I Almost Broke Up With a Guy Over His Myers-Briggs Results
Collages by Emily Zirimis and Maria Jia Ling Pitt

As a historically terrible person enamored with her own mind, I’ve been known to partake in brain tests in my downtime. I guess you could call it a hobby, if you consider narcissism an extra-curricular. I once took a two-hour IQ test online because I was convinced the results would be impressive. No spoilers but they totally were.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test always held particular interest for me. I reveled in discovering I was an introvert in 2007. (That was super trendy for a while; now I’m convinced I’m just self-conscious around people and find that very tiring.) When the website 16Personalities rebranded the MBTI with colorful elves in hats and cute little monikers like “Adventurer” and “Virtuoso,” I turned into a nightmare. I read each type with dedication akin to that of a law student studying for the LSATs, but I was not in pursuit of a degree so much as guessing people’s types, strong-arming them into taking the test and consulting their results like horoscopes. I even paid for an extended reading of my own type. It was like $30 and thicker than a book.

It’s all very satisfying, labeling people, until it’s problematic. My obsession reached a fever pitch while I was in a serious relationship with an ISFJ. He was only one letter away from me — I’m an INFJ — but I got it in my head that the second letter was the most important one. And I became convinced, quite terrifyingly, that this was evidence of our demise.

The second letter in MBTI results is supposed to indicate how one processes the world. N and S, the two options, stand for iNtuitive and SensingIntuitive people (N) are said to be future-focused, imaginative, complicated and deep. Sensing people (S) are said to be practical, concrete, present and observant. Was this why my minutes-long philosophical ponderings put him to sleep? Was I just operating on another level? (The answer, in hindsight, was that my rants were just boring and uninspired and it was 11 p.m.)

“The INFJ personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world,” reported 16Personalities, wrapping me up in a special snowflake blanket and stroking my ego. It went on to cite Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela among my INFJ peers. Imagine how insufferable this made me, then multiply it by two.

ISFJs, on the other hand, made up 13% of the population, the site reported. 13%? That’s hundreds of millions more people, I noted. “[I]f they can ensure that their efforts are recognized, ISFJs are likely to feel a level of satisfaction in what they do that many other personality types can only dream of.” SATISFACTION? On this planet? How could we ever see eye-to-eye? I started reading up on INFJ/ISFJ pairings. Surely internet strangers would know if my relationship was working.

Let me tell you, I did not like what I found:

“You might feel as if you are speaking different languages as your interpretation and recall of each situation are often wildly different,” one read.

“A sensor and an intuitive will face some challenges in conversation. The sensor lives in the concrete world of facts and senses, while the intuitive tends to wonder more about possibilities and what is not immediately recognizable,” read another.

Another claimed, to my horror: “They may find they run out of things to talk about.”

“INFJs and ISFJs sometimes remain in partnerships that are no longer working,” reported one final assessment, sending me into a full spiral. I found brief solace in the fact that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were an example of a successful INFJ/ISFJ couple, but I’d never been all that into Brad Pitt, honestly, and their marriage seemed snoozy (and would eventually end, not that I knew), so I got back to panicking.

I spent one night on forums reading about INFJ/ISFJ couples until 3 a.m. I became convinced we were doomed. My sanity had officially left the building. I spent weeks in that dark, ridiculous place. I’d somehow managed to hone in on the most inappropriate approach to personality tests: take the results as rigid rule, put people in boxes they didn’t need nor ask for and then judge them for it.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you about me.

Before long, though, I began to notice parts of me, him and our relationship that didn’t fit the internet’s descriptions. In other words, I stepped out of my utter delirium. Of course these were just guidelines. Of course they didn’t know me better than I knew myself. My reliance on them said so much more about me and my insecurities than they ever did about him or our relationship. I eventually dropped the obsession and slowly started seeing us, and everyone, for the complex little universes that we are.

I’ll admit that I still diagnose people’s MBTI results when the topic arises, but old habits die hard, you know? An ego isn’t killed in a day. It’s best to just not bring it up around me at all.

Get more Brain Massage ?
  • Hil

    INFJ here! Maybe that’s why you’re always writing my thoughts?

    • Hil

      oh yeah I stayed in a bad relationship with an INTP bc I read somewhere that we were “the golden pair”

      • Haley Nahman


  • kate

    Are you me? I hate to break it to you, but I think you might be me. I’m an INFJ too (time to form a super special snowflake club?). I have never broken up with anyone over it. But I do spend way too much time reading online personality tests.

