The Secret Lives of Big and Little Spoons: A Cuddling Investigation

I’d clock myself as a 50/50 spooner: half little, half big, both in practice and in preference. In discussing said split with my partner, he said he’d never before participated in such egalitarian cuddling. He’d always been the big spoon in previous relationships, perhaps because he’s 6’2, and he was suddenly convinced men of all sizes were missing out. Were they? Was our arrangement unusual? Did couples of all kinds have spooning policies with emotional underpinnings? These questions struck us as important immediately, and so I busied myself with collecting data, unaware this would become my pièce de résistance.

First, I asked two of my male roommates if they liked to spoon or be spooned. Joe admitted he’d never been the little spoon before, but was pretty sure he wouldn’t like it. “I’m a protective type,” he said. Unconvinced, because being spooned is heaven, I asked him if he thought his masculinity had anything to do with it. “I hope not,” he said, “but I guess it’s possible.”

“I’ll be the little spoon. I don’t give a shit,” Mark said confidently, not surprising me.

I needed more data.

Over the next two days, I launched an Instagram-wide investigation into normative cuddling behavior. To my surprise, I got hundreds of responses almost instantly. Suddenly my DM inbox was jam-packed with the adorable details of people’s private cuddling habits. It was like I’d stumbled upon the secret lives of spooners. I can’t say with categorical certainty that this topic is inherently pure, but conducting this research was a shot of joy to the heart. Below I’ve documented my learnings with supporting evidence from anonymous bed-sharers. Trust that for every quote, there were five more like it. People weren’t kidding around.

Please input your personal spooning policy below. It’s time for spooning to enter our public discourse, if not for the propagation of shame-free cuddling at large, at least to warm the hearts and minds of humanity.

Learning #1: Many heterosexual women prefer to be the big spoon.

1. “My reasons for big spooning are simple: My fiancé runs very hot and so he basically functions as a full body-heating pad. It feels great on my tummy.”

2. “Big spoon almost 97% of the time, to an extent where I can’t totally fall asleep unless I’m big-spooning him while he does a lil booty pop for ultimate cuddle compression.”

3. “I enjoy both, but part of me prefers to be the big spoon, to be honest…he’s such a little cutie when I’m the big spoon!”

4. “I always get forced into the little spoon position, which is comforting, but I prefer being the big.”

6. “Always the big spoon! If it’s a new relationship and they spoon me, it’s always a sign that things are going well if I turn and ask if I can spoon them. Yes, I ask, because men are weirded out by it!”

Learning #2: Many heterosexual men prefer to be the little spoon. 

1. “I’m a woman and have a boyfriend who LOVES to be the little spoon. I actually started off as the little spoon and then one day we just switched and he is literally obsessed with it.”

2. “He definitely prefers being the little spoon and has no problem letting me know that. However, I can’t see him bragging to the guys about this.”

3. “I’ve been dating a big Nordic man who is 6’4″ for four years and he FUCKING LIVES TO BE THE LITTLE SPOON.”

4. “I’m a woman. My boy and I usually trade off on spoon sizes, even though he probably wishes I would take charge and big-spoon him every time.”

5. “I like to be both, but apparently for my boyfriend this is a new thing. He always felt like he had to be the ‘strong’ one in a relationship. He keeps on talking about how amazing it is to be the small spoon.”

Learning #3: Some couples fight over the little spoon position.

1. “My husband LIVES to be the little spoon. I loathe it. I want to be the little spoon. I feel like my dominant personality got me into this situation, but now I feel unfulfilled in the cuddle department because we don’t even bother.”

2. “My husband and I alternate because he fucking loves being little spoon. Sometimes I feel like, as an oppressed female, I deserve more little spooning. He tells me that I can’t pull that card when it comes to cuddles.”

3. “Both my ex and I wanted to be the little spoon. Pretty sure there’s a metaphor in there for why we ultimately didn’t work out.”

4. “ It’s like a punchline with my friends that my boyfriend likes to be the little spoon. I don’t care and neither does he, but we both admit we’re giant babies who need plenty of affection, hence the battle to be the little spoon.”

5. “I’m in a relationship with a man and I definitely prefer to be the little spoon because I’m a selfish human being. However, he likes to be little spoon so we take turns.”

Learning #4: Some spooners are held back (or have been) by gender norms.

1. “We do both. My boyfriend is always asking me to spoon him before falling asleep. In my past relationships I was rarely the big spoon even though I really enjoyed it!”

