I’m slouched over a king size bed in a deluxe room at the Beverly Hills Hotel wearing a robe, scanning my surroundings like it’s Groundhog Day, almost positive this is the same room I stayed in when I was last here in June. It is not Groundhog Day, though. It has only been five months, but I assure you, today I am a different person. The last time I was here, it was only for one night, and when I woke up to sunlight, I found my husband completing a meditation on his side of the bed. Both of our eyes freshly open, he asked if I wanted breakfast. I got up, went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and when I came back, I sat down and cried.

“Will I ever be happy again?” I asked.

“Of course you will be happy again,” he replied as he opened his arms to accept a dejected embrace. All I could think that day, that week, that month, was that I wasn’t okay. I had not been okay in at least two years, but maybe it had been longer. I blamed it on everything that could have possibly contributed to a newfangled malaise that seemingly encapsulated the sum of my parts: where I worked, who I worked with, what I did for work, the amount of stress that enveloped it all; where I lived, who I lived with, my mom, who could never understand what I was going through given the ease with which she birthed four children.

I felt consistent guilt every time Abie had to answer me when I asked, Was I ever happy? Will I ever be happy? Did you know I was like this when you married me? He would remind me to look up at the light, not down at the darkness. Then he’d count on his finger tips, as if he needed to keep track for my sake, all the ways in which we were blessed, I was blessed. Intellectually, I understood. I agreed. But emotionally, I couldn’t shake the interminable feeling that I wasn’t supposed to be here — that the earth was rejecting me but not letting me die.

“Of course you will be happy again,” he replied.

By last June at the Beverly Hills Hotel, it had already been seven months since I first learned that I was pregnant with a nonviable fetus and six months since the pregnancy ended. We had passed all the milestones, including the would-be birthday of the baby-that-never-was. I “should have” been recovered by then according to the heartbreaking stories of loss I was fed. “Once the oven is hot, it yearns to make more kids,” they would tell me as if a conciliatory prize. But where were mine? I wasn’t even close. I was dead inside. Cold.

I had tried everything that winter to recover: acupuncture after three rounds of Clomid (an ovary stimulator), infrared sauna emergence, yoga, meditation, hypnosis and Letrozole (an ovary stimulator — and breast cancer treatment method, actually — that purportedly works better for thin people), journaling, progesterone, a mood-lifting diet, a fertility diet. I recorded all of these pursuits, hoping that just as it had been before, writing would serve as a sweet release. But none of it worked. I hoped it would eject the darkness that trailed me like an annoying cough, but it only threw me in deeper. I felt shame every time a sun salutation didn’t put me at ease. I cried when I was too scared to meditate because I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. That fertility diet was bullshit.

None of it worked because I hated myself. I had locked my heart and thrown out the key, and what I thought I needed was to get away, not to dig in deeper. This culminated at some point shortly after my return from Los Angeles, when I convinced myself that I could not get pregnant because I was in an incompatible relationship. Aggressively, I read through astrology books and called upon mystics and asked anyone who would listen if they thought I deserved Abie, if we were really supposed to be together. The mind will take you to the depths of desperation, distort fact and eradicate truth if you let it. When you close your heart, invariably, too, you close your mind — and there is no light.

Thank God, though, that before I could really fuck things up, what would be my final tango with hormone therapy reached its own culmination and by the 4th of July, my reproductive endocrinologist confirmed that I was pregnant with twins. I spent the rest of the summer hurled over toilet seats or public garbage cans or with my head inside the plastic bags I would carry around as I navigated a hot and very smelly New York City, anticipating the 12-week scan where everything unraveled last time.

Then we got through the scan, until the next scan came, and the one after that; and I’m 22 weeks pregnant now and I can’t believe that all the energy I spent trying to run my company and my marriage and my life into the ground was a byproduct of how desperate I am to become a mother.

If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever.

I thought a lot about how I would share this news and whether, frankly, I would share it at all. Here I had selfishly shunned those who announced their pregnancies, citing how it could ruin a perfectly good day or throw me into a 12-hour bed coma. When another afflicted woman would emerge on the better end — uterus full and all — I would feel betrayal. It was twisted. But now, because in some ways I have become a totem for infertility, a human talisman of despair for my comrades to lean on, I feel that I am the betrayer, and as a result, a twinge of shame and a bit of guilt and a lot of self-awareness neatly wrap my evolving pregnancy.

Mostly, though, I feel frustration because I still don’t know what to say to make it better. If you’re going through it, I still want to be here for you. I haven’t graduated from compassion. If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever. If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there and sometimes recognizing that is enough. The real irony of joy is that you can’t actually know it, I mean really know it, until you’ve hit rock bottom. My road was freckled with fangs that threw me off course so many times, but perspective wants me to tell you that I don’t regret it, that I wasn’t actually thrown off course. That was my course. This is my course. I wish I had known this. I wish I could have believed Abie when he said I would be happy again. I hope that you believe me when I say you will be, too.

Photos by Edith Young. 

Get more Brain Massage ?
  • Well, I am totally happy for you. Very much so, for both of you.

  • LD

    Congratulations and best wishes for healthy, happy children.

  • Hannah Nichols

    Oh Leandra..Congratulations!!

  • Brielle Saggese


  • me

    Holy cats ! =^..^=

    Big furry congrats to you (and Abie), little sister …

  • Elise

    I’m weeping. Congratulations, Leandra. I am so happy for you.

  • Hayley

    Congratulations!! Actually tearing up at my desk in excitement for you and Abie.

  • Oh Leandra, what absolutely joyous news! I’m so incredibly happy for you, your twins will have a wonderful mother!

  • Helen

    I raced through this article, overwhelmed with giddy excitement for you, a woman I will never meet. There is a lump in my throat and jitters in my stomach. I am just so chuffed.

  • Zoe Weiner

    Tears all the way down my face. Congratulations, Leandra.

  • CayC


  • Selina

    I’m lying in bed right now trying to distract myself with blogs and fighting terror as I wait from the call from the clinic to hear about the Day 5 status of embryos from my third retrieval. This post mostly stings. But it also gives me a thread of hope. I have a collection of threads from every sister in this battle who has made it out to the other side. Thank you for your sensitivity, Leandra. And congratulations. I’m so so deeply grateful for your story.

    • Selina

      *For the call. Anxiety typo…

      • Leandra Medine

        I hate that it stings, but know that you can’t help it, that nothing anyone says makes the sting go away no matter how desperate you are for another person’s words to work. I also know that getting pregnant doesn’t mean the challenges/hardship/”journey” is over> That eventually, something else is going to sting, then something else, and something else, so the way I’m trying to frame the three years I spent crying on a blue velvet couch that I sold faster than I could even get it up on artdeco.com as practice for all of that. And a reminder that it always ends. You have a real community of supporters here on Man Repeller, and I hope when you have good news, you will honor us with your sharing it. Until then, I hear you and I’m thinking of you and I know.

        • Selina

          I feel ashamed for posting that comment under your perfect essay (for sure the most gentle pregnancy announcement ever written). Making the comment seemed ok to me at the time since you’re the queen of being real and I knew you’d understand… but mostly I had poor judgment while freaking out about the call. Thank you for being so gracious about it. Your idea that we’re battle-hardened from the pain rings true to me. And maybe I’ll have good news someday but to be honest, and I know you’ll understand this too, I am too scarred and numb to believe it. Will keep soldiering on. In the meantime, I AM excited for you 🙂 The sting is real but so is the joy for a friend!

          • Ann P

            Don’t feel ashamed, so many people know how weird it gets going through this, and how numb we get, and drained of our light. We’re right there with you…. waiting for the calls is the worst. Thinking of you.

    • Anne Dyer

      You will make it to the other side with us mama.

    • Ashley Koff RD

      sending you so much love

    • MySharona

      Thinking of you lady. I’m 12 days out from my first frozen transfer, after 8 failed IVF cycles, I know how fucking devastating this process is. Giving you a massive cyber-hug, hope you get/got some really great news. Xxx

      • Selina

        A massive hug back to you and ALL the prayers for your transfer ❤️❤️❤️

  • Zoe

    Oh, congratulations Leandra! So wildly excited for you and your new journey.

  • i am crying as well. i am so happy for you. been following MR since 2012 and just, wow. really happy for you.

    • Her and Do-Me? As in Sir and Rumi. Sorry.

    • Jill Townsend

      Arm & Party??

  • Benedikte

    love love love

  • S.O. Carts

    Oh my goodness! Congratulations! I’m 36 weeks today, and I just want you to know that this wasn’t really a perfectly timed pregnancy for me. When I was still a little bit in denial about the whole thing and maybe even despairing myself (and preparing for my impending wedding to boot), you opened up about your miscarriage and the emotional wounds you had – this had such a big effect on me and was the signal for the perspective check I needed to make a 180 in my attitude and see the experience as the blessing it is. I have kept you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that you experience the jubilation that I can now feel – thanks to your fearless openness.

  • Ilze


  • SiggySiggy

    I could not be happier for you. Been following your journey and love how honest and articulate you’ve been about it. Good luck for the rest of the pregnancy! x

  • Teresa

    Those kids will be so very, very loved!
    And here’s hoping you have a boy and girl so you can name them Leandro and Leandra, Jr.

    • M Rae

      this is the best thing ever and female jr’s need to be a thing

  • lily

    Leandra there are tears streaming down my face because I’m so frick fracking happy for you. You went through so so so much and this is just such a blessing. Sending you positivity, light, love, and a lifetime of happiness

  • Patrizia Chiarenza

    Goose bumps. Congratulations to both of you!!!!!

  • Congratulations!! Wishing you and your little family unit health and happiness. And thank you for talking about this very difficult side to trying to start a family – it should really be talked about more so that the many, many women going through such hard times know that they aren’t alone.

    On a side note, I’d be up for seeing some fabulous pregnancy fashions!

  • Kate Snyder

    Im crying at 9:23 am on a Thursday, which is no less than 3 and a half hours ahead of schedule. So so happy for you

  • Charlotte Dallin

    The most wonderful news – so many goosebumps! And twins!(!)
    Wishing you and Abie all the happiness you deserve (he’ll have no time to be Slumbraham when the little ones arrive!)

  • Anne Dyer

    Leandra, this is beautiful. Thank you for your honesty, for finding a way through words to describe the belly of the heartache in which a woman who has lost a pregnancy sits. I lost a pregnancy at 20 weeks and now I lay in bed while my boys, 3 and 5 wait until it is 6:30 am and they can come tumbling out of their rooms. I am the mother I am, have the perspective that I do and the raw, fierce love that I embody are all due to that pregnancy loss. You will be a different wife and a different mother because of your loss too. It changes us. Welcome to the new beauty of your life. And thank you for throwing a hand back to pull up some of the women behind you who will struggle too. We are a gorgeous tribe.

  • NG

    I have been waiting and checking and waiting and checking for this news forever. In an non-creepy way, I mean. OK, maybe slightly creepy but mostly just hopeful. So excited for you! Congrats!!!

  • Elinor

    Fantastic news. Fantastic article. Thank you so much for sharing with us Leandra.

  • dale4

    oh my goodness, congratulations! this makes my heart so, so happy

  • Lauren Helen

    I am so happy for you Leandra and I love your honesty, vulnerability, and sensitivity <3 You're going to be a wonderful mother.

  • Allison

    Congratulations to you both!!! I’ve recently been in a non-fertility related major dark point, and am slowly getting better, but I understand everything you mean about wanting to stay in that compassionate place after being in the dark so long its not simple to just throw open the blinds and say haha it is sunny again how lovely and now everything is easy, you feel like you must still tread cautiously and also want to be there for others still in it. But today is a happy day so all the best to your family! (and just to add to the comments another pair of damp eyeballs as I read this, so happy for you!)

  • I am crying at my desk. This is beautiful and lovely and I am so over the moon for you. And I’m so hopeful for me, who fears at this moment in the depths of the times you described — but in other ways. So thank you. You are loved and so are those babies!

  • Akosua Adasi

    This was the best thing to read this morning! Thank you for always being open and honest with the Man Repeller community and congratulations on your twins!

  • Jay

    Please celebrate! There’s nothing shameful about being happy about your pregnancy. There is nothing shameful about happiness, it’s fleeting and those who have it even for a moment should embrace it. Your happiness doesn’t take away from anyone; it’s not about them. It’s about you and that’s ok. It’s not selfish.

  • Robin

    Im behind the counter in the shop where i work and i´m crying because I am so so happy for you. I can´t believe how much I am feeling for you, a woman I dont know but actually know. All my love and happy tears to you

  • tmm16

    Honestly made my morning! Congrats Leandra!

    Can’t wait to see the maternity looks!

  • CDC

    Aside from my immediate family, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to read a pregnancy announcement. Not just because I love everything you stand for and the whole-hearted way in which you feel and express those feelings, but because as a long-time reader I’ve cried with you and feel like I’m congratulating a friend.

    Amazing news for you and Abie! Best wishes on a beautiful pregnancy, as well as beautiful and healthy babies!

  • Monica M

    Leandra, congratulations!! Your continued honesty and vulnerability are a gift. You are going to be an amazing mother <3

  • Grace

    love twins hate everything else. congratulations !!

  • Elif


  • Mekalah Loxley

    So beautifully and sensitively written. I had three miscarriages before I got my boy. Sending my love, hope and joy to all on here. Xxx

  • Melis

    just ❤.

  • Svenja

    Great news, congratulations to both of you! Enjoy this to the fullest now without feeling bad, you have suffered enough.
    And please don’t feel like you have to pretend to love everything about it now, because you wanted it so bad. You wanted this and you fought for it and now it’s finally happening and of course you’re happy, but parts of being pregnant, giving birth and raising infants are terrible and we want you to keep it real.

  • Maren Douglas

    Congratulations to you both!! Those babies are going to be so so loved. And as always, thank you for sharing.

