Nearly all my friends discouraged me from joining a dating app after my long-term relationship ended last year. I agreed. The last time I’d been single, Tinder hadn’t even launched, and terms like “gaslighting” and “fuccboi” had yet to enter my lingual purview (not that I didn’t witness them in spades).

I was open to going out and meeting people after escaping an exhausting and unhealthy relationship, but I wasn’t exactly eager to jump into dating, and I was nervous that doing so digitally might bring about potentially confusing situations. In other words, I wasn’t ready. I felt embarrassingly out of touch with the culture of dating and was too much of a wuss to make an earnest effort.

But, as some saying goes, romance happens when you’re not actively seeking it.

After two months or so of minding my own business, I bumped into a peripheral acquaintance at a Bushwick bar. When he re-introduced himself to me, I charmingly replied, “Of course I know who you are” — a partial lie, as I don’t think we’d actually exchanged names before. He was scruffily cute and had an indistinct accent that pronounced tomato as tom-ah-to.

The first time we properly kissed was on our third date, and it happened on the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island.

A few days later, I received an Instagram DM from him asking if I’d like to hang out sometime. We exchanged numbers. Our rapport was less flirtatious than it was friendly. It all seemed very light and casual — the free Costco sample of dating, if you will. I didn’t overthink it.

We hung out a handful of times soon after — a museum here, dinner and a movie there…all of it was fine. And then shit got cute fast. The first time we properly kissed was on our third date, and it happened on the Wonder Wheel at Coney Island. I may not be a formulaic dater, but I do know that as soon as things start resembling cinema, they are no longer “casual.” (And making out on a Ferris wheel, it should be said, is just as thrilling as The O.C. made it look.)

From that point on, it was the dating show: We held hands, we cooked dinner at each other’s apartment, we slept over regularly on weekends and had leisurely breakfasts the following mornings — he even kept a toothbrush at my place. At one point, a “showtime” performer on the subway presumptuously referred to me as his girlfriend and I glanced at him, mortified, only to see him gently suppressing a smile.

I kept reassuring myself that in the modern age of romance, we were just “hanging out” — it all felt very unfussy and easy. And so when he kept asking to make plans, I just kept saying sure, which is basically how we became a thing.

I liked his face, his wry sense of humor and how he was politely considerate of everyone — not just me. I was thrilled with the way he was direct and appreciative: If he wanted to see me, he’d ask, and he always made sure to let me know he had a great time. By most accounts, this was textbook courtship. But we were both keeping each other at arm’s length emotionally — at least I was, anyway. Even so, I wasn’t immune to the warming effect of intimacy. And even if I told myself I wasn’t “looking,” our lack of status eventually started to grate on me. What do I call this person who I’m very fond of, intimately involved with and happily spending most of my free time with? What were we? Even a definitive “no strings” label seemed more satisfying than none at all.

But the idea of breaching the relationship discussion made me bristle. Even though I was curious, it felt awkwardly undercooked. It felt almost unfair, too, to ask questions I didn’t have my own answers to, like whether we were headed toward a boyfriend-girlfriend type of relationship and whether both of us even wanted that. All my life, I’d dated guys who’d chosen me first, and now I found myself in an unfamiliar stalemate, painted into a dating-but-not-dating corner.

It was when a colleague off-handedly mentioned she had plans to hang out with her boyfriend-who’s-not-really-her-boyfriend that I felt simultaneously relieved I wasn’t the only one experiencing this and aghast it was a thing at all. I became further intrigued: What is this performative pseudo-relationship holding pattern? Is it the perfect embodiment of the age-old jazz question “If you have to ask, you’ll never know”?

I knew I didn’t want to label things prematurely. My worst fear was that one could essentially “play house” in a relationship even if it was devoid of love, like practicing a seance: Just because you’re going through the motions doesn’t mean it’s conjuring anything. I’m all for labels — labels and boundaries and being on the same page are a soothing balm to my antagonistic neuroses surrounding anything relationship-related. But labels do not a truth make, and even if we’d fallen into calling each other girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, significant other or whatever, there’d be no point if both of us didn’t enthusiastically mean it. After enduring a nearly five-year lesson that someone being your “boyfriend” doesn’t mean he’ll treat your feelings with care, this truth felt particularly fresh.

It was as if I’d asked him a deeply personal and embarrassing question at Thanksgiving dinner.

