24 Women on How Life Changes With Age
08.23.17

My mom used to get a kick out of telling me I’d love my hair when I was older because she knew vindication was certain. Meanwhile, I knew it wasn’t, because there was little I loved more than my flat-iron and little I wanted more than to be a straight-haired adult. “I’m telling you,” she’d say, “one day you’ll come back and say, ‘Mom, you were so right!'” Those comments drove me nuts.

Well, as most moms are when it comes to debates with 13-year-olds, she was right. The thought of giving myself stick straight hair now, at 28, gives me emotional hives — not just because it’s not in fashion (miss you, Avril) but because not sweating for 45 minutes every morning near a beauty tool is an utter pleasure.

Silky hair is merely one thing I don’t give a shit about anymore, but there are many others: needing to be happy, having “a crew,” being understood, reading the classics, looking as conventionally attractive as possible, feeling certain. The list is only growing, and every addition, every release of a concern that previously held me hostage, feels like a personal triumph. Like another stone laid on a path worth following.

I asked a whole bunch of women to tell me about something they used to care about, big or small, that no longer bothers them in the slightest. The result is the below list, which will warm your heart and socks faster than a well-scored commercial, and will last longer, too. Read on, then join us in our DGAF celebration by adding yours.


“I used to care A LOT about whether people thought I was smart. I tried super hard to control my messaging and give people what I thought they wanted from me intellectually. In some ways, it was awesome, because it forced me out of the comfort zone and of the boundaries of my mind, but in other ways it was really exhausting and tested how concrete my sense of self and identity was. I would wonder whether the thing I was saying or thinking was my truth, or just a thing that I felt the receiving end of my conversation would want to hear. At the crux of my wanting other people to THINK I am smart was my not thinking it at all. The need for validation! That was a cool, sobering and confronting thing to learn.”

Leandra, 28


“I used to care more about the fact that I’m not petite.”

Kathy, 54


“Growing up I always felt like a people-pleaser. It mattered if people liked me. Aging changed my life priorities. As I grew up, I realized that people in my circle did not understand the me I was becoming, so I stopped trying to explain and later stopped caring. I have this Dr. Seuss quote on a pillow as a reminder: ‘Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind, don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind.’ My character defines who I am and will always be. I have to love me first.”

Nathalynne, 61


“Frizzy unruly hair ALL summer. Random leg fuzz (they are sparser as we age so I’ve convinced myself that they are cute). So what?”

Alice, 56


“My grades! And my educational background. They really embarrassed me! Did you ever see a report card with rows of F’s? I did, loads of ’em. Also, I’m not (yet) a college graduate and that was pretty shameful for me to admit for many years. I now know that there are many paths to knowledge and ways to get an education and I enjoy learning so much. I feel confident knowing I learn differently and seek it out in a different way.”

Rosie, 32


“I no longer care if someone’s mad at me.”

Amelia, 29


“I used to care about managing people’s [negative] feelings. I didn’t want them to feel hurt or upset – especially toward me. What I’ve come to realize is that they either didn’t notice or didn’t care that I was ‘protecting’ them or ‘helping.’ Some got hurt anyway because I wasn’t being truthful with my feelings. The truth really does come out eventually, so it’s better to live a genuine life. People may not like what you have to say but if it comes from your true-self, they will respect it.”

Sheila, 59


“If I go to the party or not. No one really cares, anyway. It’s not okay to be a flake, but I’m more protective of how I spend my time and energy. FOMO is only real if you let it be.”

Alex, 26


“I don’t worry about trying to be a ‘fake’ friend. I am no longer in it for the popularity. If I enjoy your company, I will hang out with you. If I don’t enjoy your company, I am no longer wasting my time trying to impress or make you happy. So my close friends are now closer, and I have more time for me and what I want to do.”

Debbie, 55


“I used to care very deeply about maintaining the purity of my hair. I have a natural unique red color and was always told to never dye it EVER by family and friends when I was younger. Then in 2011, I got really obsessed with colorful hair (pinks, blues, purples) and finally said, “Fuck it.” Ever since, I’ve dyed my tips and the under layer of my hair blond, pink, teal (which turned out kinda green… but whatevs), and many variations of purple.

I even said fuck the salon and started doing it myself, bleach and color. It’s not always perfect, but I love it and it lets me be playful and expressive in ways I was never able to be before. I still don’t touch my roots because I do want to preserve my natural color, but adding playful touches of color is no longer out of the question.”

Joanna, 28


“1) Having sex with the lights on
2) Boys ghosting
3) Wearing heels to go out
4) What my mom says (working on it)
5) Having straight hair”

Meredith, 27


“Conveniently for me, the older I get, the less I care about the age of my friends. I have come to realize that the connections humans make are truly timeless. Growing up, I was nervous of older or more sophisticated women. Then, as I became a mom, I was nervous of the moms who seemed to be old pros at this gig and had no time for a newbie. Not sure if time has softened or hardened me (you pick), but lately, I simply don’t care! I am so happy making my own decisions. This confidence has brought me MANY new amazing friends. I used to feel that I was ‘too young’ or ‘too old’ for that group… but really, if I can party like I am 30, and reflect like I am 60? I think I’m on the right track.”

Susan, 41


“I wasted 30 years of my like avoiding eating fat in an attempt to be healthy. Now, I actively avoid any food that has been modified to be low or non-fat.”

Kathy, 57


“I used to care a lot about writing and producing a TV series. I can’t say that I don’t care about the project but…life is short. Now I’m enjoying writing poems about hummingbirds and spending time with friends and family.”

Helene, 64


“I don’t care about what I look like when I leave the house to run an errand, walk my dog, etc. 10 years ago I wouldn’t leave the house without makeup or with crazy bedhead.”

Harleigh, 32


“When my three kids were little, I cared so much about what to feed them, how to dress them, what music they should listen to, what they should play with. I read Parents magazine, organized theme birthday parties for each of them every year, made sure they went to the right schools and had the right swim class, music class and skating lessons. Now that they are in their twenties, that information just whizzes by me and I don’t pay any attention.”

Cindy, 56


“I have finally stopped coloring and gone gray.”

Nancy, 67


“Well, if you must know, when I was a kid, everything had to match. If the blue stripe in my blouse didn’t match my slacks, I wouldn’t wear it, and I would search for the one that did. Now, if it’s off, I don’t care, nobody’s looking anyway!”

Robin, 63


“I don’t care about clutter anymore. Simplifying. Less is actually more.”

Beth, 52


“When I turned 30 I FINALLY realized what I am, and more importantly what I’m not. I am a curly haired, curvy gal; the sexiest, prettiest thing I can do is start to embrace that, live in my god-given shell and stop trying to lose those last five pounds or tame my mane. Stripping yourself of those meaningless and unnatural energies allows you to channel them somewhere else in a more productive, happy, curly, curvy way.”

Claire, 31


“My breast size.”

Elizabeth, 25


“I just don’t give a fuck anymore about what anyone thinks about me or what I do. My wrinkly, non-Botoxed face, how I connect better overall with cats than people and, most of all, that I would rather work out all day by myself than hang out with friends. Whatever. I’m finally at peace with my introversion!

Suz, 43


“I used to feel compelled to prove a point. Now I’m comfortable being solitary in an opinion.”

Jamila, 61


“I used to have regrets about things that I had said, had done or didn’t do. Funny how they have all rectified themselves. People who I felt I had wronged them turned out to not be worth the time of day. And I found that other things I had done, fairly minor on the cosmic scale, were actually just that.

I’ve found a way to forgive myself for not doing the things I wished I would have done. We are all bound by our own constraints and sometimes we just can’t get beyond that. In the end, I don’t have a lot of regrets….just like that Sinatra song: “Regrets…I’ve had a few, but then again…too few to mention.”

Also, my thighs. When I was young, I thought my thighs were so fat (they weren’t). I used to lament my fat thighs…what a waste of time and self-esteem….please pass the potato chips.”

Jenny, 68

 

Photo by Bettmann / Contributor via Getty Images. 

Get more Pop Culture ?
  • Cristina

    YES DEBBIE. 100% this.

