Conscious Uncoupling
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Gwyneth Paltrow told the Internet that she and Chris Martin were consciously uncoupling about twenty minutes ago and in those twenty minutes, Twitter has gone ape-shit (fine, I have gone ape-shit on Twitter — what will Apple do now if not find herself eaten to her core? And Moses? What about Moses? Will he feel so comprehensively divided? Like a sea split straight at its middle? Frankly, I blame myself. It was just last week that Paltrow announced she was eager to don “Man Repeller” shoes come summer — but I digress).

While that platform continues to mull over Hollywood’s (and Europe’s) most devastating break-up since Bennifer Anistpitt’s first one-way tango with Angelina Jolie, this platform will first and foremost lend a padded digital shoulder to Ms. Paltrow because a. we love her, b. we fucking love her so much, c. remember that Tom Ford cape dress?, but then, then we’re going to call a spade a spade (or as Charlotte aptly punned, we’re going to call a goop a load of goop).

“Conscious Uncoupling” means “Breaking Up” which has heretofore been a sufficient enough two word, three syllable euphemism to describe the act of two individuals deciding to no longer either co-habitate, co-imbibe regularly, co-bone or all of the above. So why the new grandiloquence? And can we use it in a sentence?

Amelia is consciously uncoupling her ass from carbs. (JK! They’re back together!)

Can you use it in a sentence?

Seriously, though, Gwyn. Call us.

  • Aubrey Green

    At-least it’s mutual?

  • At least now I don’t have to feel so bad for uncoupling with my Coldplay CD. #Lovemesomegwennie

  • Morgan

    This breaks my heart. I don’t entertain the idea that I know anything at all about them as a couple or as individuals, but I suppose it just always hurts to see others hurting and splitting, however you want to define it.

  • zhanna

    Whatever, as long as they are both happy, kids can’t be possibly happy if parents have fallen out of love with each other, better have a Sunday dad then witness every day fights.

  • Stef

    I think the term is hilariousbut dont find it as funny when talking about Apple and Moses. Its a life changing thing for them, so i dont find ithe references to them amusing.

  • Frankly, especially given that they have children, I kind of like the idea of “conscious uncoupling.” The alternative can be a mud-slinging suck-fest, and no one wants that, particularly for the kids. As the product of a union that ended after many decades and in a decidedly unconscious way, I think it’s worth the effort.

  • But will they also be consciously uncoupling from Bey & Jay?

    • pamb

      Gwyen get Bey, Chris gets Jay.

  • lavieenliz

    happens so often like who cares after a while

  • I think the most heartbreaking conscious uncoupling I have recently experienced was between me and a few more bites of my dinner. I am happy to say that thanks to a little time and a to-go box, I have consciously re-coupled with my leftovers and can say with confidence that we are very happy together.

  • They were perfect, I die.

  • LMAO.. There are so many things I would love to consciously uncouple right now. Do I just announce it on twitter? #consciouslyuncouplinggradschool

  • RaquelT18

    The world needs more big-word terms! YAY

  • REM

    Seriously I am happy with any news as long as i have more of a chance to fuck Chris Martin.

  • Kate

    I am consciously uncoupling my earrings so as to resemble a high fashion pirate. Done.

  • Cheriese Henderson

    OH MY GOD. I’m actually reeling.

  • Lisa

    Whaaaaat? 🙁

    Lisa – AT LEAST BLOG

  • Leesa

    oh no! They were such a great couple and they would hold up the illusion that true love exists even in Hollywood…

  • pamb

    What! Is that the wording she actually used? Does she not understand that sh*t like that is why people hate her? Just say ‘we have decided to separate’ like a normal human being, not a perfectionist machine, Gwyen.

  • Listening to “A Warning Sign” and “Fix You” all day, so I can cry along with them.

  • Lezar

    Ughhhh now I have to make GP It’s All Good recipes for three instead of four…

  • I heard on the radio this morning that a paparazzi asked Chris Martin what his favorite Rolling Stone’s song was (after the announced uncoupling) and he said “She’s So Cold”. bwhaha!!
    Also “conscious uncoupling”? Pleeeaaazzz.
    Finally, I’m actually a fan of the GP but when she does things like this, I completely understand why people hate her.

  • Jane
  • lindslouw

    Who cares?


    It’s sad – they were one of my big couple hopes out there! But conscious uncoupling sounds better than breaking up though, cause when you just break something it’s more possible that Apple and Moses fall than when the uncoupling happens conscious.

    – L