2. “An ex of mine (a big guy) always wanted to be the little spoon but was afraid to ask. I prefer to be the big spoon and asked if he wanted to swap. He was super excited and that arrangement became our go-to!”

3. “Heterosexual male here. Always big spoon. I’d like to be small, but it’s almost never happened. It feels weird to ask.”

4. “I have definitely been with guys in the past who felt that being spooned was belittling or demeaning, and were made uncomfortable at the prospect (and my attempts).”

5. “I am always little spoon, even though he’s 5’8″ and I’m 6’0”. AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IN HIS HEART HE WANTS MY FOOD BABY ON HIS BACK. Men are complex creatures. He loathes being little spoon. He ‘doesn’t like the feeling of vulnerability.'”

6. “I’m tall (6’0”). I’ve dated one guy shorter than me and I refused to big-spoon him for purely egotistical reasons. I did not want to be reminded that I was ‘bigger’ than my partner.”

Learning #5: Many associate the little spoon with neediness, and the big spoon with protectiveness.

1. “I think being the little spoon makes you feel safe, like having one of those heavy thunder blankets that are for dogs or humans with anxiety.”

2. “I like being little spoon because it makes me feel safe. I spend all day making big decisions and sometimes I want a place of comfort and a place where I know someone has my back. Literally, I guess. Sometimes I’m big spoon but only if he needs some reassurance or comfort.”

3. “My current boyfriend says little spoon actually helps to curb his occasional anxiety and big spoon allows him to show love and a measure of protectiveness.”

4. “We have been going together for eight years and switch up the spoon roles. I like to feel like I’m a nurturing big spoon and he also likes his back rubbed. But when I’m having a horrible day and need to be held, he steps up as the best big spoon.”

5. “I love being the big spoon because I’m certainly more emotionally needy than my partner and it’s one thing I can do to care for him physically. His love language is physical touch and mine is words of affirmations so it works well. I cuddle him and he talks to me!”

Learning #6: The physical size of spooners is of varying consequence.

1. “75% of the time I’m the big spoon, which is funny because my husband is almost a foot taller than me. But I just like it better. More control over giving him an anaconda squeeze.”

2. “I’m a girl and usually the little spoon, which I feel just makes more sense size-wise, since my boyfriend is eight inches taller than me.”

3. “My man partner and I take turns. I’m a lady and I like to spoon him because my face fits perfectly between his shoulder blades.”

4. “I’m 5’3″ and my husband is 6’3″ and, more often than not, I am the big spoon and I love it and so does he. He will straight up ask me to hold him.”

5. “Big spoon. I’m a woman with a significantly bigger male partner. It’s nice being the big spoon because you get more personal space and aren’t so squished.”

Learning #7: Some people feel limited by the “spoon” metaphor.

1. “I love being big spoon but he’s so big I feel like a sloth just hanging onto a branch.”

2. “I’m always the big spoon! Because of the height difference, it makes me feel like I’m a rocket pack!”

3. “I feel like a koala when big spooning my boyfriend because he’s way taller.”

4. “I say if you think you’re going to sleep facing away from me you best be prepared for a koala on your back through the night.”

5. “My boyfriend is almost always the big spoon, although sometimes in the middle of the night I roll over to him and am his ‘jetpack.’ I love being the little spoon but it makes me anxious because sometimes I fart on him when I fall asleep.”

Bonus: “I prefer to lie face down and have my partner lie flat directly on top of me. The weight is so calming and eases my anxiety. Not spooning per se…maybe spatula-ing?”

Learning #8: People, overall, are full of spooning wisdom.

1. “To quote Andy Samberg in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, ‘Everyone likes to be the little spoon! It makes you feel safe!'”

2. “We all need to be the little spoon sometimes. It’s a comfort thing.”

3. “I think that people in general like to hold and be held by the one they love, full stop. ”

4. “I once overheard a woman on the street tell her boyfriend, ‘The modern man is not afraid to be the little spoon,’ so maybe we’re growing as a society.”

5. “No one can always be the big spoon.”

Please weigh in on my important research.

Collages by Louisiana Mei Gelpi.

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  • CMT

    50/50 all the way, if for no other reason than the comfort of my shoulders.

  • Hayley

    Ugh, I’m not a snuggly type (unless it’s with my dog or cats, because they’re my babies). My husband LIVES to snuggle though, and I sometimes feel bad that I am not more snuggly for him. Maybe I should work on that.