I felt an urgent need to know where he stood, so I broached the subject as elegantly as I could: in a loud bar, completely out of the blue and immediately following a viewing of the movie It.

“Hey, so can I get your opinion on something?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“What are your thoughts…on all this?” I asked, gesturing with my finger between him and me.

It was as if I’d asked him a deeply personal and embarrassing question at Thanksgiving dinner. There was a lot of stammering, pregnant pausing and a general lack of sense-making. I knew he was emotionally intelligent enough to recognize that I’d put myself in a vulnerable position by addressing this elephant in the room, but since I’d done it with the broadest stroke possible, the open-endedness had him quite literally speechless. And if I’m being honest, I purposefully posed the question in what I thought was the least loaded way possible (I am a Cancer; we do not show our cards).

The truth was evident before he even said it: “I hadn’t really given much thought about it, honestly.” Judging by the rattled look on his face, either that was true or I was watching him struggle through a conversation he’d been actively avoiding. Maybe I’d fooled him into thinking I didn’t care. Maybe I’d fooled myself into thinking that.

Ultimately, all I received was the insight that he thinks I’m “totally great” and a lot of feeble nonsequiturs that didn’t make much sense beyond showing me he is wholly unready for me. I was disappointed but also relieved — relieved because at least I knew what we were now, and disappointed because in learning all that, I realized I was more emotionally invested than I’d originally anticipated. At least now you know, I told myself, half-reassured, half-resigned.

I don’t begrudge him any of that at all, though I do wish I’d spoken up sooner when things started feeling more serious than casual. It’s easy to avoid those conversations when you’re having a good time with someone. Perhaps counterintuitively, none of this made me want to stop seeing him, nor him me.

Once I looked past my anxious expectation that things probably needed to be more “substantial” or different from how they actually were, I realized that actually, I was having a ton of fun. A couple of weeks after that conversation, though, he took a long leave of absence to visit family abroad and we gradually fell out of touch. A prolonged 16-hour time difference isn’t quite a Band-Aid rip, but it functioned as one all the same. The newfound solitude gave me a better perspective on everything.

Forcing romantic parameters just because “it makes sense” — given how long it’s been or some other unemotional reason — doesn’t work when both people aren’t enthusiastically choosing one another. And that’s important because I wasnt choosing him either. I still can’t quite pinpoint exactly why, but maybe it doesn’t matter.

Even if the romantic feelings between us weren’t enough to steer us toward a relationship, that doesn’t have to be the end, either. It’s possible that romance for the sake of romance — and not as a preamble to a relationship — can be really enjoyable in and of itself. It wasn’t what I expected to find upon my first dip into the dating pool, but after having much more substantial liaisons end on much worse terms, it was a nice reminder.

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  • Cay

    Oh my god, I’ve had this exact same relationship and it was so confusing. I remember 3 months in, after we had spent NYE together and were regularly seeing each other weekly (I also had a toothbrush at his place), he introduced me to an acquaintance we ran into as “his friend” and it was slightly shattering, even though I hadn’t communicated any of my own expectations. It was a really good learning experience, but also incredibly off-putting and also difficult to get over (because it felt like it should have and did work out, but it didn’t).

    A piece of advice that my mom gave me was that if it feels confusing and you are constantly questioning it, it probably isn’t right. You should have someone who is actively choosing you.

    • Agreed. I was seeing a guy for about the same amount of time. I slept over at his place every weekend, we went on dates, and after a hanging out together a few times his friends called me his girlfriend. He wouldn’t though. I realized it wasn’t going anywhere and that I didn’t want it to so I stopped seeing him. Then a few months later the cycle started repeating with a new guy (every weekend together). After about a month we were at a party and a stranger called me his girlfriend and he was fine with it. We’re still together 6 years later.

    • Mackenzie Skye King

      Are you me? Being introduced as his “buddy” three months in was the beginning of the end.

    • Kendal Steensen

      You’re mom is a genius. I just ended “something” this week with this guy i had been seeing for four months. At the beginning of us dating I was totally happy but towards the last month i started questioning things and I couldn’t figure out why. Turns out he wants to move away to LA and figure himself out. Things ended amicably but I was still so upset and your mom put it the best way possible. He’s was not actively choosing me so i didn’t feel secure in it. I never needed the labels but I also shouldn’t have been questioning if that person still cared about me after four months of continuous talking and hanging out.

