Look, I don’t care what this week’s rainy forecast says: I spent so much of New York’s extended winter waiting for warmer weather that I’ll take this May showers situation over snow any day. In fact, I’ll do you one better: I’m pretending the predicted rain is a lawn sprinkler, and the only reason I’m currently indoors is because I don’t know which swimsuit persona I want to lead with.
Below are the three potential poolside versions of me I’m still considering. Cast your vote in the comments and then tell me yours.
The Kind of Woman Who Replenishes Her 64-Pack of Crayola Crayons Once a Year
I think my impending college graduation has sparked an intense nostalgia to return to my five-year-old-self’s sartorial color scheme. By color scheme, I actually mean every color ever (as long as the saturation and vibrancy are on full-blast, that is).
This version of myself maximizes “summer fun” by way of effervescent bathing suits and accessories that look like candy. I picture myself splayed out across a jumbo flamingo-shaped pool floatie while wearing a shimmery turquoise one piece, bubblegum pink skinny shades and lucite earrings with a hue that’s reminiscent of a Luigi’s lemon Italian ice. Seems like the most jubilant way to soak up some vitamin D to me.
And just in case the jingle of a nearby ice cream truck were to sound, my candy-colored, waterproof (!) Susan Alexandra beaded bag and bright athletic slides would be waiting for me poolside — because who has time to strap on sandals when there’s an uneaten Firecracker popsicle at risk of melting?
The Kind of Woman Who has a Closet Full of Sundresses and an Instagram Feed Full of Flowers
I am tempted to spend the entire summer in Reformation-like sundresses, so it comes as no surprise that I’ve been gravitating toward equally frilly, often printed, décolletage-flattering bathing suits — exhibit A, B, and C. If you give a millennial a sundress — or a sunsuit, in this case — it won’t be long before a neutral-colored net bag, straw hat, perfectly chunky wooden sandals and a pair of statement sunglasses are in the mix. A tried and true hit on Instagram, all I would need is a picturesque beach and a patient friend to snap the photo.
The Kind of Woman Who Considers Herself to be a “Down to Mars Girl”
Summer whites are my summer essentials — as long as they’re kinda quirky. A few years ago, the combination of Tevas and a bucket hat would have prompted me to call the fashion police on myself, but this summer, the pairing is perfect. (That the hat and sandals are both in all-white is important; the monochromatic scheme adds a cool factor to these tourist-friendly accessories).
Dressed in all-white, this version of myself definitely has a flare for the futuristic; I envision myself lounging beside an infinity pool in a one-piece with circular cutouts, transparent sunglasses with lenses that seem capable of shooting laser beams, and a PVC bag large enough to store a UFO.
Okay, your turn!
Collages by Emily Zirimis.