Father Disowns Homophobic Daughter

I grew up in a city where rainbow flags were as commonplace as American ones, where the school I attended in first grade was named after a gay rights activist and where having two moms or two dads left me wondering why I only have one of each.

That said though, it never fails to shock me when I am reminded of the hate that still permeates the notion of homosexuality.

Leandra forwarded me an article today wherein a mother disowned her son for being gay. No matter how many times you’ve heard similar stories, it is always heart breaking to read about ignorance and where this one caused a similar sinking feeling, it also offered a ray of light from the boy’s grandfather, who wrote the below letter to his daughter, the disowner of his grandson:

Dear Christine, 

I’m disappointed in you as a daughter. You’re correct that we have a “shame in the family”, but mistaken about what it is. Kicking Chad out of your home simply because he told you he was gay is the real “abomination” here. A parent disowning her child is what goes “against nature.” The only intelligent thing I heard you saying in all this was that “you didn’t raise your son to be gay.” Of course you didn’t. He was born this way and didn’t choose it any more than he being left-handed. You however, have made a choice of being hurtful, narrow-minded and backward. So, while we are in the business of disowning our children, I think I’ll take this moment to say goodbye to you. I now have a fabulous (as the gays put it) grandson to raise, and I don’t have time for heart-less B-word of a daughter. If you find your heart, give us a call. – Dad. 

His words were harsh, but it appears that hers were harsher; where the son’s mother apparently came from a place of judgement, the daughter’s father came from a place of disappointment where his divorce depends on editable variables as evidenced by his closing line — a hope for a change of heart.

The “b-word” jab could have been left out, but the rest of his letter positioned him as a strong-voiced ally not just for his grandson, but for all who struggle with the process of coming out — a reminder that where there is hate, one can also find love. That’s powerful.

But now we default to you. What do you think of his letter? Of the whole situation? It’s certainly admirable that he stood by his grandson and for gay rights at large, but in disowning his own daughter on the premise of flagrant disagreement, is he actually teaching her a lesson? Or is he proving that the apple doesn’t fall far from its tree?

[Father Disowns His Homophobic Daughter in Epic Letter via Yahoo! Shine]

  • Selena Aponte

    Absurd. Unfortunately, this is nothing new.. in my family a similar situation occurred. It was devastating for both parties involved.

  • laurennnnnnn

    Can you say greatest grandpa?

    Glad to see the kid’s has some support to get through this tough time as others aren’t as fortunate. Hopefully his mom will come around one day – sooner rather than later.

  • Amatoria Clothing

    This is the best thing that has happened on the internet in a long time. I want him to adopt me.

  • Amelia — you must be from San Francisco (yes?)! Hey, fellow Bay Area native! I’m originally from Berkeley, where we also had rainbow flags (along with Tibetan prayer flags, duh) hanging from many-a-porch, business, school. Whenever I was mad at one of my parents, I always wished I had two of the sex opposite the one I was getting mad at, sort of like you said. Loved going over to all of these friends’ homes because the dynamic was refreshing, warm, and the exact opposite from the ignorant comments about “lack of familial structure” that I hear so often, today. I think I knew more kids with straight parents with problems, BUT that’s not the argument.
    Anyhow, I really liked the letter. Perhaps disowning is a little harsh and all this letter-writing is sort of indirectly direct. However, perhaps she needed a taste of her own medicine to be able to realize just how heartless, ignorant, and antiquated her views are. To disown someone for something they “can’t help” is really horrible, especially given what they “can’t help” is totally okay. Honestly, people need to getting a freaking hobby if they have time to formulate and direct so much hate towards a group of people — any group of people. I don’t care what a person’s religion says or doesn’t say about another group of people; my mother taught me to go with the flow, mind my own business, embrace differences, and help our fellow citizens of the earth. Peace.

    • Amelia Diamond

      Spoken like a true Berkeley girl!

  • Cece

    This letter just made my really, really shit day feel a lot better. I would be proud to tears to have such a grandfather. Well done him. I wish him and his grandson a life of happiness 🙂

  • Aubrey Green

    I loved the letter. I Agree that the B-word could have been left out, but he was only speaking the truth.

  • mcb

    I disagree with his approach. “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – MLK

  • Coffee and buttercups

    Thank you for sharing this. It is so admirable what the grandfather did and you are completely right that this situation shows that where there is hate, there is love as well.

    Judging other people is never good, but judging your own children is even worse especially if they look for their parent’s support and open up to them …