N

ow that we are fully immersed in January’s brutally cold, seemingly endless vortex, it seems appropriate to ask: How long did your resolution last? When did you break your wine hiatus or exercise vow?

As Man Repeller learned last year, keeping resolutions is hard. We all know this and yet we make them anyway. We strive to save more money and eat more vegetables and use our long commutes to read novels instead of conspiracy theories about Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy (…a friend’s resolution. Obviously not mine).

The calendar may be a weird human construct, but the universe does want us to move forward: 2018 is the celestial equivalent of a movie makeover, jam-packed with retrogrades and blood moons. This is bound to be a year that forces us out of our comfort zones. And what else is a resolution good for? If the universe is affording us the best environment to evolve, then we owe it our best effort to try, don’t you think?

As evidenced by my questionable commuter habits, I’m no hero — but if there’s one thing I’m sure about after studying the planets swirling around in a starry soup, it’s the power of self-examination. We can never hope to improve if we can’t take a good critique. So without further ado, let’s take a look at your sign’s famous pitfalls or obstacles and resolve to move beyond them. Here’s my best guess at what your 2018 resolution should be, according to the zodiac.


Aries

As the first sign in the zodiac, Aries is the baby of the celestial family. This often manifests as curiosity and zest, but it can come off quite childish, too. You’re well-intentioned but often get caught up in the heat of the moment; it may be difficult for you to compromise with others, and you’re plagued by impatience. Your assertive, fiery spirit urges you to run ahead and blaze a trail — sometimes at the expense of others.

This year, focus on your listening skills. Tone down the Monica Geller voice that whispers you always have to be number one in your ear at all times. It’s true that nobody likes being told to wait or being told they’re wrong, but it’s not a crime to have a different processing speed. Take the time to explain your point of view, to collaborate and to accept defeat when appropriate.

Taurus

As the quintessential earth sign, change is really jarring for a Taurus. You are uniquely stubborn and apply this characteristic to every aspect of your life. It’s either impossible to tear you away from your computer for a lunch break or it’s impossible to find you underneath your blankets. If you’ve set yourself a deadline, all other responsibilities fade away. If you’ve decided to stay in and watch Netflix, persuading you to go out is a Herculean task.

Persistence and purpose are rare gifts; you’re decisive when choosing a path to take and resolute in following through. But this can be limiting. Paths have obstacles by nature, and it can often be beneficial to re-evaluate a decision halfway through. Nobody is lucky enough to follow the right side of the fork every single time (not even a Taurus who overanalyzes literally everything). In 2018, try expanding your senses and chilling out a little bit. Reorganizing a lackluster plan — or abandoning a terrible one — does not mean failure.

Gemini

Gemini is represented by the twins, which is the birth of the sign’s misguided “two-faced” reputation. The truth is that Gemini epitomizes inner conflict. You are curious, desperate for stimulation and notorious for taking on too much. You will often spread yourself too thin, take an interest in any number of different topics, and then abandon each one in succession to chase something shiny.
Experimentation is valuable, but inconsistency becomes an excuse for avoiding accountability; it means you never have to face failure or mediocrity. Dipping your toe into a number of different pools without ever submerging can seem appealing but ultimately robs you of any full experience. So push yourself to complete one specific task at a time this year. It can be big or small: finish a book; learn to play a song on the guitar; self-impose an early deadline to submit a project at work; run a marathon. Commit to something and follow through. I promise you’ll like it in the end — even if the sense of accomplishment is fleeting.

Cancer

Cancer is a famously protective, sensitive and romantic sign. You are dedicated to believing the best in people, and that’s an enormously attractive trait. It can also be easy to take advantage of. You’re a heart-on-sleeve type of person who is constantly looking for love. A Tinder date can smell that from a mile away.

The truth is, though, that you are so much more than a person looking for love. Dedicate this year to embracing your own unique, independent personality. Unfollow people on social media who make you feel inadequate. Compliment your reflection. Brag about your own handiwork. Get that dramatic haircut you’ve always wanted. As you cultivate a clear, beloved self-image, it will become harder and harder for bad dates or gross DMs or flaky people (who are unworthy of your love) to erase your self-worth.

Leo

A Leo’s aura is truly infectious. This should usually be read with a positive tone, but occasionally, it can backfire. When you have a bad day, everyone has a bad day. Leo’s characteristic pride and self-interest can be blinding — so when situations begin to go south, you tend to interpret other people as the root of these problems.