    • Haley Nahman

      I’M YOU

    • s

      I am also an INFJ and I am the same way. This is comforting. I made every person I know go to 16 personalities when I found it.

  • LaurenEF

    I’m an INFJ too! Which make me wonder about the 1% of the population thing…unless MR is a INFJ hotspot?! I’m in a relationship with an INTJ. The combination works for us, but I think for others it’s mostly insufferable.

    • Haley Nahman

      I heard that’s a good pairing!!!!

      ….not that I believe in that stuff anymore

      or do I

    • Ayan Booyens

      Ha I’m an Entp. I’ve been looking everywhere for an intj haha. Where on earth do you find one 😉

      • girlshawne

        I’m an ENTP dating an INTJ – found him in the engineering department at work 🙂

      • I’m an ENTP dating an INTJ! We’re 7 years strong – he is seriously the best thing ever (not to brag I just can’t help expressing how great he is).

        Found him in architecture school 🙂

        • girlshawne

          I understand the feeling! Apparently ENTPs and INTJs are each other’s “natural partner”. We just get each other.

    • Kattigans

      Fellow INFJ and dating a INTJ. It works for us but we definitely have our struggles

  • Živa Sodja

    I was obsessed with MBTI like a year ago and even had all my friends take the test just to see if I guessed them right. See the funny thing is, I think you write the best articles and often have the same opinions about the world as I do (though expressed better), yet I’m an ESTP! So we shouldn’t really agree on anything haha

    • Haley Nahman

      this is SHOCKING

  • I so relate to this – but it took an even deeper turn when my entire group of friends got really into the Enneagram personality test. For better or worse it now occupies 30% of every group dinner conversation. But it’s FASCINATING.

    • Hil

      love enneagram (I’m a 4)

      • Haley Nahman

        NEED TO KNOW MY #

        • Hil

          YES YOU DO. Ok this is my strong suggestion. Instead of taking a quiz (or in addition to) go to the Wikipedia page and skim over the table of the types and pick out a few you resonate the most with. Then read longer descriptions of those types on another site and YOU WILL KNOW. I teared up reading about fours and then started taking notes (and by notes I mean screenshots). Also then you can figure out your wing! I’m a 4w3 but currently living the life of a 4w5 and it’s a problem. Good luck.

  • Rebecca Lippert

    I do this. I myself have taken countless tests. I have my husband take personality tests (ENFP morphed into ESFJ I think). So we can pinpoint exactly what is wrong!!!! I was initially an INTJ (Sherlock! The Rarest of the Rare!) and then at some point morphed into an INTP (also rare, yay! ego! lol). I think severing the codependency with my parents freed me to be who I really am. But gosh I love reading personality test results. I do it when I’m bored, anxious, fighting, etc etc.

  • Fallon

    Fellow INFJ (i.e., special snowflake) here who actually found (and then obsessed over) that 16 Personalities website from your old blog similarish 🙂 (hiii!!!) It always seems like there are more INFJ’s online, but I think we just like the Internet more than we like talking to people.

    • Haley Nahman


  • Ana Beatriz C. Brighenti

    I’m also an INFJ and I relate to EVERYTHING you say!!! I guess I just found out why I obsessively read everything you write.

    • Haley Nahman


  • selia

    I’m an INFJ too. I hardly ever get self-conscious around people, I mostly just get tired.. I think you might be confusing shyness and introversion. Reading your text, and realizing we have the same personality type, but based on what you’ve written, that we are very different, I came to the conclusion that sometimes we might have more in common with people of a different type than among ourselves.

  • Autumn

    Omg I’ve been hoping you guys would do some type of article on MBTI! One of my friend groups is slightly obsessed with it, though we look at it as a way to identify why people may do or react to things in certain ways. It’s more of a tool for understanding people than anything. I’ve found that my friends who are NFs have helped me recognize my emotions more, which I’ve always been terrible at. And the ST in me (I’m an ISTP, which is rare for a female) grounds them.

    • Clara Raubertas

      aaah hi!!! -ISTP also

  • Lydia

    Haley!!! Of all of the MR articles that are posted on a daily basis, I 100% gravitate toward your articles without (initially) knowing you are the author of them– I resonate with most things you are saying. LOVE your writing/humor, and love to find out that you are a fellow INFJ.

    • I could have said exactly the same! When is our next INFJ group meeting?