  • Emma S-E

    So happy for you guys! I can’t believe my own, very teary reaction to this. I guess you’ve touched me with your articles and persona and bc of that: WATERWORKS! <3

  • Natali

    Oh wow!! CONGRATULATIONS to you!!! What a story, so heartfelt and so raw… Thank you for sharing and opening up! You will be the coolest parents around. 🙂


  • vss

    Sending love your way Leandra. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. ❤️

  • Genesis Falcon Brito

    What a great piece! Congratulations! And what I love most about it is that we can all relate to that state of frustration at a situation, regardless if we are pregnant or not. “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever” so so true!
    thank you 🙂

  • Lucy

    tearing up with joy for you!! Huge huge congratulations, and thank you for sharing this in the most beautiful, eloquent way, lots of love always xx

  • DK

    Yay!! So so happy for you both, congradulations!

  • Rosie

    Ecstatic for you, dear Leandra, and so moved by your humility and honesty in what I can only imagine is one of the most confusingly wonderful and terrifying phases of any woman’s life. Thank you for continuing to share your story with us — we’re here with and for you every step of the way. xo

  • I’ve never been this happy for someone I’ve never met. We all knew you’d be happy again. I’m fucking crying.

  • Jillian

    Thank you for letting us all be a part of your journey – I feel lucky to be following along and am so, so, happy for you!

  • Cynthia Schoonover

    I am so happy for you, Leandra!

  • Meg Dwyer

    This is beautiful.. so so happy for you <3

  • LS

    Mazel tov!!!!

  • Hilary

    Wow wow wow wow wow. Leandra. This is so beautifully, heartbreakingly written. My eyes are filled with tears. Like everyone here, I’ve so admired your openness and raw honesty for as long as you’ve been expressing it, whether in posts or podcast episodes. Congratulations to you & Abie!!!

  • clairmk


    • Ché Hot Chocolate

      Yes! Not even Bey’s felt this way!!!!! Praise God!

  • I have been rooting for you for so long. I am so, so, so happy for you and I KNOW you will be an amazing mother. Those twins are so incredibly lucky.

    Attached are texts between my mom and I. So many people are supporting you, Leandra & Abie, and wherever this journey takes you next, know that you are loved and understood by so many.


    • Lisa Kloster

      This is the mom! I’m crying at my desk. Literally. Those twins are blessed – you are going to be a great mama bear. xoxo

    • Joella Almeida

      OMG this is me and my best friend too, I just shouted LEANDRA’s pregnant woohoo!

      • Leandra Medine

        Omg. You guys are really like my sisters

        • Sister slumber party soon?? I call being the cool sister that babysits the kids

          • okay i want in on this too guys

  • Andrea

    This is amazing Leandra! I have been following along your journey for a long time now and though we’ve never met in person I gladly followed, from your blog to your books because you are truly an inspiration to our generation, and I am SO happy for you and sending you all the positive vibes out there. May your ever growing family be immensely always!! Thank you for sharing this with us!

  • Charlie

    Incredibly happy for you. I remember listening to one of your podcasts when I was on the train. My heart broke and I cried. Later, I saw a woman sitting with her toddler and I was wishing you the same. This time, they are happy tears. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you and Abie. I’m a twin and we’re best friends through the best and worst of times. Those kids will have the most loving parents. Look out NY –
    Monocycle just became a tandem for four!

    “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever”. I will try to remember that.

  • Mariana

    So happy for you!!! What a dream come true, you must be in heaven rn. Congrats! “…by the 4th of July” your doctor confirmed you, you gonna be 4!!

  • Tiffany Rey

    Omg so so very happy for you!!!! I knew your time would come…many blessings to you and your family! Xo

  • Christine Siluk

    Congratulations!! I’m happy for you. Thank you for writing something so lovely and with such compassion.

  • Basil

    Congratulations and b’shaa tova! I’ve been following your story and am so happy for you! Those babies will be so loved

    • Basil

      Though kind of bummed that (at 38.5 weeks) I’m going to be too late for all the awesome and inspiring maternity outfits you’ll inevitably be wearing

  • courtney curley

    I never comment, but felt compelled to today to send my deepest congratulations! So happy for you and your never ending strength! Xo

  • S Green

    I’m so so happy for you. B’shaa tova!

  • Magdalen Trela

    Oh wow. Leandra, I’m sobbing. “If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there and sometimes recognizing that is enough.” Thank you for sharing, and please never stop. You make all of us that often feel alone, feel like we are a part of something. Congrats to you and Abie!

  • Alison Worley

    Congratulations! I have followed your journey through infertility and am tearing up at my desk reading the good news! So happy for you!

  • Laura

    Dear Leandra,
    Thank you for sharing your emotions in this very moving article. I’m very happy for you and Abie and whish you all the best.

  • Congratulations, Leandra!!!!!! So excited and happy for you 💕💕💕

  • Ann

    Leandra, I’m so happy for you and Abie! Congratulations!! Crying tears of joy at work now!

  • Congratulations! This is amazing news!

  • Niconic

    congratulations leandra SOO happy for you!!! god bless your babies!

  • Charmaine

    Leandra, if you’re only half as good a mother as you are at stirring up such raw emotion with your words, you’ll be flying I tell you. Wonderful times ahead for team MC xxx

  • Paulina Ullrich

    I report tears running down at desk from Germany. Soo incredibly happy for you.

    You deserve it so much and thank you for sharing all these twisted thoughts. Helped me a lot in my current situation (non pregnancy related).

  • Morgan @ cosMORGpolitan

    Congrats, Leandra!!! Also, I appreciate you taking accountability and addressing the post written regarding Beyoncé’s announcement earlier this year.

  • Oh My Dear Lord!! I do not know you personally Leandra, but the joy I felt when I read this is real! Congratulations!!!!!!!!! Enjoy the party that being pregnant is – it goes too fast, even though it isnt exactly comfortable..I am still amazed that our bodies have the power to create a whole new person!! I am so, so, so, happy for you!

  • oh my god. balling at my desk i am sooooooooooooooooooo deeply happy for you, truly. texting everyone i know. do you need a nanny?

    • Kelsey Moody

      She’s not lying! CONGRATS on finding your way through the dark, such wonderful news!!!!

  • Jay

    I want to see your pregnancy style!!

    • 808kate

      ^ I’m SO ready for this and I’m 0% pregnant

  • Ελευθερία

    crying tears of joy while studying for my exams. Congratulations to both of you. You’re gonna be the most amazing fabulous mama !!!

  • Akosua

    Congratulations Leandra! You have shown such strength x

  • Miciah

    Congradulattionnss!! I am SO happy 4 the both of you. I know this is the beginning of a new journey and your lives are surely about to change, your writing topics aswell ☺️

  • Betsy Rehnberg

    Thank you, as always, for sharing your life with such beautiful open-ness and honesty. So happy for you & Abie. Your story is inspiring and heartfelt and encouraging for those going through something similar or for someone like me, who prays for children one day when the time is right, if it’s right. On a lighter note-those kiddos will be the best-dressed, coolest twins in town…

  • Erin Brown

    Last night I had several dreams involving preganancy. One of which I was carrying twins. This is either some funky voo-doo magic or a complete cowinkydink. (Probably the latter but the former is so much fun to say). Anywhoooo, I am beyond happy for you. I can’t wait to see what sleep deprecation wisdom motherhood brings you.

  • Lindsay D

    Totally crying in the office right now. Thank you for sharing I know it can not be easy. You will be a great mother xoxo

  • Lynn

    I read the title and for an instant, my heart skipped a beat. This week had already been full of pregnancy announcements making me crash, hard. But I am genuinely so very, very happy for you. As I wait for the call to schedule my retrieval, your news feels like a good omen, a sliver of hope. Having been where you have been (including a devastating loss), but always just a few months after you, your podcasts and stories have moved me so many times. I can only assume many others have found comfort in your words as well. Celebrate, and do so without holding back. You have more than earned your happiness.

    • Stephanie

      Best of luck to you! i know those waits can be excruciating!

      • Lynn

        Thank you so much!

  • Michelle

    I am overjoyed for you Leandra! Just so happy for you both and sending prayers and blessings your way!

  • kelleylynn

    😭😭😭😭this is beautiful. Very very happy for you.

  • Andrea Raymer

    I just started crying in the subway at just the title!I have been rooting for you and praying for this for as long as you have shared your struggle with us and I couldn’t be more thrilled for you! These babies are already so loved by so many people all over the world. They are already so bless to have parents that have been hoping for them as much as you guys have!

  • Such lovely news to read first thing in the morning – HUGE congratulations to you and Abie! It’s so heartwarming.

    And looking at the outpouring of love and support in the comment section alone makes me think these kids are going to be blessed with a whole community of MR aunts and uncles. As if they weren’t already blessed enough 🙂

  • Daria

    so happy for you…thank you for sharing with us. all the best to you and Abie. please someone take away these onions..

  • Madeline

    Choked up at work reading this. So, so happy for you and Abie!

  • Babs


  • Ashley

    OH this is the best news. So, so deeply happy for you guys, congratulations xx

  • mary schaubert hayes

    I am so, so happy for you. All the love, I know it’s been a long road. You’ll be such a wonderful mother!!

  • Abby

    Congrats!!!! I am sincerely so happy for you, and am excited you decided to share. Your writing on your struggles with infertility have been so important to me as I am not currently preggo but want to be. (I was full on convinced last week that I was knocked up, but then I got my period two days ago, womp womp.) Wishing you a healthy and easy pregnancy!

  • SososoSOso happy for you!!!!


  • Chalisse Burrell

    Ugh Im crying! Congrats! Beautiful writing

  • Carrie

    Thank you for showing such courage and vulnerability. You are so inspiring.

  • My heart feels like it is going to explode.

  • mademoisielle

    trying really hard not to cry at work!! huge congratulations, such wonderful news for you and Abie! twins!<3

    as someone else commented, it feels strange to be so emotionally involved with someone you've never met – but as you can tell from the reactions the whole Manrepeller community has been living through this with you and we all really appreciate your honesty and openness throughout this journey! much love <3

  • Elin

    Leandra, I’m crying! I’m so happy for you and your husband, having read about this long struggle of yours. I wish you ALL the best and I know you will be an amazing parent ❤ such happy news!

  • Smithy

    This is beautifully written. I wish you all the best. No storm lasts forever – amen sister friend.

  • Emily

    Congrats on your growing family – so happy for you! This was so well written and so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story with all your readers.

  • Aleda Johnson

    I’m so very happy for you and Abie!! You will be an amazing mother, Leandra!

  • Charlotte Nteireho

    OH LEANDRA!! I’m so happy for you I jumped in my seat and almost screamed, but I’m in an office and they don’t know you. AHHHHHHH OMG I am so happy for you and really appreciate you sharing your journey so openly.

  • Abigail Thacher

    This made my month! We are so thrilled for you.

  • Senka

    Crying as I’m reading this at my desk on 16.40 PM, because beautiful things do happen.
    I know how much you wanted it, and how unbearable those dark moments, when you can’t see beyond your own fear can be.
    You will be amazing mother, and Cohen-Medine babies, with your wit, courage and charisma, and both of yours and Abie’s good looks are destined for great things.
    I am so so happy for you!

  • cris

    Raw and beautiful, I’m also crying at the office – seems to be a thing.
    “If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there
    and sometimes recognizing that is enough.” Wow, I really need this.
    And yeah, huge congratulations!

  • Ludmila

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I’m so so happy for you!!!!

  • Albina

    This is so beautifully written Leandra. It made me so happy to read this. Thank you so much for sharing this and being so open and honest. I truly wish you only the best. Congratulations!!

  • Sharon Mauve

    Twinssssssssss, this is so beautiful
    I’m so excited, my heart is full of love

  • Valerie Barahona

    im crying Leandra…… thank you for sharing your story.. you’ll have THE SWEETEST, SMARTEST, MOST GORG TWINS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • MaryRose

    I’ve been waiting and waiting for this story. Equally heartbreaking and heartwarming. Brought tears. CONGRATULATIONS!

  • Elena Giselle Licursi

    Holy. Shit. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • mapillski

    As a twin I can definitively say they are the best! so happy for you and Abie!

  • Bailey Stark

    Leandra, thank you for sharing! This was so emotional for me because I’ve been following you for a few years now and I know how much you wanted to be a mother and how hard its been on you. Congratulations to you and Abie!!!!!!!!! I’m very happy for you both, you deserve this!!!

  • Lara Clinton

    I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!! LEANDRA!!! I feel a weird kindred spirit-ness with you — we were the same age when we got married, we’re the same age now, and have been walking this dark path simultaneously for way too long. We can’t afford the treatment we need yet, but it fills me with much hope to see others who were feeling broken and hopeless see “miracles” happen (the help of modern medicine is still a miracle to me!).

  • So happy for you. I’m crying

  • I am so happy for you! I feel like I’ve been with you on this journey!

  • Kat

    Leandra, congratulations. I’m so glad you’re going to be a mum. And I’m so grateful for your brutal honesty here, I may not be in a dark place right now but I have been before and I’m sure I will be again, and knowing it is possible to both come through it, and be truthful about how bad it was, makes my fear shrink.

  • arthuranddaughters1

    I too have been watching and rooting for you over the last year. I have been following your blog from the beginning and it was so clear that you have been in pain. I have learned (and still am trying to learn) that happiness and purpose are a moving target. As a Mom of three girls I can attest that pregnancy and motherhood can be amazing, joyful, stressful, exhausting, annoying, hilarious and many other things too!!! I am so thrilled that you will get to experience all of those things!! Selfishly, I hope that you will share more of your experience. I also hope that you will bring more experiences of motherhood and being a working Mom to the site. I think that perspective is one of the few things that is missing.

  • Lady Grinning Soul

    I am honestly, literally crying with joy. Tears running down my face.
    Mazal tov, Leandra.
    May they come surrounded by God’s light, full of health, and fill your life with love and joy.
    I started writing all my friends on Whatsapp to tell the news and everyone was screaming. We are all SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

  • Katie

    Teary eyes right now!! I’m soooo soooo happy for you, soooo happy. Strange since we never met, but I deeply am happy for this news, my heart is full of the warmest joy reading this. I love Man Repeller and you’ve been such a source of inspiration, like a (virtual) friend. I know it sounds weird.. When I found out In June I was pregnant one of my first wishes was to send all this beautiful energy to all the women out there wishing to get pregnant and you were one of them, I’m soooo happy!! Wish you all the very best for the rest of you’re pregnancy! You’re amazing, never change and always keep that surreal amazing sense of style and specially amazing sense of humor!