    • chloe miel

      Oh jeez, so me. I could still taste him in the back of my throat when we were out for brunch after and ran into a friend where he introduced me as “a close friend”.

      • Bmo

        Ugh I cringed when I read “close friend”. Somehow that’s worse than just “friend”.

    • Your mother is totally right. Gosh, and they say women are complicated…

  • Alex

    It’s possible that romance for the sake of romance — and not as a preamble to a relationship — can be really enjoyable in and of itself.

    This. I got out of a long relationship last year, and – like you – found myself rediscovering a dating world that had substantially change since last time I was single. As soon as felt ready to date again, I ended up having the most amazing summer flirt, except that it didn’t have material to last over one season.

    Things heated up fast, and cooled down even faster. When it ended I wasn’t sure what to make of it, and being “used” to serious relationships (I’m a serial girlfriend, ah!) I had no vocabulary or framework to start understanding what sort of experience I had gone through.
    Now, I feel grateful for it because it was just what I needed to get back out in the dating world.

    Nerdy joke alert: I now call these Schrödinger’s boyfriends (like Schrödinger’s cat), as in you don’t know yet if there is relationship potential or not!

    • Bmo

      LOVE the term “Schrodinger’s boyfriends”.
      I also recently got out of a long term relationship and I quickly realized that I had never really (casually) dated before. Apps are weird! I’ve deleted and re-downloaded tinder more times than I can count. Is there even a non-app way to meet people anymore? I’m generally against dating coworkers so that’s a no go.

      • Amelia

        If anyone figures out a non-app way to meet people that does not involve playing in a sports league please let me know ASAP.

      • Alex

        According to rumours, you can still meet people doing activities / hobbies, or in bars / events. Too bad none of these works for me; my hobbies are pretty much female oriented, and I’m an introvert so I stick to my people when in public places.
        What was handy for me, was to have a very extrovert male friend who’s very sporty and has tons of equally sporty male buddies. I’m looking forward to barbecue season again!

        • Bmo

          I took a furniture upholstery class at the tech college (not to meet people) and everyone was 85 so I don’t think my hobbies will lead me to any guys lol.
          You’re lucky your friends have single friends! I feel like I’m in a sea of couples.

      • Susanne

        girl when you find out, let us know! lol I’ve been using Tinder for the past couple weeks and its just…not for me. I can’t take it seriously to save my life and I automatically think every guy is a creep (and to be honest, 90% of them are haha). Plus the guys are never as cool in person as they seem to be on the app.

        • Amanda Roussel

          i always have fantastic conversation that can’t hold up in person!

        • Bmo

          Tinder…. has been interesting for sure. I don’t know where you’re from but I live in Wisconsin and every single guy is either holding a fish or a deer carcass in one of his photos.

        • TinySoprano

          I’ve never managed to keep it on my phone for longer than 24 hours. It’s like an automatic depression trigger.

          Re: non-app ways to meet people, hobbies seems like where it’s at. One of my besties met her fiancee at an archery club, another met her significant other through the folk music scene, another met hers at a short theatre course. And I have yet to meet anyone (non-romantically or romantically) who’s failed to be fascinated by my hobby – D&D. I kid you not. Everyone’s a secret RPG nerd at heart.

          • Kinga

            I second this! I play D&D, too, and its the best. Some player changes in two separate campaigns lead to me meeting and befriending cool new people and outside in the real world, most are very interested to hear more : )

      • Lindsay D

        make more girlfriends, bigger circle is good for setups, worked for me!

      • K

        Similar story. I also recently left a long term relationship and joined tinder. The best advice I got about tinder was that it’s a numbers game. It will not in any way work out with most of the people you message/ meet, so just treat each date as a chance to meet a new and potentially interesting person, and don’t load anything up with expectation beforehand. But if you persist, you are likely to meet someone you really like.

    • Jennifer

      “Schrodinger’s boyfriend” needs to catch on!

      • Alex

        I was so happy to have the opportunity to recycle this joke! First time I made it, it didn’t land as my friend had no idea what of what a “Schrodinger’s cat” is. The ensuing explanation (combining cats, boyfriends, bunkers and explosives) was unsurprisingly confusing. And I learned to never, ever try to spell Schrodinger again!

