I can’t tell if it’s ridiculous or genius that today, on July 17th, we (Net-a-Porter x myself) are dropping a 6-style collection of high summer shoes that will be a real g-dang treat to wear (I know this to be true because I have firsthand enjoyed this brand of treat), but in the spirit of design now, buy now, wear now, eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and your in-between snacks now, here we are: at the intersection of “Should I really buy another pair of sandals?” and “Duh, fuq yes.” But before you actually ask yourself the question, you should probably get to know them better, right? Right. So let’s start at the beginning!


Poolside Wedge No. 1

These are my very dramatic Slim Aarons-inspired pool wedges. They come in clear (as photographed above) and navy satin (as shown below; look down).


Poolside Wedge, Pinot Noir Edition

Wondering why these are the pinot noir edition? Well! Because pinot is a wild wine — it’s never one thing: your first sip is nothing like your second sip which is radically different from your 5th, and it doesn’t try to be one thing. On the contrary; it allows itself to be your lover and your mistress, a fighter and a baby deer, abandoned in the woods. These wedges, similarly, want to be your black tie companion and the solution to “What should I wear with my exercise pants?” I designed them, frankly, to wear with a dramatic robe or caftan or just simply a bathing suit to embody the lady of leisure I endeavor to look like (but never actually be!). Most important, though, they are supposed to remind you that pool furniture (see: Raymour and Flanigan) is more than just utility. It is the crux of inspiration, but let’s move on. Have you been craving a different kind of clog?


The Bandana Clog

Ditto! You know, I resisted making a pair of bandana shoes for a long time because it felt so literal, or made me feel like a parody of myself given how frequently I tie bandanas to my person, but last spring I looked down at my feet and just thought, You know what would be great? If my soles were standing on wood heels and my toes were covered by woven raffia with bandana paisleys embroidered in. These are the shoes you wear when you’re not a Tribeca mom but you are a person who loves sweet milk. Do I have to explain what I mean by that? I really don’t want to! (Chiefly because it just came out of my mouth and I’m not 100% sure what it means either but it sounds kind of cool enough to let you attempt interpretation).

What? Hey! I’m hungry.


The Fruit Loop Kitten Heel

For fruit!!! And loops! Speaking of embroidering shit onto raffia, get a load of the avocado and chili peppers on these! I am particularly keen on these shoes because they basically come with an adjustable slingback in the form of ribbon. With them, you can either decide to lace the ribbons up your ankle if that is your thing, or tie them tight and let the bow hang behind the shoe/let your ankles freeball like the liberated spirits you have always known them to be. If you feel, however, like all these fruit are too aggro (that means “aggressive” according to an Instagram meme I just saw), for your taste, well, get the hell out of here.

Just kidding! I have an alternative solution.


The Pacha Kitten Heel

It’s these! They come in blue linen and feature only one set of twin cherries, rendered in rhinestone, on the outer-edges of the shoe. I call them the Pacha kitten heel because there is a chain of night clubs that originated in Ibiza called “Pacha” and their emblem is twin cherries. It’s dumb. Anyway, I laced them up my ankle to show you how they look when I’m not letting my ankles make all my decisions for me.

Finally, there are these:


American Portmanteau Flandals

Because, remember, the country’s president does not inform what actually makes the country great: us! The citizens! So here are your American portmanteau flandals (flat sandals) in red, white and patent leather blue with canvas-covered buckles and a sturdy wood heel. They are very comfortable and fairly easy to wear. I’d recommend trying them with a bathing suit under a dress. And that’s it, that’s all I’ve got. You can buy them all, or just one, or none (no judgement!) from Net-a-Porter. They are not available for a limited time, so if you need to mull it over, visit them a few times a day for a couple of weeks, or just don’t know if you like them yet, do all those things! Take your time. You don’t have to have the shoes to wear the shoes in this relationship, but if you want them, that’s so cool and good and great too.

Have at it!

Photos by Edith Young. 

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