Renovation graphic
Which Home Renovation Show Suits You? (I’m ‘Rehab Addict’)
10.29.19

We’re living in the golden era of renovation shows. Gone are the days of only getting our fix once a week (shout out Trading Spaces)—today, there’s a little something for everyone, all the time. You have your House Hunters, holding up a mirror to anyone who doesn’t cook yet desires a six-burner Viking stove. You have your Love It or List It, making you question how passive-aggressive you are to your loved ones. You have Flip or Flop, making you certain you could tell the foundational integrity of a home from just a 10-minute walk-through. The reno-opportunities are endless, and each are as soothing as agreeing with your partner on getting a white subway tile backsplash.

Watching these shows brings me the same organization-related pleasure as cleaning my house, but without requiring me to move or think or actually improve my space, which is ideal. If you’re after the same mental health benefits, grab a pen and paper like it’s 1999 and take the below quiz to determine which home show best suits you. Mark down which number most reflects your feelings for each question.

1. An autumnal activity that’s speaking to you right now is:
1. Getting out my jewel tones and “really dressing.” There’s only a few weeks before full winter black takes over.
2. Planning where I’ll be and who I’ll be with for the four next holidays. It has to be considered carefully.
3. Carving a pumpkin, putting some spooky stuff on the front door, etc. You have to enjoy the seasonal décor.
4. Getting a really cute group costume together this year. I know it’s on Thursday, but we can do it!
5. Jumping into all that hearty fall food: chili, pumpkins, soups, squash, yes, yes, yes.

2. It’s Tuesday: How far along are you on your weekend plans?
1. Definitely checking out that new restaurant in the village. I have a res for eight.
2. I’m already double-booked for most of it….
3. No plans. Just need to get a few things done around the house, errands, etc.
4. Date night. Yes, you heard me I have a DATE.
5. My Saturdays are booked solid through January. But Friday? No plans. I know I’ll need to chill.

3. You’re lost in Home Depot. What section are you fantasizing in?
1. The appliances section. Specifically, stroking each STAINLESS STEEL APPLIANCE and fantasizing about welcoming guests to my glamorous home.
2. The paint aisle. Gloss, matte, satin, and—plot twist—wallpaper. Paint is the easiest way to give a room a mood change. The possibilities will make your head spin!!
3. The molding and trim department. Crown molding, floor molding, those classy ass medallions that go on the ceiling around chandeliers. The tiny touches are what makes a house truly charming.
4. The bathroom aisle. Tiles, backsplashes, deep vanities, pedestal sinks. Why go to the spa when you could cover yourself in cucumber slices in a lux bath at home?
5. The outdoor furniture section. Loungers, grills, benches, fire pits, and pillows. Gathering spaces finish a home and what is a better end of day than time in a garden or on a porch!

4. Imagine you own a restaurant. What are you known for?
1. Our “elevated” seasonal menu is finished with signature cocktails.
2. Our menu is broad, and build-your own. Everyone can find something they like from healthy to hearty.
3. We’re proud to serve classic, quality food made from traditional recipes, handed down through our family.
4. We’re the hottest power-lunching spot downtown.
5. Our portions are huge, we’re reasonably priced, and there’s a pinball machine for the kids.

5. What does your best friend think you need to “renovate”?
1. Apparently I “don’t text back.”
2. I’m too much of a people-pleaser.
3. Sometimes it’s that I’m a workaholic, sometimes it’s that my significant other is … a lost cause.
4. They think I should NOT be dating right now.
5. I “don’t go out anymore.”

6. What’s rolling around in the bottom of your bag?
1. Nail file
2. Phone charger
3. Hair tie
4. Lose pills
5. Chapstick

8. What’s your favorite feature on a house?
1. Steam shower. Grand staircase. Wine cooler. It needs all the modern trappings!!!
2. Could I have one in the country and one in the city?
3. Charm and uniqueness.
4. A good value that will get better over time. My home should be a financial launchpad.
5. Open floor plan with lots of light. We need room to grow.

Which number did you get the most?

House Hunters Still
House Hunters, HGTV.

Mostly 1s: Watch House Hunters

Real estate drama. Couples negging each other. Unrelenting dissatisfaction. Extensive dialogue about “eat-in kitchens.” House Hunters is THE guilty pleasure reno-show.

