Here’s a fun little secret Carrie Bradshaw never taught me about dating: You actually have to know what you want and vocalize those thoughts in order to thrive in a relationship.
February is often devoted to tangible displays of affection, but in my experience, forging and maintaining real love is more about two people pinky-promising to calmly, generously and compassionately share themselves from the inside out. To do that, you need to be comfortable with your own ticks and expectations. Perhaps counterintuitively, reading about my star-given persona has helped. The zodiac invites me to focus on knowing myself — and in some cases, what I crave from the people in my life and how to communicate those needs. So in honor of paying it forward this February, grab some chocolate and join me (and the stars) in analyzing your romantic tendencies. Through my chosen lens of monogamy, here’s my best guess at what kind of partner you are, according to your sun sign.
You’re the kind of romantic lead who’s almost scarily intense in your devotion, like Romeo or Edward Cullen, albeit less dramatic and/or bloodthirsty. You like to flaunt your love and have no problem planning elaborate date nights or penning pages-long love letters to prove yourself. You also like to be challenged, so you seek people who keep you on your A-game and are complex and independent.
Your relationships are likely full of playful teasing, rich conversation and maybe a little drama. You look for someone who enjoys being chased, and you want someone who makes you feel passionate and important. Of course, that’s all fine — but you also need someone who is patient and intelligent. Wit is of the utmost importance to you. If your partner can’t fill the silence with clever banter and insightful opinions, you’ll feel bored and unfulfilled. You and your fellow rams are driven, smart and dynamic. You seek people in your life who help those traits thrive.
Dating a Taurus is the best because it’s less like a typical relationship and more like an onslaught of homemade pastries, late-night therapy, massages and pillows that smell like vanilla. You are an expert at making people feel comfortable and cozy. You’re also the ultimate pet-name giver. Your co-workers are all “angels,” your significant other is “honey” and your friends are all “baby” (and then there are the special people who get “honey angel baby”).
You believe that love should feel safe. You want someone who shares your views and respects your boundaries. For this reason, you don’t like to jump into relationships until you’ve built a significant level of trust; you prefer long-term commitment and are drawn to people who are steadfast, reliable and patient. You might find that casual dating is really difficult. It’s probably because you always want to have the “where is this going” talk on the first date. Or because you’d rather be tucked inside a blanket fort having an intense heart-to-heart than pretending to enjoy small talk in a dimly lit restaurant.
You probably use the word “clingy” too much. To be clear, a casual text that asks, “What are you doing tonight?” isn’t necessarily clingy — yes, even if you just saw that person last night. I understand that you never want to feel stuck in a relationship, but all you have to do is find someone who loves long road trips, has read just as many books as you have and doesn’t fall into Netflix spirals on a weekly basis. If he or she regularly counters your suggestions (Tipsy Tuesday! A cooking class! A week in Cape Cod! A hike upstate!) with “Let’s just stay in tonight,” you’ll probably bail and never look back.
You need to feel constantly stimulated and you’ve probably broken up with too many people. It’s not that Gemini is a “two-faced” sign, as is often claimed, but rather that you are easily distracted. You never want to feel bored in love, so you search for multifaceted people who have diverse interests and a lot of weekend stamina. Going on a date with you is always fun because you are infinitely entertaining, openly flirty and a connoisseur of unpredictable schedules. It’s not uncommon for you to take someone to a concert and later find yourselves in an underground surf bar. The best parts of a Gemini partner are variety, excitement and a ton of Spotify playlists to choose from.
It may not surprise you that Cancers are the best cuddlers in the zodiac. It’s just science. You love to feel nurtured and can be often found snuggling or being snuggled by your partner. You want to make people feel cozy and sheltered, but this needs to be a two-way street when it comes to romance. You are especially sensitive about uneven displays of affection, so your ideal partner will tell you how much you mean to them on a very regular basis. They will let you borrow their jacket and won’t complain when you never give it back.
