I miss non-stretch denim soooooooooooooooo much that I don’t even know how many more times I can say it so I’m just not going to bother but will, instead, delight your eyes with three outfit ideas I would love for you to consider because me and the human body shelf still growing my center sure-as-fuck can’t. Still, I feel the need to assert myself as someone who has style that can be extended beyond knit pants and striped shirts and gigantic turtleneck sweaters. Call it a function of low self-esteem or the relentless pursuit of aesthetic value. Both work.


Exhibit 1: Faux Leopard Fo’Real and Corduroys In Which to Dress Your Family

The second part of that title was a David Sedaris reference and truly, if you haven’t read this book of essays yet, do it because it will make you feel like a million bucks that were generated from laughing so hard! The above is what I would wear tomorrow if I were going to a fashion show and wanted to look ~chill,~ like I’m not trying hard, but still like I tried. The coat is presumably made from stuffed animals while the sweater (cashmere), is composed of lines that harken back to the Google logo. It is very technology-chic. Harling has been on a corduroy bender, and I do believe that Instagram served us the same account via the discover feed because we both landed on these white cords! The difference is that she can wear them. As of the time of this writing, I very much cannot. The shoes, though — definitely going to get the shoes. Possibly in gold.

Exhibit 2: Srsly Tho, I Miss Non-Stretch Denim So Much

But you’d probably never know that judging from this lewk, am I right? Reason being that I have strategically placed a fairly loose fit dress over said non-stretch denim but the other thing I miss is having a waistline and the ability to both marvel at and participate in the fanny pack trend. Here’s what’s happening in this look in case you are confused: Alisha is wearing a gray turtleneck (by Mango) tucked into a pair of jeans (by Moussy). A crinkled sleeveless dress from Creatures of Comfort covers her jeans, and turtleneck and then a double-breasted blazer (also by Mango) covers the dress. A Miu Miu fanny pack is styled as a belt over the blazer. There are lucite sunglasses by Rosie Assoulin and earrings by Mars, each freckled with gold leaves to spruce it all up.

Exhibit 3: La Pièce de Résistance

You know what, I actually think I’m going to try to wear this outfit tonight. The dress is pretty stretchy and the coat is practically a tent, I’ll let you know how it goes, but in the meantime, here was my thinking: winter can be such a damn drab; it’s gray and dull and so easy to fall into the trap of wearing the same outfit every day, which can impact your mood, says science! (This is conjecture.) So to troubleshoot against all of that, why not step outside the comfort of routine, attempt a full-length dress in a power color like red and offset it with a funky fresh freaky coat, equally funky fresh freaky sunglasses (Who care if it’s dark? Who!), and shoes and a bag, both of which feature weaving that take me back to warmer days, as if a reminder that they shall reign again.

They shall reign again!

Photos by Edith Young. Modeled by Alisha Bansal

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