You’re the on-trend friend. People rely on you to get into the function, to hear about the new app, and to know what the youth are laughing at. On House Hunters, couples search for their dream home with requirements that often contradict each other (ex: “We want a cottage with old-world charm that is completely updated.”) They bicker a lot, and one gets the sense they’re doing it for show, which you appreciate. (“I need a man cave,” demands the husband who makes no mention of what he would do in said cave aside from watch TV.) Like House Hunters, you’re always looking for the better option. You gravitate towards the new and interesting and you actually have a good eye for it. Just remember to spread some of your clout around and that the best things in life aren’t trending.

Love It or List It Still
Hosts Hilary and David during reveal in new kitchen.

Mostly 2s: Watch Love It or List It

Analysis paralysis. Never having enough bathrooms. Intense driveway conversations. Going on national television just to prove your spouse wrong. This is Love It or List It.

Would you happily spend an hour weighing every possible option when making a decision? Congrats, it’s always Libra season on Love It or List It. This Canadian show has one divided couple decide if they want to remodel their existing home or just buy a new one. While they flounder, a designer and real estate agent bend over backward to get the couple’s favor. Like Love It or List It, you tend to patch up your indecision by doing the most. No one can be everything to everyone, so keep in mind that the most important person to please is yourself, no matter how over-budget the remodel may already be.

Rehab Addict Still
As seen on Rehab Addict, Nicole Curtis (host) and her design assistant Aaron Douglas discuss details about the second floor bathroom in the house on Grande Ave. in Detroit, MI.

Mostly 3s: Watch Rehab Addict

Of all the house show hosts, Rehab Addict’s Nicole Curtis is The Actual Business. She’s TOUGH. She’s a SINGLE MOM. She pays for the homes in CASH.

You love a project, a challenge, and sometimes plunge yourself into a lost cause. People depend on you to get shit done and completing that shit feels deeply satisfying to you. On the poorly named but brilliant Rehab Addict, Nicole Curtis won’t give up on old homes until they are restored to their previous glory. She sands, paints, and reframes with a charming mix of love and obsession, and teaches the viewer as she goes. Like Nicole, you take pride in your work. Just remember that working through a problem yourself isn’t always the best answer—sometimes you really do need to abandon ship (unless that ship is Rehab Addict).

Flip or Flop
Flip or Flop, HGTV.

Mostly 4s: Watch Flip or Flop

LA. Drama. Sunglasses. Taking a call on speaker while holding your phone flat. B-roll of highway driving. Bronzer. All of this and you’re only 45 seconds into an episode of Flip or Flop.

You’ve got spontaneity, glamour, good stories, and chaotic energy. Your friends depend on you to lighten things up and be real (even though they sometimes have to talk you off a ledge from some bad decisions). On Flip or Flop, Christina and Tarek have seemingly low-key conversations behind trendy sunglasses. Only on later episodes does it become clear they recently divorced and all their bickering about tiles has some very real baggage to it. On Flip or Flop, there is more going on than meets the eye. This is true for you too. You’re good at being vulnerable but can mistakenly label something as “good” simply because it’s intense.

Fixer Upper
Joanna Gaines visiting husband Chip to check in on the progression of the Pahmiyer home, as seen on Fixer Upper. Joanna points out where is she wanting to put a fireplace.

Mostly 5s: Watch Fixer Upper

*Rooster Crows*

Hello, old reliable. Welcome to Waco, Texas, where the living is easy, Joanna’s skin is perfect, and Chip will build you a screened-in porch by supper. Fixer Upper is the hometown favorite.

You’re a settled-down babe. Friends find you loyal, dependable, and welcoming. Fixer Upper is heart-warming and predictable. Some may learn some renovation tips, but people mostly watch Fixer Upper to see Joanna and Chip at work. They truly respect the value each one brings. Chip likes to SMASH. Jo likes to THINK. They are cute and flirty and let each other thrive and it feels more like couples-counseling-by-example than a home renovation show. Like Fixer Upper, you’re at your strongest when welcoming others into your happiness.

Graphic by Dasha Faires, Photos via HGTV.

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