        • Jennifer

          Oh, damn. I’m going to test it out on all my friends and see how it goes

      • JennyWren

        Schroding. “We’re schroding, seeing what’ll happen.” I mean, that does sound a bit obscene, but it’s easier to say.

        • Jennifer

          Excellent, we now have a noun and a verb to make the concept more flexibile and useful 😉

    • Steph

      All of this exactly!

    • Kristin

      Super nerd alert: I’m not sure about this term! In the experiment the cat is alive and dead until you observe it…whereas in these not-boyfriends are seemingly nonviable even before the question is asked.

      • Alex

        Good point!
        Personally, I never seem to understand if a story is non-viable, until I’m out of it. I guess I do “know”, but pretend not to. It’s fun to play pretend and dream about the possibilities… (disclaimer: I am very good at ignoring my gut feeling when I am dating!)
        So yes, the joke rests on thin ground 😉

  • Adrianna

    “Even if the romantic feelings between us weren’t enough to steer us toward a relationship”

    You were in a relationship with him regardless of the fact that you didn’t use those terms. I think we generally use terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” to signal to other people that we’re monogamously committed. That seems like an important conversation to have regardless, just for your own sexual health. (Yes yes, people with boyfriends/girlfriends can be open and/or polyamorous.)

    • This. The US has this weird dating culture that seems baffling to me as a Belgian – if you are going on regular dates for a while and having sexual/romantic interaction and haven’t explicitly categorized your flirtation as “just friends with benefits”, you’re boyfriend and girlfriend.

  • Jenna Birch

    This bit really hit me on a personal level: “I’m all for labels — labels and boundaries and being on the same page are a soothing balm to my antagonistic neuroses surrounding anything relationship-related. But labels do not a truth make, and even if we’d fallen into calling each other girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, significant other or whatever, there’d be no point if both of us didn’t enthusiastically mean it. After enduring a nearly five-year lesson that someone being your ‘boyfriend’ doesn’t mean he’ll treat your feelings with care, this truth felt particularly fresh.”

    I think many men and women in their 20s and 30s have endured a relationship where labels didn’t match the felt truth underneath, and you definitely become more thoughtful/careful/hesitant about the way you apply labels moving forward. I do think, ultimately, “enthusiastic choice” will make those relationships that do solidify stronger and more meaningful, though. It’s just so rare!

    Good thoughts here, all around.

  • Susanne

    #same. I had a long distance situationship (if you can call LA to SF long distance) around this time last year that went on longer than I care to admit. I proposed the “what are we? what’s happening here?” question multiple times just for the sake of being able to justify to my family/friends why I was spending weekends in the bay with this guy multiple times a month with no official title. He openly told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship, that he thought i was cool but didn’t want to be tied to anything…. and I was over it and felt he was blocking me from finding ~*true love*~ and I just ghosted on him lol. We’ve gone our separate ways, but in hindsight I realized that I didn’t even like him enough to really want him as my all day, everyday. I was just swept up in the grandeur of having a long distance lovah in a city that I was obsessed with (I still believe i had a bigger crush on San Francisco than I did the boy), and was trying to bring some sort of legitimacy to it all. He was great for the weekend (shout out to SZA), but honestly we were completely different personalities that simply had a desire for good sex with someone who wasn’t a complete drag to be around…and that does not a grown-up relationship make. That really is the getcha gotcha…just wanting to make all of this MEAN something instead of just enjoying it for what it is and moving on when the magic is gone or someone better comes along.

  • Mary

    How do you go about ending this kind of “relationship”? Telling the person you want it to be over seems awkward because what is “it”? And why does it need to end if it isn’t anything. Ugh! I am so confused.
    There’s this guy who I’ve known for around 5 months and I hang out with him regularly and we act like boyfriend and girlfriend…hold hands, make out, I cooked for him (and I never cook for anyone so that’s a big deal for me!) and I’ve spent the night at his apartment. He calls me his friend…but it doesn’t feel like we’re just friends. And I need to stop seeing him because I’m becoming too emotionally invested. But how do I end it?! Because if I say I don’t think we should see each other anymore, he’ll just ask why as we’re “just friends”…

    • Alex

      If you are becoming emotionally invested, would you have energy / time / attention for anyone else? The risk with this not-relationship is that they can drain your time and energy, and if you met an amazing guy somewhere else you’d risk not paying attention. So what is more important to you, a so-so relationship or the opportunity of finding someone great?

