A Case for Trying (Really) Hard to Make Friends as an Adult

In May 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend on a Tuesday. It was 9 p.m. I was exhausted. But as I walked to my car on the way back from delivering the news, I noticed the sky was beautifully split; splashes of cloudy, orange-pink warmth overwhelmed a backdrop of gray-blue.

I remember tracing every detail of the sky, over and over again in my mind until I fell asleep. Then, the very next day, Wednesday, I woke up early. I felt oddly hopeful, despite the peripheral ache I was trying to tune out, and decided that, yes, I would meet that random girl from the internet.

About a week prior, I had gotten an email from a twenty-something writer who had located me on Twitter. She asked me if I’d like to get coffee. She had recently moved to Ann Arbor and was looking to meet new people; she also swore that if I searched her on Google, I would find nothing shady. Surely that’s what all stalkers say in their emails.

But I did look her up, and she seemed utterly normal. We went to similar colleges. She wrote fiction, and even live-tweeted Southern Charm and The Real Housewives with her sister, which spoke to my love of deeply mainstream pop culture. She could still be nuts, I thought. But that email had come at a weird moment in my life. Outside an emotionally unavailable boyfriend I would soon be rid of, I was actively aware of how very alone I was.

For most of said life, I was convinced I wasn’t a “people” person. I grew up in a smallish Midwest town with a population just shy of 10,000. We had tractor-themed school spirit days and corn fields just down the road from our high school. I had a few friends, but largely didn’t connect with my peers.

When I’d tie up my shoes in the locker room before basketball practice or sit down in the cafeteria with my brown-bag lunch, my heart always felt worlds away from the chatter about boys, teachers and gossip. I didn’t fit in; I didn’t care. I played sports, ran the newspaper, then retreated home into the solace of my books, quiet ambitions and tight-knit nuclear family.

I considered my mom my best friend (still do, in fact). My dad and I were also tight; he served as my unofficial cheerleader/driver to practices and games, where I spent a great majority of my free time. My brother and I were both crazy-different personalities, but enjoyed (tolerated?) each other’s company more than most other people. Growing up under the same roof can do that to two introverted outsiders.

This state of social disarray transcended graduation and held steady until the end of college, which is when I realized how isolated I’d become. I’d made a few friends there, but many did not stick. Proximity friends from high school had dissipated, naturally; when you don’t have much in common, those bonds don’t remain. I’d lost my long-time best friend to a fight that proved we were two very different people, another good friend to a cross-country move (we didn’t stay in touch), and yet another to the good ol’ engagement-and-faaaade scenario.

I had tried to meet people a whole host of ways. I became close with someone from my creative writing class senior year and, although we have remained close, I felt like an imposter among her group of business-type friends (and she eventually moved, too). I joined my college’s new culinary publication and, again, didn’t seem to connect with anyone there. I went to mixers for young professionals. I tried hanging with a couple of “squads” full of great people who just didn’t feel like my people.

Coming in hot off a breakup to that Wednesday coffee date, to be honest, I wasn’t sure I could take another blow. My heart hurt. I had no friends. I needed distraction and mindless girl talk with someone who “got it.” Was meeting a Twitter stranger a desperate move?

If so, I’m glad I was feeling desperate that day. Getting that coffee with an internet stranger was the best random decision I’ve ever made. Steph and I did connect. We went from coffee, to an event, to dinner later in the evening. She told me about the long-distance saga with her ex-boyfriend. I let her listen to the lengthy apology voicemail my ex had left one week prior. We ate. We laughed. My heart hurt a little less than it had that morning.

What I’ve noticed about our culture is the need for intentionality in absolutely everything. A good date often won’t lead to another if you don’t follow up and express interest. A career won’t solidify if you don’t network with people who share similar passion and vision. And friendships won’t form with people who don’t reciprocate with effort and consistency. But it only takes two people’s intentionality to start a chain reaction.

About a month later, I met my friend Katie at a mixer. I introduced her to Steph. Steph introduced me and Katie to Jordan. Jordan introduced us all to Amber, and a slew of engineer guy friends (one of which was her boyfriend). I’m not sure how it all happened. From there, connections grew almost exponentially. People filtered in and out of the crew for the next year or so, and finally settled into a group of 15 or 20 adults who genuinely enjoy spending time together.

I honestly didn’t know what real friend-based support looked like, but my friends continue to blow me away.

A couple months ago, for example, I turned in edits for the book I was writing, which was like being in an echo chamber with my thoughts for weeks, questioning myself the whole way (fun!). I spiraled into hermit-mode immediately following. My friends pulled me out of it by surprising me with a fully organized dinner.

They made me a card and put my book cover on a cake. As I walked into the restaurant to see 10 of my closest adult friends, I could hardly process what was happening. I could feel the blank stare of confusion wash over my face. When I sank into my seat at the head of the table, I waded out into the feelings of gratitude. It was in that moment that I realized I’m one of the lucky ones. And like most worthwhile things in life, it took a ton of effort to get that lucky — effort which my friends and I all continue to bring.

We all have those moments in life where we reckon with the realities of actually living. For me, it started to sink in when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19 and was basically homebound with symptoms for the next year or so. Living can be hard. It is hard. I was a relatively-cool-with-it accidental loner, until I finally caved to the slap of reality: I was missing the kind of social support that makes maturing so much easier, more worthwhile. It was a vulnerability I hadn’t wanted to face for a long time.

I love my mom and dad. But parents age, and, eventually, they leave us. I love my brother. But siblings get busy with their own lives, on totally separate trajectories from our own; mine took up residence in the ‘burbs with a partner and two kids of his own. I hope to meet a romantic partner… someday. I’m also well aware there’s no guarantee that I’ll meet my life partner in early adulthood, or at all, unless I want to consider some serious compromises for perpetual companionship (I don’t).

The social sphere with the most potential for immediate impact is the one I overlooked the longest, amidst family history and the constant get-together-breakup cycles of dating: friends.

I wasn’t as committed to that search. But maybe I should have been, because my life changed dramatically when I was wholly intentional about the friends I invested in. Friends are the family you choose, after all. Sometimes, they have a corrective effect on our stories, bringing a certain kind of support we once lacked to our lives. They can often understand you in ways your birth family cannot; how you never fit in back home, how you’re evolving as a human, what sets your soul on fire and where you want to be. No matter where you come from, no matter what your upbringing or birth family is like, adult friendships can be about where you’re going.

Making those friends isn’t easy. There’s no obvious way to meet different kinds of people outside work colleagues and your former school peers. You fail a lot. You have to keep looking for those “clicks,” taking opportunities and making them, feeling slightly uncomfortable and lonely, even desperate, throughout the entire process.

For the record, I’m glad I took a chance on that email from a stranger, no matter how strange it felt to me at the time. (It hadn’t happened before, hasn’t happened since.) I’m glad Steph didn’t play it cool, either. And after that, I’m glad we tried, hard, to make friends, because we did make some of the best friends. (We’ll celebrate “Friendsgiving” later this week.)

We make intentionality so uncool sometimes. We love to romanticize “organic” connections, “natural” relationships and friendships. Well, I’m here to tell you, screw that. Try. Try hard. Ask to hang out. Follow up on “soft” happy hour invites by similarly unsure people. Chase people who carry the kind of energy you want to be around. Be as uncool as possible if that’s what it takes; ideally, your true, vulnerable self, with a heart desperate for the right kind of connection.

And if you haven’t found them yet, keep searching for your people, your other fam. Don’t give up until you find them. Chances are, the right ones will be looking for you, too.

Jenna Birch is author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love (Grand Central Life & Style).

Photos by Louisiana Mei Gelpi; Creative Direction by Emily Zirimis.

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  • Megan

    Literally crying. Thank you. You’ve given me hope and great insight: vulnerability is the only way to make real connections with others.