  • Oh, Leandra. I am so happy for you; I do not technically know you but I am. Thank you as always for the beautiful words you wrote above. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  • omg. This is heartwrenching. I honestly don’t know what to say other than, thank you for sharing. I know a couple of women who will really understand this. I’m going to pass it along to them.

  • Bria

    CONGRATULATIONS LEANDRA!!! Many blessings to you and your new family *insert family emoji*

  • n

    this is beautiful. so happy for you!

  • JB

    OH MY GOD. Leandra, I am crying from joy!!! Thank you for sharing with us this wonderful news. I could not be happier for you and Abie. I’m 21 weeks pregnant as well, and it was a long journey to get here. I appreciate your sensitivity when making this announcement because there are women out there struggling who need our support. A lovely, lovely, piece of writing. I will be sending you positive energy and thoughts for a healthy pregnancy. I’m so excited to continue to follow you on this journey. xo

  • Nat

    Oh my god, I am so deeply happy for you Leandra. Just shared that news with my 70-year old father (who hasn’t a clue what Man Repeller even is, ha!) — just HAD to share my joy for you with the whole room!!! Sending you warm vibes and lots of luck through the latter half of of your journey. Xo

  • JB

    ….oh and please post some pregnancy style pics !! Can’t wait to see how you rock this season of your life.

  • Mary

    I am so happy for you. I don’t really know what to say other than that. I can’t even remember what I wanted to hear from people when I was pregnant because everything everyone said always seemed wrong. So all I want to say is congratulations and twins are incredible and you’re so special to get to experience magic that they are.

  • Merrynell

    YES! YES! YES! YOU DESERVE THIS AND MORE! I am sitting at my desk all choked up holding back my happy tears. So happy for you, Leandra!

  • music4dinner

    Thank you for sharing. As a fellow female in the midst of the same dark infertility abyss, asking myself these same questions, your good news is a beacon of hope and a reminder to keep soldiering on, things will get better. The bind of infertility never goes away (so say some of my friends who now have children), you will always be a part of this community, no guilt needed. : )

    • Stephanie

      Best of luck to you!

  • Ap4rna

    SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU! Congratulations Leandra!

  • NikNak

    yay!!!! I’m so happy for you!

    Uhhh maternity clothes photoshoot please!?

  • KayHay

    Congrats!!! I’m so happy for you! You should take some time off and right a book. 😉

  • Kelsey

    Thank you for your beautiful words, Leandra, and for sharing the heart filling news. I am very happy for you, and for your babies!

  • Maggie

    and you got the shoes : )

  • JessicaB

    CONGRATS!!!!!! Absolutely thrilled for you. Also, this was beautifully written, and your husband really sounds like a gem.

  • Angela

    I realize we don’t actually know each other, but I swear to God I feel like I’m going to be an aunt and am so happy for you. As someone who has been told most of her adult life that I’m probably not going to be able to conceive naturally (or at all… but we’re not there yet), it’s nice knowing there is hope!

  • Ash

    I want to add my “congrats” to the chorus of people who are very excited for you two (now four!!!)! Also, no shame in any feelings that have been felt. You’re human and equipped with some really extreme emotions for some odd reason or another.

  • Julia Horan

    CONGRATULATIONS. Thank you so very much for your honest and beautifully written words. I am so obscenely happy for you and Abie, you two deserve all of the goods things. All the love, all the congratulatory thoughts and all the tears. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.


  • bernadette

    What a beautiful way to announce your course to the world. I have always told my children our paths are all paved in different ways, we are not the ones to know where the road leads we just need to have faith and trust that the ups and downs, the steps we take have a purpose. I hope you are able to fully enjoy this part of the journey! Congratulations!

  • Katrine Loris

    I am in tears over this – I am so happy for you, Leandra!!!

  • ValiantlyVarnished

    Congratulations Leandra! And thank you for your honesty. It is hard sometimes to show ourselves and see ourselves when we are at our lowest points in life. Depression can be a deep dark hole where we can not see light above or below us. But it’s there. It’s always there.

  • OH MY GOD! Congratulations! Wonderful announcement. All the best to you Abie & Babies!

  • Kristi Ellis

    Amazing!! Your story has encouraged so many women through your vulnerability and sensitivity. Those babies will know how hard you and your husband have fought for them and will be so loved!! Overjoyed!

  • Joella Almeida

    Leandra, I am so so so unbelievably happy for you. It’s brought me to tears, I have been following along since 2013 and every time I go to NYC I hope to bump into you by the magical graces of the spaghetti monster but alas. I want to wish you and Abie the very best for the journey ahead. Your writing keeps me inspired, you have such grace, and sensitivity and I hope your kids will know they were wanted so badly! Congrats!

  • Cecilia Nardini

    I am so so

  • Allie Koehler

    This is just beautiful. I am so happy for you. You’re such an incredible writer – thank you for so beautifully sharing your story. xo

  • Brittany Stanton

    I’m so so happy to hear this!! Last winter I️ walked by you on the Bowery and I️ was noticeably pregnant. I’ve never felt more horrible because I️ knew about your first baby. I️ also had lost my first baby and knew from experience that the simple happenstance of walking by a pregnant woman is enough to send one spiraling for a week. I️ spent every hour of my second pregnancy whispering the words “don’t die” to my baby. She didn’t and so far, she doesn’t seem too morbidly effected by that refrain that she heard for nine months straight😏. Anyways, know that one of those damn pregnant women you hated gets it and is incredibly happy for you.

  • gg

    I didn’t have a problem getting pregnant, but staying pregnant was difficult. After repeated miscarriages, I’m finally 25 weeks along with a healthy baby. That probably puts us due around the same time! All the best to you, Leandra!

  • Lily Peschardt

    My brother and his wife had eight rounds of IVF before they had their son. He turned one last month. I honestly can’t tell you how happy this news made me, never feel guilty for your own happiness.
    Much love x

  • https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2f805a977456f065021f98a1e92eee535e51640c65082c6aec079ee07f9e79a2.gif

    Beautifully written and I am overcome with happy tears for you and Abie. Been rooting for you guys for so long!! Congratulations <3

    • Eliza

      perfect gif =;;;;;;;;;)

  • Leah

    I am SO happy for you. You deserve the best. xoxo

  • Andrea

    So happy for you! All the love and light in you shines through your work here at MR, and I have no doubt your beautiful babies will feel that goodness too! You are going to be an extraordinary mother.

  • Cristina

    Oh my goodness, congratulations Leandra. I can’t wait to keep up with what are bound to be the most fashionable bebes. And congrats to Abie! I hope you guys are able to continue rebuilding and rebounding during pregnancy!

  • Jessica Downing

    Congratulations, so happy for you guys!

  • Congratulations Leandra!!! Sitting at work literally screaming “OMG, Yes!”

  • India Rowland

    I have been following this blog since 2012 and words cannot describe how happy I am for you! I know that we have never met but I feel like part of me knows you like a friend. Congratulations!!!!

  • Megan Elizabeth

    Sobbing. This is incredible. Your story is moving, and that, is something To be incredibly proud of. You lived it lady.

  • Abby Colby

    YAAAAAAY! Congrats Leandra! Two blessings in one xx

  • Hudson Berry

    Congratulations Leandra. Couldn’t be happier for you two and the whole MR family. Twins, Basil!

  • Julia Sent

    Thank you so much for sharing this Leandra. Thank you for being honest, for not concealing something that can’t and should not be concealed. I am in tears –
    of happiness for your next journey as a mom, and of sadness because even though your struggles are of completely different nature than mine you described your mental state in a way I can almost completely identify with myself . I wish you all the best.
    Man Reppeler for life!

  • Caitie

    I’ve just had a gut feeling lately that this was the case, and I am so so overjoyed for you that it is! So much love to you and your family- thank you for being so open to share your life with us all. We ache with you and we celebrate with you!!

  • Stephanie

    Congratulations! That is wonderful news. As someone else who came out the other side of infertility with a beautiful baby, I want you to know your feelings are totally normal, authentic, and above all not wrong! I too felt weird once I became pregnant because I know not everyone who comes out the other side comes out with a birth child. Also, just because things have been “made right” as some might see it, doesn’t mean the hurt from previous losses goes away. It will always be a part of your story as it is a part of mine. So, whatever you’re feeling, all of it- including non-traditional emotions are absolutely correct and true and authentic so don’t get too wrapped up in how people think you “should” feel. Congratulations again, it is wonderful news and thank you for sharing your ongoing journey!

  • Daisy Tinker

    I’ve never met you (obviously, OMG I would die), but this news has brought a little tear to my eye. I’m so happy for you! Also I’m a twin, and being a twin is GREAT so I’m doubly happy for you 🙂

  • Lindsey

    Oh my God, Leandra, I was so anxious reading this the whole time. I am SO overjoyed for you!!! But one of your last lines hits me so hard- “I haven’t graduated from compassion.” What a beautiful thing to say, and to mean. I am so, so happy for you and Abie. I don’t even know you! But I am almost crying at my desk, I’m so happy! Congratulations!!

  • Andrea

    Happy for you! Can’t wait to see how you style your kids outfits! <3

  • Anastasiya Mozgovaya

    Leandra, CONGRATULATIONS <3 <3 <3 I am so fucking HAPPY FOR YOU and Abie!!!!!! YESSSS!!!!! You have dealt with it, guys! I wish you and your babies health and joy!

  • Teresa Darby

    Thank you for sharing the news and showing compassion and empathy. I am going through trauma, and I can relate to the parallels. I will take with me your wisdom when you shared :
    ” If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever. If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there and sometimes recognizing that is enough.”


  • Maria Josefina Blanco

    I always read but never comment, but I cannot let this go. I’m so FUCKING HAPPY for you Leandra!!!!!!!!!! Best wishes from Argentina

  • Suzie

    Those twins are going to be the luckiest babies to have you as their mama! I’m so happy for you. You’re so brave to have shared your entire journey with us! Congratulations!

  • Felix Berger

    I am very happy for you, I have many women in my life who have also struggled. some continue to persevere and others have chosen different options. I admire your courage to be vulnerable and open about your journey. And know that what you do inspired others. I always say, it takes the same effort to be happy as it does to be miserable. Happiness is a habit. But we need all our emotions to live a whole life as we are whole people. Best!

  • Michelle Sebastian

    Congratulations Leandra! Amazing news. Cannot wait to see these stylish little babies. xoxo

  • Emily M

    This is fantastic news! I am so happy for you guys. As a twin, there is nothing better than having my sister to go through life with. Sending lots of blessings for a healthy and happy pregnancy!!

  • Jesse

    Mazal tov!!!! Oh my god! Mazal tov!!!!!!

  • Susanna Ordoñez

    I AM SO HAPPY I CRIED A BIT I’m honestly so happy for you ❤❤❤ 😭 girl I wish you the best, and I will pray for everything to be the smoothest and omg take care!!! Like I’m sure you’re already taking it but like I’mma need you to wrap yourself in bubble wrap or something, idk nothing about pregnat-ness haha CONGRATS❤✨❤✨❤✨❤

  • Ana Lucia

    This gave me goosebumps !!!! I’ve been following ManRepeller for so long now and I’ve read every single post about you looking for this, I’m so so so happy for you Leandra (and Abbie of course) CONGRATULATIONS !!! you are going to be an amazing mother ! Sending lots of love !!

  • Sha sha Chu

    Congratulations!!!!! Wish you all the Best!

  • Amazing news!! Congratiulations! Lots of love!

  • Caroline Christianson

    We love you and are so happy for you. Those words feel so generic, but trying to edit felt like 2nd place. <3

  • Hannah

    I’m so so happy for you! I never ever post but I had to this time 😉
    Your posts on how you felt during this time really helped me with my own insecurities and how i’m afraid ill never be good enough..so thank you!

  • Tigg

    I’m so happy for you Leandra!! Your sincerity through all this process has been inspiring, and I am sure it will be great to know your insights about motherhood. If I could give you just some piece of advice about what comes next, I would tell you not to worry too much about giving birth: It is the next what you have to worry about!! I wish someone had told me how hard post-partum was… (and even though it was difficult, I went for the second baby in one year, so don’t worry too much either). Lots of love for you!

  • Sarah V

    Oh, I send you heartfelt Congratulations! That’s so amazing news.

  • Caro A

    Omg sweetest. Have been rooting for you. Don’t you try to feel anything than what you are feeling. Everything in time 🙂

  • Olivia AP

    Congratulations Leandra!!
    Literally while I was reading I felt my heart getting warm. I’m so happy for both of you.

  • su

    Send You love and kisses, tears in my eyes…..

  • Amy

    Congratulations. I struggle with making an announcement too. I am 23 weeks pregnant after over 2.5 years of struggle: 5 rounds of IUI, 1 IVF egg retrieval, 3 IVF embryo transfers and finally 1 single pregnancy (with 0 embryos left frozen) after almost $30,000 of out of pocket costs.

    Infertility PTSD is real and I wish I could say that I am blissfully happy but there is so much fear that this pregnancy won’t work out. I see all the happy preggos with their early announcements and their (tacky, sorry) gender reveal parties and I think…how can you be so confident that this pregnancy will result in a baby?

    I wish it had been easy for me and my husband, but that wasn’t our lot in life. We got lucky. Yes, after all we went through, I consider ourselves lucky because 23 weeks of pregnancy is an achievement!

    Again, congrats!

    • Kiks

      Congratulations. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and I totally understand the frustration/bafflement with those who seem to have no fears or concerns about whether their pregnancy is actually going to end with a baby coming home. To be so lucky.

    • Mar

      Congrats Amy! I wish you all the best. And thanks for sharing x

    • Lynn

      Amy, so happy to hear you have gotten to this point after your battle (because that is truly what it is). I hope you’ll find more peace of mind with each day that passes. I’ll be thinking of you.