  • Hayley

    Beautiful!

  • Kelsey

    LOVE THIS – YE$ HALEY. Leandra – I have been there! So important to just be yourself and not give a shit.

  • JessicaB

    I shared this article on my FB because I love it so much. For me, I no longer care about “failing” like I used to because my failures have resulted in so many amazing things that I never would’ve experienced if I’d “succeeded” or won. In many cases, failing IS succeeding (for me). Not sure exactly what that says about me, but I don’t mind it.

  • Autumn

    I know longer care about being girly. I’ve never been girly but often felt I should be (since I am a female after all) but it’s just not me. I also no longer care what other people think of what I’m wearing and I wear what makes me happy and feels good. And I don’t care what people think of my excuses to not do things. I used to lie about why I couldn’t go to that party or do that thing with people. Now I just tell them I don’t want to, if it’s the truth.

  • Cynthia Schoonover

    I’ve learned to be myself. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll never be thin (I was a teen in Twiggy’s era), and I will never have luxuriously thick hair.

  • This is amazing.

  • Madeline C

    As someone who feels like they are in the process of the transitions S helia talks about, “I used to care about managing people’s [negative] feelings. I didn’t want them to feel hurt or upset – especially toward me. What I’ve come to realize is that they either didn’t notice or didn’t care that I was ‘protecting’ them or ‘helping.’” —THIS ARTICLE COULD NOT HAVE COME AT A BETTER TIME. I have been trying to articulate this feeling for months and there she went and said what I haven’t been able to say. Such a wonderful thing to share Haley!

  • Ashley Vickney

    So glad i have this to look forward to. I think I care too much what my family thinks. Growing up their approval was so important, but now I see they’re human too, and I don’t need their approval to be happy with my life.

    • Maggie Lanham

      I feel this one a lot. It’s hard when it’s your family and you want them to be proud of you, but ultimately the decisions you make are just that – your decisions – for your life. Good for you for living on your own terms!

  • Katie McMurtry

    This is wonderful. Thank you!

  • tmm16

    Needed to read this this morning. I’m slowly but surely trying to stop neglecting my emotions and hiding them (especially with men). I have been terrified of being vulnerable or coming off a certain way that’s unattractive, constantly trying to obtain that “perfect” image, fearing vulnerability and being called “desperate” or “crazy.”

    I realized the other day, I need to just be myself and let my emotions be free. Holding them in is damaging and not healthy. I already feel free with this “ah ha” moment.

  • Emily

    This is really great. I used to hate this but as I’ve gotten older i have accepted that I am very vulnerable, sensitive, and want close connections. A lot of people don’t relate to or ‘get’ this, some are definitely turned off by it, and I have felt bad at times for being different in this way. Lately I’ve realized these traits make me a great friend, partner, daughter, sister, artist, etc. So I’m appreciating more what’s good about it, and also gaining a slightly thicker skin, to be able to accept people leaving my life who don’t really get me. On a separate note, I’ve also gotten more accepting of my fashion taste! I used to care so much about what was cool or in, but I’ve settled on an aesthetic, with some wiggle room, that feels very authentically me, and I let that guide how I get dressed each day. Thank you Haley for this very thoughtful post!

    • Lil

      So relate! I’m the same way, sensitive and all. Nothing wrong with us, society just dictates otherwise and makes people pretend to not be human. Meaning, like you and I, everyone yearns for intimacy. Pretending you don’t doesn’t make you more coorl or put together.

  • IzzyW

    “I no longer care if someone’s mad at me.” Amelia, 29. Can we please have a whole article on this? I’ve convinced myself at 23 that when I get to the point of not caring when someone is mad at me I must have become a psychopath…

    • Basil

      I think not giving a crap what people think is something that does naturally come with age and experience. It helps when you focus on the people who you really care about and who matter to you

      • IzzyW

        but what if the person who’s mad at me IS someone I care about?!

        • Abigail Larson

          If you can do something about it, like apologize, then do it. Obviously, if you haven’t done anything wrong, then you don’t need to apologize. It’s their choice to be angry and you have no control over their reaction. My therapist told me this when I lamenting how I wish my mother stop being so passive-aggressive. I have no control over anyone else except myself. Hope this helps.

          • Lauryn P.C

            This is all so good to hear. Really important advice to people (esp in our young to mid twenties) when emotions and expectations can get all wrapped up in our minds of what we did/didn’t do/etc. This is also good to hear. I am trying to walk the line of not caring and caring and understanding when people are just not worth it.

          • Teri Giese

            Not always about a wrong or right.If the other person is just an asshole,fuck it.If is someone close to you.Talk about why they were hurt by what was saud or done.A few minutes of your time is all it takes.Patience as well .☺️

        • Teri Giese

          Think honest communication is always key.EVERYONES feelings are important.The worst is when someone says we are over reacting or “being overly sensitive”.We should absolutely never invalidate another persons hurt or anger.Try to discuss our different views or ideas.I have apologized for hurting another,although I had ZERO clue that I had.Is VERY healing to both parties,and will bring you both to a good place.😊

    • kellymcd

      At 27 I’m reaching this point. When you feel like you’ve done the right thing FOR YOU and someone else is pissed about it, that isn’t your issue to deal with. Obviously, don’t be an asshole, thats mean. But, I think what Amelia is saying is that it becomes wayyyy to overwhelming and stressful to constantly apologize that you doing something for you made someone else upset. Just accept that someone will always be miffed by what you’ve done and do it anyway when its right

  • Kristin

    I’ve always been really petite and people always pointed it out. At some point I felt like I needed to uphold this reputation of being tiny and it transformed into having body dysmorphia. I would look at my tummy and think, oh god I look pudgy, run run run, burpee, burpee, burpee. Then I’d look at a picture and I’d look grotesquely skinny. It has taken years, and maybe even having a baby and embracing my new body, to recognize that I don’t want to look like that again. Am I still petite? Sure, due to genetics I always will be. I’m sure people are like, ugh, whatever, shut up, but it’s is an issue for small people as well. I’ve gone back to the gym, but instead of trying to get back to my pre-baby body, I’ve been using weights to get stronger. I have a little pooch that I don’t want to get rid of, so I don’t do any cardio, lol (also I hate cardio), but I feel like I’m happy with my “new” body. I can fit into more clothes now having wider hips (shout out to my baby girl) and a little bit of a booty.

    • Basil

      I found pregnancy very liberating in terms of how I related to my body. I realised that at some point or other in my life, I had hated almost every single part of my body, but being pregnant (where you lose control over it), I realised I didn’t care any more. My belly was going to get round, my boobs massive, and who knows what else as it was amazing – I was growing a person. My confidence went through the roof

  • ChiefCC

    Great article!!!

  • Didi

    What a great read. I’m 52 years old and in no way do I act like it. I still sound a bit like a valley girl, but who cares? Also, it’s none of my business what other people think of me. Again, their problem- not mine. I think this is important: I have no control over people, places and things. So, all I really have control over is my reaction, which is much more relaxed. One last thing: Makeup. Ten years ago I wouldn’t have left the house without it. Now, I rarely wear it. It’s called radical acceptance. I’m not perfect at it, but I keep practicing.

    • I’m with you – I did away with makeup 10 years ago.

  • Basil

    One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard (from former Chief Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks) was “only seek the respect of those you respect”. It was a lightbulb moment – why spend energy and time trying to please someone whose opinion I don’t care about? It’s proved really useful at work the last few months as there’s someone (who’s now left! Yay!) who was unhappy regardless of what they got (promotion, pay rise, projects) and spent a lot of time dealing with it by gossiping and trying to undermine anyone they viewed as a threat (including me). Do I really care? Nope. They were more junior than me and the people whose opinion really count know what I’m really like. This person will always be miserable and poisonous

  • Babs

    I adore the quick-read format of this, and it was SO nice to hear some of the same things I’ve been working through (and stupidly assumed I was the only one) reflected. Sheila dropping some SERIoUs gold: “I used to care about managing people’s [negative] feelings. I didn’t want them to feel hurt or upset – especially toward me. What I’ve come to realize is that they either didn’t notice or didn’t care that I was ‘protecting’ them or ‘helping.’”