  • I literally have the title Little Spoon in the Morning down on my “To write” list about this very topic and idea! I have had such an interesting time with sleep arrangements and do find that they have a larger meaning in the context of my relationships. That being said, with my foot-taller-than-me boyfriend now, we definitely split the spooning and I love both equally. Unsurprisingly, it’s my best relationship.

    • Haley Nahman


  • Emily

    This article was hysterical, I am cracking up at my desk! My boyfriend has actually started asking me to “cuddle me” (as in, cuddle him) which i thought was unusual, but I get SO BOILING when I sleep, so actually, its a nice compromise as I can control the body contact?! I get so hot *temperature wise!!* when he spoons me, and I like whacking my leg over his leg? I’ve never done it in any other relationships, though?!

    Also, I can’t sleep in a spoon… sorry, I know loads of people can and I feel like an absolute traitor… but I just can’t! Need my space!!

    Great article Haley, you’ve got such a way with words!

    • Emily

      hahaha! I get so hot as well, especially when i’m sharing a bed! my boyfriend calls me a radiator.

      • Emily


        • Emily M

          Ok maybe this is an Emily thing because literally everything you said I agree with?? I get really hot and I don’t like anything (or anyone, lol) touching me when I’m actually trying to get to sleep!!

          • Haley Nahman

            No I am with you I get SO HOT and that’s a draw of big spoon

          • Emily

            EMILYS UNITE! I totally agree! I have to turn over too, can’t sleep with their face in mine!

    • rachel

      I actually run really cold 99% of the time but when it comes to being spooned I just boil over and cannot stand it. Big spoon forever! (though I have definitely dated guys that were weird about it).

      • Emily

        YESSSSS sista!! if they’re weird, that’s their problem! (lol)

  • Devon

    I always thought I was a little spoon but in my current relationship I’m almost always the big spoon. However, I do feel like this is partly due to which side of the bed we sleep on and that I can’t stand to lay on my right side. And not spooning but I prefer being able to lay on my back while my girlfriend ‘baby sloths me’ –she lays her head on my shoulder, arm across my torso, leg on leg. I also just really like sleeping on my back.

    • Jessica

      I do baby-sloth too! I like to call the little spot where my head goes on his chest my ‘nook’. It’s the best.

    • rainbowskies

      I love to baby-sloth my husband, and we also call that position “getting in the nook” like the person below!

  • Daniel Szilagyi

    I love spooning my girlfriend so much, especially holding her with my arms wrapped around her nice and tight.
    We keep each other warm and sometimes she wraps her arms me or over my chest, it’s one of the best feelings ever and I don’t mind one little bit if she spoons me, I love it 🙂

    • same! i really don’t mind as long as i can squeeze or am bein squeezed : )

      • Daniel Szilagyi

        It’s great! such a wonderful feeling 🙂

  • Emily

    I like to be the little spoon more because I like feeling enclosed/safe but my boyfriend and I are almost exactly the same height (and he’s slim!) so it doesn’t have the actual physical element of big/little as in some past relationships. at night when my bf and I are going to sleep, usually we start spooning with me as the little spoon, then i’ll ask for space so i can drift off, but always end up missing him and rolling over to be the big spoon. I think there’s a different emotional tone though – it doesn’t feel so much protective as just me wanting to be v physically close and barnacling onto him. either way I love cuddling!!!!

    • Haley Nahman

      “barnacling” is really good

  • Imaiya Ravichandran

    “a seminal piece of work. necessary and compelling.” – the atlantic, re: this article.

    • Haley Nahman

      I literal lol’d

  • Lo

    in college my male friends (who all shamelessly loved being little spoon, for the record) referred to it as “jet packing.” not sure if that made them feel more masculine, but i always got a kick out of it

  • olivia

    My husband and I call it the “jet pack” too! I think we’re 50/50, but tbh (controversial!) we’re mostly face-to-face cuddlers.

    • Haley Nahman

      I love that thats controversial

  • Jessica

    I am usually the little spoon, especially as the guy I am dating now is 8″ taller than me. I prefer it for sure because if I’m big spoon, I feel like my nose is squished into his back. But I do sometimes do big spoon if he’s fallen asleep facing the other way, because I’m tactile and physical contact makes me feel good.
    When he turns over in the night and spoons me, it’s the best feeling ever.

