Please, I Beg: Let’s Kill the Word “Adulting”
08.16.17

Listen up, people. An epidemic is sweeping the nation and it’s using the word “adult” as a verb. As in, “adulting is hard,” “I cannot adult today” or, “I’ll adult later.”

Please review exhibits A-E:

A: 29 Memes You Need to See if You’re Shit at Adulting

B: 29 Ways to Own This Whole Adulting Thing

C: 23 Posts to Read if You Suck at This Whole Adulting Thing

D: 37 Moments Everyone Who Sucks at Adulting Will Immediately Recognize

E: 19 Subscription Boxes for People Who Need Help Adulting

This is surely the language of the era that precedes the apocalypse. Those are all from BuzzFeed, by the way, but I do not blame BuzzFeed, because BuzzFeed exists to give the people what they want. This one’s on us. And if we do not put an immediate stop to it, we will meet our certain, premature demise.

Here’s a gif that shouldn’t exist:

via GIPHY

Cancel this gif or I’m calling my lawyer.

You know why doing things like paying bills, doing laundry and cleaning your home should not be optional? BECAUSE THEN YOU’D BE A LITERAL BABY!!! This is called being alive.

Here are some reasons we should kill the word adulting post-haste:

Reason #1: It’s grammatically incorrect

You won’t be able to see this, but I cannot type the world “adulting” without red squiggly lines appearing. That’s because “ADULT” IS NOT A VERB. You cannot “adult,” just as you cannot “pekingese.”

Reason #2: It infantilizes you

When you complain about adulting, I assume that alarms confuse you, you’ve never heard of a budget and you’d prefer to be spoon-fed by your mother before being rocked to sleep. All of which sounds like a pleasure, but none of which flies when you’re over seven.

Reason #3: The government will come after you

A post shared by John Early (@bejohnce) on

Reason #4: It feeds an unproductive lie

Childhood is “hard” when you’re a child because you don’t know anything different. This is just how life works: It always feels hard because you don’t get to go backwards and do things you already know how to do. Also, being an adult can be just as fun as being a kid.

Reason #5: It’s generally terrible and unfunny

Not sure how to be more clear than that.

That’s it! that’s the whole thing! Please. For the sake of humanity’s survival, which I believe in my heart is predicated on us not becoming adult-sized babies a la the motorized blobs in Wall-E, no more using the world “adulting.”

Ever.

EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K bye.

P.S. Feel free to add in other banned words in the comments.

Photo & GIF by Louisiana Mei Gelpi.

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