      • Haley Nahman


        • ACTUALLY THOUGH. If I was in New York, I’d be on top of that.

        • Just saw that INFJ is one of the rarest yet here we all are. The meeting must happen!

    • Maggie L

      Yes, INFJ group meeting please! Brilliant idea.

      -fellow INFJ

  • Iwona Dybiak

    You’re in my head!! This is brutally honest depiction of INFJ. Been checking MBTI tests obsessively for way too long. Need to stop 😉

  • LG

    Infj here. I understand that snowflake feeling, but I try hard to squash it. I fight my ego, because it’s caused nothing but grief for me. I haven’t bought the 16 personalities book, though I REALLY want to. I have been working on bettering myself and what better way than a freaking handbook?

  • This is so relatable. BTW I’m an ENFP… the introverted extrovert and constantly in a state of not knowing wtf I want and wanting to do everything.

    • Alex S

      Same. ENFP struggles

    • Caroline

      SAME, help

    • Justine Winona Bird

      Represent ENFPs! We’re also supposed to be super compatible with INFJ + TJ

  • INFJ here as well!

    Either we’re not that rare after all, or we all spend way too much time reading articles online, because i’ve come across more of this type than any other in comments’ sections.

  • INTJ, and I totally got into this last year. MBTI is like the horoscopes of the 21st century.

    • Haley Nahman


    • Lou

      Intj as well. Check out the book LoveTypes chapter 26. It reads like a field manual for typing people in the wild. Only 4 questions really need to be answered, one for each trait…

    • lateshift

      This. Except I think the horoscopes may be more accurate.

      • CD Pascual

        *Except they possess some correlations with brain activity (as shown in Dario Nardi’s studies) that horoscopes will never have.

    • alchemy

      Name the date, time, and location of the INTJ mind meeting.

  • Paige Sharkey

    Ah so many INFJs! I’ve never met another!! Also obsessed with personality testing to a fault. Please tell me you haven’t gone down the rabbit hole of relationship matches based on zodiac signs….

    No? ok yea me either nevermind

    • Definitely not me either 🙄

      • Haley Nahman


    • Haley Nahman

      I kind of hate astrology but, like, def

  • Cordelia

    I had to do the MB test for a job interview (I know) and I’m an ISFJ like your ex. I don’t think it makes me less philosophical per the descriptions above but my travel personality was quite apt http://observer.com/2017/05/what-kind-of-traveler-myers-briggs-personality-type/ . I’m quite thoughtful and I feel like I bore people with my ideas all the time so I just hide them. I sometimes think my astrological sign is more accurate!

  • Chess

    I’m also INFJ! Are we a) over-represented in the comments, b) more likely to be the demographic who enjoy this site c) not 1% of the population after all? INTERESTING

    P.S. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barnum_effect

    • Hil

      yeah I don’t believe that 1% thing. Everyone I know if an INFJ or INFP

      • Haley Nahman


      • mant

        so maaaannny mistyped INFJs out there but i do think this site would attract more of them (option B)

    • Trueblue711

      I think we are the 1%.. when I found out my type it explained why I always felt I acted and thought different than most. Other people would point it out too..

      It’s probably that were the only ones who care and think enough to read all these Meyers Briggs articles, especially ones written by fellow INFJs!

    • Lizlemon

      Some online tests are weighted to give out certain types. INFJs tend to make good counselors/psychologists. A lot of personality tests are “beta tested” on psych undergrads. So the tests would be a little skewed to make the undergrads feel good. I took psychometrics in uni.

  • Jill

    Yep. Exactly from my head. Also another INFJ. It looks like we’re the only ones that care about MBTI because it tells us that we’re special (which we still are.)

  • Lil

    Another INFJ here! I LOL’d at this article because it is me exactly… when I forst discovered MyersBriggs, I made every single friend of mine take it haha

    • Haley Nahman

      what’s wrong with us

  • Elizabeth Shaw

    But seriously, if your spread is more than 75% on the second letter. It’ll probably end.

    • Haley Nahman

      YES (i still believe this oops)

  • When I read “It was a pretty INFJ thing to do,” I said out loud “I bet that’s Haley.” It’s like the entire one percent of the population that are INFJs read Man Repeller and are now commenting on this article, myself included. Right now I am basically collecting ENFPs inadvertently because they pair with me so well. My boyfriend, best friend, and co worker that I usually work next to for 8 hours a day are all ENFPs and we get along ridiculously well. All of my fellow N’s who actually care about this stuff talk about how we don’t even know S’s and how that seems really foreign to us.