    A while back, an ex and I spent about half hour having a deep intense conversation and I was lying flat on top of him with him face down the whole time. He said afterwards that it was a lovely feeling, so the spatula-ers aren’t alone for sure!

    PS this article makes my heart warm and I will be here refreshing the comments for hours.

    • rainbowskies

      I know, this article is a light on a tough day!! Love it 😍

  • Chelsea Truax

    Oh jeez, my boyfriend and I are major alarm snoozers so our morning spoons switch off every couple minutes depending on whose alarm is going off!

    • Haley Nahman

      I do this too!!

  • rainbowskies

    THANK YOU, thank you thank you thank you for printing this today, this week. On a week that has been exceedingly difficult on a national and personal scale, this was a pure delight to read and muse over. Happiest I’ve been all day. Anything at all that shines more light on sweetness and love in purest forms is always needed and appreciated. Also, as a 6 foot tall woman myself, I was pleased and surprised to see several others in the polling results- we aren’t very common, although perhaps not as rare as I thought!

    In my marriage, we are both the exact same size- measuring eye to eye, perfect for the type of standing hug that we call “penguining” where each person tucks a chin over the other person’s shoulder. In bed, he is the big spoon at least 80% of the time. This has to do with a combo- I am more emotionally needy, I have anxiety, and he feels a physical need to hold me. So it works out. However, as a tall/larger framed woman, I must also acknowledge that being the little spoon also feeds a desire in me to feel physically smaller/protected/shielded in a way that I don’t/haven’t in the rest of my life.

    After reading this (fantastic) article, I am definitely going to be offering him more opportunities to be the little spoon. He doesn’t ask for it really, but I know he loves it when I spoon him, and his love language is definitely touch- this is a very giving man who has some seriously deserved little spooning coming his way!! Because of our size match, we click together like puzzle pieces either way when spooning, so it is delightful no matter what. Long live the spoon!

    • Haley Nahman

      Omg so glad it warmed your heart as much as it did mine!!

      • rainbowskies

        Seriously a joy to read- I began texting my husband about it whilst reading, bc we are both having really difficult days and needed the levity. He stated that we need to explore the findings in practice at home tonight 😊

    • Lorange E

      “Penguining!” That is delightful. Sometimes when my boyfriend and I hug in our bare feet, I’ll put my toes over his (basically to get even closer) and he always says he likes it. I thought of that because it’s always struck me as a penguiny move.

      • rainbowskies

        Total penguin move! Penguining forever!!

  • Martha Pietruszewski

    I like being the big spoon because my boyfriend starts twitching when he falls asleep and then hits my face 🙁

    • rainbowskies

      I am actually fascinated by this because I’ve observed in several male partners, and don’t know what it is…why the twitching? I think it’s muscles going from tense to relaxed, but why more so in men? I haven’t noticed it much or at all in women I’ve shared beds with.

      • Martha Pietruszewski

        I have no idea but it’s hella annoying when I’m trying to fall asleep!!!

        • rainbowskies

          The first time it ever happened with my husband (who was only the second guy I’d ever slept in a bed with bc we met really young), it started happening when he was spooning me and his arm was around my neck so it felt like little strangles– scared the crap out of me!! Lying awake like “is this guy some psycho who wants to strangle me in my sleep?!” Lol. Turns out he’s the most gentle mellow guy ever.

      • Haley Nahman

        I’ve googled this before (I think everyone does it you just don’t feel your own twitching because you’re falling asleep) and there isn’t a straight answer!

      • Jessica

        I get hella twitchy when I’m falling asleep. My partners have always found it hilarious.

        • rainbowskies

          Interesting!! My husband’s are so strong that they will startle both of us awake sometimes.

        • Kiks

          Same. Like full-body jerk. I call it “the Jimmy legs”.

    • My bf once twitched so bad while I was laying in his “nook” that it made my neck pop. OW! No more nook for me.

  • Stella

    This is awesome! I had no idea so many heterosexual women preferred to be the big spoon too! I like being the big spoon and others always tell me that it’s strange, I’m glad to know I’m not alone! Here’s my reason for preferring the big spoon role: I like the front side of my body to be warm – I really enjoy hugs for that reason – and if I’m the big spoon then I get to hug someone and keep my front side warm. It’s really a win-win situation. Also, I don’t like being the little spoon because it feels like an awkward back hug.

