My Essential Whole Foods Shopping List
07.11.17

I wouldn’t call myself a sucker for the wellness trend, but I do care about my body and what goes in, on and around it, and I do believe there is a right and wrong way to breathe. Whole Foods gets a lot of flack for its prices, but what often goes unrecognized is the unbelievable value its products pack per dollar. Below are nine products from Whole Foods that have genuinely changed my life. If you care about your health, consider giving these a shot next time you’re loading up your grocery cart. You won’t regret it.

Dried Avocado Skins by (pH)antastic

If you find yourself tired at night, your pH is probably to blame. (pH)antastic makes an incredible line of alkaline snacks to help, including these fantastic dried avocado skins. They’re a little rough going down — I personally have to suppress my gag reflex and drink plenty of water afterwards — but the energy boost is worth it. I’m practically bouncing off the walls after I eat a bag!*

*150mg of caffeine per serving

Jenna’s One-Ingredient Cauliflower Bread

Cauliflower is a magical vegetable. Who knew you could use it to make bread? Jenna did, thank goodness. I’ve never touched bread more dense, vegetal-tasting or frankly difficult to cut, but once you get past the hard parts and pop it in the oven for four hours at 450 degrees, you’re left with a melt-in-your-mouth slice of brassica. Add unsalted, grass-fed butter to taste.

Brentwoods’ Golden-Churned Ice Cream

Per the information hand-painted on its porcelain pints (which you can keep and use as planters for mini succulents!), Brentwoods’ ice cream is hand-churned every day during golden hour, which makes it taste more beautiful. My favorite flavor is Gwyneth’s Perspiration (salty and sweet!), but I also love Vanilla Yoni and Neo-liberal-politan.

Diane’s Gluten-Free Tuscan Kale, as featured in 2003’s Under the Tuscan Sun, massaged by Diane Lane herself

This is off-menu; you’ll have to ask a Whole Foods employee to go ’round back and fetch it for you. When I heard that my favorite grocer and favorite actress were teaming up to make a leaf so soft and free of gluten that your skin glows just by looking at it, I actually left my cousin’s barefoot wedding mid-ceremony to get my hands on it. It makes my salads taste like hot fudge sundaes. Wild.

Green Chakra’s Small-Batch Vegan Cashew Butter

Big peanut butter won’t tell you this, but ethical cashew butter has been proven via several scientific studies to be the optimal nut butter for your vascular health. Green Chakra knows how to do it right, no animals involved. I never knew how closed my heart chakra was until I spread this stuff on my cauliflower bread. Grab a jar, you’ll be surprised.

Organic, Free-Range, Fertilized Ostrich Eggs from Beverly Farms

I haven’t touched a chicken egg since discovering Beverly Farms’ ostrich eggs. I’ll be honest, cracking them isn’t easy — it requires a drill and a steady hand. But once you’re in, it’s the tastiest breakfast you can imagine. Caveat: If you take too long to eat them, they hatch!

Probiotic-Infused Energizing Oxygen Mist

I read on Goop that a spritz of this at the top of every hour is as good as 30 minutes of daily meditation. I’ve struggled to keep up a meditation practice (too much to do), so I was intrigued to say the least. After just one day of use, I swear to Goop I’ve never breathed easier. Now I buy these babies by the case-full. Do not use if pregnant.

ChiaGod’s Homeopathic Oat Milk Chia Pudding

This is hands-down the most interesting chia pudding I’ve every tasted. Apparently it’s made in an all-quartz facility with optimal energy flow. It’s a difference you can taste. The tricky part here is you must consume it within 24 hours of it being hand-stirred in ChiaGod’s facilities, so it’s a bit of a race against the clock, lol! Totally worth it, though.

Joanne’s Biome-Enhancing, No-Bake Organic Dirt Bowl

I’ll warn that this is a literal bowl of dirt — but trust me when I say it’s worth the $140 dollars per quart. Mined from freshly turned soil inoculated with rare bacteria, Joanne’s is a cut above the rest. Fresh, moist and less gritty than your average dirt, these little bowls will move through you like a hurricane. Seriously, they’re basically pure fiber. (Must be refrigerated.)

What’s your favorite product at Whole Foods? I’m always eager for recommendations! I won’t rest until I’ve tried everything.

Modeled by Alisha Bansal, follow her on Instagram @alisha.b1. Photos by Edith Young.

Get more Humor ?