    • leishajoy

      THIS! I’m also an INFJ, and my partner is an ENFP. They’re my favourite kind of people.

    • Haley Nahman

      it’s making me laugh so much

    • Brittani

      This is a strange little comment thread. I read this solely because I’m INFJ and needed to know who on the MR staff wrote the article. How did I live with you and not know you are too, Ashlyn?

      • Of course we would run into each other here, then!

    • WhatKatiDidThere

      I’m an ENFP and my awesome mom, sister, and BFF are all INFJs. It’s a great match.

  • BarbieBush

    Omg I was just comparing me and my partner (of 2 years I should get over it by now). We are pretty compatible and I wouldn’t dump him butttt IT DOESNT HURT. We are both T types which I find is a huge help. I dated an F and she alwaaaays said I was mean.

    I am only mildly mean, Intp whuts upppp

  • Whenever I take this test I either get INFJ and INFP and neither one seems totally accurate. It seems I take these tests like I live my life, whatever is right in the moment. I’m married to an ESTJ who is the personification of that category and according to these tests my polar opposite. We do make a really good team though.

    • Lindsey

      Oh gosh, my dad is the exact opposite of me (I’m an INFP and he’s an ESTJ) and we’re either on the exact same page, or raging at each other, completely unable to understand where the other is coming from. But obviously, being married to somebody is different from parental relationships (one would hope!), haha.

      • I could totally see how that could happen in a parental relationship with an ESTJ. My husband tends to go into “manage” mode when he’s distressed which I could see driving our kids nuts when they get older. Luckily he’s a pretty good sport when we call him out. 🙂

  • Lindsey

    But have you taken the Enneagram?? After I took that I pretty much disowned Myers-Briggs, because I felt even MORE amazing and unique and known (an INFP’s absolute dream). I’m a 9, by the way. The INDIVIDUAL! I am so special.

    I’m actually an INFP/INFJ split, which leads me to wonder if that’s the real reason I’ve connected with your writing Haley, haha. BECAUSE WE’RE THE SAME!! I will say, most of my friends are ENFPs, which does pair really well until you need something remembered or organized by the other person. But, my husband is an INFJ and it really is so easy being in a relationship with him, because conversations go to such interesting places. Obviously we don’t agree on everything, but we use the same mental map and can therefore see how each other got to their conclusions.

    • Haley Nahman

      Dying to jump down the enneagram hole rn!!!

  • Spanky

    I feel a little sick to my stomach after having just taken the Myers Briggs test again for the first time this year, and I see that I’ve slowly morphed from an ENFP a couple years ago to an INFP… to an INTP?! AN INTP? Am I some kind of sociopath?

    • Haley Nahman


    • lateshift

      if you take it again a week from now, you may get an entirely different result. Half the people who take the test twice within a 5-week period get wildly different results the second time. Because it’s the scientific equivalent of a Buzzfeed quiz.

      • Spanky

        I’m pretty certain that it means that the world is cruel and that reality has demanded more respect from me, and I can’t just wear my heart on my sleeve anymore like some ENTP, mygawd!

  • Bree

    Gah this is so me – my whole friendship group was so obsessed with MB for a few years at least. Obviously agree that all people are complex and layered and cannot easily be known or described by an internet questionnaire. But still, I was sure you were and INFP Hayley! My old habits die hard too, eep!

  • Jessica

    This is hilarious. I’m an INTP married to an INFJ. Spot. On.

  • mx3

    Google gave me this as an article I would be interested in. Seems like I’m the only ENTJ here. My sister tells me she’d love to be an INFJ though.

  • Haley Nahman

    This is the coolest comment section ever in my HUMBLE opinion. Gather round INFJs!!!! Let’s play with each other’s hair!

  • Lou

    What you discovered is the difference between traits (Myers-Briggs) and values. One is nature and one is nurture. BTW, I am INTJ…

  • Jeanie

    I really dislike how serious some people take those test results. I heard a guy say he wouldn’t be friends with one of the types. Also, apparently some companie use the test for hiring as well. Anyway, I’m glad you wrote about this. To close people off based on a test that essentially puts you into different categories is borderline prejudice. Meyer Briggs never felt super accurate for me anyway.

    • lateshift

      that’s bc it’s not accurate at all. For anyone.

  • H

    Bleugh! Sensors, get away from me. I am an ENFP and I revere the psychic powers of INFJs, big time. