No point in burying the lede here: Newsboy caps have returned to fashion and I am not in a good place about it.
There is something wrong with me, for sure, because I dislike all kinds of hats: the fedora, the bucket hat, the bowler, those of the wide-brimmed brunch variety. More than anything, I’m confused about where this comes from, where the stinging offense happens and why the defensive part of my brain kicks in. I’m not particularly pro-forehead, at least not in the partisan sense. I’m more forehead-apathetic, so what the hell do I care if a celebrity covers hers? And it’s not the superfluous nature of these hats that bother me. I love an unnecessary accessory. I like berets?! The fedora, the bucket, the bowler, the wide-brim (but for the sake of tidiness, let’s bring it back to the newsboy cap now) aren’t particularly terrible, either. I have liked far less visually appealing things: I find Crocs kind of fun. I “get” the ugly sneaker trend. I love a grotesque Google search.
But this stupid hat makes me really mad!!!
So far, Bella Hadid appears to be its biggest fan. She is hell-bent on making this her fall staple.
Let’s clear up some semantics. This cap ^ (where is the pointing up emoji when you need it) is more of a fiddler rather than a newsboy, which Bella Hadid, who I am sure is wonderful and kind and a good person who just wants to take a few fashion risks and live her life without me interrupting it, wears in the feature image above. We can call these hats cousins — the kinds of cousins who hang out all the time not just because their parents encourage it. Anyway, they’re similar enough. They both set off my alarms equally.
These hats have been offending me on Instagram and in private settings: on the streets, in restaurants, every time I sit down to watch a rerun of The Devil Wears Prada on cable TV. Speaking of Prada, we can put a bit of blame on the beloved house (Miuccia, please don’t smite me) for its revival of the pageboy — same family — during the house’s men’s show in January 2017. Gucci can share some of my finger-pointing, too (Alessandro, I love you). Both brands make black leather versions that, whether the tapped credits reveal these names or not, are surely the…shall we say...source of inspiration.
Almost as much as Bella, Anna Dello Russo is another big champion.
I’ll stop talking for a second to show you some more famous people wearing a version of this trend.
What is the POINT of that little bill? Your chin is still exposed to the sun, if it’s shade you’re looking for.
…Unsure if that last one counts but let’s just say that if we had to pick a fashion favorite, like if we were embroiled in a very serious game of would-you-rather and we were all taking it way too seriously and couldn’t help but forget the whole thing was hypothetical, I’d go with Janet Jackson based on lack-of-hat-merit alone.
I am unfair. I know! You don’t choose the hat aversion, I don’t think. In this case, it chose me.
– The overall silhouette is that of a squashed mushroom
– Assuming it’s about the outfit, one wouldn’t take this hat off indoors, and hats indoors serve zero purpose — they’re not keeping your head warm, and they’re definitely messing up your hair.
I’m fully aware these celebrities have stylists. Elizabeth Sulcer, whose ‘gram I used up above, dresser of Kaia (among many other stars), is a wildly respected one. She’s got her ear to the ground and hears the trends rumble long before the average human. If trends pooped she could probably use the droppings to detect all sorts of warning signs. So yeah, I’d say she knows what she’s doing when she secures a hat that looks like a mushroom to a head and says, “Yes. This just completed the outfit,” just like the person who put this newsboy cap (proper) on Kate Moss’s head back in the day was probably aware this photo would be eternally touted as “genius.”
So I am sure there is something I’m missing. Maybe it’s a gene?
Is this like cilantro?