    • Haley Nahman

      That’s a really cute reason

    • Alexia

      I know a Stella who says the same thing!

  • Arden

    My ex loved to be the little spoon but because our height difference was so silly (I am 5’2″, he is 6’4″) he would call me the jetpack instead of little spoon.

    • Haley Nahman

      Who knew jetpack as a term was so ubiquitous

    • Ok, real life moment. I’m always embarrassed when my 6’6″ BF calls me this because he claims it’s because I “toot” in my sleep.


    Does “spooning” also cover the act of laying in the nook of someones arm pit on their chest? My partner and I do that more than the classic spoon position. We are egalitarian in all bed positions. (we are also the same height)

    • Haley Nahman

      GREAT POINT. What can we call that

    • rainbowskies

      We are also the same height and also do a lot of “nook”-ing, and even call it the same thing 😊

    • Jessica

      More users of the term ‘nook’. I thought I had made it up 🙂 someone in another comment called this position the ‘baby sloth’ which I like a lot.

  • Alice

    Does spooning with pets count? I’m extremely single but I’ll sometimes big spoon my cat or wake up on the couch to her “hugging” a part of my body. I can’t even remember what it feels like to spoon with a human.

    • shannon

      my miniature dachshund sleeps right behind me, touching my back at all times, and when she was a puppy i would wake up with her head on my neck. pet spoons totally count!

      • Alice

        I love dachshunds, they’re so cute. Your dog seems adorable.

  • Patrizia Chiarenza

    I don’t have much to add about spooning as I’m currently single (i prefer to be the little spoon though, just putting it out there haha) but I wanted to say that this article made my heart happy this week. After all the awful things happening around us, it is nice to think about cuddles and people in love. So thank you Haley! Your research is SO important!!

    • rainbowskies

      Right??? I so completely agree. Love is so important, even in dark times, ESPECIALLY in dark times.

    • Jasmin Sander

      Second this so hard.

  • mary schaubert hayes

    This is fantastic!!! I have a weird reason for always being the big spoon (well, two.) One is that I’m always hot and I get too hot being the small spoon. Two is that I’m a side sleeper with huge boobs, so I like to use my husband as a “side sleeping prop” haha. Also he likes to be the little spoon, so I guess we were just meant to be. I cannot STAND being cuddled. Too stifling!!

  • Abby

    Very short husband = I am almost always big spoon. He’s too short to make little spoon the safe, cocooned place it should be when he’s holding me. I don’t mind though! I like nuzzling the back of his neck.

  • elpug

    i love being little spoon but i always have to adjust for maximum comfort. my boyfriend loves being little spoon, too, but he’s just so tall. we have resorted to several minutes of spooning one way or the other before turning around for a lil booty bump then sleeping backs toward each other.

    • rainbowskies

      The booty bump is VERY comforting and reassuring. I love spooning but can’t sleep all night that way, I need my space!

      • Oh I thought this was about cuddling, not sleeping. No way I could sleep spooned or spooning! I need my space, too!

  • Cristina

    TEAM BIG SPOON OVER HERE! Honestly, the reason is pure science.What the hell do other people do with their arms when they sleep? Like where do you put them? I don’t understand. I have my husband on one side for when I’m Big Spoon, and a body pillow on the other side, for when I switch so I can wrap my arms around it. Essentially, I’m a double Big Spoon, so that my arms have something to occupy them while I sleep.

  • Caro A

    My bf is 6’3″ and LOVES to be the little spoon. Often requests it. I can cuddle for about 1 minute and 30 seconds and then I have to shift.

  • This article is TOO CUTE! My bf and I switch throughout the night but he likes when I’m big spoon because it makes him feel protected 💕

  • MH

    Re: Learning #7, Bonus: agreed, but it’s called “pancaking”

  • I had an ex who always big spooned, and it worked because our bodies fit perfectly together (and I mean perfectly: snug knee bends and head placement and everything).

    My current boyfriend, who is my forever guy, likes being the big sloth (because its not quite spooning when he cuddles up to your side and sleeps in your “nook”) on the couch. But in the bed, I’m his little (5’3″) jet pack. He’s 6’6″ and it’s the best because I can stick my–usually cold–toes right in his knee pits.

  • Alicia McElhaney


    • Jessica

      See, this is why I find it uncomfortable. If you’re the taller one, you can put it under the other person’s head so that’s all good. But if you’re shorter and you’re being a little jetpack, it’s just squashed there against your front being all in the way.

    • Haley Nahman

      It gets chicken-winged under my own pillow and head, which is often how i sleep anyway!

      • Jessica

        Do you not elbow the little spoon in the back of the head sometimes though? This happens to me a lot.

    • Veronica Wilkins

      I am 5’3 and my boyfriend is 6’0. He looovvves to be “held” (aka little spoon). So I just swing that inside arm up and over his head so he gets a little head rub too and then I wrap my top arm around his big, warm body! It’s heaven.

    • Mariana Verdun

      I just put my arms on my other side… Kind of half spooning, maybe? Kind of facing the bed, but with one arm and on leg over the little spoon

  • Amelia Diamond

    i love this story so much

  • Vic

    My boyfriend is a foot taller than me and we’re pretty much 50/50 with the spooning. But I feel like an inadequate big spoon because I’m like a koala on his back rather than a big bear wrapping him in a comforting, safe hug

  • Dale Chong

    literally just asked my dude the most important question last night thus far in our situationship:
    “Which do you prefer, spooning or koala on a eucalyptus tree?”

  • Julie

    Oh my god does nobody else absolutely hate being either spoon? Am I the only cactus that can’t stand cuddling! It’s too hot, it’s not comfortable, someone gets a dead arm, I need my space, etc? I am genuinely surprised that nobody at all raised this in your extensive, comical research @haley_nahman:disqus!

    • Ecem

      YES YES YES. I have difficulty breathing through my nose and i find when I’m the big spoon i can’t breathe because my face is literally flat against his back and it makes me anxious because what if i suffocate? I also get really hot when I’m the little spoon because he heats up and i want to dangle one arm and/or leg and i can’t do that. This is stressing me out.

      • Kiks

        My husband doesn’t like cuddling because I am always a furnace. It’s actually become a bit of a problem, as I need lots of snuggles and am not getting them. This article reminded me I need to have a chat with him about it. Maybe I can put an ice pack in my shirt before we spoon.

  • I loved reading this! It’s nice to see that many men like to be the little spoon. I’m 100% for switching the spoon role (and I’m small, so it’s not a size matter), it depends on the situations

  • Ready to go home and spoon right now (I like being the little spoon but we take turns!)

  • M

    I’m little spoon at night, but then I have to get up early in the morning briefly to do a newsletter for work. When I crawl back into bed after, I become big spoon. Best of both worlds!

  • Bek

    Bonus: “I prefer to lie face down and have my partner lie flat directly on top of me. The weight is so calming and eases my anxiety. Not spooning per se…maybe spatula-ing?”

    Actually lol’d at this

  • Chelsea

    I love being the little spoon and mix it up as the big spoon about 25% of the time. One thing I don’t love is the pancaking/spatulaing/ squishing (what my fiance calls it). My head rolls to the side all weird and my chest bones hurt. I do it for like 30 secs, that’s it.

  • Alli

    I’m right in the start of a relationship and frankly I cannot WAIT to discover which spooning roles we will fall into. Cuddling in general is THE BEST and so is this story!!!! Haley you have my whole heart

  • 4. “I once overheard a woman on the street tell her boyfriend, ‘The modern man is not afraid to be the little spoon,’ so maybe we’re growing as a society.”


  • Veronica Wilkins


  • Harling Ross

    thank you.

  • I can completely relate to the whole thing about taking advantage of my boyfriend’s superpower to be a human radiator. But as in every healthy relationship, I suppose, this is something that should be altered and adapted by both person’s needs and desires.

  • I’m ususally the big spoon, and my boyfriend looooves it (he’s much more affectionate than i am). But it wasn’t my choice really, i can only sleep either on my back, or on my left side, which is his side of the bed, so i end up spooning him for comfort and warmth.

  • Selina Moses

    Sometimes the big spoon is the emotionally needy one, I see it as them wanting to hold onto the little spoon for comfort just as much as the other way around. I’m up for both

  • Alexandra Hayes

    This piece is brilliant. Love it so much.

  • Jennifer

    This was silly, but super relatable. Thanks? Haha!

  • Shevaun

    I like being the little spoon because my husband nestled into my neck real good. He’s really tall so it’s hard for me to spoon him comfortably, but he likes it and will ask (or demand) to be the little spoon pretty often haha

    Side note, I can only cuddle him if I’m on his left side because he has a wonky rib cage and the left side has this perfect chest indent where my head rests very nicely. If I’m on his right it all feels wonky and I have to scramble over him to fix the situation.