    • Basil

      I hear you. It took us 2.5 years, 2.5 rounds of IUI (don’t ask …) and one round of IVF (where I used both best quality embryos) to have our son. People found out that I was pregnant when they saw me – I was super psyched and relieved to be pregnant, but also panicked the whole way through. I just wanted to make it to 8 weeks, then 9 weeks (when we had our first scan), then 12 … and so on. I think it was a couple of days before he arrived that I had a complete freak out because he wasn’t moving (poor baby was probably asleep), so I went and drank a TON of juice, and lay on the bed sobbing and prodding the baby, willing him to move (he did – I woke the poor kid up). I didn’t feel relaxed until he was OUT and in my arms. Now he’s a constantly active and VERY healthy toddler
      I then fell pregnant again around his first birthday (naturally, in the second month after my period returned) and this pregnancy has been surreal – who knew you could fall pregnant just by having sex?! Again, I am (mostly) only telling people in person, and panic when the baby doesn’t move.
      I don’t think the fear goes away, but I have found that my son has healed or eclipsed all the hurt that came around his conception. He was (and so is new baby, who I don’t think would have been possible without all the treatment before) COMPLETELY worth every moment of anguish, pain, every injection and supplement and fecking progesterone suppository.

  • ALOinNYC

    I am so happy to read this!!! Congratulations!!

  • chelsea

    I, too, am a 28 year old lost in the cycle of desperation, the cycle of no cycle, the pattern of no period, failed progestin after failed progestin, so many months frittered away trying to regulate on birth control, clomid after clomid after clomid. While I have been rooting for myself, I have also been rooting for you. I am genuinely so thrilled for you and Abie, and I am thankful for the glimmer of hope that you have given those of us who haven’t [yet] made it to the other side. If and when you are ready to share more of your story, I know it would mean so much to us to know what – emotionally, physically, medicinally – worked for YOU.

  • Lori M

    So beautifully written. Thank you and congratulations!

  • mia |-/

    Mama Gladwelll(jk Leandra)!!!! This is the best news ever!! Your kids are going to be the most fashionable, have the best sense of humor, and make the best funny voices, they’re gonna know every line from friends!! I’m tearing up at my desk right now. And it’s not just a pregnancy announcement but a life lesson you shared with all of us? We are so lucky to be alive at the same time as you. So so so happy for you

  • guy

    this is sincerely the happiest piece I’ve read in a while. after following your journey for so long, I cannot believe the words Im reading. TWINS! You are a wonderful, amazing person and an inspiration to many people. No matter what curveballs you may be thrown in life, know that you really do deserve the world. I know it’s hard not to blame ourselves at times, but know how much you mean to this community and how much love there always is for you. SO happy for u.

  • kay

    congratulations!!!!! so, so much love for you and abie!!! thank you so much for sharing with us!!! <3<3<3

  • Amy Mills

    Leandra we are all so happy for you!!!!!! In particular, my twin and I message back and forth about you quite frequently and we were thinking and hoping that you have been pregnant for some time. (Now that I am seeing other comments — isn’t it strange the frequency with which people you don’t know talk about you?) Also, I just have to tell you – twins are the best! My mom had 4 children and she said twins were by far the most fun and easiest to have. Congrats Leandra! <3

  • Julieta

    Dear Leandra, I am just adding up to the huge list of congratulations, I am so happy for you! I went through a similar experience than yours and I know how tough it is, you are so gifted with words that expressed it every time better than I could ever had. Thanks for that! And lots of luck with the pregnancy and the babies, you are going to be fine, and happy. I am looking forward to your posts in a year with two teething babies whom if cry half of what mine does will let you sleep about an hour per night… 😉 and still then you will be happy…

  • kellymcd

    THIS IS SO WONDERFUL AND EXCITING!!! My apologies, though, for experiencing morning sickness in NYC heat, that truly sounds like a nightmare

  • Monica

    This was so beautifully written, I have read it several times. Thank you for sharing your journey and congratulations!!

  • Allison Hanna

    I am reading this with tears in my eyes as if a dear friend has told me she is pregnant after years of struggling. As one of your many infertility-sisters, as always, thank you for your honesty because you have explained all the twisted emotions that come with infertility so well. And last but not least, congratulations! TWINS!?!?!?! so very happy you.

  • Mon Valdés

    Congratulations Leandra!! <3 Thank you for sharing your entire journey with us.

  • molly_maureen

    Nearly in tears after reading this beautiful, raw, emotional announcement. I’ve been waiting for this day on your behalf! Many, many congratulations! Can’t wait to follow your journey, the good and bad. Thank you for always being so honest and for valuing us (your friends/readers/audience) enough to share your private but very real experiences.

  • Kristel Elize

    I AM IMMENSELY HAPPY TO READ THIS!! Blessings to you, Abie and the two beautiful souls living inside your strong and beautiful temple! <3 x KB

  • Brenda Rubio

    Lovely news, Leandra!

  • Delaney

    YESS I am so so happy for you guys. I love your words.

  • Isabella

    This is the best news I’ve heard all week! I am literally tearing up at work, I am SO happy for you and Abie, Leandra. You deserve it

  • Ashley Seed

    This- “The real irony of joy is that you can’t actually know it, I mean really know it, until you’ve hit rock bottom.” So good! So happy for you. Wishing you so many more blessings for you and your sweet little babes.

  • Kattigans

    “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever” – this is an excellent read even as it relates to issues that don’t have to do with wanting to give birth. I went through something pretty extreme a few weeks ago. Something I thought I’d never have to experience and right after it happened I felt okay, but now a few weeks later and I think it’s starting to hit me in a really unexpected way. This last week I’ve not totally felt like myself and I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.

    But sometimes what I forget to do is let myself live in this spot of discomfort and sadness. Know that its not the end all be all but I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself internally to “snap out of it”. I hope that makes sense. I’ve been through lots of ups and downs this past year so this sentence, “The real irony of joy is that you can’t actually know it, I mean really know it, until you’ve hit rock bottom.”, really resonates as well. Being put to the limit and testing resilience is the only way to appreciate that light when its there. Darkness doesn’t reign forever, but as my dad has always said: even a beautiful rose bush can grow from mud.

    Beautiful story, Leandra. Congrats to you and Abie. Allow yourself to be joyous because that doesn’t negate the compassion, empathy and resilience you still carry.

  • Jo

    I gasped when I saw the headline am so very very happy for you Leandra, you both deserve this so much xxx

  • You are amazing and brave and inspiring and I’m so happy to hear that you are finally having that baby (x 2!) that you were destined to have. Thank you for sharing your story; it gives hope to so many others like you. Also curious if you saw Dr Lobel – she worked magic for us once and hoping she does again awhile back I commented recommending you see her. Anyhow mazel tov and please still stay relaxed and stress free!!

  • smillipede

    <3 mazel tov leandra & abie <3

  • Sonja

    wow! Very happy for you, all the best – twins!!!!

  • Lesya Y

    Congratulations! Very happy to read this news! On that note, I would like to wish you a wonderful & healthy continuation of your preganancy, as well as a fortunate delivery and healthy and happy babies… You are blessed & may you and your husband continue to live in a joyous bubble. In Dutch we say “het is je zo gegund” (it’s genuinely granted to you)…

  • Sydney JG

    I am so so beyond happy for you I can’t even believe this! You are so so amazing and my role model.

  • Littlelune85

    oh yes! congratulations, Leandra! This makes me so, so happy for you!

  • Olivia Black

    So happy for you!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

  • Charlotte

    Beautiful article. Congratulations.

  • Amelia


  • Emily

    Congratulations!!! I am a twin and it’s a wonderful, challenging, and weird life. All the best to you!

  • sarah gross

    Omg I’m crying out of happiness for you. I’ve had you in my thoughts since your first article and cried through the monocycle episode. Literally I’m so excited I feel like it’s happening to me too!!

  • elizabeth


  • Best pregnancy announcement ever. Thank you for continuing to be so raw and real. So much love. Beyond happy for both you an Abie <3

  • Ellie

    What wonderful, wonderful news! A huge congratulations to you both. It was heart wrenching listening to the episodes of monocycle where you were going through so much pain and I have been hoping with all my heart that we would soon have a Mama Malcom Gladwell xxxx

  • Marta

    When you started posting about the moving I thought: Leandra is pregnant!!
    Happy life family!

  • Anya Prokhorkina

    I am so so so happy for you, Leandra. Been following Man Repeller and your story for quite some time.

  • Tess

    Congratulations, wishing the best for you and your family!!

  • Fiona

    After a long week filled with disappointing news, this was incredible. I’m so happy for you. Thank you for sharing with us.

  • Congratulations Leandra! I am so happy for you both & wish you all the best!

  • Vanessa

    I’m crying. I’m so happy for you Leandra!!

  • Ami Savage

    Thank you for your honesty! I’m a twin and it’s the best thing ever, makes me at least 30% more interesting than I really am 🙂

  • Elaina Milici

    This was so touching, both in the context of getting pregnant and life in general: “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever. If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there and sometimes recognizing that is enough.”

    Thank you for sharing this experience and your announcement in a way that’s honest and true to you. Infinite congratulations <3

  • Natália Durães

    Wooww Leandra, I am so happy for you and your family. Thanks for sharing the realness of life, of feelings, always.
    Life sometimes has it’s downs and we have to accept and be calm, because every bad time will pass.


  • Malene

    This makes me so, so, SO happy, Leandra! Congratulations to you and Abie, and the twins (!) : congratulations on having the coolest mom in town (and what seems like an unbelievable supporting and caring dad)!
    All the best wishes, all the way from Denmark <3

  • Paige

    So happy for you! I appreciate your willingness to share. Shame can be all-consuming. I hope you can just kick that emotion out of the door where it belongs. Thank you for your beautiful post and congratulations!

  • Lebanese Blonde


  • Court E. Thompson

    Congratulations!!!! So much love for you and Abie!
    This comes on the heels of a college friend of mine who just announced her pregnancy after two first-trimester miscarriages. Yay babies!

  • Rachel Danielle

    crying over here, too. thankfully, not all tears are an evil. so so so beyond happy for you and feel incredibly privileged you’ve shared this journey with us all. congratulations a million times over!!!!!

  • Bo


    (I have waited a very long time to tell you that joke since I first thought of it when you were talking your pregnancy journey like, years ago. I thought, “that’ll be a cool thing to comment when Leandra announces her pregnancy”. It took a while to get there but I KNEW I would get to use it at one point! And twins! Double the fun!/when it rains it pours. Beautiful blessings and best wishes for you and Abie. Thank you so much for sharing the hard parts too – I’ve never read such honest writing about fertility struggles and it actually really helped me be more useful when my (now pregnant!) older sister went through a similar process as she tried to conceive. CONGRATULATIONS LEANDRA.)

    • Kiks

      I love this joke. Well done.

    • Pandora Sykes

      PRAM REPELLER – so good

      • Charmaine

        Pandora, just remembered seeing a recent pic you posted of your bump on Instagram and thinking “I wonder how this makes Leandra feel” and also “it must be tough wanting to celebrate your own situation when you know your firend’s personal struggle”. And now I’m doubly happy at Leandra’s news knowing that the two of you get to share this experience of pending motherhood and all that follows.

  • Setare IR

    You can’t believe the joy I felt when I found out you’re pregnant Leandra! YOU ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING, NEVER EVER FORGET THAT! wish you the best in every aspect of your life! LOVE YOU <3 <3 <3

  • RA

    Just wanted to join the conversation to say I am so very happy for you. been following your blog for years from Ireland and I know the pain of not having kids…. your two little poppets will be lucky to have such a funny, funky, intelligent woman as a mum…. and I’m sure your hubby is perfect too! All the best, Ruth in Dublin. 🙂

  • I am so happy that you openly spoke about this. I think that more and more we are seeing young women running through the same problems as you. I think a lot of it comes from our hectic lives and the horrible environment we’re facing these days.
    I know that fortunately you are now healthy and pregnant, but I wanted to share something here for the ladies that are looking to get pregnant and are having a little trouble.
    You mentioned all the diets and specialists you saw and how frustrating it was. I have a close relative that went through almost the same thing and was able to get pregnant after 3 months of treating herself with Ayurveda. She inspired me so much that I went ahead and got certified to be an Ayurvedic counselor. The reason why I mention it here, is because the aim of this ancient medical system is to treat the root cause of issues instead of symptoms. All of it is done naturally and according to your own constitution. So the fertility diet that might be good for you can be completely different than somebody else’s. There isn’t a one recipe for all.
    I won’t go into too much detail, but if anyone is interested, try to find a good Ayurvedic doctor in your area and give it a shot!
    Congratulations on your twins and have a lovely pregnancy. Being a mom is the best thing in the world.

  • Dear Leandra it has been a while since I haven’t commented in here, more than 1 year, but I have been taking care of my second joy of life that has collapsed all the energy to extrapolate some time for myself. He is almost 9 months now and looking back of the journey I went through during pregnancy I would never think that he would be so good.
    So this afternoon my bff (pregnant of 3rd) who knew my “love” for you sent me a picture of you and your twin baby belly…the joy I felt of the good news was so intense that I said this is a signal…sometimes the beloved ones are coordinated not always on the same moment but for sure on the same path.
    I am so happy for you and your husband that words are hard to describe but as a mother I can definitely say that they come from the heart.
    May your pregnancy and motherhood make coming out the best light of Leandra.
    Kisses from Milan https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cd53637fb77ec196f1d7e56c41025036b6b67164f87a5a11b0e98bd5dff34a84.png

  • Alice

    This is amazing Leandra ❤️❤️ My heart feels so full for you and Abie! Congratulations, you both deserve all the happiness in the world xx

  • Maren Lindquist

    Oh happy day! Leandra, I’m so happy for you!

  • Carmen Rita Candelario


  • marieta

    Leandra please note the hundreds of people here sending you their genuine love and positive energy. Only for that, you are already blessed.
    oh! and congratulations, a few tears of joy were dedicated to you 4 when i read this.

  • Louise

    Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you

  • SL

    Ahhhhh I am sssoooo happpyyyyy!!!! I suspected this since the article with tips to your 28-yrs-old self, but did not dare to remark it then haha 😀 😀 TWO leandra/abie babies

  • Isla Han

    I am so happy for you Leandra!! Twins!! What a blessing 🙂 I’ve been following your podcast, website, etc and this news really made my day.

  • Jessica Barthel

    Twins! OMG Congratulations Leandra! I’m so, so happy for you! I’ve been following you for years and cannot wait to follow your journey through motherhood as well!

  • “…no state of existence lasts forever. If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved…” these words mean a lot, to me.
    And congratulations!!

  • Ashley Minyard

    Leandra, this is the happiest I’ve ever felt for a total stranger. I’ve been following your story for a while, and you are so deserving of this pregnancy.

    Thank you for being public about your journey. As you know reproductive health issues are difficult to address, and a topic that women are often shamed for speaking candidly about, so having an intelligent, powerful role model of a woman open up and spill her guts on the table is no small gesture. You are appreciated, and the fans of Man Repeller are here offering our love and support via good internet vibes.

  • Charlsey

    “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever. If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there and sometimes recognizing that is enough.” This made me tear up at work

  • Kiks

    Crying. So happy for you. This was so beautifully written.

    Still hoping for my own announcement one of these days. :/

  • Gemma

    I’m so overjoyed for you! I love your honesty about your whole experience. I felt the kick in my empty womb when I saw happy women with swollen babies – it felt like everyone was pregnant! Six and a half years ago we welcomed our twin girls. I still feel the pain of losing our first but count my blessings every day. Congratulations and enjoy 😘

  • Andrea

    Love this, love you, and love those babies. As a follow-up announcement, you should probably get a shirt that says “I’m having Abie’s babies” just for the rhyme opportunity.

  • Fransjejohanna

    I am so so so happy for you and Abie !! <3

  • These are the most anticipated babies on the internet. We are all here for you <3

  • Pandora Sykes

    Yayyyyy, there she goes!

  • rcrooks92

    So happy for you!

  • cryptdang

    Leandra, I am so happy for you. I have to admit I skipped down to the end first to find out what happened (before reading the rest of this lovely article, of course). I am kind of surprised at how strongly I feel about a stranger’s good news, but having followed this blog since it was just you posting outfits, and having gone through some of the same issues at about the same time (these twenties, man), I feel a bit like I know you. Congratulations!

  • Janie Rardin


  • Ché Hot Chocolate

    Leandra!!!!! I’m so happy for you, I could cry! I’ve been hoping and praying with you in the time you’ve shared your journey and I’m overjoyed at your news! Twinssss!!!!!!!!! Double for all your trouble. Congratulations to you and Abie! You’ll be fantastic parents!

  • Lauren Thompson

    Tearing up at my desk because JOY!!! Started reading the comments and my heart just melted to mush. We may not know you, but you are so loved. Thank you for your continued vulnerability and courage in the way you share.

  • Kimberley Boehm

    My heart is full for you and Abie! Congrats! As a happy mother of two young adults, my only advice is to start saving for college, now. Otherwise, enjoy the sweet ride.

  • Ashley Jardine

    Sending you all the good vibes. <3

  • Kacie Medeiros

    I am so happy for you!! I wish you all the best on this journey. You are an amazing lady!

  • Joelle Paquette

    There are so many incredible women around me dealing with infertility issues and feeling inadequate or lonely because getting pregnant is not as easy for them as it is for other women. Having someone like you talking openly about everything you’ve been through is so important, supportive and inspiring for all of those struggling. You will be such an amazing mother, those little twins don’t know how lucky they are yet :):):)

  • Amber Feld

    Soooooooooooooooo happy for you!!!!!!!!!!

  • This is the most Mom Repeller announcement one could possibly imagine. Those babies are privileged to share such a profound, insightful and romantic womb. Abie, the Dad Repeller of all, knows this already and he is all of us rooting for your happiness.

  • claire


  • Lauren Grace Bejot

    What a poignant essay. Thank you, Leandra, for sharing your story.

  • elpug

    Congratulations!! We all have been rooting for you for so long. And thank you so much for sharing your difficult journey with us! May you continue to empower women who are going through their own journeys in fertility.

  • Summer Mosher.

    couldn’t be happier for you. this just made my day. all the best leandra!!

  • Chetna

    So so so happy for you! You are going to be a great mom! So many of us have followed your journey and cried with you on your posts.. you deserve it all.

  • Nikelle

    Yea! YEA! Yea ! YEA! YEA!

  • Delphine Gintz

    I literally threw my hands up in the air, I am SO happy for you Leandra, I followed you during that tough time and I’m relieved to know you are better!!!!!

  • First of all congratulations with all my heart. I read this a couple of hours ago and it made me feel true happiness for you. I’d like to have kids one day but I haven’t tried yet. Still I can tell you that reading what you went through – how it affected you mood, your life, your feelings – and seeing that you got what you so fiercely wanted, gave me a lot of hope. Maternity is not a fairytale as it’s often presented. Your sharing is important because is true.

  • I’m so happy for you. You are going to be an amazing mother. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Aydan

    CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS!!!! Any “trial” will end eventually! We all must remember that!!

  • Starryfeet

    Really beautiful honesty. Congratulations and many blessings.💜

  • Madison Rodick

    This is the best thing I’ve ever read. So happy for you!!

  • Irina Popova

    after all your stories and podcasts and thoughts it really feels like news from someone of my closest friends and family. So so sincerely happy for you. I admire how honest you are and have been about this.

  • Samara

    I gasped audibly

  • WOW! So so so so happy for you and Abie!!! I’ve been following MR for many years and read every single day. “Leandra” is a household name in my apartment, like we are pals or something, which is guess we are in this community! Congratulations. This is such amazing news. <3

  • Fayla Garcia

    Wow!!! My heart… Love you and love your happiness 🙂 I just yelled your news in my house, they don’t know you but I had to share it.

  • Lisa

    Yay! So exciting! But don’t worry… that guilt you’re feeling now will quickly be replaced with Mom Guilt (yes, this is a Thing). For the rest of your life. So, enjoy your pregnancy and the last days of being alone with your wonderful husband. xoxo

  • Lisa Mills

    Having gone through infertility, and all those emotions you describe, plus a 10 week pregnancy that was non-viable, I salute your honesty, and am in awe of how you managed to write something I felt. Congratulations, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Three years on from when I finally said, ‘Enough’, I can truly say I am OK with being without a child. Yes, there are regrets. But my life is my life, and it has many benefits as a happily married woman, with a great husband, and no kids. Our lives are different to what they could have been, but no less worthy. Counselling saved me. It was very hard to acknowledge the truth, and let it go; move forward. I feel so much compassion for those who are suffering and struggling, and whether they eventually get their baby to hold in their arms or not, I feel a unity with all of them. Love and peace.

  • Ally H

    Omg. Sobbing at my desk.

  • Pat Variel

    I knew it! But didn’t think twins. So cool. And oh so happy for you and Abie. I feel as if I know you guys personally. lol Congratulations!!

    • Pat Variel

      Oh, and I have struggled with infertility. I never was able to get pregnant and it took a long time, but I too am happy. 🙂

  • Wow…. girl you are a truly gifted writer. So happy and proud, were the same age and in very different places in our lives (I am not ready!). I started reading this when you started making it, girl we were both in College! So happy for you!

  • Marysia Reeves

    So happy for you both Leandra !!! Sending love and mini bikinis and or boy shorts asap…u can count on it:) Love you !!!

  • Grace Baysah

    so amazing!!! maybe not feeling infertile but it’s all the same knowing no existence last forever. I have been following you for sometime now and CONGRATS!!!!

  • Eva de Wijs

    You just described everything I’m
    feeling at this very moment (except from the announcement struggle unfortunately). Congratulations. ❤️🍀

  • My eyes are full and there‘s nothing to say than LIFE IS TO SHORT, TAKE WHAT YOU GET, BE THANKFUL AND JUST ENJOY!!

  • Eden Ruffell

    Many tears of joy have been shed in our flat student flat. The biggest congratulations xxxx

  • oh leandra! smart, vulnerable, funny, raw inspiring leandra. congratulations. mazel! can’t wait to read through your journey as a mother. if you need any parenting advice don’t ask me because i’m still trying to figure it out. a blessed mystery

  • Oy my gosh! I am so so happy for you, Leandra! What wonderful news… and not one, but two! Congrats to you and Abie!!!

  • Love love love love love to you and Abie and your little humans. Keep pouring love into yourself for it’s a messy, generous, big love world. This is a great announcement!

  • Jac Young

    No need to feel bad about sharing your wonderful news. No need to feel bad about when you got married either (I read your wikipedia page). Everyone is constantly growing, improving and evolving. We are all very happy for you! You deserve every bit of life’s treasures! Congratulations Mommy Medine! Can’t wait to see the babies. So cute!!

  • S

    Congratulations, I just texted all of my friends and we all live in Australia. You touch more than you (what a creepy thing to say). Now to go back and obsessively read all your articles you wrote when you knew you were pregnant and see if you were SECRETLY TRYING TO TELL US THIS WHOLE TIME

    • silla

      Fellow Aussie also obsessed and so happy 🙂

  • Maite Muñoz Iglesias

    Congratulations!!!! And thank you so much for sharing it. I’ve also cried reading it. I’m living a very very similar situation (still without the final ending) and totally sharing the complex amount of feelings. It means a lot to me. Enjoy this moment. And yes, the fertility diet sucks : )

  • narlena johnson

    I have literally followed you from the depths of time, I had laughed with you through most of it… But this adventure I cried with you and hurt for you so much. This is so amazing, so incredibly overjoyed for you and Abie! You guys are gonna be the best at this 👌

  • Marisa Brenizer

    “No state of existence lasts forever.” Yes, yes, exaaactly. It’s so hard to embrace this when you’re in the thick of things, but it’s a comforting truth. Congrats!

  • Jessica Amento

    I am swimming in my tears and I have goosebumps everywhere…. I am over the moon for you Leandra!! Thank you for being brave enough to be bare naked throughout all of this with your readers. I believe I speak for all of us when I say that sharing your journey has been healing and encouraging and relatable and applicable in our lives, no matter our circumstances. Sending you all the love in the world!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

  • ErinPaige

    Crying. Can I still use you as my “failing at this is fine” talisman? At least until, I hope, like you, I come roaring out the other side.

    Also, my husband will be well pleased to hear about the trials of Abie, as I continue to torture him in similar ways.

  • Lucero

    So incredibly happy for you, Leandra 🙂

  • gwendomouse

    Amazing! Congratulations! I feel like I have been following a friend’s struggle, then progress to, finally, sucess. I do not actually know you but have always admired the eloquence and openness with which you discussed your feelings. Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and your family.

  • Hil

    I’m weeping, I’m so happy for you! Thank you thank you thank you for sharing!

  • Fiona

    This is the happiest news I’ve read in so long. Congratulations!!

  • Melanie

    Words cannot express how incredibly happy I am for you, Leandra. Sending you so much love ❤️

  • Marion Raynal

    No state of existence lasts forever, but as long as there is existence, there is hope and everything is possible. You are the living proof of it Leandra. Congrats to you and your husband, you will be amazing and loving parents !

  • Marlene


  • effortlesseverydaystyle

    Love you so much! SO happy for you and Albie! Infertility is one of the most heartbreaking, devastating, all consuming and hopefully joyful things to go through that absolutely no one understands (even though everyone thinks they do) unless you have lived through it! Both of my kids conceived through IVF..
    I’ve so looked forward to this day and this joyous announcement! xo

  • Liza

    Amazing news! Best of luck with your pregnancy and delivery!

  • Sarah

    Crongrats Leandra! So happy for you – this is wonderful news.

  • mollie blackwood

    So thrilled for you! Very glad you gave us an update though you never have to. We all think about you and root for you!

  • Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Goshdang I just sobbed my way through the security line at the Sea-Tac airport because this news inspires pure joy. Xxxxx

  • You’re a rockstar, Leandra. Nothing but love for your family <3

  • me

    >> ​”If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there…I hope that you believe me when I say you will be [happy], too.​”

    Thank you, Leandra … your compassionate words give me hope.

  • So, so happy for you. Your eloquence and empathy in all that you have written about this journey really shines here-taking the time to care for others as you celebrate something you have been longing for speaks volumes. Congratulations!!!

  • Katie Uhlmann

    Congratulations Leandra – thank you for sharing your intelligent perspective, and wit over the years – you’re an inspiring woman and those are two very lucky babies <3

  • Tara Aseron

    Such sweet & shocking news, isn’t it??? When you see #1 & #2 identifiers on an ultrasound for the first time, that is.
    My twin boys turned two a few weeks ago and I can say it has been the most joyful time of my life, despite the exhaustion and physical demands of two babies at once. I too experienced a pregnancy loss prior to the twins, so I know it how hard it is to even share this news. You are brave, and we appreciate your honesty. Congratulations!

  • Christina

    So so so so full of joy for you, Leandra. I’m glad that the sun is out again for you 🤗 I’ve been waiting and praying for it for you!!!!

  • Ana Beatriz Quinto

    I’m so happy. SO HAPPY. I wish all the best things to this family. <3 I'm also crying right now.

  • Anna

    so happy for you love, from Australia xx

  • Felicia

    Leandra, you beautiful, dear soul. I have not the words to explain the appreciation I feel toward you from a bizarre distance of time and virtual space. Sometimes, as I listen to Monocylce on my commute while simultaneously carrying out an existentially-fuelled debrief of my workday in the quiet space of my brain, I contemplate your stunning ability to throw every part of yourself into the beauty you present to the world. May you be blessed in all the truest and most meaningful senses of the word – you and the people you hold dear.

  • Geraldine

    I have to say this is perhaps the most refreshing, loving, and honest pregnancy announcement I’ve ever read. I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy you managed to find your way out of that tunnel. My heart breaks for those who are still in the tunnel and those who never found the way out. Even with your struggle I wish you can embrace your pregnancy and live it to its fullest. Nothing else to say besides stay strong! No congratulations, just tons of energy and good thoughts for you and you family.

  • Marisol

    🙌🏻 Congrats Leandra👶🏻👶🏻!!! Thanks for such a beautiful essay, for all of us that have gone through similar situations this is really inspiring… there is always hope😇

  • Margaret

    Leandra, this is beautiful! Reminds me a little bit of Joan Didion in terms of style. To know there is always a version of myself to love still in there means so much. Thank you for this.

  • Leah Strauss Grant

    I am so happy for you Leandra! Congratulations to you both. You have always written so eloquently about life and your journey, thank you for continuing to share with us even in the darkest of times. It makes celebrating the happy moments that much more meaningful.

  • Sofia

    Congratulations!!! This is BEAUTIFUL NEWS and such a thoughtful pregnancy announcement. There’s a community of MR women all around the world who are truly happy for you right now. My sister and I had an intercontinental call when this article got posted (London – NYC ). She called me and just yelled down the phone, “Leandra Medine is pregnant with twins!”. We both screamed in excitement. When I put down the phone I lied to the person next to me: “Oh, sorry, just heard my friend is pregnant with twins, and she had a tough time getting here”. I lied because saying: “A actual stranger whose work I read online is pregnant and I just heard and now I’m emotional because I’m so happy and relieved for her” makes you sound crazy… But man, it’s true! So happy for you.
    PS. I wonder if Dries Van Noten makes baby onesies.

  • SueM

    Leandra, I’m not sure if you’ll actually have a chance to read all of these but you can be sure we are just going to keep on writing to you because that is how much you mean to a bunch of strangers. Clearly I don’t need to give you any advice right now my dear, just know that another one of the souls you touch with your writing is wishing you moments of peace and love.

  • Erin Rose

    I am so happy for you and Abie. My twin brother and I are the result of IVF, and he has been such a special part of my life. Those are two very lucky babies 🙂

  • Lauren

    Congratulations! All you wanted was one, and you get two. Wishing you nothing but the very, very best in all things — health, happiness, love, family, and peace. Man, this is beautiful.

  • Christilene

    Tears of joy for you Leandra. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and for being honest and open about it all. Sending lots of good vibes your way x

  • silla

    Goosebumps! So happy for you Leandra.

  • Marlene Mamiye

    Hi Leandra- I don’t usually chime in with comments but I’d like to wish you the best of luck and an easy time with your delivery plus 2 beautiful healthy babies to top it all off. Enjoy.
    Marlene Mamiye

  • Alyssa

    Almost burst out crying reading this at the Hairdressers! I’m so happy for you and Abie!! Cant wait to see all the prego outfit inspo, I’m sure its amazing 💕 sending nothing but love and happiness your way!

  • Andrea

    I don’t understand why women force pregnancies. Not every vagina was meant to deliver a child

  • Lauren Mueller

    It’s so refreshing to read this. It always felt like everyone else had it so simple, that pregnancy had it’s up and downs, but rarely major complications.

    I have felt so alone the last few months; the longest 23 weeks of my life, in my first pregnancy. I too recieved bad news about my twins at my 12 week scan, and proceeded to get mixed test results (literally stunning the doctors) throughout further testing, all the way to week 18. It was at that point that we learned we had lost “baby B”. It’s been the struggle of my life to deal with all of the despair, while trying to feign interest in any other aspect of my life. Feeling like a failure as a woman, as a wife, as a daughter, in my career – in everything.

    At week 23 now, “baby A” continues to thrive, and I’m just starting to finally feel the excited, hopeful feelings I’ve craved. The constant fear and worry isn’t going away, but I can start to look forward now and am trying to believe that everything happens for a reason.

  • Pam

    Congrats lady!!

  • elizabeth v

    Huge congrats and Internet hugs, Leandra. Not just for your growing babies, but for the amazing community you have fostered here on MR while you waited for these children. This is what girl power & vulnerability look like in practice.
    Hope these babies consist of at least one badass chica 😉

  • Emily Crittenden

    This sort of belies the depth of the feeling that I had this morning when I read this – it just split my heart open with joy for you – but I spent the entire day wondering how I could hack the Internet and reality so that we, your nudists from all around the world, could throw you the first ever virtual baby shower.

  • Alison

    Congratulations, Lenadra!!! Thank you for sharing this. You will be an amazing mother: open heart, honesty, and a deep sense of sarcasm. The motherhood trifecta.

  • Hannah Gavin

    I started crying half way through this too! So so happy for you and your rainbow babies!!! I went through two miserable years of it too but have my gorgeous 8 month old now, something I didn’t believe would happen literally until the nurse handed him to me in the delivery room. Big love to you and your hub! Such wonderful news 💕

  • Denise

    I’m so happy for you, Leandra. This is going to be one hell of a ride but never once did I doubt you. You inspire me everyday, in so many ways you’ll never know. 💖

  • JKM

    I am very happy for you and your family even without knowing you. I have a different sort of twin pregnancy advice to go with your announcement; forgive yourself for any ugly feelings that may pop up during the pregnancy. Resenting what your children are doing to you is ok even though you spent so long waiting for them. I had a lot of negative emotions during my last trimester of my pregnancy – three sets of female hormones in one body was overwhelming. It is ok. My twin daughters are turning 13 in January and they were worth every second.

  • Ann P

    Oh I’m so happy for you. So many happy tears. I’ve been rooting for you as well. I know how tough it is, and you know what, while some announcements have sent me into a spin a bit, yours just gives me joy!! And hope. I’m so glad you’re happy again, and I believe you – I will be too.

    And I cannot wait to see what you wear for the next 18 weeks. Cannot wait!! You know you have to do a pregnancy dressing feature on yourself, right??

  • Romina

    I have goose bumps all over my body… This is life Leandra: knowing you hit bottom, but accepting that you deserve to be happy again…!!
    It’s crazy that as MR followers we think we know everything about you, but your smile hides secrets we truly never know about. You telling your story is not only sharing with us something important, but it is also shouting to the universe that you accept what happened to you and you are willing to forgive… That is the ultimate quest! I hope you know the universe only puts things we can handle in our way. Welcome back to your happy life!!

  • Jess

    Congratulations, Leandra!!! I am so elated to read this news, and I am so happy you chose to share it. I’ve read every piece you’ve written on this topic, and your journey is one of admirable perseverance. This nudist colony you’ve cultivated has been rooting for you. Thank you for sharing everything with us; your children will be proud of their mother. Congratulations again to you and to Abie.

    And also, please share your pregnancy style??

  • Erika Galan

    This post has made my day. Congratulations to you and Abie!!! Thank you for your honesty and bravery. I wish you (four!! 🎉🙏🏻❤️) many blessings xxxxx

  • Alex2552xelA

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you had to go through such blackness. Congratulations to you and Abie.

  • Ekaterina

    You’re so great and hounest! My congratulations) 🎉 try to arrange someone to help with children first month – I have twins too))) believe me. Everything will be very happy from now on, it would be hard to find time for suffer.

  • Louise Matlock

    I am so very pleased for you. I went through something very similar more than a decade ago although I would have never been able to articulate it. This piece is wonderful and I wish you and your family health and happiness.

  • kforkarli

    I’m over the moon for you. I am so frustrated to have seen this on a shitty facebook page and not straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. Sending you lots of love. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  • Congratulations, Leandra! So happy for you! You wanted it for so long.

  • Charlie

    I too am close to tears, congratulations Leandra and Albie! Xx

  • Linnéa

    Dear Leandra,
    I have never written in the comments before but am a reader of ManRepeller for years. Though I am not yet at the point in my life to actively try for baby’s, your story has moved and inspired me in so many ways! I am so overjoyed for you and Abie and just wish you all the best! Thank you for writing so honestly and with such sensitivity!

  • basiliad

    I am so happy for you! Listening to your podcasts and reading your writing about this, I was hopeful for you. My mum went through her own still birth of her first born and a few years after she fell pregnant with twins and now has 5 kids!

    Keep smiling, and we’re all behind you!

  • Courtney

    Oh I am so happy for you, Leandra. I am in tears at my desk because it is exactly what I needed to read. I am going through similar emotions and I’m doing everything I can to find that happy woman I was not so long ago, and hopefully a little burrito in my belly. THANK YOU & CONGRATS!

  • Marianne R

    I am so so HAPPY for you!!! This really made my day! Congrats Leandra!

  • Gina Coll

    Omg I am so happy right now Leandra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are going to be the coolest babies on the planet!!!!! Congratulations!
    LOVE YOU!! And Abie, and your babies!!!

  • Jenny

    Huge huge huge congratulations! Your sensitivity is very kind. I had two miscarriages before also getting pregnant with twins. I was just devastated and felt like I was swimming in sadness. Getting pregnant again was my focus and I couldn’t find another way to happiness. If it hadn’t worked out I would have had to find peace with that though. I hope you can live in the moment and truly enjoy your pregnancy. For me, I found it so hard to relax and trust it. I think I finally relaxed and got excited around 30 weeks. Here I am now with 6.5 month old twin boys who are the light of my life. It has been a rollercoaster since the start but every day I love them more and more. Take care of yourself and get all the help you can once they arrive, you’ll be a very busy momma!

  • Debbie Mac Cafferkey

    just really cool news. chill and enjoy now 😚
    mum of some kidlings x

  • Anna Aagaard

    So incredibly happy for you! Been following MR for years and this is just the best news. Was very moved by your story! Thank you and congratulations!!

  • Soulofashopper

    Oh sweetie I ma so happy for you!!!!! You know ti si not the same but I am almost 40 and my last relationship which seemed to be perfect ended because he still had issues from his past, very very long relationship and he has closed his heart… I ended in despair really but now I know I will find love and it will happen when it has to happen… it might be him in the end, but ultimately I am on the right track and where I am supposed to be. Plus, I sort of know what you went through… my mum went through that herself. She lost a baby, and tried incessantly to get pregnant by every means possible. In the end she could not, but she found me and I found her… my parents adopted me very early in my life android the same with my sister, and I can say I have the most beautiful family ever! So one thing you should always be sure of, it always works out at it is supposed to. I wish you every happiness and I am sure your family will be a great one as well… with loads of love! I think it is sort of a xmas gift for you, those twins! Ok most of a Hanukkah thing for you hehehe. Lots of love Hun! Alma

  • so happy for you <3 almost crying at work right now, you have made my day

  • Shona – a big fan

    The only and most expressive reaction to this piece I have is thank you, thank you for being so wonderfully honest as it reminds us all what it means to be a part of the human race and not the race to be a “normal” human.

  • So happy for you and blown away by the bravery of sharing this whole journey with the world.

  • Mariana

    It’samazing how we can be happy for someone that we only know through social
    networks. Today I read your post on the bus on my way to work and I was
    so happy for you that I sent the post to all my friends that know your story!!!!
    Two little girls! OH MY GOD! Sounds perfect! You deserve it! I hope that you
    can share all this amazing experience with us.

  • HollyO

    You nailed it, Leandra. So much truth, pain and beauty in this. ❤ Congrats on your pregnancy!

  • Meg

    I’m so happy for you and your words really moved me. Congratulations, Leandra! 🙂

  • Sarah Gbaguidi

    Oh my God I am so so happy for you !!!!!!!! I have been waiting for that moment ever since you started talking about your pregnancy journey!!!!!

  • phillyspice

    Congratulations! And thank you for sharing the news in such a thoughtful, sensitive, vulnerable way.

  • Elle Shoel

    Crying. So happy for you xx

  • Sabah Malik

    ‘My road was freckled with fangs that threw me off course so many times, but perspective wants me to tell you that I don’t regret it, that I wasn’t actually thrown off course. That was my course. This is my course.’ if i could applaud you any louder my laptop would fall off this desk, a million smiles to you <3 word up to God, may you stay healthy and working in your own way on happy

  • Erin GG


  • Helen Hicks


  • Connie Spear

    tears… ‘ you can’t know joy till you have hit rock bottom’. That helps. Blessings to you and Abie

  • Rebekah

    Oh my GOSH!!!! I am so so so thrilled for you, Leandra!! Congratulations!! AH!!! I feel as if I have watched (read) a friend go through some real shitty times which makes the joy of TWINS so amazingly tender and beautiful.

    Ah! So happy for you and Abie. I’m crying. This is ridiculous

  • Dorothy Rotatori

    congratulations, L!
    I love your words “this is my course.” i lost my young husband from cancer and have been depressed and feeling stuck. repeating those words helps.
    ps–i was the very enthusiastic one in rosie’s video from chicago last week. i love her.

  • julie

    way to make an old woman cry, Miss Leandra. My own heart was full of sadness for your long, long months of pain and when I read about your self-loathing, I wanted to take your strong shoulders under my hands and remind you of all the good you bring to so many (to me!) day after day. How could you, with your smiling dark eyes, your magnificent brows, your savvy and grace, your Abie, be filled with self-hatred? You lost your sense of all that you are and became only an empty uterus–I cringe that we live in a society where such a thing can happen. Your realness is profound, I bow at the alter of your honesty. You are a fine woman and will be a kick ass mama. big love coming at you from middle of nowhere PA.

  • Nora

    This is the best news!! Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us and congratulations!!!

  • Camilla Ackley

    This was such a beautiful read – I feel like the honesty here is so important. Just making it obvious that pregnancy can be a challenge, and isn’t always an easy thing, is what makes the difference – not presenting it as some rose-tinted journey.

    Good luck with your babies, twins is so exciting!

  • tears and tears and tears. SO much happiness for you. My husband and I have been trying too, and no lucky yet 🙁 but you have been very inspiring (in more ways than one!!!) and I am just so overjoyed for you. Keeping you and the big 2 in my prayers for a smooth delivery.

  • Ciccollina

    It’s funny how I have developed a relationship with you over the years Leandra. I sometimes read your posts and actually worried about you…but for now I can stop worrying. Thank you for being so honest about your struggles. I am 110% sure that you’ve helped someone out there feel less alone and you should be proud of that. Congratulations, I’m so happy for you x

  • I’m so happy for you I could cry! I’ve been following your journey this whole time and I appreciate how introspective you’ve been throughout the process. Many of us go through the similar feelings in relationships, jobs, babies, families, etc. and aren’t able to articulate and/or express how we feel. It helps when someone can for you <3 Thank you and thanks for the renewed hope! YAY YOU!