    • kellymcd

      This one really hit a nerve for me. Over the past year, I’ve stopped worrying so much about other people’s feelings and worried more about my own.

  • Karyanna Truby

    This is really great. Nothing matters as much- in the best possible way. I particularly love Rosie’s post about education. I didn’t start college (like actually try to do well) until I was 26 and I used to feel so insecure around younger classmates and friends who have been long graduated. I’m finding now that I have a focus that has come with age and waiting to commit to school was the right thing for me.

  • “Please pass the potato chips.”

    What a perfect line to end on.

  • abby t

    Wow, I read and reread Sheila’s quote many times. I’ve noticed this energy sucking concern, but not the fact that the people I tend to hardly acknowledge my care. I read this to my mother and it broke something in her. We’re alike in every way, including being the friend that people have the tendency to dump on. She looked at me a little bewildered and said, “I think I’m free now”. Thanks for this article, Haley!

  • Lindsey

    I used to be obsessed with liking the “right” music. I had to know all the right bands, all the music trivia, and look down at pop music, country music, and anything too “mainstream”. Now, IDGAF about what music I’m “supposed” to like. I’m not interested in people who are interested in being obscure. Like what you like, and listen to it proudly. I can appreciate Radiohead, Zayn, Dan + Shay, *and* Sigur Rós, and I’ve realized that kind of eclectic listening makes me even more interesting than someone who’s constantly looking down at everything/everyone else.

    • Lindsey

      I have to say though, this realization just happened this year, when I heard Nile Rodgers give a talk and said the number one thing he’s learned over the years is to “have big ears”, meaning, broaden your musical horizons. Something is popular for a reason, so look for that reason. Learn to appreciate the different, and be curious and interested. Really, that perspective applies to so much, and it really affected me. It’s something I think about a lot.

      • Elizabeth

        I’ve been in a “bad” music phase lately – like, overplayed top 40 garbage and their desperate wannabe counterparts – but it makes me wanna shake my ass in the club and my bathroom and there’s nothing I love more in this world than dancing so that’s all the reason I need to keep shamelessly listening. I expressed this sentiment last week to someone (a musician) and he was like “That’s why we do this, you saying their music makes you want to dance is every artist’s dream!”

  • Abigail Larson

    wow wow wow wow wow wow. this solidified so many things that have been swirling around in my soul lately.

    • Lauryn P.C

      100% same.

  • I could care less about makeup – (do I hear audible gasps?). I’ll use a touch of lipstick, some mascara and tons of face moisturizer and I’m good to go.

    • gracesface

      The only makeup I own is what is left over from my wedding. I wear a full face of makeup like um, every 2 years?

  • Fernanda

    Being perfect in every possible way. Now I’m aiming for the feelings rather than the looks.

  • Maggie Lanham

    This is trivial, but it feels good regardless: I don’t care that I watch the same tv shows and movies over and over again. My brother used to mock me because I know Clue or Bob’s Burgers word-for-word, but who gives a fuck? Those movies and shows make me so happy! So watch them for the thousandth time, I shall!

  • 808kate

    I NEED to stop caring so much about what people think about me/what I’m doing. I give wayyyy too many fucks (even my boss told me yesterday I’m too nice/accommodating.. which I think says something). To the point where I have anxiety because I’m trying to always do everything perfectly in everyone’s eyes. How do I stop???!

  • Teri Giese

    At 56,as cliche as it sounds,what I do or do not care about;in general has not changed.But,I have realized that,it IS ok to not give a rats ass about,”blood relatives”.Who were those people?Spent every Christmas with them,we all grew up,and they all vanished!How weird!Bu,family isn’t just about blood.We all know that it is about who we have a life with.Quality is more important than quantity.Takes time and effort to nurture relationships,and I will only invest in those that make ME a better me.And I make them better as well.Bring out the best in everyone with humor and fun.Wanna talk politics?Cool with me.Religion?Not a problem.Love stimulating conversation with real,honest,people.All is safe around me.Why not.We can learn from others point of view.What the hell do I know anyway!56,going on 27!I do have slight issues with those people that think,upon reaching a certain age,we must be so,”ADULT”.Would feel uncomfortable with my “immature antics”.FUCK That!I will and always have been the “fun”one.Mostly,by accident,due to my terrible ADHD!🤣The Ned’s have sued affects now,so I can be quite a spazz!!Anyway,be the type of person that you would like for a friend.Know what I mean?Laugh until you can’t breathe,(better high than weed!lol).Do it in public!NOT that!The 😂!!Anger,like road rage and line butting is the lamest!That has to go.Just BE!💗