  • shannon

    my boyfriend who is larger than i am, prefers to be the little spoon & i have to beg him to cuddle me sometimes bc it’s just nice to be held

  • Lorange E

    We take turns doing the spatula thing sometimes, but we call it “gravity hug!” I hadn’t really considered the gender politics of spooning? We do both, often rotating because someone’s arm is going to sleep or whatever. If we drift off to sleep that way, I demand to be the big spoon. My boyfriend’s arm gets so heavy when he falls asleep that I’d be trapped if I were the little spoon! Also hell yes to needing your own space when you sleep. Usually I roll away or we hold hands while falling asleep.

  • Mariana Verdun

    My husband is 6’2″ and I’m 5’3″ so I really think it’s more comfortable for me to be the big spoon… I also love being the little spoon, but his arm is almost as big as my whole body, so when he falls asleep, he weights a ton! On the other hand, I can put my arms around him and he won’t feel a thing after I’m dead asleep. So yeah, a lot to discuss on spooning

  • Alexandra Elizabeth Willkie

    lol’d the whole way through. thank you so much for this. (as for my spoon sitch, i try to go big, but my husband usually shakes me off for fear of rolling over and crushing me)

  • Caroline Hogue

    I wish he would spoon me more often, but my tall metal dude loves to be the little spoon and won’t admit it. I don’t mind though because he has a good butt and wide shoulders. I can’t help but think of LeShaun singing “let me please your back,” in LL Cool J’s Doin It.

  • Bambi loves Rose

    Norwegian men were discussing the hegemony of woman occupying the role of the little spoon in their video with the fab title “I wanna be the little spoon”. gorgeous! In the year 2013!

  • LOL this is great! When I (the smaller one) am big spoon to my (very tall) boyfriend we call it “backpacking”…

  • luísa

    this is one of my favourite articles of all times <3

  • Rose Leger


  • Emmie

    my BF will initiate being my big spoon BUT ONLY IF HE CAN BE LITTLE SPOON AFTER

  • Zoe Penina Baker

    Wowow this is such a cute piece. I’ve always loved being big spoon. Very hard to ready and not feel a little lonely these days though without a regular partner. 🙁

  • Sugar Bones

    I am the bigger spoon, but the cat is the biggest spoon.

  • Adorable and interesting post! Made me smile from ear to ear!

    It also makes me want to go do some spooning right now…

  • Lila

    These were funny and so sweet. I’m a very petite, 37yo woman and am the big spoon for the first time in my life. He’s almost three times my weight and a whole foot taller. We alternate literally all night because he can’t be still.
    It was never discussed. I just started doing it right from the beginning. When asking for it now he tells me to put my ta-tas on his back and will complain if he can’t feel em:D
    We just celebrated a year and are still very cuddly towards each other.

  • Tom Blyler

    I switch with the guy I’ve been dating. I’m trans and he has always identified as queer so a lot of the gender norm bullshit is taken out of the equation. We are similar heights so it’s similar for both of us in feeling in both little or big spoon. I like both , I like nuzzling into someone’s back I sleep, but I also really weirdly enjoy the sensation of someone who I trust breathing on me neck. Also I can request to have my hair played with so that’s nice. I feel like a more interesting question would be “who sleeps closer to the bedroom door and why”

  • Tom Blyler

    Also, extremely underrated and rarely spoken about: back to back. You get to control your own limbs and have a pillow to yourself but still get to absorb the other warmth.

  • Madi Brianna

    I’m the little spoon at night, and the big spoon in the morning! I’m really cold at night, so I make my boyfriend big spoon me, but I return the favor in the morning because I want him to stay in bed with me. I love that we’re the perfect height difference for him to be the big spoon, so that he can put his feet directly beneath my feet and warm them up (I feel like a baby penguin standing on the feet of a bigger penguin!) He doesn’t love that my curly hair tickles his nose.

  • Seadragonwolf

    Lol random pics of spoons everywhere

  • Abbie

    My husband is 6’2” and I’m 5’2”. I’m big spoon 90% of the time. We call it “jetpacking.”

  • Lauren Helen

    I’m big spoon despite being the shorter one, I feel like there’s less expectations though since I’m in a same sex relationship. Bonus: our cat likes to be little spoon so sometimes it’s a triple spoon situation.