In 2018, make a pact with yourself to say sorry more often. You’re not always right. You know it deep down, and pouting isn’t a good look on anyone. Be generous with the benefit of the doubt. Be mindful of projecting your own insecurities onto the people around you: Are you angry because of what they did, or are you angry because of the way you perceived it? Remember that not every sharp tone is a personal attack.

Virgo

Virgos are renowned for their analytical and organizational skills. They are the true perfectionists of the zodiac. This cautious nature can sometimes cause you to cling to your realism — which then turns into skepticism. You’re dubious when it comes to romance and prefer to keep your desires and feelings guarded.

It may serve you well to remember that emotional responses are just as valuable as intellectual responses. This doesn’t mean that you need to sacrifice your practicality, but many relationships breathe better with open communication. This year, try to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Commit yourself to the belief that you are capable of loneliness and openness without losing your strength.

Libra

Libra is the peacemaking sign. You are an excellent mediator because you hate seeming biased and love to be well-liked. An ideal Libran approach finds the most comfortable middle ground with the fewest emotional casualties. It’s a gift for the people around you — but it can often leave you wanting. Your needs tend to fall by the wayside in favor of balance, especially in your own intimate relationships.

Instead of smoothing over every hurt feeling and unpleasant interaction, learn to identify the stuff that needs unpacking in 2018. Pick your battles carefully — and when you do, confront people compassionately and clearly. Don’t jump right to fisticuffs, but passive aggression will get you nowhere. This resolution is all about making your thoughts known in order to keep peace in the long run.

Scorpio

I can tell you right now that as a Scorpio, you use the eggplant emoji too often and you take way too long to reply. If you promise to use this new year to rehabilitate your texting habits, consider it a personal favor. You’re an emotional, intense and sometimes volatile sign, but you text like a robot who has never been taught how to love. Work on that.

On a more consequential note, handle your resolutions with care. Scorpios are uniquely capable of transformation, so you don’t really need the new year to self-reflect — but your reflection can be a double-edged sword. You tend to throw yourself into attempts at transformation and develop serious tunnel vision. In worst-case scenarios, you let your insecurities become weapons, and friends and family fall by the wayside. Remind yourself that self-doubt is only helpful when it inspires you to be better, not when it manipulates you into withdrawal. Compare yourself only to your previous selves.

Sagittarius

Sagittarians are aggressively easy to get along with. You’re comfortable in almost any social situation because you’re super-cute, super-charming and could talk your way out of a bear trap. People like you immediately — but sometimes that’s the problem. It’s nice to be liked, but not at the expense of your delightful strangeness or quirky habits or the interests, passions and desires that make you who you are. It’s natural to get caught up thinking about how other people perceive you, but sometimes you have a hard time stepping back from the popularity game.

Don’t worry about looking cool this year. Stop worrying about how other people define you because you don’t fit one definition. You’re messy. You’re a case of meat and nerves and cells sloshing around (and I mean that as a compliment). It’s useless to oversimplify your personality in public for the sake of a reputation; we’re only on this planet for a short visit. There’s not enough time to question yourself. Too many things to do. Go.

Capricorn

Capricorns may specialize in terrible puns and mismatched socks, but those aren’t necessarily “flaws” or even vaguely resolution-worthy. You don’t have time to match socks. You’re probably too busy to even read this article — and you probably don’t mind, either. Capricorn’s calling cards are responsibility and perseverance. You will put every item on your to-do list ahead of frivolous reading.

The thing is, productivity is admirable, but self-sacrifice isn’t always necessary. “Selfish” is not an insult anymore. We are in the age of self-care, and it is miraculous. You’re allowed to prioritize your needs, value your mental health and, as cliche as it is, enjoy a damn bubble bath this year. In fact, throw some salts and essential oils in there! Be spoiled! Light some candles! Exfoliate! Scrub yourself clean and moisturize that skin until it glistens! (We officially have crossed over into metaphor territory. We are no longer speaking exclusively of personal hygiene.)

Aquarius

As an Aquarius, freedom is of the utmost importance to you. You’re a born revolutionary and value your open-mindedness. However, in your pursuit of independence and individuality, you can become opinionated to the point of stubbornness. Once you commit to a mindset or ideal, you’re unwilling to let go. You refuse to bend to please another person or to sacrifice your own values in order to impress — which is an admirable way to live but sometimes comes across as invariable self-interest.

There’s no need to rebel or fight just for the pleasure of it. By nature, you are concerned with the condition of humanity rather than just one or two people; try to put that into practice in tangible ways in 2018. Seek to share knowledge with others in order to bring them around to your point of view. Do so in a sensitive way, rather than combatively. Help others so they can help themselves.

Pisces

Pisces is a hypersensitive sign. You are suffused with empathy and subconsciously absorb positivity or negativity from others. In fact, you are so in tune with the spectrum of human emotion that you often avoid making hard decisions if it may negatively affect someone else. While this is noble and kind, it’s also exhausting. You can only afford so much support if you’re not receiving the same amount in return.

You are more than capable of balancing compassion and maturity, and you have every right to expect a level of respect from your loved ones. It may not feel natural to stand your ground, but it’s necessary when your comfort zone begins to breed toxic relationships. Never let anyone depend on your forgiveness or get comfortable with disrespecting you. You are allowed to ask — or even demand — that your needs be met this year. When you start to water yourself down to please other people, that’s right when you need to stop.

Illustrations by Allison Filice; @allisonfilice.

Get more Pop Culture ?
  • Let us go then.
    🙂

  • dietcokehead

    Hahahaha I’m sorry what? You want me to say “sorry” MORE!

  • Bmo

    2016: Year of realizing things
    2017: ??? (Who even knows)
    2018: Year of focusing my Gemini energy

    • gracesface

      Yaaaaaas.

  • Maria

    It bothers me that Man Repeller gives traction to astrology, perpetuating the stereotype that women believe in astrology. Not all women believe in astrology, but a majority of the believers are women. And that bothers me too. Why are women more prone to bogus “explanations” than men? Is that natural or a consequence of the marketing machine that keeps targeting women in horoscopes? If so, isn’t there a responsability of the media to not disseminate this kind of content? I don’t mean to offend anyone, but it worries me that astrology is gaining more attention in recent years. Does that mean we’ll have even less women in STEM? Maybe I’m overreacting and you’re all into astrology in an ironic way. I really hope that’s case. In an era where women are seen as intelectual equals to men and where the depictions of gender in media are so scrutinised so as to serve as good role models instead of superficial ones, shouldn’t we see this as a problem?

    • Yes, I am actually here for the sheer fun of it, because I work hard (translating technical, legal and economic texts), study law in what is left of my free time and am in desperate need of superficial entertainment from time to time. My other hobbies enclude swordfight, yoga, I am interested in history, literature, languages, philosophy, fashion, economy and law. I used to be very good at maths and chemistry and I painted walls and window frames in our home last year.
      Now, may I enjoy one of my trivial pleasures? (Oh, lest I forget: I also find horoscopes astoundingly accurate, often enough. It makes me believe there could be correlations we know nothing about, but on the whole, I don’t care)

      • Elly

        No shit, I’m also a translator with a crazy schedule because I’m trying to write a PhD thesis on top of a full time job, plus in my free time I program samplers and play bass, lift weights, draw, and so on. And yeah agree with you on astrology, I simultaneously think it’s frivolous bullshit (therein lies its charm) but also often seems pretty accurate (writing technique?).

        I find it more sexist to try and protect women from frivolous pleasures on the basis that either it’s bad for the image of our sex or we’re that easily misled into danger.

        Also, swordfighting, that’s fucking cool! What kind?

        • The old-fashioned Sword and Buckler Sparring. 🙂
          You are doing loads of exciting stuff, too, wow 🙂 It seems to me we translators often find/get found by interesting fields of knowledge out there we cannot resist, no? And yes, telling us Don’t be such a typical woman is bad, you are right. A discussion on what changes in behavior and for what reasons would bring all of us further as a society can be a great thing, but simply making assumptions about each other won’t bring us further. Oh and: my husband cares for horoscopes in a similar way (mostly as a means of analyzing compatibility with people, if necessary).

      • kCopeland

        Hey, just wanted to let you know that you are awesome!! I didn’t see your response that I’m responding to, until I wrote a similar one to a different hater of this article. I don’t know what is wrong with people these days! But I’m 50 years old, enjoy reading articles like this too. 💖 And people that want to hurt others, or just bash anything they can find to do so… Need to get something to do with their time obviously! Your a sweetheart!! Keep speaking out.. it’s the only way it’s hopefully going to make a difference.

        • Oh. Thank you and keep on!