  • CDC

    My eyes watered reading Leandra’s quote. This has been my reality since the first time I started pursuing fashion with any real conviction, because I never want to be seen as vapid for seeing more in clothes than just passing trends. I like fashion but I also like space/coding/documentaries/other more “respectable” hobbies, I swear!!!

    I just said to my sister that I find it incredibly reassuring time and again how it seems that Leandra has lived through almost all my insecurities, because they’re part of the reason I always come back to MR. Role model or not, just knowing that there is a graceful way of living through these things is reason enough.

  • Charlotte

    At 30 I no longer worry about:

    – The pressure to have a large friendship group and it validating my life
    – Not having an active social life (seriously, fuck going out every weekend)
    – People not liking me / being mad at me
    – Being mostly always single and what people must think of me as a singleton (have never been a dater for the sake of not being alone/I really love being alone and have yet to meet someone remotely compatible)

    I’m still working on giving less of a fuck about what people think of me / being mad at me, but was pleasantly surprised recently at how i handled a situation where I had hurt a close friend (not intentionally, never that) and she thought it best to leave the friendship for a while and was clearly mad at me. I was initially hurt, but then I realised if someone no longer wants to be in your life, let them go and leave them to their life. it’s OK. So I apologised, explained briefly the hard time I went through that caused the hurt, then said I’d always be open to talk in future. Then left it at that. I knew then that I no longer worried about someone being mad at me, or was at least making steps towards that. The worst thing i could have done, or would have done a few years ago, was get defensive and stew over WHY they didn’t like me. It’s OK to not be liked all the time.

  • Sheila Callahan

    Oh, dear ladies, wait ’til you’re 69 …

    • I. CASSER

      ♥ this

  • I. CASSER

    yep as you get older, nobody GAF what you think or do

  • Linny Ganten

    I no longer care to let people walk all over me, whether it be strangers, friends, colleagues or family. I’ve always been the take-no-prisoners type but in a sheepish way- some maaaajor internal dialogues goin’ on there! I spent a lot of time trying to tame and fight it instead of just welcoming that side of my personality. Now I work on refining it. As I get older, I’m learning to love (and werk werk werk on) all the imperfections about my personality and become the truest version of myself, to myself!

    -27

  • C. Killion

    awesome comments! What they said, yes!

  • yassqueeeen

    One of the best things I’ve read all week. Thank you for sharing this!

  • Lil

    This past year, I stopped caring about how I looked when going out just to do errands or for a solo cup of joe. I also barely learned how to stop being such a people pleaser. We only have one life to live and you just gotta do what’s best for you because no one else will (not trying to be sour, just statin’ fact). Also life’s too short, so be genuine and do what pleases you -long as it’s not hurting anybody. 🙂

  • Natasha

    “Silky hair is merely one thing I don’t give a shit about anymore, but there are many others: needing to be happy, having “a crew,” being understood, reading the classics, looking as conventionally attractive as possible, feeling certain.” – amazing. rings so true to me in so many ways.

  • Ai-Ch’ng GB

    Such an inspiring article!

    It’s hammered home to me just how overly and unnecessarily angst-ridden and self-absorbed I was back as a late teenager/early twenty something.

