I once used to wonder why I still had a Twitter account. That second-guessing officially ceased in (TRIGGER WARNING) November 2016, when one, Yoko Ono, tweeted this (headphones in, please):
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) November 11, 2016
Sold. My Twitter handle was spared. I now start my daily social-media consumption by opening the app and immediately scrolling down to the “In case you missed it” section, where fate and/or some algorithm ensures I’m always greeted with a tweet from Yoko. And I do mean greeted — amidst all the news headlines and that weird Honey Boo Boo “all grown up” ad I keep getting in my feed, Yoko’s tweets are a reliable, stress-free way to start the day.
This is probably because her tweets are guaranteed to elicit one of (arguably the best) five emoji reactions: thinking-real-hard emoji (🤔), crying-laughing emoji (😂), cool-shades emoji (😎), upside-down-smiling emoji (🙃), and weird-hugging-hands-coming-out-of-face emoji (🤗). In actual words: her feed is the perfect mix of keen observation, general no-shame weirdness, refreshingly genuine “Cool Story, Hansel!”s, quality throwback RTs (I mean) and comforting-yet-poetic life advice that only takes up a fraction of the 140 character limit.
I’m someone who tries to block out those anonymous, Pinterest-y graphic quotes people post while I Facebook and Instagram stalk people I forgot about, so it brings me joy to know exactly where these nuggets of wisdom in tweet form are coming from. They’re coming from a woman who released an album titled “Yes, I’m a Witch Too,” who told US Weekly that she “prefers doing the Dougie to krumping,” who wears sunglasses basically all the time simply because she loves the way they look and who once described Sir Paul McCartney as “a pretty cool dude.”
Because it’s not only Monday, but Monday morning, and Yoko once told me and her 4.81 million followers, “Start helping people. You will soon forget about negative things in your life. That’s how I get out of my negative situations,” I felt compelled, excited even, to share a sampling of my favorite Yoko tweets so we too can soon forget about negative things in our lives. Like how today is Monday.
That time she dropped some serious truth bombs:
All fruits and vegetables are refreshing to eat, if they are fresh.
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) February 7, 2017
That time she was probably people-watching the same people I was people-watching in Central Park:
Seeing guys pushing baby strollers in the park makes me smile
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) April 12, 2017
That time she made this plot-twist of a sports prediction:
Who will win the World Cup?
A child who believes in a peaceful world.
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) February 14, 2017
That time she made me realize I should enjoy having to pee what seems like every 10 minutes:
Start loving being a human being
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) May 31, 2017
That time she posted this fun selfie and sign off combo:
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) May 2, 2017
That time she put shit into perspective:
You are part of your parents’ body cells that have grown into a human being. How cool is that!
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) November 12, 2016
That time she delivered a message from my mom who probably hadn’t even thought to send it yet because she’s on Pacific Standard Time:
Cook something for yourself.
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) February 6, 2017
That time she wore this to a Kanye show:
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) September 7, 2016
That time she made me feel better about getting rid of my car when I moved to New York:
When you walk, you are touching the earth and the sky at the same time. When you are driving, you are touching neither.
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) January 11, 2017
And perhaps most importantly, that time she helped me block out RHONY to finish writing this post:
Never mind them.
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) March 6, 2017
Be yourself, and love it!
— Yoko Ono (@yokoono) January 9, 2017