    • Becky

      It was actually my husband who thinks horoscopes/ astrology is a thing & I was super skeptical. I recently noticed that there are correlations between myself and people I know & our signs. I am a woman in STEM (my husband is in STEM as well). I don’t think that astrology as a whole is bogus – I am suspicious of the very specific predictions tho. Either way, I enjoy reading horoscopes but don’t think I commit it too hard to memory that it affects my life in any real way. (or what do I know 🙂 )

      • Interesting conversation. Wile I see where you are coming from Maria, in the fact that much of what I have been seeing in the media with heavily scrutinizing women and how we portray ourselves, what we say, and the things that interest us, (see the Grace calling out Ansari, and the subsequent commentary by Atwood in the globe and mail and Flanagan in the atlantic, and Burch on Glamour, as just one example), the fight for feminism and equality is to be taken as serious, intellectuals, and equals regardless of what we do or do not enjoy in our spare time.

        There may be women who love horoscopes and put a lot of stock in them, and there may be women who can’t stand the things. There may also be women who just enjoy them for the silliness and witty writing that the Man Repeller team provides us with.

        What I hope we can do is not base a woman’s, (or anyone’s), interests as ‘bogus’. Instead, I hope that we can all view each others thoughts, interests and feelings as valid, even if we don’t understand them, and they are not harming anyone else or putting anyone else down. Someone who is interested in make-up or acupuncture or cooking or fashion should not affect their ability to be effective in or excel at STEM fields. In fact, what if due to a young woman’s interest in horoscopes they become interested in astrology? Wouldn’t that be a beautiful thing to celebrate?

        And why wouldn’t the creative complex women with a range of interests outside of what they ‘should and should not’ like due to predefined character tropes not serve as good role models for young people, encouraging them to explore and read and discover the wide range of possibilities out there?

    • Kiks

      OH HI. I have an honours degree in pharmacology & toxicology and have had research published in scientific journals. I also have a degree in pharmacy and am now a trusted healthcare professional. So I spent eight years of my adult life studying calculus, statistics, physical and organic chemistry, biochemistry, anatomy & physiology, molecular and clinical pharmacology, environmental toxicology & pathology, etc, etc, etc.
      Oh, I also did a minor in English during my undergrad degree…just for fun.

      I *also* enjoy reading astrology and believe it can influence our lives and behaviour. I have always been a very lonely and anxious person, and reading things about “oh Aquarius, you’re so this-and-that” makes me feel less alone somehow. Knowing that some other weirdos out there with late January to mid February birthdays might feel the same way I do about the world. What’s so wrong with that?

      • H

        Oh! My! God!!! (Gods) You are Aquarius! Same! Amazing. I am also, on the 14th. Jupiter has moved into Scorpio this year which illuminates our house of career, reputation and prestige. This could mean we are set to make a humanitiarian contribution to the world. It is set to be an illustrious year. Absolutely classic that you are Aquarius, I asked you above. Irony is the sound of the universe giggling.

        • Kiks

          THAT IS AMAZING I was totally going to ask you when I replied to you above, but I somehow thought it might read as sarcastic or something.
          I LOVE IT.

          • H

            After that amazing jolt of synchronicity, I would like to give you this little story, because it seems I am still riding the wave: I received two copies of Amy Tan’s memoir recently. I went to exchange the second copy and wasn’t too sure what to get. Then I was guided to the bottom shelf and saw an incredible book whichever I am about to devour. I was so swept up in the title that I did not notice it is right next to Amy Tan’s book. The book is called The Quantum Astrologer’s Handbook, by Michael Brooks. You might like to read it too.

          • Kiks

            Oh my gosh. I just looked it up and it sounds incredible. Thank you for the recommendation, I am going to go get it ASAP!

            Ps. I have been horribly depressed for the past three weeks — like, can barely go to work depressed, cannot be bothered to shower or do my hair or care about makeup (and I’m a huge girly-girl) depressed. Today my horoscope in Elle told me that Aquarius season begins on the 19th and will reboot my joie de vivre. Yesterday I forced myself to go out for a walk, and made it home right before a torrential downpour began. I also saw a beautiful flock of little birds twirling from tree to tree in my yard. I have concluded these (along with your fantastic and lovely notes) were all signs sent by the universe to let me know everything is going to be ok. 🙂

          • H

            That is very hard case because a similar thing happened to me: it started to rain and then I saw a group of parakeets. But what you saw is even more special: when they move like that it is called a murmuration and it is compelling evidence of a collective consciousness. I am so sorry and unsurprised to hear you get depression, it is paralysing! I am susceptible to it also but I haven’t had it badly in a good few years. I hope that in your daily life you do not feel too alone. We will be reading the book at the same time, and in completely difference time zones. Another amazing thing will happen, or as my boyfriend just called it ‘serentripity’

          • Kiks

            You are my fave. That is all 🙂

            Today the sun came out and I dragged my husband on an hour-long walk and it was so beautiful! The air smelled so good I wished I could eat it.

