Well! I am really pleased to see that maternity leave has not impacted my ability to configure a questionable outfit using the powers that be a web browser. But before I continue patting myself on the ass while you probably roll your eyes because who is going to want to wear a hat that matches the circumference of an XL hula hoop (me!), let me clear up the title of this post: I am not terminating my relationship with footwear design, but rather changing the name of the brand from MR by Man Repeller to Leandra Medine. We are also opening our doors to wholesale, which means MORE SHOES IN MORE PLACES! If that does not excite you, I really have to wonder what will.

Now, if you’re doing some wondering of your own and asking yourself why I’m changing the name at all, it’s because we have something cool-as-fuq in the pipeline that reserves a more salient (and affordable!) right to call itself Man Repeller. I can’t say more. I mean, I can, but I won’t. Plus, my name is hip. It’s with it. But I digress, let’s move on completely.

SPRING IS HERE!!! I mean, it’s not, but seeing as it’s Habits Month and I am committing to making a habit of lying to myself once a day, I’m going to go with it. SPRING IS HERE!!! The best way to make this feel true is either to put flowers in your hair or buy shoes (available *exclusively* at Martha Louisa RIGHT NOW) that make it clear you are not fucking around. April snow is unacceptable. I wish there was a department of weather control I could call to complain to about that. Hey, can you tell that I’ve had minimal contact with human life over the age of five weeks old for the sum of said five weeks? I feel like I can’t stop jabbering! Are you even still reading? I hope so, because here we go into the sausage:

If You Love Crustaceans but Don’t Want to Eat Them…

David Foster Wallace once called lobsters edible energy, which is an enticing description but I have always preferred a seafood shoe to a seafood dinner. Less transient, you know? If I were me, which as fate would have it, I am, I’d wear these with a denim shirt tucked into jeans, a scarf in my hair, kooky sunglasses and would 100% add a dose of $a$$.

If You Love a Wedge of Cheese but Are Lactose Intolerant…

How about a wedge of sandal instead, ey? I can’t unsee pedal pushers or Bermuda shorts for the upcoming season. They’re great for noncommittal people who can’t decide whether they like pants better than shorts or vice versa, and especially wonderful for those who were not part of the 50s, but might want to dress like they know a thing or two.

If You Love Rose Water Waffles but Hate Yom Kippur…

Guess what! You can wear rose-adorned sandals! I’m not really sure what the logic behind this theory is, but my fingertips have a mind of their own, they’re not following what my brain is trying to tell them!

If You Have Navy Beans in Your Cupboard but Don’t Know What to Do With Them…

Spill them all over your silk moire boots! I have actually already worn this outfit and let me tell you, given the successful test drive (we walked four blocks to get a cup of coffee), I feel confident telling you these are very thoughtful boots that deliberately hit the intersection of ankle and calf so that you can wear them comfortably (literally and figuratively) with short skirts, long dresses and all the jeans in the world. IN THE WORLD!

If You Love Drinking Out of Straws but Have Never Walked a Mile in Their Shoes…

Why not give it a try? Ba da ba, chh! So much more fun when accompanied by this orange striped Simon Miller set that I have been gazing at lovingly since I was seven months pregnant, don’t you think? If you refuse to wear the hula-hoop sized hat, I do understand but don’t agree with the decision. These are likely my favorite shoes from the collection because I spent the whole of last summer looking for a pair of sturdy raffia loafers but couldn’t find them, which is when it occurred to me that I should probably just make them. So here they are.

This seems like a good note to end on. I’ll TTYL.

Photos by Edith Young. Modeled by Hannah Kuessner

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