The good news is that, in return, dating a Cancer means home-cooked meals, warm beverages, movie nights and cute Post-it notes waiting for you on the bathroom mirror. You are amazing at remembering the big things — birthdays and anniversaries — but also the smallest comments, like a wine preference or a childhood Star Trek obsession that your partner never talks about. A Cancer will show affection in the most intricate, thoughtful details. You’ve probably already made your partner a Valentine’s Day scrapbook with couple photos, love notes and Star Trek stickers.
A Leo has many talents, but subtlety is not one of them. If you develop a crush, sometimes you have to physically stop yourself from smothering that person with compliments and flirty hair flips. Leos are generous and excitable, so courtship is where you thrive. Also, birthdays. You hold your partners very accountable when it comes to expressions of appreciation and praise, so you set the same high bar for yourself. You love giving expensive gifts and showing off your own thoughtfulness. You are also very warm and tend to express your affection in physical ways: arm touches, cheek kisses, lingering hugs, you name it. You’re a big ol’ softie for hand-holding.
You radiate independence and self-love and certainly keep those priorities when looking for a partnership. But most Leos are also hopeless romantics at heart, so you gravitate towards people who emit a similar shine. Sometimes you let yourself get caught up in status, but you should remember that someone doesn’t need to be “popular” to be charismatic and attentive. The person in the spotlight is not always the one who will make you belly laugh in the middle of an opera or send you articles throughout the day that they think you’ll enjoy. The most important things to you, ultimately, are loyalty, humor and affection. You could never be with someone who feels uncomfortable expressing themselves in the same open, energetic way that you do. Your ideal relationships are overflowing with meaningful romantic gestures and inside jokes.
You are brutally honest with the people you love because you are brutally honest with yourself. You need partners who know who they are and what they want out of life because you expect them to be on your level. You are repelled by a lack of ambition and have a strict policy against settling. The Virgo is the person in every friend group who will take your phone and delete the numbers of every ex, every ghost, every lackluster date who “might call tomorrow” — and they’ll do it without a glimmer of remorse.
Although you are an intensely self-sufficient person, you want to feel needed and useful in relationships. You probably wrote some essays for your high-school sweetheart, against all your moral judgment, because you love to take care of people and things. You might find yourself attracted to people who are disorganized or who need “fixing,” but you need a detail-oriented hard worker with self-deprecating humor and plenty of self-awareness. Virgos are practically allergic to conflict, so patience and intentional discussion is key. You need a partner who recognizes your need for an equal.
Librans are your classic serial monogamists. They rarely spend time single and can usually be found trumpeting about the existence of The One. As a Libra, you have a talent for relationships and probably make a soothing, devoted partner. You also probably specialize in cheesy, but somehow still charming, romantic gestures. Like, you unironically enjoy long walks on the beach and probably hoard mementos (there’s a box of movie ticket stubs and wine corks and receipts stashed under your bed). Every week, your partner will receive a text about some couple-y thing that you want to do together, like “Let’s go hiking and have a picnic” or “Can we go to the mall and take photobooth pictures?”
Librans do have a particular flourish for romance, but ultimately, friendship is the most important factor in their long-term relationships. You need someone who will be a total equal and has no problem helping you fold your laundry, as long as you return the favor. Your charm and positivity attract plenty of partners, but a true partnership is what you search for — a person who can give you style advice, who can hang out with your family and who even enjoys listening to the most boring parts of your day. It also doesn’t hurt that your photo is their phone background (because you set it for them).
A Scorpio’s conflicted nature really shines through in relationships. On the one claw, you are highly seductive and have no problem attracting attention. You gravitate towards instant chemistry. Your primary motivation for pursuing another person is intense, flooding emotion — almost as if you are driven by a powerful, unknowable current. But in these cases, you quickly grow restless and tend to self-sabotage. The “good morning” texts are the first to go. Then you’ll start featuring other people in your Instagram stories, adding flirty captions. It’s almost like a test: If your partner gets jealous and tightens their grip, that’s when you cut and run.