            I’m glad you haven’t been affected by it lately! I’m usually pretty OK and I think I am over the hump now. Thank the heavens.

      • You are awesome, actually.

        • Kiks

          Why thank you! As are you 🙂

  • Anna Kennedy

    I always look forward to the Horoscope pieces for the Allison Filice illustrations. So fun.

  • Libra is spot on! Definitely true!

    GG | http://www.girlingamba.com

  • karakafka

    Sag is dead on, lol.

  • SC

    It worries me greatly that Man Repeller regularly publishes astrology articles. Believing in astrology is very dangerous; rather than engaging in productive self-reflection and making plans accordingly, people put their trust in analyses and predictions that are baseless. Astrology fundamentally runs against intellectual curiosity about how humans work on a physical, emotional, psychological, and social level. How about publishing some articles that are based on empirical research instead? Or even articles (such as at least one we’ve seen before on this site) that draw on advice from life coaches? We can gain some insight and learn something.

    • H

      Disagree with the force of Neptune’s trident haha. I am an avid fan of intellectual curiosity! My boy Leonardo da Vinci is the be all and end all, and I get off on Simon Schama and Christopher Hitchens on the regular. However as with all beliefs, there is far more complexity to astrology than simply ‘12 signs determining your entire personality’. From a scientific perspective, I revere the power of energy: the moon can pull the tides, so I also find it pertinent to consider the mood of the stars at the time I came into the world. Many people put so much store in ‘empirical’ evidence but science at its best is just as intangible, fluid and open to the unknowable mysteries. The best things in life are invisible, and all I can say is that my life in this cosmos has been far more magical and beautiful being open to luminosity.

      • Kiks

        This was such a fantastic reply. I am speechless.

        • H

          Oh thank you so much! These are the kinds of connections that happen when…. would love to meet you in real life! What is your sun sign? Have a nice day x

      • Ellen

        I’m with you all the way on this. It’s possible to try to find direction or guidance from something like astrology while also being self aware and intellectually curious!

    • Elly

      Man, I don’t “trust” astrology (I believe my horoscope when it’s good but when it’s bad it’s all bullshit! bullshit I tell you!) but I’d trust it over a life coach, any day of the week.

    • K Copeland

      Are you really serious? Wow, you should find something constructive to do! Bashing any kind of article is just so shallow. It’s called entertainment!! No one is really that ignorant enough to totally structure their life, or behavior, on an astrology article. But haters of

      anything that doesn’t fall into a ‘mainstream’ religious box, and sorry but that’s obviously really what this about, is wrong in someone’s opinion, That is like you! Leave the writer of this article alone, she does a great job at what she is obviously talented to do. I have NEVER spoken out, or on someone’s behalf before. So this is something strange for me. But I just couldn’t believe what I saw when skimming down this page! You should truly be ashamed of yourself, and hurting others just because you can,… Is not Christianly behavior whatsoever!!

  • Eryn Lou

    is this wishful thinking or was the cancer section written for me? I just had a break up, downloaded and am about to delete tinder, am dedicated to being independent and focused to my studies and my work, am cleansing and setting boundaries with instagram, and am planning to buzz my head once the temperature goes up. Thanks for the validation in all of this.

    • Elly

      Yup also, while not planning to break up I’m in a kind of “done with all the bullshit” stage of personal relationships, concentrating on work and long-term career plans, and thinking of getting bangs in summer (living dangerously!). Rising sign (libra) also accurate in the “done with bullshit” stakes.

  • ida

    pshh, this leo is spending the year getting ready for grad school. no apologies.

  • patyof

    “You will put every item on your to-do list ahead of frivolous reading.” me, a capricorn, browsing manrepeller before i crack open this elena ferrante: oh GREAT i’m winning!!

  • tiabarbara

    bruh Leo got me feeling some ways with its accuracy

  • Mariana

    Zodiac, astrology, you name it, I don’t know where I stand in this subjet, but I am a Taurus and I identify myself with that stuff so much that it is freaky!