Let’s Talk Bras
07.22.14

I can’t really participate in the whole “no bra thing.” I would love to — the idea feels romantic and summery and carefree and whatnot, but the reality is that my chest needs at least one layer between skin and gravity.

The other reality is that I hate shopping for them. In a wardrobe of lord knows how many shirts and dresses that require a little up-and-at-em action (or at the very least, tops that border on public indecency should I find myself braless and in an air-conditioned room) I wear an astounding five bras ONLY throughout the entirety of the year. The other few in my possession are from high school and could possibly come in handy if anyone needed to re-stuff an old mattress. This leaves me with two soft bras, two “pretty” bras, and one strapless for a total of 5 pathetic bras for 355 ample-chested days a year. (I’ve eliminated a few days for YOLO moments and running errands in sweatshirts.)

As a 26-year-old woman, however, I’ve recently decided it’s high time to up the chested ante. It’s especially important as we approach an age where tech companies are like, one sneeze away from making x-ray glasses a “thing, ” enabling everyone to see London, France and my underpants at the airport. You know they judge your socks so why wouldn’t they judge my over-the-hill bra?

Before technology allows for that, however, it’s already narrowed chests down to a sort of science, and one bra company called True&Co. took it a step further by narrowing that down to a quiz.

I hate quizzes but this one was easy. There were pictures, there were boob facts (did you know over 40% of women have two different sized breasts?), and in less than a minute this site had nailed down my size, shape, padding preference (none, thnx) and also had a solid grip on my general brasserie aesthetic…which is more or less that if I can’t not wear a bra, I want to wear the least cup-y bra available. This peach one by their own line Uniform does that trick. And it comes in grey — so I’ll take both please. (That means now I have 7 bras.)

If I can’t go bra-commando, then I also want the most feminine one they’ve got. I also want one that I’m going to wear every day under loose tops but no one can say anything about it because it’s so dang pretty. (We’re at 9 now. My girl-group is growing.)

And finally, just in case technology is moving faster than I realize, I want one serious crowd pleaser should airport security get any tighter. One that says, “Yes my socks are mismatched and I have toothpaste on my shirt, but holy hannah, would ya look at my bra.”

It’s like they say: if you’ve got, it flaunt it.

(And for the record, now the bra count’s 10.)

Part of a collaboration with True&Co.