Psst, are you up? Well you are now, at least!
Why am I awake? I’m awake because I couldn’t sleep.
Felt stressed-slash-excited about the gifts I haven’t bought.
What about you? Have you given your lists a thought?
Maybe we could do it together in pajamas, just like old times:
You find the cookies, I’ll polish my awful rhymes.
Maybe we could play a board game until everyone else wakes up, too.
I was thinking something classic: Monopoly or Clue.
Is it too early in the morning to try our hands at chess?
What about Candyland? Or Pretty, Pretty Princess?
You’re too sleepy to make a decision, okay, welp…
Hey! If I brewed some coffee, what do you think, would that help?
I’ll take that yawn as a nod. Fantastic! Oh I’m so excited to start this day.
In fact, I just happen to have the Candyland board all set up to play.
Pick a Candyland card from the top of the pile; move your gingerbread to the square that matches — red!
Which reminds me of this red mini duffle, or the Glossier font, or cherry sunglasses for your head.
My card’s blue, like ceramic bowls, stuffed balloon animals…(by the way, avoid the gum drop square).
Speaking of sugar, MR barrettes? Like glitter candy for hair.
More ideas: Unibrow shades, neon hoops, Play-Doh, or sprinkle-covered pearls,
gift-able candy, a necklace that looks like candy, or shoes covered in candy swirls.
Rainbow cards. Rainbow nails. A Negative x MR rainbow butt! Doesn’t that all sound fun?
For hard-to-gift friends: floral bouquets or cakes. For me: party shoes a la Fruit Stripe gum!
Face oils, body oils, jewelry covered in sweet fruity charms.
Vegetables make for pretty presents, too, like peppers or lettuce: a giftable produce farm.
Thanks for letting me talk this out; it’s really helping to alleviate my stress.
Speaking of which, shall we move on? Let’s try our hand at chess.
Chess is a game of strategy, they say, but all I want is the piece shaped like a horse.
I also want these polka dot boots and these houndstooth slides, although this list is to gift others, of course…
So! For our kings and queens in our lives, stocking stuffers they wouldn’t get themselves: the best black mascara or a classic red lipstick to start.
What about a pair of lovey-dovey earrings? Or necklaces with dangling hearts?
I like the idea of getting someone something they can play with, like a mini pool table or dominos.
If I were royalty, I’d get needlepoint house slippers or bottles of timeless perfume for everyone I know.
What about an eye mask for the sleep-obsessed, or evening clutches for early-bird guys and girls?
And for our check-mates who have it all: a sauce pan? A hot water bottle cover? A cherry-chess-board bag? A strand of imperfect pearls?
In terms of gift-giving progress, that’s plenty off my list; still plenty more to do.
Have another cup of coffee as you tell me about yours, and let’s move on to Clue.
Clue was always my favorite board game — I think I played mostly for the aesthetic:
Miss Scarlet in the library (reading about coffee); Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with a beeswax candle stick.
Mrs. Peacock in the conservatory wearing a sleeping mask and Thinking Cap while drinking whisky from a flask after a long day.
Professor Plum playing billiards with mittens and sunglasses — wood-framed or Unibrow’d, suspicious either way.
What about you in the kitchen with a treat-yourself necklace, or me in velvet mules, admiring a golden brush?
This game can sometimes take a while, but as with finding the right gift (like this amazing-smelling travel candle), there’s no need to rush.
How about a card holder, a tiger rug key tray, a perfume sampler or post-poo drops (for Mr. Green in the bathroom)?
Or a flashlight, a glass jug, amber earrings, dry mist oil and this vintage Magic 8 ball lighter that fits right in with the mood?
Call me old-fashioned, but I also love giving socks as gifts. Or tortoiseshell combs.
Scrunchies make cute “thinking of yous” if you need to gift all your friends back home.
Without a doubt, we’re still missing some people, but we’ve also checked off a lot, by the by.
What do you say: Should we take a quick stretching break, then give Monopoly a try?
Man I love the scent of Monopoly money; wish I could use it to buy some stuff off my list.
I’d spend a few fake dollars on this bowling set, a few more on brass dice for my party fist.
The Monopoly clutch is a “real” investment, of course, as are those blue velvet shoes and the vintage Babar.
But just as gift-worthy are these $27 square-frame shades, or $42 cherry earrings for your human north star.
How about a blue or green glass tumbler for $16 each? $70 for a set of three jade green mixing bowls?
$200 for a funky clock isn’t bad. For $55, this yellow floral jug is, as the kids say, kitchen “goals.”
I am personally into the idea of a puffer scarf, a gold boot charm, and charm-like danglers for my earlobes.
For my mom: maybe a luxurious face mask. Or a fancy lipstick. Or a nice nail polish for her Sunday robes.
For the Monopoly Man aesthete, a very chic black-rimmed magnifying monocle, obviously.
And with that, I think I’m ready:
Shall we move on to our final board game, Pretty Pretty Princess?
I’ll toast you a bagel and assume you said yes!
Pretty Pretty Princess
You remember the point of Pretty Pretty Princess, don’t you? To amass as much jewelry as possible!
It’s almost like the game was set us up for Instagram, a magical land where shiny pictures are shoppable.
For the magpie-iest friends on my holiday list, hair clips and barrettes serve as real world tiaras.
A pearl-and-crystal-encrusted beret has the same effect, as do scrunchies and balaclavas.
For the adorning of wrists, no better than enamel bracelets with stretch — wear ’em with pink kitten gloves.
For necks, try a strand of white stones rather than pearls, a rhinestone fanny pack for someone you really love.
(With you if that someone is you, by the way. I’m eying black velvet heels and white satin bow pumps for myself.)
This pink tea pot is perfect for the trickiest of gift receivers; or get them these funny wax goobers for their bookshelf.
You know what’s pretty? A firefly espresso set, marble-y coasters, and a printed porcelain-capped candle.
I like the idea of tiger socks for to-be-gifted feet; for hands, the tiger striped MR clutch with a green velvet handle.
The Pretty Pretty Princess game was missing a pair of sunglasses, but we don’t have to: Enter the lumberjack Unibrows.
For your heart’s heart, a floral-printed, heart-shaped bag, and for their face, unfussy product that won’t make ’em break out.
With that, I think we did it. We checked off our lists, played a few games, drank our coffee…you know, I think we’re ahead!
So glad to see you’re wide-awake after all of it. Don’t mind me, though — gifts complete, I’m off to bed!