Have you heard of the Man Repeller Writers Club? Every month we pose a story idea, you write about it and then send it to us (firstname.lastname@example.org) with the subject line “MR Writers Club.” We go through all submissions and post the winner on the first Saturday of every month. Ready? Let’s go.
As you may know, I love junk food. Here’s what I’ve eaten so far today:
One “Brazilian Blast” Smoothie.
Half a rack of pork ribs glazed in Chinese BBQ sauce and five spice — with a side of sticky rice.
Roughly six Walker’s “Pure Butter” Shortbread Cookies of the festive shapes variety (two trees, two stars, two winter-ready Schnauzers).
Three macarons. I cannot tell you the flavor but the filling tasted a bit cream-cheesy.
Seven HI-CHEWS (five mango, two kiwi).
Make that eight HI-CHEWS, I’m going to have an acai one right now.
One and a half caramel truffles. The “half” is because I don’t actually like caramel truffles and gave up on finishing a would-be second.
One metallic purple gumball (thank you, Haley).
I did drink what probably amounts to half a gallon of water, because life’s about balance. I don’t feel bad about all that I’ve consumed thus far. It’s not even 6 p.m. And no, my stomach does not hurt but thanks for asking. (Ed note from Haley: Emma literally just complained that her stomach hurts.) Even if it did, I might not slow down on the sweet nor the salty, because junk food is my vice. One that I refuse to give up.
For the record, I love cigarettes too, but I don’t indulge in them nearly as much so good luck getting me to put down the Doritos. You’ll have to pry that red bag from my cold, dead hands. What I’m saying is: Snacks keep me sane and satisfied, so for now, I’ll continue to snack. Or as Laura Bannister put it back in October: “Life is wretched enough without indulging in your vices.”
Which leads me to this month’s Writer’s Club prompt: What’s one vice you just can’t let go of? Maybe biting your nails is the bane of your existence but you can’t seem to stop using your teeth to cut your claws. Maybe you’re an obsessive oatmeal eater. Are you all about that vape? Whatever it is — and I do hope you’re keeping it healthy — we want to know. Email your submissions to write [at] manrepeller [dot] com on or before December 28th. Can’t wait to hear all about what keeps you on Santa’s naughty list.
Photo by mark peterson/Corbis via Getty Images.