On the other claw, you have the capacity for extreme devotion. When you find the right person, commitment comes naturally and you will do anything to maintain that bond. You believe that love should be a transformative experience — you want to grow with your partner and be valuable to each other. For a Scorpio, forward motion and flexibility are key. If you feel trapped, or if you feel that your independence is threatened, you lash out. You may often be attracted to people you can control, but you need someone who can put you in your place and challenge and spur you to become your best self.
A typical Sagittarius Tinder bio might read something like, “First time in Europe, looking for someone to show me around. I can probably drink more than you and, yes, my hair really is this perfect. I laugh at my own jokes so you don’t have to (but you probably will).” Maybe with some fun emojis thrown in for good measure, like a rocket ship or a taco. Not that you need Tinder to find dates or relationships, but you definitely are the kind of person who goes abroad for the semester and sparks a whirlwind romance.
You want your relationships to feel like adventures. Interests include spontaneous plane tickets, random coffee dates and stargazing. If that makes it sound like you’re a character in a rom-com, then you’re understanding me perfectly. But happiness and fun are most important for a Sagittarius in love, so it’s not unusual for you to prefer loose boundaries and hate feeling the pressure to define a relationship. You crave freedom and openness and bail when you feel trapped or underappreciated. But with the right person — the perfect storm of magnetic attraction, excitement, affection and risk-taking — you’d be happy to buy two plane tickets indefinitely.
It would not surprise me if you tend to text your partner to “confirm dinner plans” at least three times a day. Capricorns thrive on structure and find it difficult to function without reliability. For you, love means that you keep your word. It means that you feel a sense of responsibility for and to your partner and that your partner feels the same. In other words, you need to be confident that they will never let you down, and if that trust is corrupted or neglected, it’s difficult to fully win you back.
You are attracted to success and ambition. You value security and may find yourself gravitating towards the traditional relationship arc: dates, then definition, then engagement, then marriage, etc. You also enjoy luxury and comfort, so your partner should expect to get dressed up and spend an evening at a swanky jazz bar from time to time. You’ll probably try to tell them what to wear, but that’s just because your taste is impeccable and you want to show them off. It’s cute! In return for dealing with your bossy nature, your partner can probably expect an extremely reliable human alarm clock and a full breakfast spread the next morning.
In general, in order to date an Aquarius, you need a certain level of toleration for conspiracy theories and finding random crystals under your pillow (cue the comment from the Aquarius reading this: “They’re NOT random. Amethyst promotes vivid dreaming”). Your partner will probably receive a link to a new article every hour and should expect to discuss them all. Without a knack for stimulating discussion, a progressive spirit and an appreciation for the unknown or eccentric, that partner shouldn’t hope to last long.
As an Aquarius, you believe that friendship is the main entrée and love is the dessert. Sex and intimacy are important, of course, but your best loves are rich in discussion. You find it difficult to completely let go of connections because in each relationship, you jump in head first and strap your soul onto theirs. You want to feel completed by a partner and would prefer if you both specialize in different fields so you can feel continually enlightened and teach each other new things. You’re probably attracted to larger-than-life or intellectual personalities, like scientists or poets. If someone is passionate, independent, interesting and open-minded, then you’ve already bookmarked 10 articles to send their way.
As a Pisces, you write poems for your significant other. That’s just a fact. And when you see this person next, you’re going to stare adoringly and get lost in your own thoughts and the freckles on his or her cheeks and then you’ll write a poem about that, too. You send adorable texts throughout the day and tailor each message perfectly to their mood. I imagine that dating you is enthralling and delightful … except for those times when your significant other forgets to do the dishes and finds your sonnets about dirty spoons circling Twitter.
Pisces is often seen as a sort of “psychic” sign. You are extremely sensitive to the energies that surround you and, in this vein, rely on gut instinct when picking a partner. They may not make sense on paper, but you’d rarely dare to fight your own intuition. You’re also fairly attracted to the idea of a fairy-tale romance and prefer people who are creative, non-judgemental and communicative. If you don’t feel certain that, every morning in bed, your significant other will listen intently to you describe your entire dream sequence and help you analyze it — that person isn’t the one for you. You’re an excellent kisser and probably like giving foot rubs, so you deserve someone who will appreciate your fluorescent imagination.