The Cut recently published an article entitled, “We Regret to Inform You That Belly Buttons Are Making a Comeback.” This news was disturbing enough in its own right, especially following the announcement that boobs are back (mine never left), but the true gravity of the situation hit me when I read the following proclamation: “Their prominence…comes as the result of tank tops getting shorter, while waistlines simultaneously fall lower.”
Here I was, innocently assuming we’d learned our lesson after the low-rise tragedy of the late ’90s/early aughts, while solar plexuses were quietly scheming for a comeback. Am I being dramatic, or should the words “waistlines” and “fall lower” be flagged by concerned citizens when witnessed in close succession?
I am a citizen, and I am concerned.
I’m pretty sure I still have a callus where stomach meets pelvis thanks to all the lower abdominal abuse I endured by way of bootcut True Religions. My love handles only recently started speaking to me again, and I have yet to earn the forgiveness of my muffin top. Frankly, after what I put them through, I don’t blame them.
I’ll admit high-waist jeans aren’t much better when it comes to abdominal digging, but they make up for it by at least being flattering. I would take them over their low-rise cousins any day of the week.
When I read Pandora’s style story about the return of 2000s denim, I was relieved that her cited examples still featured high-rise waistbands, but I should have known those were merely early indicators — the tips of this whiskered Titanic’s iceberg.
Am I the only one stressing out? Is low-rise denim really making a comeback? I took a big old breath and examined the mounting evidence:
First we have Bella Hadid photographed on July 26th, who is seemingly minding her own beeswax (while perhaps retrieving Advil from her jean jacket pocket to relieve the inevitable headache of Sienna Miller’s anti-aging trick) but in reality is reawakening the sleeping beast that is a denim waistband swooping lower than an inebriated swing dance dip at a country club wedding.
Next we have Keke Palmer in an Instagram posted May 2nd, 2017, exiting what looks to be a run-of-the-mill black SUV but could very well be a mobile clubhouse for low-slung denim enthusiasts wherein like-minded members nosh on canapés and collude with the heiress of the YKK zipper fortune about how to shore up supplies.
And finally, we have jeans on the runway at Dior, Alexander McQueen and Tommy Hilfiger Spring/Summer 2017, slung lower than a sweet chariot.
How could I have been so blind?
Whether or not the above is enough evidence to constitute the beginnings of a comeback, it’s certainly cause for concern if you ask me. Am I being unfair? Am I too blinded by my personal bias? I invite you to click through the slideshow below and decide for yourself if we, i.e. SOCIETY, should let this happen. Tell me your thoughts in the comments. My belly button is standing by and will rally if necessary.