  • Rachel

    I loved reading this! Making adult friends is so hard! My close group of friends that I’ve had since elementary school have drifted apart and I feel like we don’t have anything in common anymore except for history. Then after my undergrad most of my super close friends from university moved and although I still consider them some of my closest friends in the world you lose those connections a bit when separated by geography. Now in grad school I was hoping to form close friendships with the people in my program since we share common interests and as lovely as they all are I’ve found it hard to form that close bond.
    Since getting together with my boyfriend most of my free time is spent with him and I find that including him in my group of friends is difficult since they’re all women. Whereas his group of friends is a mix since they’re all couples. I’ve been welcomed into his friend group which is nice to have but I feel like I’m lacking my own close friendships. I really want to make new friends but I never know where to look. The idea of meeting random people online and forming those bonds in person is great! I wish there was a dating app for friendship!

    • JessK

      There are two apps, that I know of, for finding platonic female friends: Hey Vina and Bumble BFF. They’re only available in some cities, but those lists are growing all the time. I’ve used Hey Vina and met some nice women, but like everyone, struggle to find/make enough time to foster new relationships. I haven’t used Bumble BFF, but have heard it’s pretty good.

      I moved across the country two years ago and have really struggled to make new friends in my new hometown. Good luck with your search!

      • Katie M

        Adding to JessK, Hey Vina is great because it is dedicated to friendships, whereas Bumble uses the same profile across both the dating and friendship parts of the app. I found it was a bit weird, since you can’t change your bio or photos and so lots of people you come across have tailored theirs for the dating side which doesn’t really cross over well to the platonic, friendship side of the app. I found doing short courses was another great way to meet people, and becoming a regular at a yoga/pilates studio. Good luck 🙂

    • Beasliee

      I don’t know where you are but I have found Meet-Up a great app for finding events attended by similar-minded people.
      Most people go alone, you just need to be prepared to make the first move and start conversation! I tend to find “please can I talk to you so I’m not just stood on my own” gets a look of relief from other loners!

    • curly215

      I relate to this so much. There is a dating app for friendships actually! Bumble BFF. It you download Bumble, it’s one of the options in the app. It’s less weird/awkward than you might think. Also, if you (or anyone on here) is from LA, feel free to reach out. I would love to meet some like-minded Man Repeller girls. And just a reminder, no one is meant to be alone. People need people and even if it seems a bit hard right now, we will all find ours.

      • Rachel

        I would be so nice to meet other Man Repeller woman in person! Unfortunately I live in Ottawa, not LA

      • Nicole S

        Hi there! I am a MR reader in the la area – would live to meet sometime. Let me know how to connect!

        • Karishma

          hey there another reader from LA here ! I have moved around the country three times because of my husbands work so it’s been so tough making new female friends who I can connect with and just have fun chatting with about silly things ! Would love to be part of a MR LA meet up !

          • Cassandra Richardson

            I’m in Orange County but I would love to drive up if there is some sort of MR LA meetup!

          • Karissa

            Hi! I live in OC too! I’d love to try and meet up if we found a central location

      • Emily Thompson

        I would love to meet up with any LA ladies! If you all email me at kemilythompson@gmail.com I can connect us all in a thread and we can make a plan for a central meetup! ❤️

        • curly215

          @disqus_Dsw9t6Ygl6:disqus @nicolayum1992:disqus @disqus_Sugir3lIww:disqus @disqus_KWx1DVqIlI:disqus Let’s definitely all meet up guys! Let’s all email Emily and find a time to meet! Also, once we start the email thread, we can also start a chat on WhatApp to make things easier

          • Oh my goodness, am I too late to the party?! I would love to meet up with some MR readers in LA!! @disqus_Dsw9t6Ygl6:disqus I’ll shoot you an email!

          • Karishma

            Yes I’m totally down for that !! my email is karishma.shahani@gmail.com

            Disqus is not updating me about the comments so seeing this right now.

        • curly215

          Guys the London group is killing it and already has a Facebook group. We need to step up our game 😊@disqus_KWx1DVqIlI:disqus @disqus_Sugir3lIww:disqus @nicolayum1992:disqus

          • Karishma

            Hahaha yes have emailed Emily looking forward to meeting up and starting the MR LA chapter soon !

        • Dale Chong

          here. for this. email me at daleachong@gmail.com 🙂

        • Taehler

          Would love to also join!! Just sent you an email! 🙂

        • Karissa

          I’d love to join in! I’ll shoot you an email

        • biscay

          omg hi!! this post is amazing. I’m going to send u an email as well. Hope I’m not too late?

    • Miss Ni

      I feel you so much, I just moved from my homecity to my fiance’s small town and I only have been hanging around with his circle of friends, but even if they are nice we sadly aren’t compatible… and no friend apps in my country, that would really be an option!

  • me

    I’m crying. I needed to hear this… and am so grateful that you shared your wise, thougtful words. Especially the last para.

    Thank you.

  • tmm16

    I’m coming close to 5 months since I moved to NYC and making new friends/learning how to stay in touch with my old ones and this was a very much needed read. You truly make friends with people spontaneously. My best friendships don’t feel forced. I’ve used Bumble BFF and met a handful of women around my age. I always have enjoyed experiences, but it’s rare to meet someone you just subconsciously connect with.

    I guess just keep putting yourself out there! It’s like everything and anything. Something (in this case, someone) is bound to stick.

    • There’s a bumble for friends????

    • Noelia Oberti

      I want to try that app!

  • Naudia

    Thank you so much for this article. I am post grad having a hard time making new friends. This encouraged me to keep trying

  • Mahek Tulsiani

    This is such a good read. I moved pretty recently and I needed this.

    tbh, if anyone lives in NYC and wants to be friends, hmu!

  • Adrianna

    Making new friends particularly in my early 20s was difficult. People weren’t very receptive to open up beyond their close friend groups. I’d get invited to a party and go with the clear intention to meet complete strangers, but I’d face some unintentional or even intentional hostility for changing an existing dynamic. Everyone reaches for their phone as soon as they’re alone.

    One thing we don’t talk about enough is how whiney people are after college. Maybe it’s the type of person who moves to NYC, but no one wanted to just be silly and laugh.

    I’d be screwed if my relationship ended. My partner is truly my best friend, so I don’t go out of my way to cold-call an interesting person on social media.

    • I didn’t have any friends when i moved to NYC a year ago and still find myself heading home on a Friday when I’d rather be at happy hour, because the few close friends I do have here are busy. I joined a yoga studio, the Wing, and host a coffee meet-up every Friday as a way to widen my community—so I’m for sure trying— but even then it can be difficult! Wouldn’t mind meeting girls with nice guy friends either 😉

      All are welcome to Friday coffee! Send me a message on insta and I’ll get you on the list! @lo_moore 💕

      • Emilia

        down for Friday coffee! Also, where is everyone new to NYC at? (fresh September transplant here!) Let’s make a meet-up happen.

        • laurenromoore@gmail.com send me an email Emilia!

        • Mary W

          Yes, so down for a meetup!

        • Sarah

          A meet up would be so fun! We should figure out how to make one happen.

        • Lauren Krenik

          So down for this! I’m also new to NYC and it would be lovely to meet you all!

      • Andrea

        Can I get in on this? I’ve lived in New York my whole life but facing the same issue people face when they stay in their hometown–everyone grows up and apart. Can use some new people in my circle!!

        • Of course! Send me an email I’ll give you the details! 🙂 laurenromoore@gmail.com

          • Sarah

            Not sure if you’re getting a million emails from man repellers now, but hope it’s okay if I send you one too 🙂

          • Anna Ferrante

            Hi youre probably swamped with mr emails! Would love to join you all!

          • Jess Greenspan

            me too!

      • Devon Butler

        Love to get in on this! Send me an email: devonambutler@gmail.com

  • Jessie

    Aww, this article is so sweet. And as a fellow Ann Arbor post-grad, I can really relate. The times when I’ve put myself out there friendship wise, I’ve never regretted it.

  • This is one of those posts that make you go “Thank God I’m not the only one feeling this way”. I’m not exactly an adult yet, but I moved countries last year and now face the challenges of gaining my new colleagues’ trust, make new connections and most importantly, new friends who aren’t just there to fulfil me socially, but to create that connection you’ve been describing in your piece here. Finding the ‘right’ kind of friends is a long process, and I believe there’s definitely a huge dash of luck involved, but most importantly, a great amount of effort. I guess we all need to keep trying and failing, while also keeping in mind that it’s not necessarily because of us, or what we believe is our inadequacy, that prevents us from finding those friends. I’m invited over to dinner on Friday at a friend’s house, who’ll hopefully become exactly what I am looking for (and maybe she is looking for, too).

    • Noelia Oberti

      I totally understand your feeling! I moved to the US and I found really hard to make friends. I hope you made a new friend last Friday! 🙂

      • Thank you! And yeah, I did, you’d be surprised to discover how much someone can bond over some pasta and wine hehe

  • Caroline Christianson

    We need to make ManRepeller friend connections happen! Anyone in Philly – hi!!!!

    • Lina

      I love that idea! Sadly I’m far from Philly (Germany that is…) but it would be so fun!

    • Tina Barcello


    • Aggie

      You are so right! Anybody in London struggling with this too?

      • Emma

        I’m in London! Would love to meet a fellow reader 🙂

      • Bea

        I’m in London too!!

        • Aggie

          Let’s meet! Emma below is in London too 🙂 how do we do this?

      • Amy

        I moved to southeast London about 6 months ago and got so excited when I saw this! Aggie, Bea, Emma — how are you connecting? My Facebook https://m.facebook.com/amy.katelyn.9?ref=bookmarks

      • Olivia

        Hi girls!

        Can I join this? I live in London and this is the first step to me making a conscious effort to overcome this early 20’s loneliness, instead of rather ignorantly hoping the right people will just stumble into my life. Turns out this adult stuff is hard and life isn’t like Sex and The City! Why does no one prepare you for this shit?!

        I don’t have Facebook but I do have other forms of social media I can DM.

        Thank you!

        • Aggie

          HEY! Our group is getting pretty big which is exciting. Would you be able to get messenger, I don’t think you need a Facebook profile for it. If not, I think we could start a group chat somewhere else maybe WhatsApp? I don’t know

          • Julia

            Hey! I live in London and would also totally love to meet some fellow readers. My facebook is https://www.facebook.com/julia.payne2

            This is so exciting! X

          • Olivia

            Hi Aggie!

            Yes! I’ve just seen I can download without using Facebook so will do so now, this will make it easier for the whole group, I would imagine..

            Do you have to be added to a group or can I find you? About as techy as someone’s nan!

          • Aggie

            Yay, try to find me as Aggie Chebre, if not who are you listed under?

          • Amy

            Here’s our messenger group! https://m.me/join/AbZmMaqwt8YMs9ab

        • Hi Olivia! I’m not answering because of the London group thing, but rather because I felt reflected in your words about the bitterness of adulthood (I am just starting to experience that). I thought it would be interesting to follow a person in this situation in some social media.

          • Olivia

            Hi Nana,

            Of course, I’d love to chat. I’m on instagram at @livalexa

      • Natasha

        Hi guys,

        Absolutely love this article! I am in London too and would love to meet some Man Repeller! Let’s make this happen.

        My Facebook is https://m.facebook.com/natasha.ingham?ref=bookmark

      • Laurel Kemp

        I would love to be a part of this! I am 23 and moved to London last year. I work in the art and antiques dealing business and it is a hard industry to meet women or young people in.

        My facebook is: https://www.facebook.com/laurel.kemp


      • cuffers27

        I know I’m a little late to this but would love to join if you’re still adding people (seems like it’s been very popular!) https://www.facebook.com/jess.cufley

      • Silvia Sguazzin

        I would love to join too! Looking forward to meet other MR readers 🙂

      • Naomi Forde

        Hi, I’m in London as well, is it too late for me to join in too 🙂

      • Nadia

        Hey if I’m not too late to the London party I’d love to sign up too. I’ve requested to join the messenger group x

        • Aggie

          Hey! It’s not too late, we’re meeting in January 🙂 I didn’t see your request though :/ can you try again?

          • Nadia

            Ok fab – I’ve clicked on the request to join group. My facebook is https://www.facebook.com/nadiabarmada
            Let me know if you still don’t see my request x

          • Kayleigh

            Hey, I requested to join a few days ago, looking forward to hanging out in Jan.

          • Toni

            Hi, i love this. i’ve requested, if that is ok?xx

        • Ella Downey

          Hi Nadia! I tried to join the link but it says the request has expired): here is my fb: https://m.facebook.com/ella.downey.10?ref=bookmarks would you be able to add me through that ?

      • Ella Downey

        I’m in London too!

        • Aggie

          Hey Ella,
          You should join our group through Facebook if you have it? We’ve had our first successful meet up last weekend!

    • Mariana


      • Alice

        Hello Mariana! I’m in lisbon, and you?

    • Kattigans

      Anyone in SF??? This city is very hard for making adult female friends that stick

      • Uli

        I’m new in SF too

      • puh-po

        Yes, I’m in SF too and I totally agree

      • sim

        I’m in the South Bay but definitely agree with that sentiment!

      • JB

        I’m on the Peninsula! Let’s get a Bay Area group together. I’ve been here two years and am still having a hard time meeting people.

      • Kattigans

        I’ve lived here for 3-ish years and its still hard for me to make good girl friends who don’t eventually leave. Would love to start an MR bay area chapter!

        • Tanya Zeif

          So much yes! Let’s do this!

      • catherine

        Just moved here! Would love to join a group. 🙂

      • Bernie Alvarez

        I’m in sf too! I would totally be down to hang out

      • Jennifer

        I’m in East Bay but work in SF! 🙂

      • Lindsay Smith

        I’m in SF too!

      • Maya Galicia-Canto

        Would love to be part of the SF MR chapter!!

      • Wendy T

        I’m in SF too! Maybe we could start a Facebook group?

      • Jacqueline Lum

        I’m in SF as well! A native born and raised. Would love to meet others in this group!

        • Jacqueline Lum

          Facebook messenger group?

          • Tanya Zeif


          • Lo Collins

            Yes please!

          • Jacqueline Lum

            Hey everyone – Trying to start the messenger group now “MR – SF Bay Area Chapter”. Haven’t done this before, but I think linking your Facebook profile here will help me add you. @AbbyHartmann and I have already linked up! Thx for the initiative, Abby!

          • catherine

            Just added my FB account! Hope to meet you all! Xo

          • SJP

            Hi Jacqueline, did that Messenger group get up and running? I can’t find it 🙁

          • Moira Whalen

            Way late to the comments, but I would also love to join the SF messenger group!

        • sims

          a little late but definitely would love to join! 🙂

      • Lo Collins

        I’m in SF/Bay Area and would love to join if it’s not too late. 🙂

      • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

        Guys! My passion project is a SF-based event series called Hot Fruit which is exactly for this! We are having an event in December! Come come! Use the code FruitParty at Hotfruit.us to attend. xoxo

        • Rosalind Wellbelove

          Hi Amanda I would love to come along to this but I cant find the details online. Could you post a link?

          • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

            Sure thing! https://www.hotfruit.us/ and the code is FruitParty under the attend page. Hope to meet ya!

        • Lo Collins

          I’m interested Amanda!

          • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

            Lo that would be wonderful! It has really been a labor of love and all the women that attend are so down to make friends. Please come we would love to meet you! https://www.hotfruit.us/ and the code is FruitParty under the attend page.

          • Lo Collins

            Hi Amanda! I’ve signed up and will be there! Thank you so much for posting this amazing opportunity. I’ve put your name as the ‘fruit friend’. I am so so so nervous but equally excited.

          • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

            Don’t you worry one bit! It’s going to be fun–no stress.

        • Abby Hartmann

          Love this idea! I just signed up but forgot to put your name in as my contact… whoops… hope to meet you there!

          • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

            Omg so happy!

          • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

            We will for sure!

        • Jacqueline Lum

          Just signed up Amanda. Thanks for sharing!

          • Amanda Hughes-Watkins

            Definitely gonna make sure all the MR gals meet!

      • BB

        Is this actually happening? I’m in SF and I would love to meet some awesome like-minded ladies!

      • Amanda Gordon

        Just moved here, love this idea

    • Miss Ni

      And I bet no-one in Greece knows what MR is…. but goodness I would love to meet fellow readers! This community is just such a heaven!

      • Apostolia Gat

        OMFG !!! I was about to comment the same thing …

        • Miss Ni

          A fellow Greek???? Oh goodness!!!!!!Pleased to meet you Apostolia! Commenting from Kastoria!

          • Apostolia Gat

            Hi !!! I was really excited to find a fellow Greek , too !!! I live in Thessaloniki .

          • Miss Ni

            I originally come from Thessaloniki as well!!!

          • Apostolia Gat

            Nice ! Well , I’m not from Thessaloniki … I study here…

          • Miss Ni

            That’s great! I bet you will do amazingly in your studies, and you’ll have great fun as well there!!

        • Miss Ni

          Goodness, we are two??? Nice to meet you Apostolia, I’m Vera from Kastoria!

    • Danielle Cardona Graff

      Amazing idea! Any NYC kids to connect with?

      • Hannah

        I’d love to!

      • send me an email to join our Friday coffee! laurenromoore@gmail.com

        • Caroline Christianson

          Hi! Can I get in on this? I live in Philly but will be in New York for my birthday weekend / hope to move back after med school. Lmk! Xx

      • Devon Butler

        Hit me up! devonambutler@gmail.com

        IG: @devonariana

    • Kristina

      Yes! Could not agree more! Hello to anyone in Columbus, OH!

    • Silvia Sguazzin

      So many of us from South East London! I live in Rotherhithe and would love to meet other MR readers 🙂 https://m.facebook.com/silvia.sguazzin?ref=bookmarks

    • Natalie Smith

      Chicago girls HIT ME UP! https://m.facebook.com/natalieas1

    • Valerie Hoke

      Okay I know this turned into a London thread and I’m semi-late to the party, but hellooooo I’m in Philly too, let’s hang!


      STL? Moving back in December and I need some kindred spirits!


      STL? Moving back in December and need to find some kindred spirits! https://m.facebook.com/taylor.paquette.16

    • Yes yes yes yes YES. Late to the party, but anyone in Minneapolis?

      Also, hi MR team! Would you consider creating a new post specifically for people to connect with MR community members in the comments? Someone I know did that on her blog (she had people comment with their city and instagram handle, and then folks connected via instagram DM) and I’ve since met up with two people from that post alone, one of whom has now become a close friend…internet magic!

    • Meredith Christian

      I’m in Philly! I moved here a year and a half ago and am still searching for my people.

      • Caroline Christianson

        HI your dog is very cute and should play with mine sometime. I’m in a cardio block for med school that’s pretty intense but our exam is Dec 15 – lmk if you’re around/free the week of Dec 18 to grab coffee! I’ll only be working on research that week so will have a very flexible schedule. My ig is @carolinechrist if you want to connect there until we can find a time that works!

        • Meredith Christian

          messaged you!

      • Christine Germeroth

        I’m in Philly too!!

      • Nancy D.

        Hi all! I’m in the Philly area too! Is it too late to join? I don’t use my IG too often but it’s @heynahncyy if it’s easier to get in touch there :).

    • ChicSi

      Yes! And just moved here! Would love to meet people.

    • Emily Zubriski

      Hi from Philly!

  • Elaine Lo

    “My life changed dramatically when I was wholly intentional about the friends I invested in.” Thank you.

  • Keisha

    Another good way to meet people is through volunteering. Everytime I’ve moved to a new place, I would volunteer for any arts and music festivals happening in the area.

  • sam

    “Chase people who carry the kind of energy you want to be around. Be as uncool as possible if that’s what it takes; ideally, your true, vulnerable self, with a heart desperate for the right kind of connection.”

    This came to me at the exact right time at the exact right moment. Thanks. There’s something so scary about reaching out of your comfort bubble and potentially looking ‘uncool’. Do the work, get the treats!

  • Peta trendall

    I loved this post. It is so relevant and so true. I think as we get older we can become set in our friendship groups and close ourselves off to the possibility of making new connections. I have two young adult sons and watching the ease with which they embrace new friendships and their willingness to put themselves “out there” socially is a reminder of how much more open I used to be. Great new friendships can be forged at any age if you are game.

  • lateshift

    SUCH a great post…Thanks for this ❤️

  • Holy shit I can’t imagine having that many friends.

  • Beasliee

    Such a great piece and so happy you’ve found such an amazing set of friends.
    I agree. You have to be vulnerable and put yourself out there. Turns out no one wants to make the first move so sometimes you have to. Anyone who judges you has done you a favour and shown you they don’t deserve to be your friend. Meet-Up is an excellent way to meet new people.
    If anyone would like to organise a Man Repeller Manchester UK social give me a shout! 🙂

    • Beth Wiltshire

      I’m in Manchester!! We should definitely get a coffee or a drink? I’ve found it hard to meet people I ‘click’ with, but a shared love for MR might be the thing

      • Zoe

        I was scrolling through the comments hoping someone was in Manchester! I’m here too! I’ve only lived here for a couple of years and just finished my masters and it’s very difficult meeting new friends in this ‘inbetween’ stage. Would be awesome to have coffee or something!

        • Beth Wiltshire

          Yes definitely, maybe the three of us (and anyone else in mcr!) should meet up together? How is best to take this off the comments sections? Facebook?

      • Beasliee

        Eeeek! I have the same username on Instagram if you want to suss out my hobbies (food, greenery…) and send me a msg 🙂

        • Beth Wiltshire

          aw no, I don’t have IG right now (I smashed my phone, it’s a bit of a saga haha) – but we could use Fb to set up a group message with Zoe and sort something out? my fb is http://bit.ly/2AfFg0Y

          • Beasliee

            Hi! I haven’t done what you suggested as I dont know how to! Do I just have to send you a msg?

          • Beth Wiltshire

            Hey, yeah just message me or add me, my name on fb is Beth Wltshr!
            I’m sorry I was planning to follow you on iG but I still don’t have a phone that supports it haha

  • Bea

    This is hard and very relatable… except I’m still in the “graduated from university three years ago and haven’t made friends out of uni yet” phase. London/Surrey people, hmu.

  • I moved to London from Australia four years ago and found it really hard to make a group of friends, I know a lot of people on their own but bringing them together seems almost impossible! Will have to start trying harder to make more friends now, great post!

  • Thanks for this post! As someone who has moved countries, it makes me feel like I’m not the only one struggling. Also, if someone wants to be “as uncool as possible” here in Paris, lets keep in touch!

    • Isabelle Plan

      Wanna be uncool around a coffee soon ? Hit me up !

    • Lily McFarland

      I’m here and uncool in Paris too!!

    • I’m Parisian but a MR reader too, English-speaker as much as I can 😉

    • Alexandra Lazic

      Hey Chloe, I’m also in Paris and not very cool! Would you be keen to hang out?

    • Aurélia Charmy

      What a lovely feeling to see the thread is expending near me! Would love to meet people from the MR community!

    • Elena

      Hi, I hope I’m not too late for all this amazing “let’s be uncool together in Paris”. In case it wouldn’t, I would I’d love to meet.

      • hiii Elena, just added you on fb, would love to grab a coffee!

      • Emilia

        Hi Elena & Chloe! Late to the party, I recently moved to Paris from NYC and would love to get coffee, if that’s still a thing!

        • Elena

          Hi Emilia, of course you’re not! May I have your Facebook or your Instagram?

  • This post was NEEDEDDDDD for me today, because I have been feeling this way for months, if not the entirety of the last 2 years. It is so difficult to connect sometimes, and everyone is so heavily indulged with their own lives, partners, work, and problems, that even I fool myself into thinking perhaps I don’t have any time to make new friendships, but I need them, I CRAVE them! Writing this from Toronto btw, should anyone want to chat it up 😉

    • Kiks

      If I was still in Toronto I definitely would! Currently on Vancouver Island but probably moving to Manitoba (I KNOW) in the summer for my husband’s job. I have literally made one real friend in the two years that I have lived here. It’s hard!