  • Mallory

    I am SO happy for you Leandra!! Twins!!! I think your journey resonates with so many. Sending so much love your way!

  • Victoria Deviá

    Dear Leandra,
    I listened to all your podcasts and remember being sad together with you when listening about your loss and how frustrated you felt. So reading to these amazing word only make me smile and these news made my day !!! I am so honestly HAPPY FOR YOU. You who have always been the most amazing human being that I admire and follow as I grow up as a young woman. I can only wish you, Abie and the twins the most amazing things in the world and health and love and fun !!! I can even imagine those two little leandra babies running aroung NY with the most fashionable outfits ever !!!! So excited and happy for you !! sending lot’s of love <3

  • Isabel

    So happy for you

  • MK

    “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever. If you could remember a version of yourself who you loved, she’s still in there and sometimes recognizing that is enough. The real irony of joy is that you can’t actually know it, I mean really know it, until you’ve hit rock bottom.” — thank you for sharing your struggle, your grief, and most importantly, your beautiful words. while i don’t understand the grief that comes with infertility, your words still resonate with me as i struggle with my own grief from the loss of my only sibling and this sentiment was exactly what i needed to hear this week. congratulations to you and abie; as a ‘miracle baby’ who was born to parents who struggled with infertility for a long time, i can say that i *know* you will be excellent parents because your children will ALWAYS feel loved and wanted! xoxo mara

  • Жанна Пыдык

    I so happy for you! God bless!

  • Thank you for sharing. If anything, telling your story on such a large platform creates a sense of community around these issues — a place for other women to say, “yes, I’ve been through that/ I’m going through that.”

    I went through it, too. The nonviable pregnancy, the depression, the resentment, the feeling that I’d never be happy again. Now that I have a beautiful one-year old, I still don’t have words of comfort for other women who are going through infertility or miscarriage. Because the truth is, I didn’t feel happy again until I got pregnant again. And that doesn’t happen for everyone.

    Anyway, thank you for the honest, nuanced, and non-bubbly announcement. And of course, congratulations!!!

  • Dee McCormack

    Congratulations Leandra (and Abie)!! I’m 22 weeks also. You should check out Eva Chen’s baby must-haves list, it’s gold. Also I need guidance on man repelling maternity pants asap.

  • Natasha

    I am so so so happy for you! Like many others here, I’ve learnt so much (about life, about womanhood, about myself) from your journey. Thank you for sharing it with us. You’re a wonderful writer and Man Repeller is such a valuable part of my day.

  • TCAN

    Happy tears. Beautiful story.

    “Nobody ever had a rainbow baby until he had the rain” Tomorrow’s Gonna be a Brighter Day – Jim Croce

  • Zoë

    I am so happy for you !!! A dream !!!!

  • ad

    I had two miscarriages back to back last year. Nov and Jan. NOTHING could have prepared me for it. I thought I was alone, I thought I was a reject. Noone talks about HOW normal it is to struggle with infertility or MCs. If I had known HOW common it was and that, perhaps the next chick on the train is going through the same thing, it would have been a lot easier.

    Everyone tells you after, it’ll happen it’ll happen, but you’re in such despair that you can’t believe it and you’re even embarrassed by it, like its your fault. The whole time, you’re thinking, “but, wheeennn?”I wish I had this article to read when I was going through both MCs. I am so glad you wrote this for the countless other silent sufferers. Though I am no longer a silent sufferer, I am happy to finally say that after a year of continuously trying, I am 21 now weeks pregnant! Congratulations on your happy news, seriously, the next amazing phase of your journey is just about to start <3<3<3 and thank you for this.

  • Daniela Fernandes

    I am so happy for you that I really have nothing left to say!!!!!!

  • Klara

    I’m literally crying tears of joy right now! So Happy for you and Abie, you’ll be amazing parents!!!

  • Jay

    Congratulations. Heartfelt. Honest. Upright.

    But yeah, I admit a sting of jealousy. Knowing the struggle. Knowing the shame and the self-loathing. The weirdness and the asking why me and not others. The feeling of failure and being incomplete and insufficient. And the crying of course.

    But hey, that‘s cool, I can deal with it. And it is not about you and your kids. It‘s the feeling, I guess you know so well, that we just have… when we see others having what we really wanna have but are challenged with.

    And no worries, we don‘t feel like you are a betrayer. No shame on you at all. No guilt to be felt. You made it. And it is so lovely and great. And it rather shows that there is hope for us as well. That we can get there as well.

    I think discussions on infertility or fertility challenges are so important. And not only by bemoaning the „hopeless“ cases, but rather by spreading hope and positive thinking. And well, maybe also taking the pressure out of it, by communicating that maybe it isnt for you. Not destined for it. And that would be ok too. (Which is the one thing I am missing so much out there…)

  • Carolyn

    Thank you for this post! It means so much that you could share it. This topic is one that is all consuming and so hidden for me. I feel like I’ve grown up with MR and once again you’ve captured such an important discussion so perfectly.
    From those early outfit shots taken on your balcony to the ache for motherhood that you’ve shared here, I feel like you are a dear friend that I’ve always adored. I am so incredibly happy for you.
    Thank you for sharing your emotional exhaustion as well as the most beautiful news. Sending big love!

  • Rebecca Green Garry

    beautifully written leandra. i hope you know how many people you have/have always had rooting for you. from another twin mama on the other side of all this, mazel tov.

  • Johanna Moroch

    Wonderful news, Leandra! It will be quite an adventure.

  • Tammy


  • Jessica

    Myself, I’m 5 weeks into my third attempt at pregnancy, after the first two ended in miscarriage at 10-11 weeks. I’m not at all bitter about these kinds of postings knowing the individual has also struggled. It brings me hope that my journey will eventually end in a healthy pregnancy. And I am so happy more people are talking about pregnancy loss. I was devastatef when the first miscarriage happened, thinking I was unique in my experience. But talking to other people who had been through it as well madesuch a difference to my ability to cope. Congratulations Leandra!

  • I’m definitely not crying while eating handfuls of chocolate chips alone in my apartment right now… Congrats, Leandra. It’s so nice to see great things happening for great people.

  • So damn happy for you.

  • laura

    what a beautiful text. i wish you all the best in the world <3

  • Jill Townsend

    I am so incredibly happy for you and excited for what is to come. I relate to you and your story and I’m thrilled you’re expecting healthy twins.

  • C. Killion

    So very happy for you! Be well, eat lots, get rest and lots of pedicures and foot massages :0)

  • Ingrid Meyer-Lohrmann

    Beautifully written wonderful news – very happy for you!

  • D.

    Congratulations!!!! <3

  • Peta trendall

    Amazing, glorious, happy news.

  • ashley

    So thrilled for you four!!!!!! Your journey already made you a mother, you are going to be incredible leandra

  • Serena

    Leandra I am SO happy to hear this news! I feel like I know you and hearing your story brought up a lot of emotions! I wish you a wonderful and healthy pregnancy and delivery!

  • Hannah Betts

    I. AM. SO. GLAD.

  • Hashmita

    My heart kinda skipped a beat on reading ur happy news and i may have shed a happy tear or two =) ….i admire u alot not just for ur witty words but for the emotional strength ur personal posts exhude….I’ve had two pregnancies that unfortunately did not materialise…the second being around the same time as urs….and i’ve just been to scared to try for the third time. Can i just say that your announcement does sow a seed of hope in my heart.. and please do celebrate ur pregnancy without holding back..u’l b a fabulous mum for sure…looking fwd to the names u pick for ur munchkins =)

  • Veronie


  • aisling

    I read this post on Thursday morning. The previous night, I lost my much longed-for first pregnancy – two days short of the twelve-week mark. We thought we were safe to share the good news. It would have been my parents’ first grandchild and we were all so excited and so, so naive, as it turned out.

    I am heartbroken. But Leandra your post reminded me that mothers with babies are not that different from me or from anyone who is a mother in her heart if not in the outside world. To say that you haven’t graduated from empathy is a powerful statement that I needed to hear.

    I am grieving but the kindness of strangers as well as loved ones is carrying me through these tough first days. I feel like I am newly raw as I move through the world but the thousand tiny kindnesses I have experienced in the last four days have meant more to me than the givers can ever have imagined.

  • Alexandra Caroço

    Very happy for you, Leandra. Twins!!! If anyone can handle that, I believe it’s you, for sure. I read these words of yours after seeing a bunch of youtube videos with you and concluding I love the informal way you express yourself – verbally and in terms of clothing, your style and your natural confidence. I am glad you have surpassed that painful stage of your life. Because of my recent personnal experience, I am obsessed with your sentence “If there is anything I have learned, it is that no state of existence lasts forever” I will try to live by that in the next months until I am at your blessed situation now. Shalom.

  • Nan

    As some one who has been in the dark, I’m enjoying the light and warmth with you 💛

  • Daphne Pereira

    I am so happy for you Leandra. I instantly started crying when you mentioned you were pregnant in your podcast. You are going to be an amazing mother. Wishing you all the best!!!!!!!

  • Christine

    Man, I understand all of this. We tried for five years. I didn’t realize what a deep depression I was in until I wasn’t any longer. I shunned anyone and everyone with children because the pain was too much. We decided to adopt and have been so blessed by our daughter Remi Rain. However I still mourn for the women who are still going through the struggle and pain of conceiving. Every Halloween when you see all the photos of kids dressed up, every Christmas with the holiday cards, every mother’s day – I still get sad because I can remember that pain and I honor those who feel the same. Congratulations on your twins! That’s going to kick your ass, but you’ll love (almost) every second.

  • Abe Luther

    i just wanted to say that this article is so beautiful because your overall message can be applied or is exceptionally relatable for anyone coping with some sort of grief or extremely stressful situation. I have gone through waves of chronic depression beginning since I was probably 14 and your quote “if there is anything I’ve learned, no state of existence lasts forever” brought me to tears. I’m going to write that out and post it on my bathroom mirror for a little reminder every morning.

    Thank you for being so honest and true in all of your writing, and as others have said, I couldn’t be happier for you and Abie and genuinely wish you all the best!

  • Fortune Dushey

    So happy for you Leandra. Congratulations! I love your message that no state of existence lasts forever – so true. xoxo

  • Michelle

    Congratulations Leandra – this is wonderful news! I rarely cry, and this brought tears to my eyes. Genuinely happy for you and Abie. Sending some love from a long time reader of Man Repeller!

  • ladybirda

    I have never met you but I am so, so happy for you. Congrats Leandra and Abie! Now we get to send you cliché advice, like, enjoy sleeping while you can! (No but seriously, enjoy it.)

  • meme

    I know it might seem silly but this makes me genuinely happy!
    On a completely less important note, could we hear about your beauty regime this days? I’m trying to get pregnant and I am finding it very difficult to navigate the cosmetics safety guidelines (basically, I had to give up everything for the moment).

  • Shirley Feldman

    I read this piece once and then again and again and again. So deeply moved by your words and your truth. It’s so quiet yet so loud. So humble and so proud. Sending you lots of love.


  • Congratulations!!!! This is fantastic news! Sounds like Abie is a great guy and the two of you will be amazing parents. I’m sincerely so happy for you! xxx J

  • Reese Ferguson

    I thought we discussed in a previous thread that you and Amelia were going to adopt me…..but I guess I wouldn’t mind having twin siblings. As long as I’m the oldest and I get moms hand me downs first.

  • Myfanwy Hood

    Am so happy for you and Abie! Congratulations!

  • Susana De Luna

    OMG I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Congrats

  • renah

    This is so beautiful and honest. You are such a phenomenal woman. As an aspiring writer, soon-to-be mom, and clothing obsessed silly girl, I can’t thank you enough for being such a strong and fun voice for me.

  • Elisa

    OMG!!!!! Congratulations! I need to finish this paper asap but instead I’m over here bawling my eyes out. I’m sure you’ll be the most amazing mom ever, those twins are so lucky to have you and Abie as parents. Sending so much love to all four of you.

  • Raquel SG

    So happy for you both! Congratulations!!!!

  • Moonlight

    So SO happy for this! I’ve been silently watching for news on this after that podcast of yours… You were blessed, and now you can enjoy it in full extend, finally! Awesome news- I can’t believe I don’t know you guys, yet I;m so happy for you!

  • I’ve been reading MR since high school and have been following Leandra’s fertility struggle the entire time. I’m so excited about these babies and I’ve literally never met her! This article is beautiful because even though I’m 20 years old and am not even close to wanting children yet, the overall message of joy and remembering that its always there is so important to me.
    Enjoy every aspect of this experience and remember that there are tons of random strangers out there that are rooting for you!

  • Mary Melinda Williams

    Congratulations Leandra! Sending you positive thoughts about caring for twins… 😉 They’re so lucky to have you as their mom!
    I went through the support role as a friend to a woman who had fertility struggles back in the mid-80s. It was a time of tension, replaced by great joy, when the babies came!

  • Zoe

    I was just thinking about you today and hoping for this. Came onto the site to find this. I’m so happy for you.

  • Congrats! Thanks for sharing your and Abie’s journey with us all Leandra, as difficult as it has been.

  • TK

    I am so f*****ing happy for you two!!! The amount of times I just wanted to hug you when I heard the pain in your voice on monocycle! Those twins are so lucky they dont even know!!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!

  • LS

    Beautiful. I like to say that my second child, my son, my rainbow baby, was worth every tear. Your babies will be worth every tear. Mazel tov!

  • Gilcelia dos Santos

    Congrats Leandra. Been following you for 5 years and you feel like a friend. I’m truly happy for you.

  • BH

    You make me happy! You deserve hapiness and these babies!! But Leandra (I suponse you be aware), it will be a lot of work and a lot of resignations. In my case, first month was incredible (the hormones were fabulous and I was invincible) but next months were a little more complicated. I think that motherhood is a bit overrated. We should talk more about it so I do not get to it with unrealistic expectations (I do not think that’s your case, anyway). Congratulations again. You make me happy.

