Balenciaga Was So Weird and So Great
10.03.17

The descriptor “weird in a good way” has been accurately applied to countless phenomena: pizza topped with pineapple, the feeling of your stomach dropping as a rollercoaster starts to plunge, first kisses, elbows, the smell of stinky cheese, Cher’s twitter account, The Twilight Zone.

It turns out all of those things were just a nice little warm-up, because Demna Gvasalia’s latest collection for Balenciaga is the most incredible embodiment of “weird in a good way” I’ve ever witnessed. I have clicked through the 64 looks multiple times. I’m still processing what they mean. I might never not be. In the interest of facilitating a more-heads-are-better-than-one approach, I have distilled the 10 most pressing “weird in a good way” elements that demand to be unpacked, which I’m hoping you will join me in doing via the comments section:

1. Legging sock boots

I don’t really know what else to call these, but I do know the prints look a lot like the generic backgrounds of early-2000s Mac desktops.

2. Platform Crocs

I repeat: PLATFORM CROCS. It’s difficult to say whether we should be thrilled or alarmed, but I guess that’s kind of the point. At the very least, their presence continues what Christopher Kane started and reaffirms how much creative territory has yet to be explored in the post-sneaker, post-slipper comfy shoe trend vacuum.

3. Bags with built-in tablecloths

Raincoats? Lamp shades? Handbag raincoats from The Container Store? To be determined.

4. Bags that look like they contain top-secret spy information

Your keys and Chapstick will never feel safer, so that’s cool.

5. Coats with extra sleeves, you know, just for decoration

This trend is great for people like myself who have always wanted to look like a life-size paper doll.

6. Head-to-toe money-print

I think Balenciaga might be meme-ing itself, in which case, it has my full support.

7. Food baby tents

Potentially the most utilitarian thing to come out of fashion week, which leads me to conclude that all garments should feature surplus abdominal fabric to accommodate the perfectly natural waistline expansion that arrives post-mealtime without fail. I appreciate that Balenciaga’s are perfectly-sized for a Chipotle burrito.

8. Charm belts

I had a charm belt in 2005, which I feel is relevant in the sense that literally every 2000s trend you ever deigned to forget is slowly but surely reentering the zeitgeist, and this one might very well be the one that opens the floodgates once and for all. Because what is a charm belt without a low-rise denim waistband to pretend to hold in place?

9. Country club straitjackets

Forget about tying your cardigan around your shoulders like Charlotte York’s ex-husband. The new thing is tying it around your biceps and sternum, thus restricting the use of your arms, but who needs those when you have Siri and Seamless? Balenciaga is merely supporting basic evolutionary science.

10. Peplums

I have a lot of feelings about this last one in particular, because a peplum top was the going-out top silhouette during my college years, and the fact that it’s potentially coming back is sending shivers up my aging diaphragm. I feel the urge to write an entire style story about it with three fully styled looks, the goal being to determine if peplums can purge its bandage skirt and Fireball shot associations and emerge from the ashes like a freaking phoenix in 2017 with a fresh identity. If that is something you would like to read, you know where to tell me. Meet me at my favorite watering hole down below.

Photos via Vogue Runway.

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