      • Becky Adelson

        I’m in Calgary! So close yet so far

    • Portia Baladad

      I’m in Toronto! Sorry I’m so late to this party but I would love to chat.

      I grew up in the GTA, but I’ve never managed to make capital F “Friends” here as a adult. It’s funny because I’ve always managed to make meaningful friendships when I live in other cities. I’ve been wondering if I just don’t belong in this particular place or if my return also meant going back to a particularly bad, anti-social, “life was greener on the other side” mindset.

      I would love to feel like I belong in Toronto for once in my life. Just let me know if you’d like to grab a coffee downtown or something!

      • Oh wow. It was fate that I found the email notification from Disqus at the exact time that I did. Portia! I would….love to! I don’t live too far from downtown and I love coffee ☕️ How can we find each other? Instagram perhaps? I’m @kathleensweet or perhaps I can send you my email via disqus 🙃

        • Portia Baladad

          I’ll follow you on Instagram!

    • Isis-Maya

      Hi! I am a new transplant to Toronto 🙂 moved here from NYC late this summer to be with my boyfriend (he’s canadian) and get my residency. I love the city, but because I don’t work and spend most of my time with him it has been so hard to meet people. I live in the downtown area and would love to meet up with some likeminded peeps 😉 xo

  • Mon Valdés

    This is just SO COOL! I moved earlier this year from the small town I grew up in, and making friends here in Cabo has been a challenge (I get along with my work colleagues great and we hang out very often, but it’s inevitable to not talk about work, and sometimes I just want someone to go and grab coffee with, and speak about everything and nothing). I am kind of a homebody so I’m not crazy about clubbing or partying, so it’s difficult to meet people organically. But hey MR community – if you ever come to Cabo (México) and want to grab a coffee -or margarita- Hit me up!

  • I’m loving the connections already being made from this post down here in the comments!!! MR community is so beautiful ☺️ Love you guys, internet friend fam.

  • Ciccollina

    “We make intentionality so uncool sometimes. We love to romanticize “organic” connections, “natural” relationships and friendships. Well, I’m here to tell you, screw that. Try. Try hard.”

    Damn straight!!! I have come on strong so many times with friends and I am SO glad that I did. Great article!

  • T

    This hits close to home. Anyone in Boston wanna hang…??

    • Hello I am in Boston and new and scared!

      • Lucrezia Sanes

        I’m not in Boston proper but close enough to meet up!

    • Elizabeth

      I am also in Boston! I love it here but I just moved here a year ago and know approximately three people.

    • Rachel Narowski

      I do!!

    • Francesca

      Hi I’m in Boston and would love to meet up! My email is francesca.miller@me.com

    • paraplu

      I was hoping there might be a Massachusetts comment on here! I’m outside of the city (about an hour North/West) but would love to meet up sometime with people!

    • Keem

      I work in Boston, I’d love to meet up!

    • Emma Guillen

      I’m in Boston too!! Would love to meet you all 🙂 (email is emmaflynnrogers@gmail.com)

    • Abby W

      I’m from the Boston area too! Has anyone started a Boston MR “chapter”?

  • Harriet Johns

    “don’t play it cool.” don’t need to tell me twice. 10/10 article

  • ava

    I invited 6 women over last night, who live in my house (12 Apartments here). Met them on the “stairs” here and there and thought: lets all get get together for an evening (just with some wine and cheese, nothing big to prepare). We had such a great evening and everyone said how much she loved it afterwards. We laughed (a lot!), shared questions, life stories, I guess nobody expected it to turn out this good. Our ages range from 22 to 53. OK, maybe we where lucky that the chemistry was right – but we all live very different lives! That’s what makes it so interesting too. We decided asap to do this again because we all enjoyed it so much. Feels completely different now living in this apartment building in a big city im Germany. It was a risk inviting all these women I hardly knew and who didn’t know each other either, but I am so glad I took it.

  • Gentlywithoutnoise

    I have my childhood friends who I have outgrown because their either married, have kids, or both. I have my newer group of friends whom from 21 to 25 we did nothing but party! And now at 27 with the partying and clubbing getting old it’s kind of like ok well else is there to do? And so naturally I feel as though I have outgrown them too! I want to dance the night away buybacks I also want to go to art exhibits and live performances of the symphony orchestras. Anywho a man repeller connection in DC a be nice!

    • Tara Bianca

      I definitely understand having outgrown your party friends and now you are stuck like 🤷🏾‍♀️.
      Btw DC here

      • Gentlywithoutnoise

        It’s makes me wonder is it me or is it them! lol but reach out girly always open to meeting new people especially here in the city!

    • Hannah Packman

      I feel you — I’m in DC too, and it’s especially hard since it’s such a transient city. Hit me up if you want a museum/symphony/etc buddy, I’m always happy to meet new people!

      • Gentlywithoutnoise

        Hey Hannah I’m definitely down with that! Should we exchanges email or Instagram I don’t know how this kind of thing works but I definitely like the sound of some company to the Kennedy center! Im Tanisha my Instagram is @gentlywithoutnoise don’t be a stranger!

    • Cara Spidle

      I just had my entire friend group here move to different sides of the globe this year ☹️. I’d love to meet fellow DC MR readers and check out a museum or wait in that forever line at Rose’s Luxury! Reach out! I’d love to meet y’all! My Instagram handle is @cspidle13

      • Gentlywithoutnoise

        I really like the sound of that! Never done this before so I’m going to follow you on Instagram should I send you a DM or a email idk lol I’m Tanisha by the way!

  • Miss Ni

    I never ever comment on the wild wild net, but oh goodness, this article resonated so much with me at my current state…. I moved from my hometown (the 2nd biggest city in my country) to a small town to be with my fiance, and even though I absolutely adore him and he me, things have been horrible here in terms of socializing. Everywhere I turn there are racists, homophobs, sexists, as if I’m thrown in the middle of a 50’s rural nightmare…Men all around casually comment in a degrading manner against women(even the younger ones), women my age (late 20’s) are either married with babies or in a constant search for a husband because “that’s a woman’s ultimate destination in life” and conversations rotate around men, babies, nails and the frustrating lack of shopping options in our town (which is true btw). I’ve always been an introvert with a tight group of friends, suffered some betrayals and losses during uni years that limited even more my real friend numbers, and now here I feel so utterly alone. I hit the gym, but the ladies there are either late teens and in “college lifestyle” or moms with no time (and interest to even say hi, you ladies just can’t imagine the hostility). There is no active library (my original solace and introvert meeting place back home) and zero other options for meeting new people. The very few women in my fiance’s circle of friends are nice but we just don’t connect in a deeper level, and he is working crazy hours so I’m left playing the housewife and hitting the gym all day every day (have I mentioned that job opportunities here as slack as well?) One of my best friends back home is from here (moved eons ago) and used to joke that the only normal person she knows here is my fiance…. turns out she was right….. even a local psycologist we know admits that people are “a bit oldfashioned here” but at least the air is fresh and the nature beautiful….

    • marie cz

      I feel so bad reading this I come from a small town and I never come back for the reasons you mentioned, hope you find at least someone to connect soon or either way you are going to explode there

      • Miss Ni

        Thank you for your compassion! That is exactly how I feel, like a ticking bomb ready to explode…. Hopefully things will get a tiny better, since I doubt they can get worse… but boy do things seem bleak…

  • Jazz

    Wow this was beautiful, and then reading the comments below, hey everyone 🙂 is anyone else reading this in Spain? Just moved here from Montreal for work and being vulnerable in a new environment is always intimidating, especially when I’m just starting to learn the language, would love to meet some fellow ManRepeller readers!

    • Cristina

      Hi Jazz! I live in Salamanca, let me know if you are near here and we can hang out sometime! 🙂

    • katie

      hi jazz and cristina! i am in spain, too, in the basque country (a little far from salamance, i guess. . ). here’s my facebook in any case:


    • Emily Skipper

      Hi!! Yes! I will be in Barcelona later this month! Where in Spain are you?? Un abrazo!

