Stop Everything and Follow Yoko Ono on Twitter
06.12.17
Photo by Christie Goodwin/Redferns via Getty Images

I once used to wonder why I still had a Twitter account. That second-guessing officially ceased in (TRIGGER WARNING) November 2016, when one, Yoko Ono, tweeted this (headphones in, please):

Sold. My Twitter handle was spared. I now start my daily social-media consumption by opening the app and immediately scrolling down to the β€œIn case you missed it” section, where fate and/or some algorithm ensures I’m always greeted with a tweet from Yoko. And I do mean greeted — amidst all the news headlines and that weird Honey Boo Boo “all grown up” ad I keep getting in my feed, Yoko’s tweets are a reliable, stress-free way to start the day.

This is probably because her tweets are guaranteed to elicit one of (arguably the best) five emoji reactions: thinking-real-hard emoji (πŸ€”), crying-laughing emoji (πŸ˜‚), cool-shades emoji (😎), upside-down-smiling emoji (πŸ™ƒ), and weird-hugging-hands-coming-out-of-face emoji (πŸ€—). In actual words: her feed is the perfect mix of keen observation, general no-shame weirdness, refreshingly genuine “Cool Story, Hansel!”s, quality throwback RTs (I mean) and comforting-yet-poetic life advice that only takes up a fraction of the 140 character limit.

I’m someone who tries to block out those anonymous, Pinterest-y graphic quotes people post while I Facebook and Instagram stalk people I forgot about, so it brings me joy to know exactly where these nuggets of wisdom in tweet form are coming from. They’re coming from a woman who released an album titled β€œYes, I’m a Witch Too,” who told US Weekly that she β€œprefers doing the Dougie to krumping,” who wears sunglasses basically all the time simply because she loves the way they look and who once described Sir Paul McCartney as “a pretty cool dude.”

Because it’s not only Monday, but Monday morning, and Yoko once told me and her 4.81 million followers, “Start helping people. You will soon forget about negative things in your life. That’s how I get out of my negative situations,” I felt compelled, excited even, to share a sampling of my favorite Yoko tweets so we too can soon forget about negative things in our lives. Like how today is Monday.


That time she dropped some serious truth bombs:

That time she was probably people-watching the same people I was people-watching in Central Park:

That time she made this plot-twist of a sports prediction:

That time she made me realize I should enjoy having to pee what seems like every 10 minutes:

That time she posted this fun selfie and sign off combo:

That time she put shit into perspective:

That time she delivered a message from my mom who probably hadn’t even thought to send it yet because she’s on Pacific Standard Time:

That time she wore this to a Kanye show:

That time she made me feel better about getting rid of my car when I moved to New York:

And perhaps most importantly, that time she helped me block out RHONY to finish writing this post:

Happy Monday!

 

 

 

 

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  • Ashley Hamilton

    I really love this.

    • *weird-hugging-hands-coming-out-of-face emoji*

      • dietcokehead

        SERIOUSLY THOUGH does everyone else in the world not call this jazz hands emoji!???!?????

  • Hilary

    YOKO 4EVER. What a treasure.

  • Amelia Diamond

    I went “ha” out loud at every line (the IRL LOL)

    • Shivani Lakshmi

      We say LOLIRD in my family’s textual communications πŸ˜‰

  • Sami

    I LOVE YOKO ONO. people throw her so much shade b/c they think she broke up the Beatles(so not true- even paul mccartney says they were going to break up anyway) but she is so eccentric and quirky. Yoko has always just been herself and that’s pretty rad.

  • Bambi loves Rose

    now I get why I deeply LOVE to walk (besides the fitness effect) and avoid buying a car! Cool.

  • allison fargo

    she is literally a BEAM OF LIGHT

  • me

    I want to be Yoko Ono when I grow up.

    (just added her to my Twitter feed)

  • Johann Heyss

    I love Yoko Ono. She’s my favorite musician and my favorite artist.

  • me

    In response to this post, YOKO ONO TWEETED TO MR THIS MORNING !!

    https://twitter.com/yokoono/status/874532140368703488

    How fab is that ?

    • THE FABBEST. BRB STILL CRYING.

    • Bambi loves Rose

      Incredible cool!

  • Orly MacGregor

    My proudest moment was when Yoko Ono followed me on Twitter. For all I know, she follows everyone, but it was still worth something to me.