      Not to criticise you of course – I have been in too many situations like this, in my case because I was scared of being alone…

      • Mary

        Thanks for your advice Alex! It’s not what I wanted to hear haha but it’s what I needed to hear…it’s scary being alone, but I guess having my energy and time drained, so there’s nothing left over for other things, is also scary.

    • chloe miel

      I’ve been in multiple situations like this and just ended it gradually with slow fading. I made it obvious that I was starting to see other people and started prioritizing dates with them over him. Turned down his invites, booty calls, etc until conversation dropped and I stopped responding to him altogether or he got the message and stopped initiating as well.

      • Mary

        Thank you Chloe for sharing your view on this.

    • Regina

      Just tell him you need it to end and if he pulls the “just friends” thing just tell him say “exactly, that’s why I don’t want to do [hold hands, stay over, etc] anymore.” I think that behavior makes it plain obvious that you’re not “just friends” and him saying that is playing dumb. Make it clear that you don’t want to act like that anymore and that’s completely fair. So you’re not cutting him out but the actions. Then it’s justifiable and honestly, chances are you just naturally won’t see him after that.

      • Mary

        Thanks for the advice Regina! I will say these things to him.

  • Lauren

    I was already to come into the comment section offering some hard earned advice about how you deserve to ask for what you want, but you did that! And even if the answer wasn’t what you wanted to hear, you still did something SO brave, and I hope you know that.

  • I’m here for romance for the sake of the experience !!!
    I’m often content to keep plucking along for months, knowing what I want (a relationship) and hoping that time will make the other person want the same thing. BUT, in my experience, the lack of an active choice is indeed a lack of enthusiasm and so then I’m left confused and sad. Why did I just spent 4 months with someone who never wanted to fit into my life long term? Problematic ? Idk you tell me. But I learn things about myself and about the type of partner I want every time and so till someone tells me otherwise ……

    • Michelle Bruni

      I completely agree girl! Each failed not-boyfriend does indeed teach me something about myself and the kind of relationships I deserve. It’s hard not to feel like it was time wasted… like, what? I just put 3 months of feelings into something that won’t play out? It’s exhausting but hey… we’re all looking for something and won’t give up.

  • Autumn

    I had a Not-Boyfriend like this in college (that’s what I always called them). For two years. Yes, we went two years “together” without putting a label on it but all of our friends knew that we were basically a couple. We even met each others’ parents. But he was real weird and skittish about talking relationship stuff and I was too young and too into him to want to ever bring it. Needless to say he’s definitely not my Not Boyfriend anymore. And I think he was last seen in Thailand.

  • Tori Johnson

    This was oddly very VERY specific to my own experience with a not-so-boyfriend. I however, never even asked the question or brought up out status. I was too afraid to ruin whatever we had going on and I really wasn’t ready for anything serous and I don’t think he was either. Our fling eventually fizzled out, we stayed friends (I guess, since we were never anything m ore than that apparently) and I moved to LA and got back with my long term ex who I was still in love with. Fast forward two months, and the fake boyfriend ALSO moved to LA and has been hitting me up relentlessly. Never once asking to hang out, but just checking in? It’s strange. I haven’t seen him since our thing in NY and honestly, I don’t want to at all. The whole experience was a lesson and that’s that

  • Michelle Bruni

    I’ve had NUMEROUS boyfriend-but-not-boyfriend relationships, and only one REAL boyfriend over the last 4 years. My problem is that I ask this question too soon (the “what are we?” chat) and it drives them away. But, it’s always good to know.

    I also like how one girl in this comment section labelled these relationships as “something” — spot on! They deserve a label, though not boyfriend.

    • Amelia

      I think asking that question too early is self preservation. Or that’s what my therapist says. I’m looking for a relationship at the moment and so I usually like to suss out what the guy is looking for early on… If they’re definitely not looking for a relationship, I can end it early before I get too invested!

      Though, asking “what are we” and “what are you looking for” I suppose are different things.

    • chloe miel

      I think it’s good to ask early when you know what you want. I’ve even seen girls be up front about it in their Tinder profiles and I’m starting to think I should do the same.

    • Regina

      I think it’s fair to want to know, and even to want a label. I think it’s that “cool girl” bs to pretend like you don’t care at all. That persona just allows men to be lazy.
      Knowing frees you because you’re either in or out, even if the conclusion is you want romance for the sake of romance.