      • Robin

        I´m in Barcelona!

        • Emily Skipper

          Let’s meet up! I just got back to the city. 🙂

      • chilli_in_june

        I’m in Barcelona too! 😉 (I scrolled the whole comment section wishing to find this :D)

        • Emily Skipper

          Hey @ch@chilli_in_june:disqus ! Let’s meet up! I’d love to go out for coffee or drinks sometime. 🙂

    • chilli_in_june

      Hi! I’m in Barcelona 😉 Gladly, I’ve already had a small group of my friends before coming here, but they are leaving in a month and I’m already getting worried about the ‘process’ of making new friends. From the one side meeting people is exciting, but it costs me lots of energy. Especially when you know you have left your trusted ‘buddies’ at your home country.

  • Wow this is so relatable. I too grew up in the Midwest, not a small city, but a small social circle. I had a steady group of friends for a while but then we all grew up.
    I’ve moved many times and have felt comfortable with my loner ways until my few close friends began drifting (one across country). I haven’t found my connections yet, but this really gave me some inspiration/motivation. Thank you for that.

  • What this thread has taught me is that there should be an MR app for making new friends.

  • Michelle Kline

    I am on the same page. I had/have such a great group of friends from grad school, and we are still in touch, but it’s different from having close friends in town. I miss having “cookie batter” friends who can pop over in PJs to hang out for no reason. But I do need to try harder. On that note, any MR readers in Vancouver, BC, Canada?

    • sveta

      I’m here in downtown Vancouver!
      I moved here a couple of years ago and always default to hanging with my bf so have made few friends. Let me know if you want to meet up for a drink or a coffee or something.

      • Michelle Kline

        I’d love to! I have the same issue re: hanging out with my spouse. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s probably better for both him and me, if we form some friendships beyond our marriage. Should we follow up via email? Mine is michelle.ann.kline at gmail.

    • NJ

      I’m late to this but I’m in Vancouver too and would love to meet you guys!

  • Julia

    This was a timely post for me. I’m 28 and about to move to Paris. As I only know one person there, I’m sure my associated fears are fairly self explanatory. This article has reminded me to have hope that my people will be there and looking for me too!
    P.S. Any recommendations for friend-making in Paris welcomed! I’ve downloaded Bumble Bizz but I’m avoiding reawakening my long deactivated Facebook profile to sign in to it.

    • Noelia Oberti

      Good luck in Paris!!

      • Julia

        Thank you Noelia! How nice is the MR community – this was actually my first comment and I just made two connections in Paris!

    • Thamsa

      I found Couchssurfing to be a helpful community when I lived in Edinburgh and London ( I am 29 just FYI) . Not for staying with people, but for the organised meetups. I’ve actually used it in Paris !!! You can attend or organise events (lots of pub nights or language exchange etc)or even use the Couchssurfing app to use their “hangouts” platform. I connected with locals and international folk. You can just post, “hey, i am so and so, anyone want to join at the Musée d’Orsay ?” Or whatever you like.

      • Julia

        Hi Thamsa, thank you so much for taking the time to write this – I really appreciate it. Just downloaded the app! x

        • Thamsa

          I’m not sure if you’ll read this again but I hope you had a good move !! Best of luck to you x

    • I am 28 too and I live in Paris, let me know when you arrive and we can grab a coffee! https://m.facebook.com/matskovskaya?ref=bookmarks

      • Julia

        Hi Chloe! Thank you, that would be great! I don’t use Facebook, so I can’t add you there. Do you have Instagram? x

    • Hi there Julia!
      As a 26 years old Parisian, I can show you around when you’ll be arriving! And it will help me practicing my English 😉 DM me : instagram.com/noemieprt ! xxx

    • Elena

      Hello Julia! I’m an Italian girl living in Paris for 2 years. Recently most of my friends left the town (they were expats studying with me) so I totally understand your struggle.
      Let me know if you’ll ever want to grab a cup of coffee.

      • Julia

        Hi Elena, that would be awesome! I arrive in Feb. Do you have Instagram?

        • Elena
        • Elena

          Hey Julia, I saw your message on Instagram, but it got somehow deleted so I couldn’t reply to it. May I ask you for your Instagram as well?

  • Tess Paoletta

    Anyone live in Austin, Texas??

  • This really hit me hard. I am 18 years old and recently moved to New York City in order to pursue writing in college. I really didn’t think that it would be this flipping hard to make friends at my college, but every person that I have tried to become friends with ends up comparing themselves to you ambitions, then inevitably slip away from establishing a true friendship. Honestly, it truly sucks. Making friends at this school, that is. If I hear that I should “just join a club” one more time, then I’m going to scream because I am in three. Right now, all I have is writing, and I’ve dedicated myself to that passion instead because for an introvert… putting yourself out there CONSTANTLY to be crushed in the end when people do not express the same eagerness as you is absolutely exhausting. I even tried Tinder a couple of times, but was ghosted after a few dates (that’s another story, my god). That really takes a toll on your spirit, despite how casual the damn app is. It’s almost as every one I meet are “too cool” for friendships, when in reality we’re all pretending like we have our lives together. So what givesssss.

  • lily

    Lonely in Los Angeles. Anyone want to grab coffee?

    • Paola GP

      Yeeesss! DTLA / Culver City?

      • lily

        Yes!!! I work in DT!

    • Colleen G

      Hi! I work at USC! Just moved here from Chicago with no friends. Would love to get coffee!

  • Sarah Manavis

    Fammmm. Any UK-based in Edinburgh/Glasgow?

    • Thamsa

      I found girlcrew (on Facebook) to be great when I was living in Edinburgh!!!

    • Lyndsay

      I’m in Glasgow ✌🏻

      • Sarah Manavis

        Girl let’s do it, hmu on Twitter/instagram? @sarahmanavis

        • Lyndsay

          Yas, doing it now!

  • Danielle Cardona Graff

    Making friends in my twenties was so easy! Work, School, Internships, Work, and so it went! Having passed 30, it’s suddenly very difficult to make new friends, and even more difficult remaining connected to existing friends because of life changes. Marriage, children, and careers shouldn’t change who we are so drastically that we can’t remain connected to those we care about, but it often does. I love reading this SO much, because it was an important reminder-the most important thing is to make the effort-or act on the intentions.

  • amcrni

    Hi I’m in Pittsburgh and am shitty at making adult friends. Once I tried joining a book club and got so overwhelmed by the 20 strangers around me who all already knew each other. Only a few took the time to try to speak to me for the evening… and I Never went back. I’m almost 30 and most of my friends I see regularly are from high school. And my fiance. And my parents.

  • Izzy

    I’d so be up for an Amsterdam/the Netherlands chapter 💃

    • Evelien Robers

      Same here. Up for an Amsterdam chapter!

    • Me too! I’m in Utrecht but close enough 😀

    • ss11

      I’m in Amsterdam – IG is @stefaniesko 🙂

  • Monique

    Anyone in the metro Detroit area that wants to be friends cause we both love MR? Just promise I won’t end up chained to a wall in your basement (unless you’re one of those people who host sex toy selling parties then I’m totes down) (also don’t count me out cause I just said totes please)

  • coffeebee

    I’m happy for you and finding your group. The image of sitting at the head of the table in wonder of the friends around you – heartwarming.

    I recently moved to Portland, OR and want to find some uncool, heart on sleeve, MR-reading friends. Let’s coffee, future friend!

  • laura glendening

    This is so relevant for me…anyone in Montreal? I’m pretty quiet and lowkey but love watching silly films and drinking cider or doing yoga (not with cider haha).

    • Mandy B

      I’m in Montreal! We can get a coffee or a cider 🙂

      • Laura Glendenning

        HEY! Sorry I didn’t catch this! Wanna message me on insta? @valsilph 🙂

  • Mary Bryan

    Oh wow, this resonated so much with me. Thanks for giving me hope that I can create a friend group like yours. I think I’ve been waiting for this magical group of people to just find me, but that just isn’t going to happen. The amount of similar comments on here is proof that there are a lot of other people who would certainly not be turned off by someone appearing to be trying too hard, which I think has held me back in the past. Here’s to trying!

