When it come to salads, sandwiches and hungover breakfast, I do not know what is worse: the panic order or the apathetic one. The panic order happens amidst your most indecisive of moods. You’re swayed in all sorts of directions by a variety of opinions not to mention distracted by unrelated conversations happening around you until it’s too late, it’s your turn and it’s either order now or go hungry. The end result is often unsatisfying at best, gross and strange at worst.
The apathetic order occurs when you do not give a fuck. It may because you’re tired, you’re mad, you’re sad — but the ordering results are similar: lackluster with a possible side of something you’re allergic to.
Getting dressed following the end of summer can trigger similar reactions. Suddenly it’s as though you literally do not remember what it feels like to put on a proper pair of jeans. Underwear as opposed to a swim bottoms feels constrictive. It’s still hot, but you’re emotionally cold…
Which means you either stand in front of your closet until you’re late and you have to rush out the door in a dress you hate, or you mosey out like an angsty sloth in something inappropriate for the occasion, weather and audience.
Friends: I HEAR YOU. But I’m not going to let it happen to us this year. I consulted Instagram for inspiration and this is what I’ve come back with:
Your Grandma’s Gold Velvet Couch
Look for velvet that’s the color of falling leaves, vanilla cream and pumpkin spice latte foam. It’s a little grandma tacky which means it’s high-key chic. I had a weird weekend excuse my lingo.
Your Hot Professor’s Blazer
Hot as in the classroom AC broke so he took his accidental-statement blazer off and left it on the chair to fumble with the projector. You saw two things: a potential expulsion and a sartorial opportunity. Then you did what Prof. Murphy’s always telling you to, weighed the risk, grabbed the blazer and RAN.
Your Nephew’s First Day of School Outfit
Clash stripes and primary colors to feel bright and hide your homesick sniffles.
Your Artsy Aunt’s Overalls
IDK why she just left them in the backyard following a painting mishap but that seems ripe for the taking to me. Drop down the bib like Dennis the Menace, add a striped tee and slip your feet into shower slides.
Your Best Self
You know how peanut butter and Marshmallow Fluff probably should not work together, but it does? A lace skirt plus a complicated skirt and those good old Gucci loafers (now might be the time to finally buy a pair — they’re not going anywhere) will make shuffling into fall so much more enjoyable. Exciting, even.
Guys, I can see our food coming. It’s gonna be a great meal and an even better fall.