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Over the past two months, I’ve become obsessed with quarantine trends. I’ve watched Normal People, Tiger King, and Too Hot To Handle (the quaran-streaming trifecta) not because I have nothing better to do, but because if there’s a fuss around anything, I want to know what it’s all about. I even listened to the Fiona Apple album from start to finish one (1) time, despite still not really knowing who she is. And while there are a number of quarantine trends I’ve personally yet to try—my hair remains un-buzzed and my sweatpants are not tie-dyed—I can confidently say that I’ve tried most of them.
So, without further ado, here’s every quarantine trend I’ve tried so far, ranked from worst to best. Take it with a grain—or, if you’re currently baking banana bread, a pinch—of salt.
Much like ordering another round of tequila shots at 1 a.m., making dalgona coffee is thrilling… until it isn’t. The fluffy coffee includes an amount of instant coffee and sugar nobody should ever be allowed to have before 9 a.m. The photos are cute, sure, but are they worth the sugar comedown? No siree, Bob!
Nothing has proven the truth in the saying “too much of a good thing” like video get-togethers. While face-to-face time is just swell, there should never be more than four screens allowed in the one conversation. Sadly, not everyone abides by this rule I have unofficially set, so here we are.
Baking is a consistently wholesome activity, but while cookies and brownies are simply that—cookies and brownies—baking bread opens you to a world of opportunities: fancy-ass toasts, sandwiches, croutons, and even fresh breadcrumbs. Plus, you can’t mindlessly scroll on your phone while your fingers are covered in sticky dough, so that’s an automatic five-stars from me.
I will double-tap any photo of a puzzle I see because they are, in my opinion, the perfect activity. You can do a puzzle with a friend, your lover, your self. They are creative but also (almost) impossible to mess up. Plus they have an end result that really pays off!
If I could sip that sweet polyjuice potion and turn into anyone in the universe for an hour, I would turn into my Animal Crossing alter-ego. Sure, we both live on islands, but mine, Manhattan, is quite literally made of garbage and hers is a butterfly- and wildflower-populated oasis where she picks fresh fruit daily and catches fish in the stream. She also has affordable housing and medicine, which she only needs if she gets stung by wasps, a.k.a. the only bad thing that can happen to a gal in Animal Crossing. Plus, there’s always a chance that AOC or Elijah Wood might come to visit.
Every morning I wake up, have a glass of water, then go and check the jar of scallions that live on the windowsill of my living room. Though I bought my scallion children over a month ago, they’ve been regrown and eaten at least four times (yum!) and are still going strong. Beyond their tastiness, my scallions satiate my internal desire to live a sustainable lifestyle (while also using a disposable Clorox wipe on my phone, credit card, keys, and front door handle every time I leave the house). Regrowing scallions is FREE, and a delightful reminder that days actually are passing, as they slowly inch taller and taller.