  • Alissa

    Anyone in Phoenix?

    • Krista Grenier


      • Danielle Chernoff

        Right! Who knew? 🙂

        • Alissa Albrecht

          Hi! A meet up would be great! I live in Tempe (go to ASU), what about you all?

          • Danielle Chernoff

            I’m in uptown Phoenix. Coffee meet up would be cool! When are you guys free?

          • Alissa Albrecht

            I could meet in the afternoon this weekend somewhere in Downtown Phoenix! I don’t have a car, so limited to light rail and biking distances away.

          • Danielle Chernoff

            I have time Sunday between 3- 6? And yeah, downtown works well!

          • Alissa Albrecht

            Ok! Let’s maybe move this to email? Mine is albrechtam2014@gmail.com

        • Krista Grenier

          Definitely need to do some sort of coffee meet up!

          • Danielle Chernoff

            Yes! When is a good time for everyone?

          • Krista Grenier

            Weekends are best!

    • Danielle Chernoff

      YES! Would love to do a meet up!

  • Julie

    Just moved to Brooklyn from Seattle a couple of months ago and am having QUITE A TIME meeting people – or at least, people that actually follow up on those loose “we should get together sometime”-s.

    Would love to have some sort of a happy hour with other Brooklyn/NYC Man Repellers! Could even be a monthly “club” meeting, open to whoever feels like they want some friends?

    • Alex S

      Hi! I’m about 20 days too late but any nyc area manrepellers hit me up 🙂 {in a non-creepy, moved with my fiancé and miss my female friends way} Lexisheehy@gmail.com

  • Noelia Oberti

    It’s hard to make new friends. I moved to the United States two years ago and I still couldn’t make friends. It makes me feel frustrated. I have a good relationship with my co-workers (the only people I know besides my husband’s family) but most of them are men and they’re not interested in doing things after work (they all have their own lives and friends)! I used to have a lot of friends in my hometown but I started losing contact when I moved here. I’m still hopeful, I want to make real friends here! It’s good to know I’m not alone! 🙂

    • Noelia Oberti

      By the way…I’m in North Carolina!

      • Tamara Guest

        I haven’t seen a lot of comments here from people in America outside of NYC and LA! I’m in Indiana and I wish we could hang out, but we could be online friends!

      • No Good Can Come of This

        I am in NC too! Raleigh area here. If anyone from Raleigh wants to meet up let me know!

    • Taylor

      Hi Noelia! Where in North Carolina are you? I just moved to Wilmington and would love to meet people!

  • Elissa

    You guys. Yes. Every word of this rings true. I moved to NYC in February and making friends is such a challenge. I continually meet people with well established friend groups that aren’t necessarily looking to add to the pack. Anyone else feel that making friends is just a different form of dating? I asked a girl in line behind me in a coffee shop if she wanted to exchange numbers. Guess what? She did not.

    Although in hindsight I think that one is on me. It was a pretty aggressive move for a Saturday morning.

    • Audrey Stensrud

      This article feels like a hug. Your words ring true as well- making friends in the city can definitely feel like dating. Which would only mean you played all your cards right asking for another girls number, no?? Love where your heads at. Moved to NYC this fall & would love to grab coffee or connect sometime!! Fellow New Yorkers want to join?

      • Elissa L

        Yeah of course! Would love to meet up. I don’t have a Facebook (and I’m newish to Instagram but) Instagram.com/elissalunch

        I’m very down with New York based man repellers

        @disqus_0KEwFBbgEq:disqus you want in on this?

        • Gesi

          I moved to the city from Europe three years ago and often still kind of feel this way – I’d also love to meet up with fellow New York MRs if it’s happening!

        • Julie

          awh heck yes.

        • Julie

          I’m at @thatladyjulie on IG BTW!

      • Emilia

        Would love to!

      • Lauren Krenik

        You could not be more right- finding friends in the city feels exactly like dating ha! I moved to NYC over the summer and am in the same boat. I would love to meet you all and coordinate a coffee sometime!

  • Katrina Andaya

    Anyone in Honolulu?

  • Sinead O’Connell
  • Alyssa Lipuma

    Loved everything about this post. Where are my Chicago girls at? Let’s be friends!

    • Morgan Gamblin

      I’m in mke!! close enough i guess

    • Mia

      meeeee!!! let’s hang!

    • Natalie Smith

      West side! Message me on Facebook and let’s talk fashion: https://m.facebook.com/natalieas1

    • Ari Gibson

      Fellow Chicagoan here looking for other MR friends!

    • Lillian
      • Lillian

        also I’m @lellian on instagram! I’m going to email all y’all / slide in your DMs for a MR Chicago meetup.

    • Izzy

      Me!! send me an email zyizstanton@gmail.com. I have friends from my old job and college but they are all moving and we are growing apart. I want to find likeminded ladies to share with!

    • Elise

      Me! Hi hello!! escoles59@gmail.com

    • Caroline

      I came as soon as I heard! Instagram is: laingenuacypres

    • Dana Parker Cudone

      hey there- I’m in the chi! would love to meet up! Insta: danaparkercudone

    • Emma Weinstein

      In Chicago and here for this! Instagram: lemmanadestand

    • Lillian

      So many ladies – how do we make this happen! I’m @lellian on instagram… Can you DM multiples there? Otherwise I’ll send a big fat email

    • Alyssa Lipuma

      @alyssalipuma on Instagram and my email isalyssalipuma@gmail.com !

      • Chandra Berglund

        I’m a little late but I’d love to join a meet up! I’m on the northside! Insta: chandraberglund / email: chandraberglund@gmail.com

    • Emily Villanueva

      spent 10 minutes scrolling thru the comment section just to find the chicago thread lol. email me yaaaaalllll emilym.villanueva@gmail.com

    • Gabrielle

      Yasss! Recently moved to Chicago and read this connecting so hard (as in the lonliness and becoming a hermit-ness is so real)! I’m late to the game– is there a group message or thread i can join? I’m gabsophnich@gmail.com or insta: @giftofgabri or facebook https://www.facebook.com/gabriellesn4 !

  • Sarah Dehry

    Thank you for writing this. It’s a relief to know that there’re other people in this world with similar struggles to mine.

    Utterly uncool and forever looking for amigas in Denver, CO.

  • Dani Heifetz

    I think that Man Repeller needs a Facebook group of some sort to post user-created events and meet ups by region… there are so many cool people in this community to meet!

  • Betsy Willett

    Anyone in Boston?

    • Elizabeth

      I am in Boston! Or Newton, anyway. I moved here not long ago and know approximately three people. Email is rose.ere@gmail.com if you want to get in touch?

      • Tessa

        Hello! I am in Boston (Cambridge!) Email is ohheyitstessa@gmail.com

      • paraplu

        I’m from Newton (live a little farther out now)!

