I Let Kanye West Dress Me for 5 Days (Kind Of)
09.13.17

If you’ve never placed an order on Amazon for a garment literally titled, “Sexy Underwear Women Sexy Lingerie Sleepwear Nightwear Fishnet Bodysuit Bodystocking,” I recommend it purely for the sake of having a really great story to tell at parties.

In addition to being great fodder for fashion week cocktail hour entertainment, not to mention the weirdest collection of words strung together in the history of the English language, it was also a vital hero piece collected in my pursuit of dressing like a Yeezy superfan for five days.

Let me backtrack for a second to provide some context for this unique situation.

If I were to ascribe an emotion experienced by the fashion community at large in response to each of Kanye West’s Yeezy collections, I would probably say:

Season 1: Starstruck
Season 2: Intrigued
Season 3: Curious
Season 4: Outraged
Season 5: Confused
Season 6: ?

The question mark following the as-yet-unseen-and-possibly-nonexistent Season 6 is how I found myself googling skin-colored spandex on a recent evening, because following Business of Fashion’s report that West’s show was cancelled this season, I took it upon myself to personally fill the Yeezy-shaped content sinkhole I foresaw widening on the horizon of the internet.

Day 1: Season 1

West’s debut collaboration with Adidas was a sea of sportswear rendered in various earth-tone shades with a hint of Rick Owens-meets-Haider Ackermann inspiration.  After selecting a look from the collection to emulate, I sought out the aforementioned bodystocking. It cost $8.40 and I consider it the investment of a lifetime.

I’ll admit I did not wear this ensemble outside the protective cocoon of Man Repeller HQ, only because the reaction amongst my coworkers was a sufficient enough test case for how people respond when you walk around with a visible crotch hole.

Day 2: Season 2

Looking back at photos of Yeezy Season 2, I can’t help but wonder if the aesthetic of Westworld’s robot storage facilities were inspired by West’s rows of naked-looking models lit from above with eerie fluorescent lamps. I actually think I just had an epiphany while typing that: is Westworld West’s world? Does Reddit know about this?!?!?!

Okay segue over but I’m not okay. Season 2 was the easiest to replicate because it was essentially just athletic-wear coupled with military-inspired outerwear. I wore this outfit to yoga after work and did not feel out of place.

Day 3: Season 3

I don’t know if you remember, but there were legitimate scalpers selling tickets outside of the Yeezy Season 3 show. At this point in West’s designer journey, we most certainly aren’t in Kansas anymore, Toto. Maybe we never were. Regardless of whether or not you like the clothes, you have to admit that West knows how to drum up excitement. It was at this show, in fact, that he announced his dream to be the creative director of Hermès, just for a couple of years. God I love him.

I struggled to choose my look because the collection was significantly more colorful than the previous two, and more “styled.” I ended up going with a fancified kneecap leggings ensemble that I would 100% wear for real in normal life. There’s something so luxurious-feeling about wearing leggings and heels in tandem.

Day 4: Season 4

Yeezy Season 4. I get chills just thinking about it. DO YOU RECALL THE BACKLASH? It was epic, and I don’t use that corny word lightly. The official start time for the show was 3 p.m. on Roosevelt Island, but attendees weren’t seated until 4 p.m., and the runway didn’t kick off until another 20 minutes after that. Oh, and it was boiling-hot out and models were fainting. DRAMA.

That being said, my Season 4 style recreation was the chillest of the bunch. The sensation of wearing head-to-toe sweats is akin to what I imagine rolling around on a cumulus cloud would be like, if that were indeed possible. I didn’t want to take off this outfit. I fully plan to wear it again, but probably with driving moccasins on my feet and lots of weird jewelry because I’m a maximalist. Sorry, Kanye.

Day 5: Season 5

West presented Yeezy Season 5 by projecting giant two-dimensional videos of each model onto a box in the center of a room at Pier 59. I presented Yeezy Season 5 with a two-dimensional mirror selfie in the center of a Nolita office space. Not that different, right?

This collection marked West’s foray into denim, which I was obviously keen to imitate, if only because the prospect of buttoning a jean jacket all the way up to the top like a blouse was strangely appealing to me. I looked like a mediocre country singer with a heart of gold, and I was into it.

Part of me thinks that the Season 6 cancellation reports are simply a genius Westian publicity stunt to drum up intrigue before surprising us all with a show to end all shows. I guess there’s no way of knowing until fashion week is officially over, but I’m dry-cleaning my bodystocking just in case.

Feature photo by Louisiana Mei Gelpi; Harling is wearing Jerzees sweatshirtJoe’s USA sweatpants and H&M boots in feature photo.

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