the hottest coping mechanisms right now man repeller
The Hottest Coping Mechanisms Right Now
06.03.19
How to cope? It’s a relevant question today and always, what with human condition being tricky, as a rule. But today’s techno-sociopolitical landscape (a term I just made up) has completely redefined the coping mechanism, making it more complex than its predecessors, which ranged from donning a curly wig to seasoning one’s enemy’s porridge with rat poison. Today, coping mechanisms come in myriad forms, which may or may not be easy to spot.

Take the below quiz, making note of which letters apply to you, to find out how you’re coping in 2019. Good luck!


1. On one or more occasions in the last week, you’ve given yourself license to talk shit about someone by adding “no shade” or “respectfully” after you finished speaking. For example, “I’ve never met someone denser than Kelly, no shade,” or “Haley doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about, respectfully.” (B)

2. You’re actively considering “revamping” your skincare routine. (A)

3. You have been known to post roughly one Instagram per month that is longer and more earnest than the rest of your captions and sheds lights on your mental state. (C)

4. You’ve forgiven yourself for not returning your friends’ texts. (A)

5. You’ve been seen using a paper straw that’s actively disintegrating and/or have recently lowered your 401k contribution “because the ice caps are melting anyway.” (B)

6. You’ve invested a minimum of 10 hours in Bon Appetit’s YouTube channel and have, on at least one occasion, thought you’d totally be friends with Claire, Brad, Molly, Chris, Carla, and/or Andy in real life. (C)

7. You’ve publicly decried The Konmari Method because, contrary to everyone else, you like your stuff. (B)

8. You don’t buy any old pint of ice cream like a sad person on day three of a breakup, but rather invest at least $10 in one that is organic, homemade, and dairy-free. (A)

9. You’ve recently renamed one or more of your house plants for “a fresh start.” (A)

10. You’ve used the expression “now more than ever” on social media at least three times. (C)

11. Flaking on plans is one of your most cherished forms of self-care. (B)

12. You’ve proclaimed at least once in the last year to be “getting into cooking again,” and have bought a new piece of cookware to make it official. (A)

13. You’ve become so invested in a reality show akin to 90 Day Fiancé that you can no longer call your interest in it ironic. (C)

14. You follow at least one Instagram account that features words of comfort and wisdom, in lieu of going to actual therapy. (C)

15. You’ve recently thought, Could I be the type of person who raises chickens? (B)

16. You’ve spent any amount of government-approved currency on an astrology reading (apps included) in the past 12 months. (A)

Which letter did you identify with the most?

A: Self-Care Coper

Congratulations! You cope via self-care. You’ve probably read many morning routines and are on the brink of getting an impulsive haircut. You keep forgetting whether you want to scale back the amount of stuff you have or need more stuff that sparks joy. Maybe both? I recommend Van Leeuwen Vegan Cookie Dough ice cream, @notesfrommytherapist, and bangs.

B: Social Coper

Congratulations! You cope socially. You often debate whether it’s your responsibility to perform your values or live them quietly. You kind of hate everyone but also love them. You’re tired often. You’ve probably considered joining a coworking space. I recommend a spot of solo travel and adopting a cat or dog, but not at the same time. Both will lower your blood pressure.

C: Technological Coper

Congratulations! You cope via technology. You often wrestle with whether the internet is helping you or hurting you, but you’re actually not ready to find out. Your bookmarks on Instagram are plentiful and highly representative of you, which makes you weirdly proud. You roll your eyes at “no-screen retreats” while secretly thinking they sound kind of nice. I suggest writing your local congressperson via quill and parchment and purchasing a $7 back scratcher.

Feature photo by Louisiana Mei Gelpi

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