being addicted to our phones, I’m going to find a loophole in the constitution and marry mine out of spite. I could be a rare bird, but I’m unbothered by the frequency with which my phone and I interact. Sure, maybe if I looked up a little more in doctors’ offices I’d meet some fate-changing characters, but I kind of respect the unmatched intimacy I share with my iPhone. I’m happy to take her everywhere, bathroom included! About whom else could I possibly say that?

She might know me better than anyone: what I listen to, who I like, what I’m thinking, where I’m going, my deepest insecurities via my Google search history. If my phone could talk I’d ask her to speak at my wedding or funeral, whichever came first, because I just know her assessment of my life and character would be astute, brilliant, life-affirming.

What if your phone could talk? What would it say about you? Tell me about yourself from the perspective of your phone in 500 words or less and send it to by 12 p.m. EST on November 29th.

Collage by Emily Zirimis.

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