Normally I scream silently and internally but today I scream for ICE CREAM!!! (externally!) because Man Repeller and Morgenstern’s have teamed up to bring you five …that’s one, two, three, four, five… new limited-edition ice cream bars.
Here’s the deal: You can only get them at Morgenstern’s at 88 W. Houston St. in Soho (the best ice-cream spot in town, imho) where they will be stocking a limited amount every day from now until July 31st. Side note: did you know that June 4th – July 31st is what I like to call “good summer” (everyone is happy, sun is still nice, fun holidays) and the month of August is “bad summer” (too hot, everyone cranky, no holidays just sweat, dreaming of fall clothes). Anyway, these bars might not save you from Bad Summer but they will vastly improve your life for 2-10 minutes. And if you find yourself in Morgenstern’s for the sweetest treat of 2019, pick up a brand! new! limited! edition! Man Repeller cap! (Morgenstern’s happens to be the only place in New York City where you can purchase it IRL.)
“But what are the flavors??” you plead, knowing full well that MR and Morgie’s wouldn’t dare dream of serving you basic treats. “Not so fast!” I bellow, as my transformation into a full-blown dessert gremlin completes. “You must take this personality quiz* to determine which flavor is right for you!”
*or scroll past it to see the menu if you have no time for theatrics. No hard feelings.
The Ice Cream Bar Exam
Your favorite type of summer vacation?
- Going on one long exotic trip.
- Taking as many short trips as you possibly can.
- The kind that Instagram tells you to go on.
- A staycation, but a really indulgent one.
- A wellness retreat.
Your favorite thing about summer?
- The days are long and the sun is bright!
- Who can choose?! The beach, the fashion, the patio drinks!
- All the farmers’ market produce… and also the farmers market scones.
- Running all my errands on foot and rewarding myself with a feast.
- Iced coffee, duh.
What’s your summer goal?
- Take more risks!
- Lean into joy!
- Be a millennial!
- Become a morning person!
The secret fear that keeps you up at night is…
- An uprising of octopi.
- Octopi forming a coalition of the willing at the bottom of the ocean.
- Going on Jeopardy but the other two contestants are octopi.
- Number 3 but Alex Trebek is also an Octopus
- Locking eyes with an Octopus at an aquarium, and in that single moment you know you will help it escape at great personal cost to you and the ones you love.
Pick the minor planet that most represents your political world view
- 163119 Timmckay
- 255073 Victoriabond
Mostly 1s – Gazpach-ooooh!
Tomato ice cream
Take a walk on the culinary wild side, my babies. And don’t be scared, tomatoes ARE a fruit after all.
Mostly 2s -The Mixed Bag
Vanilla ice cream with the works (like a non-literal kid in a literal candy store)
You can have it all and you can have it with chocolate.
Mostly 3s – Avo-ca-dough Flawless Victory
Cookie dough and avocado ice cream
Finally, an avocado treat that won’t prevent home ownership.
Mostly 4s – MR BAR
Banana, whipped cream, and the works!
A full meal for you, the ultimate snack.
Mostly 5s – Cup ‘Oat’ Joe Perfect
Coffee ice cream and oatmeal raisin cookie
Is it breakfast? Is it dessert? Who cares!
Much like yourself, these ice cream bars are unique individuals who operate on their own schedule and look good on Instagram! So get ye to Morgenstern’s on Houston Street and get ye an ice cream delight and maybe a MR hat, who knows, it’s the summer, go wild.
Photos courtesy of Morgenstern’s.