Someone on social media once shouted at me (I envisioned) for misplacing the umlaut on Chloë Sevigny’s name. I put it over the ‘o’ instead of the ‘e.’ And guess what! I’ll never make that mistake again. But honestly all that agita is irrelevant now because she’s pregnant. And I feel like I have been waiting for this baby for my entire life and never even knew it, which is on the one hand thrilling, and on the other unnerving because, do we even deserve?
With the pregnancy announcement came a viral visual of the baby’s father who is pulling such an insane all-capital-letters LOOK that I felt I had to get a read on him right away. A quick Google search later, I learned from Page Six that his name is Sinisa Mackovic and he’s the director of the Karma Art Gallery in New York. I know nothing about him other than this. This and the apparent universal truth that he owns at least one white trench coat. Or is it a lab coat? Maybe it’s both. I have more questions, actually. And as an internet dweller—truly, a creature—who always reads celebrity gossip with more than a handful of accompanying questions, I’d like to take a moment, just this once, to indulge them:
1. Is this man, in fact, a chic space pharmacist? And, if not, but especially if so, just how calculated was this debut look?
2. I see the Raf Simons Calvin Klein 205W39NYC steel-toe boots, and I’m wondering: Did they enter Mackovic’s life before or after Chloë? It feels like she had a hand in picking them. I can imagine her saying, “No, Sinisa, not the duck boots again this year, let’s try something a little roguish, okay? You know I like you roguish.” No?
3. Can we get an expert in for a full report on this body language?
4. What are the odds that his sunglasses were worn by at least one character in The Matrix, Matrix: Reloaded, or The Matrix Revolutions?
Follow up question: Is this man from the actual Matrix?
5. Are those pant flaps? Did one pant consume another pant? Is the first pant still well?
6. In one extremely informative article, Mackovic is noted as a fan of the 70s/80s soul band Hot Chocolate. How many times do we think Mackovic and Chloë have listened to “You Sexy Thing” together?
7. Is this Instagram post of Mackovic’s a compilation of Chloë’s collars? If so, can we get the exhibit rolling?
8. How about a temp check on whether this could actually happen?
Chloe Sevigny’s Dr. Strangelove reboot looks interesting. pic.twitter.com/yJW0DjlWDN
— Cameron Chapman (@cameronchapman) January 8, 2020
9. The real question we all know I want to ask is about what it’s like to knock Calvin Klein 205W39NYC steel-toe boots with Chloë…
10. Just me?
Regardless of whether these burning questions receive answers, I’m pleased to have been taken on this journey and am now off to find a space pharmacist of my own to lock down. I wait with bated breath for the looks both Chloë and Spaceman Sinisa turn throughout this pregnancy. And most of all… for Baby Sevigny.
Photos via Backgrid and Getty Images.