      • Ugh, YES! It is not “uncool” to want something and ask for it!

  • Ashley Minyard

    Ugh I’ve never read a more timely and relatable article.

  • kaitlin davis

    Wow, this is a great article, touching on modern dating and the problems with communication! I was big into the apps (okcupid to be exact) at a young age so i basically grew up with this kind of behavior. The very annoying “what are we” conversation rarely ever came up. I’ve since quit okcupid and am focused on IRL dating but guess what!? It’s the same thing!

  • Sarah Sweeney

    This is so bizarre in that it’s exactly what I have just experienced! What a fantastic way of articulating the exact feelings I experienced and the end result! Not everything needs to be undertaken for the sake of an end result (ie. a relationship) and when I let go of the pretence, I really enjoyed myself and was less disappointed when things ended even though honestly I probably didn’t want them to go anywhere in the first place! So cool, awesome blog post!

  • Sophie

    Omg! Romance for the sake of romance! This is so going to be my new DTR-phrase ❤ Love this article!

  • fluffinella

    Saaaaable <3 <3 <3

  • Lindsay D

    Wow I’m in a similar spot, been 2 months, didn’t kiss me until the 4th date. He goes on double dates with my friends and acts like a boyfriend. He’s super shy but I’d say one more month before he’s proud I’m his GF or we stop spending time together.

  • Aydan

    I love this!! These kinds of relationships and interactions serve their purpose. Maybe not in the obvious way, but they still end up teaching us about our lives.

  • Ellen


  • Allison Russo

    I needed to hear this today. Thank you 🙂

  • BethanyBeach

    I feel like the boyfriend-who’s-not-your-boyfriend situation is just another iteration of “he’s just not that into you.” It’s perfectly fair to not want to jump into labels initially, but once it’s been a few months, it means he probably just doesn’t like you all that much if he’s not willing to call you his girlfriend/actually commit. As someone who’s been in a few of these situations it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you can really like someone and have it not be mutual, but sometimes you need that reality check. In particular, I’ve seen guys who have historically made plenty of excuses not to not be in a relationship nix those excuses as soon as they’re with someone they actually really want to be with.

  • Sabah Malik

    Scary on point. ‘It’s possible that romance for the sake of romance — and not as a preamble to a relationship — can be really enjoyable in and of itself.’

    I’ve been in the casual dating world where at many points I’ve thought: WHY AM I NOT FEELING THE RIGHT FEELINGS?

    Sometimes it’s fun to share a laugh in a situation that is just yours to share with someone else and it doesn’t have to be more.

  • Cordelia

    Used to call them Boy Involvement (BI). If you were lucky enough you got to be a BF, eventually…or not!

  • Emily Michaelis

    i’ve heard the term “unpaid internship” used to define this scernario before.. yours is a much more insightful and positive take on it!

    “Forcing romantic parameters just because “it makes sense” — given how long it’s been or some other unemotional reason — doesn’t work when both people aren’t enthusiastically choosing one another. And that’s important because I wasn’t choosing him either. I still can’t quite pinpoint exactly why, but maybe it doesn’t matter.” my favorite part

  • Kaitlyn Green

    This website soothes my soul. I recently ended a one and a half year long relationship (my first and only serious, I-love-you relationship) and decided, after a few months alone, to reenter the dating/meeting people pool; this article summed up my feelings SO perfectly, in a way I haven’t been able to. After being frustrated by a few missed connections with online dating I am also learning that everything doesn’t have to be neat and tidy and perfect, and becoming more okay with “romance for romance’s sake” — and, more generally, just enjoyment and fun for enjoyment and fun’s sake. Thanks for this lovely, honest read! These articles always pop up at a perfect time! ❤️

  • Haywood Jablowme

    I love banging a wide range of women. Just make sure you wax your short hairs.

  • disqus_2ntfOFzVBA

    UM did you take a lil sneak peek at my journal?? BECAUSE WOW SO MANY PARALLELS…except for the fact that you’ve put my thoughts into such eloquently written form

  • Halle Elizabeth

    This is the truest thing I’ve ever read oh my GOD

  • Suriya

    My friends and I have always referred to those kinds of “boyfriends” as “boy-space-friends” as in boy friend not boyfriend which captures the “we’re together but not together” thing quite nicely

  • This guy sounds like Summer from 500 Days of Summer. “I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.”