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Celebrity First Kiss Stories That Will Make You Feel Better About Yours
02.05.19

A couple years ago, my friend asked me to write a story for a zine she was producing. The theme was “First Kiss.” For weeks I racked my brain about what to write. The first time I touched lips with someone outside of my family it was to share a peck with my best friend. Gina. She loved me like a sister. I loved her like something else. A story I wanted to tell, but didn’t know how. My first tongue kiss was with a boy named Papito. He was on house arrest and put me in a sleeper hold while we made out. I didn’t like it. He did. A story I knew how to tell, but didn’t want to.

I never did write anything for my friend’s zine, but I recently revisited the topic in light of Crush Month on Man Repeller, because kisses and crushes go together like peanut butter and celery. I suddenly found myself needing to know posthaste what Rihanna’s first kiss was like, which sent me down an internet rabbit hole that ultimately ends in the below — 10 famous peoples’ first kiss stories. Because you wanna know, right?! Timothée Chalamet’s is in there. And Michelle Obama’s. That’s right. Read on.

By the way, what’s your first kiss story? Was it good? Was it gross? How’d you feel afterwards? I’ll be waiting in the comments to hear all about it.


Rihanna

 

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Word on the street (Rolling Stone, print, circa 2011) is that RiRi might not have always been such a bad gal. Her first kiss wasn’t until high school and it was “the worst thing ever.” She says the dude “pretty much dumped his entire saliva glands into [her] mouth,” which traumatized her so she “didn’t kiss for, like, ever” afterwards. Some spit was poured into her mouth, she poured herself into her music.

Timothée Chalamet

 

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Can someone please tell Edith that he of the tousled hair had his first kiss at the top of the Marriott in Times Square? Times Square, people! The elevators there are all glass and they go really fast. Timmy and some chick get in. He’s nervous, she keeps putting on Burt’s Bees chapstick, he thinks it’s a hint and starts putting on chapstick too, then he tells her it’s not his first time even though it totally is, “and it was a total shit-show.” His words. (Edith: please tell me in the comments how this makes you feel.)

Carly Rae Jepsen

 

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Okay, now someone please tell Nora that her favorite 32-year-old teenager waited for her first kiss. “I waited until I was 17, and he was a jazz singer named Brenden Call,” Carly Rae Jepsen told MTV News. “Nice guy, sweet guy. We still keep in touch on Facebook.” She added that while she has some friends who’ve told her some horror stories, she had never had a really terrible kiss before. This was back in 2012. Hope it’s still true for her sake.

Britney Spears

 

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Britney’s first kiss was with none other than *cue drum roll* JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE! She recounted the smooch on The Oprah Winfrey Show back when that was a thing, telling O that she was 12 when it happened. They were playing truth or dare while listening to Janet Jackson (because what else do Mickey Mouse Club stars listen to while playing truth or dare?) and “his friend dared him to kiss me.” The rest is matching-denim-looks-to-the-AMAs history.

Jussie Smollet

 

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“My first kiss was with Meghan Ashley Higgins when I was five years old,” the Empire star told Essence on the series debut of “Style Your Guy.” Can’t say Meghan Ashley Higgins means anything to me, but props on the young first kiss. I was probably four myself, but we can’t all be this suave.

Beyoncé

 

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So this story doesn’t come from Bey’s lips, but according to her first boyfriend, they shared her first kiss at a Brian McKnight concert when she was 13. I really want to believe Beyonce’s first kiss was to a live version of “Anytime,” but we should get Blue Ivy on the line to confirm. In the meantime, this dude says, “She was a little southern belle. She was an awesome kisser.”

Justin Bieber

 

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Of course the Biebs’ first kiss was “really awkward,” kind of like his new clothing line. “I was, like, 11 or 12. And I was on a snow hill and it was late and we were all cold and I was with this girl, and we were together, and then I kissed her.” Kiss aside, is “snow hill” a term I should be familiar with?

Lady Gaga

 

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I love how Lady Gaga “thinks” her first kiss was with a dude named Austin. She was 14 and at camp. I also love how when she tells Ellen this, Ellen’s response is, “wow, late.” Which made me wonder when Ellen’s first kiss was…

Ellen

 

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Interesting. I can tell you that Ellen’s first celeb crush was Michael Jackson (same), her first pet was a cat named Debbie, but her first kiss? “It was with some guy… in New Orleans,” and that’s all the information I’ve been able to find on that.

Michelle Obama

 

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I’ve clearly saved the best for last. In classic First Lady style, Michelle Obama told Tom Joyner that her first kiss was during recess. Sure she was promoting good eating and the importance of PE and recess in schools, but however I can get the tea, I’ll take it. “Well, a lot happens in recess,” she admitted on the radio show. It was with a guy named Theodore Ford, who (of course) Tom Joyner had as a guest on a later show to fill in the kiss story details: “She snuck up on me,” he said. Suuuure she did, Teddy. “I was minding my own business. I do remember being chased around by the girls and falling and skinning my knee.”

Feature photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for Global Citizen Festival: Mandela 100.

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