  • pamb

    Mazel tov Leandra! My first pregnancy was conceived through in vitro back in the day (my daughter is now 16) and I think what helped me was that there wasn’t a lot of information at the time. Or maybe there was, but I wasn’t Internet savvy and didn’t know where to look. I existed in a haze: I remember wanting an office that would be convenient for appointments on Thursdays because that was my day off. I obviously had no idea of the amount of time I would be spending getting my blood drawn, temperature taken and IUI appointments.

    I was lucky and became pregnant after my first in vitro (after two rounds of Clomid and two IUI attempts) and my second pregnancy happened naturally.

    Looking forward to updates and baby fashion!

  • Anne

    Sending you all the love in the world from cold Copenhagen, I am so happy for you Leandra! Just wanted to give you this world wide-hug, because you really moved all your readers with your story! Go you, go twins!

  • Peyton


    I’m so so thrilled for you! I have an identical twin sister and it is the best thing ever. A best friend for life – I don’t know where I would be without her.

    Thank you for such an eloquently written post and for sharing your happy news!

  • Jessica

    thank you <3

  • Thank you. I am going through it and this is so, so very helpful and uplifting. All the best.

  • Ciara

    I AM SO HAPPY TO READ THIS. OH MY GOD MORNING MADE! I’m actually so happy to hear that you’re pregnant and healthy AND HAVING TWINS!!!!

  • Angela

    I am so happy for you. I have been a fan of yours for a long time and because of that, have read what you’ve shared about your struggle to conceive. I was always rooting for you. Congratulations!!!!

  • Iuliana Craciun

    Super huge congratulations for your pregnancy, Leandra! Me and my boyfriend we are so effing happy for you and Abie. You two really deserve this guys. Sending good vibes and lots of love to you & the two little wonders. Cheers!

  • Mathilde JG

    Thanks for the honest words the are so incredibly rare. I have just lost a baby at 7 weeks during my second IVF round. The sadness and loneliness is overwhelming and I feel incredibly guilty as I too was depressed through the short lived pregnancy. I know I’ll get over it and I hope I’ll be able to complain about baby induced sleep deprivation soon. Congratulations you deserve it and thank you for sharing your experiences they touched me’ more than any other articles I’ve read 🤘🏻🌸

  • KellyMarie_Calamari

    Adding mine to the chorus of joyful voices: CONGRATULATIONS!

    You deserve this, you fought for this, you must try your very hardest to get out of your own head and savor this!!

  • Chrissie Reitmeyer

    Tearing up embarrassingly in a coffee shop now that I’ve finally had the chance to read. This is incredible and a beacon of hope to me and so many others. Congratulations!!!

  • Holdoll

    Crying with happiness for you reading this! Having listened to you honest accounts of your struggles I’m beyond thrilled you got there, and twice the joy with twins xxx

  • Lizzy

    This is really beautiful. I’ve been hoping for you for a long time that this day would come and admire how vulnerable you’ve been with this process. Congratulations!!! I’m so excited for you.

  • Lauren Taylor

    My heart swelled when I saw the title of this piece. I’ve related to your journey so very much and have found solace in you putting my thoughts and feelings into beautiful, heartbreaking, honest words. I’m still down in the trenches of trying and losing and trying, but this has made me able to feel genuinely happy at someone else’s pregnancy news for the first time in many months. It’s shining some light on a particularly dark time in my life, as I’m sure it is for many others, so thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. I wish you, Abie, and the babies the absolute best. <3

  • Clarisse Lima Hughes

    Fall 2015 I was walking along the Hudson River with my baby tucked in his stroller when I passed by you doing a photo shoot. I had just read something you had written about not being able to conceive. You went, “oh!! Baby!!!” as we passed by – and yeah, I must admit my baby was/is cute as hell, but I felt such guilt and I wanted to stop and say I knew your pain as it also hadn’t been easy for me and I cherished and praised and thanked every moment with that tiny human I had made. (Me!! I made him!!!) And reading that you’re expecting makes me so so happy. Wishing you and them lots of health. X

  • Elizabeth F.

    So so happy for you! Those babies are going to have wonderful role models in you and Abie!

  • grace kane

    Hugs to you <3. I read your sharing in all of it's honesty and fabulous grit cloaked in ease as my own. No, pregnancy and childbirth were easy and well loved by me. But at 61 I am coming in to who I am again. I intend to do so a number of times before I leave the planet as Grace:) Thanks for sharing your present clarity.

  • i wanted to savour every word of this before commenting…congratulations leandra i’ve been following all of this through your posts and podcasts and i know that as abie said you would have been happy again and i am glad that this is how your happiness was delivered xxx

  • I have been praying for you too. I could feel your heartbreak in your photos. I almost could not bear to see you in photos because my heart felt such compassion. MY STRONG ADVICE: you have been through so much, you are a candidate for Postpartum depression. I am not trying to make you worry. To the contrary. Twenty Five years ago, there was no screening for it. Doctors thought I was crazy, and I was, until one Doctor figured it out…thank God. If you are feeling any depression, tell your doctors. Your hormones have been through the ringer. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you don’t have it.. but just in case, be prepared, that’s all. I had a lot of problems staying pregnant and thought when I had my son everything would be perfect. Not so, I almost had out of body experiences. I remember I went out to the store and when I got back to my car, I had forgotten to close the door, let alone lock it. Other weird things. I started worrying compulsively.So, PLEASE, don’t be ashamed to ask for help if you need it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. No one has been on the roller coster that you have, so be kind to yourself. It’s like on the airplane when they tell you to put on your gas mask first. You need to take care of you so you can be a good mom. I pray that the next months go smoothly. You will be a great mom and I can’t wait to see you smile again.

  • Amy

    I had a feeling you were expecting! You messaged me that you liked bread 🙂 , so so happy for you.
    I am a twin too, we are best friends and mean the world to our parents. Their journey was 13 years long, enjoy every minute of being a parent. Wish you a safe, easy and quick delivery, all the best.

  • chica cordel

    So hopeful and nice to read this story in this moment of my life when I feel so reflected in all what you say. Really Congrats!! Not an envy congrats, but almost a little haha! I am in the “beta wait”. Thank you for your generosity. I feel so bad many times that I could only share my story with 3 or 4 persons. In 13 days me and my husband will know if I am pregnant. Even it is the first FI we go through, it was for me a very painful process, in an emotional way I mean, from the very beginning when doctors told us I was the one with a problem. WTF??!! I am so young and I take care so much my health and spirit and bla bla… When I read your case it’s like if magic had finally happened. And I wander if I will receive the same present some day… the same as you, I hope to be fully happy again. Enjoy this moment as much as possible!!! Be grateful and strong, take care and take your husband. At the end, the kids belong to the couple, but the couple is yours. Xoxo

  • Denisa

    I got chills reading this. Late to the party, sorry Leandra for being such a terrible reader, but I think the six months old well almost seven napping right next to me is a good excuse. Congratulations! I wish you a chill pregnancy and some fun, healthy little guys!

  • Anna

    Leandra, I’m a bit late to the party here but just saw this and wanted to wish you the biggest, most heartfelt congratulations. I have followed your fertility story a bit here and there and always felt so grateful for your openness. It undoubtedly helped countless women going through the same thing. I know because when I went through it for 3 years prior to having a viable pregnancy I relied on hearing about women going through the same thing as me, even as I hid my own sadness and despondence and shame. And the one thing I wanted to say to you, along with expressing gratitude and admiration for your courage, is to just KNOW that it WILL work out. That you will be happy, you will get to the other side. But I didn’t think I could say that to you no matter how much I believed it. I thought I’d sound condescending or patronizing, asking you to believe someone who successfully got through it just because. I was so touched by your announcement because you captured all the feelings I had when I got finally got pregnant and even now years later. This is my favorite essay you have every written. Thank you.

  • Leighton

    SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I am such a fan. I am a 21 year old student from Montreal looking to incorporate fashion into my life and you are such an inspiration. Congratulations!

  • Joanna Maziarz

    This is Beautiful!!! And CONGRATS!!! More over YOU are enough and as my mama would say Keep on Keeping on. These twins are going to have such a beautiful charismatic mama…just you wait & see! (With a dash of humor a la Princesse Diana – a rebel in the same honest way with herself & her readers even though she doesn’t have too) thank you for your honesty & sharing even though you didn’t have too!

  • topa

    I never want to have a baby and barely care about anyone else being pregnant but this is beautiful! I’m having a real shitty day/week/month/year and reading about your shitty time made me feel better. Thank you for sharing your story.

  • oh wow! where have a been? I had no idea! This is such wonderful news Leandra!…I’ve been wanting this for you and Abie even though I don’t know you personally and only from this space but your honest posts meant a lot to all of us. yayyy Congrats ! you look so cute!! enjoy the journey…its yours!

  • Vivien Hackenhaar

    OMG! SO HAPPY FOR YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • motoperpetio

    So happy for you. You have trodden such a shit road & you’ve met a deserved groove. Twins rock … it will be a new kinda busy & a brilliant one. Congratulations & I can’t wait to meet them (virtually). Big kiss from me & my crazy twins #twinning

  • Rachael Shafer

    Leandra as always you are a beautiful writer. This was poignant and heart breaking and heart warming all at the same time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so honest and true to your voice even with this sensitive and personal topic. There is no one online I trust more to handle the important topics of my life and of yours.

  • Gee

    Your words are balm to my pain … We lost our little one last month at 22 weeks. We miscarried the year before at 9 weeks …My days are filled with conflicted feelings, I am angry ( at myself most days because what I thought were round ligament pain, were contractions… it’s a shoulda coulda tug of war) sad, frustrated, anxious to try again. It’s a torturous road but I hope to come out of it at peace and whole again. Thank you for sharing.

  • Congrats Leandra! I’m happy for you and I believe you that you won’t forget the pain that the miscarriage caused. You will help countless many more women when they have to go through something similar.

  • Scantily Dad

    I just love this story. It really touched my heart. I’m infertile and blog about it openly. We are now blessed with twins but there were times when we nearly gave up. I had to stay strong and positive for my wife who went into a completer meltdown. Twins is amazing but very challenging but easy when compared to infertility and IVF. Thanks for sharing. 😉

  • Susan Pola

    I’ve just re- read this a few months
    after you posted it.
    It’s so lovely and very heartfelt.
    As someone who easily got pregnant twice I can’t understand what you’ve gone through but I have had it happen to many friends and I’m glad you’ve come through it and will soon experience the next stage.
    What I really want to know is why we haven’t heard from you about your experiences during your pregnancy?
    Are you nervous/apprehensive to share the excitement and joy thinking it’ll be possibly hurting someone else?
    All I can say is that you’ve got such a supportive and loving community here that regardless what stage you’re at with your fertility/pregnancy journey, that you can share your joy or your fears and you’ll be supported.
    We’re all really happy for you and hope it’s all going well.
    Please don’t be scared
    To share your happiness or hatred of pregnancy.
    You know there will be at least one of us here who can relate to what you’ve gone through.

  • Cle

    Oh wow….this is so similar to what I went through a year ahead of you. Had secondary infertility after having a beautiful first child. Spend years deeply sad…and had just started our tentative first steps into the fertility treatment world when I naturally got pregnant…with twins. They will be a year old tomorrow and I still haven’t conpletely come to terms with their existence. And I spent my whole pregnancy scared that it would fail because it was so ‘against the odds’. And yet, here they are, my fat and happy little toddlers.

    Enjoy enjoy enjoy your babies and the experience of having twins! The twin bond is awesome.

  • Leandra, I am so sorry you had to fight this hard to enter the sisterhood of moms. I know that struggle. 15 rounds of treatment over here: 6 IUI, 8 full cycles of IVF, 1 FET. Hundreds of shots, thousands of tears…all of it worth it for helping me find my beautiful baby boy. I emerged from the fog and grief of infertility a different person. A slightly more chilled out mom, grateful…not sweating the small stuff. Because, baby found us, and that’s all that matters. I also feel some residual PTSD, so if that’s ever something you find, it’s OKAY. It eases. Those of us who walked through hell to get our families will wear some scars. I’m so happy for you, you warrior! <3

  • Viviane Darwish

    I struggled with infertility for so long. I was blessed with a son and a daughter in the end. I had 4 inseminations and 4 invitro cycles. One eptopic pregnancy, chemo to take care of the eptopic and countless of days of debilitating depression. Everyone around me was pregnant or asking me why I wasn’t. My best friend said she prayed for me daily but she thinks gd got the wires crossed bc she was pregnant again and she couldn’t have her 5th child so she had an abortion. It was 10 years and I thought I would never make it. I thought my marriage wouldn’t make it. I was young had and had very little support. Money for treatments was running out. Somehow though, i survived, my marriage survived my children are 17 and 14 respectively. The mental scars remain with me and even though I’m not a good writer this feels cathartic; lately I have been able to talk about it, read about it and remember how hard it was. I am so lucky I was able to have 2 children. The greatest loves of my life. I was able to
    Reach the light at the end of the tunnel but I never forget what it felt like. Thanks for sharing and helping me feel, think, and revisit those feelings. It was real, it hurt and it happened. Thank you for sharing leandra, wishing you health happiness and healthy babies.

  • SusaBe

    Thank you for being so sensitive about this very difficult topic. I am very happy to read you have been blessed with this wonderful gift! Looking forward to more news on your amazing and challenging journey. Stay happy! And cross your fingers for all of us out there still trying and hoping.

  • Issa Mars

    Late to the party. Currently sobbing in my shop hoping no one walks by. Thank you for this, for sharing your experience with others, so that they could feel less alone, with hope on the horizon. I needed this, and by fate read it. Blessings to you, your babies, Abie, and your family.

  • Melissa Kaplan Guarino

    Thank you for your kindness. My 21 year-old son has been sad and depressed and dejected and your words and your message, that no state of existence lasts forever, are really hitting me (because on the other end of the mother spectrum is the realization that, as your children age, you can only support them from afar – that they are on their own journey). I am so very happy for you and I wish you every joy as you prepare to welcome your babies to the world! xx Melissa