    • Francesca

      Me! My email is francesca.miller@me.com

    • Melissa Quint

      Hi! I’m in Boston – my email is meliq90@gmail.com

  • Morgan Gamblin

    As I was reading this, trying to figure out how you could possibly know exactly what was happening in my life, I found myself feeling a little less alone in the struggle to create quality relationships. This article wasn’t completely written for me seeing as I’m not a full fledged adult yet, but I like to think that 17 is a trial period for adulthood. I’ve really been having a rough few months though, the boy I thought I loved followed his heart to me then changed his mind and decided I was best left in the dust and my best friend quickly followed suit. I was utterly alone. The two people I had given all my time and love to ditched me. It hurt to lose him but she stung a little more. She is in a relationship with a guy who she loves to pieces but because of that she never makes any effort to see me, I was always the one planning things and buying concert tickets just to make her come out with me for a night. She has distanced herself from everyone because she spends all her time with him and I see the mistakes I made reflected back at me through her. She didn’t even bother to come to dinner on my birthday because she’d rather spend her evening on the 7th date night of the week. Not gonna lie, I spent a week in bed feeling sorry for myself but then, I rallied. I decided that I would try to find a way to become the best me I possibly could and do exactly what you mentioned, become “[my] true, vulnerable self, with a heart desperate for the right kind of connection.” So I set off on what felt like an impossible mission. My room became more organized than it has ever been, I dyed my hair (because isn’t that an unspoken law post getting dumped?????), I bought a beta fish (10/10 recommend it, they make your problems seem insignificant) and I started to go to the gym but still I craved a person to talk to at the end of the day. Honestly I just wanted someone to watch old sassy Bette Davis movies with and go out for ice cream at ungodly hours of the night but no such person was to be found. I had unfortunately run myself down the list of girls at my school and because we’ve all been together for the past 10 years there was nothing new for me to find but sad remnants of friendships past. So here I find myself, reading Man Repeller daily as though it is my life source, buying unnecessary amounts of products from Glossier and sinking further into my XL sweaters as I slowly but surely abandon my search for a teenage girl who wants to go to art museums and tiny coffee shops with me.
    if you happen to be looking for a bud, or if you have some words of wisdom I am all ears.
    hit me up!

  • Paige

    I love this! Any folks in Austin or Sydney want to be buds? I’m 70/30 in those cities. 🙂

    • Taylor Foody

      ME! Let’s hang when you’re in Austin!

      • Tess Paoletta

        Me too (for Austin!)

        • Taylor Foody

          Ye-uh! Just reached out to you on FB. @disqus_WgKT4k49n5:disqus – get back to us when you’re 70% in ATX!

          • Abbey

            Hey! I’m in SATX and another commenter is in Houston–mind if we meet y’all in the middle?

          • Taylor Foody

            Heya, do you mean here in ATX? Reach out to me on FB.

  • Kim

    Oh, I love, love this- was just thinking about this today! Anybody in Sacramento??

  • marie cz

    I literally cried reading this article maybe it’s because soon is my period idk but it’s so relatable and so uplifting I certainly doubt that’ll find friends here like everybody’s doing (I live in Ecuador) but I’m definitely gonna try in Twitter, hope that people in the comments section also find really nice friends wherever they are!!

  • danah kowdan

    This speaks volumes to me. Probably very late to this BUT.. Hello!! Anyone down to hang in Seattle?

  • Thamsa

    I’m moving to Cape Town soon from Canada and have been thinking about making new friends again and it frightens me a bit. I’ll be a student again, and while that might be an easier setting for friend making, it’s still pretty daunting! Stay supporting each other beautiful people !!!

  • Abbey

    What a perfect article. Long shot, but anyone in San Antonio, Texas?

    • An Nguyen

      Living in Houston! but whats a three hour drive?! enderah@gmail.com

      • Abbey

        Maybe we should try hooking up with the Austin people and meet in the middle?

  • Nicolette Wolff

    Where are my San Diego girls at? I need youuuuu!

    • curly215

      I know it’s a couple hours away, but our LA group is meeting on Friday if you’d like to join!

  • Ngaio Parr

    A thousand times yes to this entire article – anyone in Sydney Australia want a coffee? Message me on Instagram @ngaio_

    • Kristin Ellis

      Hi!! I’m hoping to move to Sydney next year, just followed you on Instagram, will get in touch when I get there 🙂

  • Marcela

    Hi! It’s so heartwarming to see there are so many women also looking for friends, starting new lives, in new places. Sometimes it gets hard and we tend to think there’s no one else out there.
    Just moved form Brazil to Connecticut 6 months ago for my husband’s work. Still trying to find my tribe.
    Any CT girl out there?

  • Leticia

    Really good article. I’m in my early 30s and I’ve moved countries on my own a few times. I love it but it’s quite tough to start over again. So anyone here living in Stockholm, Sweden? That’s a challenge 🙂

  • Nora

    Love this post. Literally everyone I know feels this way, including me. Making new friends post college is so difficult.

  • Sarah Alfa

    I’ve moved from Brooklyn to Dubai 2 years ago and still struggling to meet people!
    Anyone in Dubai wants to meet for coffee?

  • I genuinely don’t know how I took so long to discover Man Repeller. This community is just fantastic.

  • Becky Adelson

    anyone in Calgary, AB?

  • I’ve moved every year for the past three years and I’m preparing to do it again. This time I’m heading to New York City. I get warnings from every direction about how lonely I’ll be. This article is a great reminder that we’re responsible for our own realities. Thanks for your words!

  • Amy

    For anyone based in London, we have started a Facebook messenger group to organise a future meetup! Join us! https://m.me/join/AbZmMaqwt8YMs9ab

  • Lo

    Love this!!! Anyone in Houston?!

  • Violet M. Rylo

    Anyone in NY?

  • Lorange E

    Late to the party, but anyone in Seattle?

  • Merillionaire

    THIS. Thank you for this! 🙏🏼

  • Erica

    Is anyone in Austin??

    • Alden

      Me me me!! Sorry I’m so late to the party here, how do we do this?

  • Liz

    Anyone in Auckland or even the general NZ area?

  • nice story.. if you need information package traveling in indonesia joint with us pulau seribu resort

  • dhruvy

    Hello! Super late on this thread! Anyone in Bombay, India?

  • Beautiful, thought-provoking post, Jenna. Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts.

    In my line of work (injecting more summer camp’ness into adults’ lives), I hear this all the time. My frustration with and inability to make adult friends is why I started my business in fact. I thought I was alone in my sadness and loneliness. I quickly learned I wasn’t and that people are ravenous for the types of relationships we had at camp and in college.

    Will be sharing this post with as many folks as I can. It’s comforting, inspiring, and heartwarming. Thank you!

  • Emily Fink

    Thank you for this ❤️ I just moved to NYC and love the city and my new job, but I have a very small number of friends! And I think we are all at our core social and find ourselves in community as humans, so it’s hard to be centered when my community has downsized. But this reallygives me hope to push through!

  • Wow.. this really spoke to me. I often don’t hang out with new people in order to keep trying with old friends that no longer try anymore or i just isolate… I needed to read this.

  • Sarah Mcgrew

    This was just what I needed to read on the third-to-last day of 2017. I’m going to make finding/creating a group of supportive friends a goal for next year. Wish me luck. Thanks!

  • Sam Stanley

    Vancouver ppl??!

    • NJ

      Very late but from Vancouver!

  • Sandra Guedes

    Probably a long shot but it there´s any southamerican we could create a group 🙂

  • Reading this has been pretty relieving. Even thought I’m on my early 20’s and live in my hometown in Spain, I am quite sure I will find myself living in another country in the future. I used to think of me as an independent person, but truth is I only felt that way because I was taking all my relationships for granted, feeling that they were going to be there eternally and unchanged, when that’s not true. I am crazy afraid of finding myself alone in a different city and this just reminded me that it’s possible to create new relationships as worth it as the old ones -and I already met some new amazing people since I started university. I’m already used to being the “uncool” person that is always trying to make plans and open up with my current friends, I just need to work on extending that to meeting new people. Love the athmosphere in the comments, by the way, althought I came here a bit late!!

  • Camilla Ackley

    I adored this piece. I have a few different circles of friends, but when my mother was hospitalised while I was at university around six months after my father walked out, I fell into a sketch comedy group (weird, right?). There is such a kind of peace when you find ‘your people’ and I never expected a rag tag group of amateur comedians to be my saving grace, but they formed a little protective bubble around me and filled it with laughter when really it would have been easier to just be devastated. I am a firm believer that you can never have too many friends, and I am constantly in awe of the way people seem to come into our lives when we least expect them to, but need them the most. Coming out of university is hard, and starting new jobs is a whole new wave of trying to make new friends but the awkward encounters and not-so-great connections are always worth the gems that come out at the end. This was so lovely to read – it expressed what I think so many of us feel but might even be too shy to say sometimes.


  • wilhelmina

    Really happy you found your people. A very hopeful story indeed 🙂