    At 48 (well, from 35 onwards, to be exact), I am now chilled about:
    – being silent and not needing to fill the silences when in (non-familial) company
    – being flat-absolutely chested (even after having kids – especially after having kids)
    – looking completely unlike anyone else (rangy, now bobbed black hair, almond Asian eyes and wide shoulder – mannish, I used it think… now I realise it’s good for lugging for things, in general, and as a shoulder for others to cry on)
    – my inability to ever wear heels, or fitted skirts/dresses/pants
    – what my parents think of me (they love me, but that’s a whole separate other thing – love you, Ma, despite our constant irritation with one another <3)
    – not always being right about everything (life is challenging – but it is not meant to be a battle with close ones, I've now realised)
    – wearing only what is comfortable, listening to only what makes my heart (and me) want to sing, not finishing a book because it's not in the slightest bit pleasant, or engaging
    – my burgeoning waistline (which, I'm certain can be curtailed with more exercise, more sleep, less food – and less excuses to all avoid the aforementioned, but hey – I'm chilled now)
    – not feeling totally on-top-of-the-world every single waking moment, and occasionally admitting to it
    – letting everyone have their opinions of me as they will, and knowing that the ones whose opinions count the most are the ones (loved ones) that mean the most… the rest is, as they say, "just commentary"
    – letting go of how I used to see my life – i.e. how my life has turned out completely differently than I had every envisaged
    – not letting my work define my self-worth (I am more than the sum of my work, my family, my culture, my clothes, Facebook posts)
    – taking nanna naps at weekends, or in the car whilst waiting to fetch my teenaged son after school – accepting my low-energy days, thus being IN TIME, as opposed to being ON TIME.
    (Such a long list… such a angsty person before).

    Thanks for this post, Haley: it's helped me see just how blessed I truly am, and makes me want even more to surround everyone I meet, who's angsty and stressed and sad, with a virtual bubble of self-confidence and love.

  • Letitia Baker

    Cocooning at home in pajama pants with the cats/dogs really IS better than going out on the town for any reason, including just “to be seen.” Try it!

  • Letitia Baker

    All my hair fell out during my late thirties. I’m actually proud to say that the horror/angst over it lasted only two years. Then one day I shaved the remainder, started wearing wigs, and stopped giving a f*ck about my hair. And yes I did find love afterwards with a man who DGAF about my hair either! Today when I look in the mirror, bald, I see my father. But that’s OK because he died a few years ago and I miss him.

  • The comfort of “…being solitary in an opinion.”

    Have felt this sanctified sensation for some time but couldn’t articulate it this flawlessly. Jamila, I will quote you. And thanks for your use of the word, “solitary”. Am increasingly drawn to the distinction betwixt the grace of ‘solitude’ and the distancing of ‘isolation’. Here, the solitary experience is framed as powerful as appropriate. Thank you Jamila and thank you Haley for recognizing a quotable lady.

  • beccamu

    I don’t care about “dressing for my body type” anymore. Like wtf? Who cares! Wear what you want and what makes you feel authentic and happy. You don’t have to put a belt on to cinch your waist or wear flare pants to balance your hips. The only rule in fashion is there are no rules, and you’re doing great sweetie.

  • Anonymous

    This is incredible!! Thank you for this post!! I’m loving it. Jenny: “I’ve found a way to forgive myself for not doing the things I wished I would have done. We are all bound by our own constraints and sometimes we just can’t get beyond that. ” I’m always thinking I should do more that I’m wasting my time, that I shouldn’t take naps because I came to this world to be great and I’m not doing anything great or remarkable (and yet, feeding my cat is kinda great for her, right?) and so on and so forth. I already came to terms with my height. I love to be short. I fit on coach, and that’s what I can afford at the moment. I’m looking forward to first class, though (haha, if not, no regrets it’s all good” Fantastic post, thanks for sharing.

  • gdimu

    I used to avoid doing or saying things because people around me would be upset if I did. A pixie cut later, I now know that if people become upset about something, is their responsibility to deal with that emotion, not mine. Now, I have a lot of free time for positive things in my life.

  • kelly restivo

    All of these women make me so very happy. I’m over it also, have a wonderful and happy day

  • Carina

    This feeds my soul. At 20 and turning 21 in two days, I long for this growing in my life. Much to learn, much to experience.

  • Everything in this resonates so hard. Who knew getting older would be so liberating?

    http://www.westcoastwellness.co

  • Lynne Gerred

    I learned not to cry over anything or anyone who wouldn’t cry over me.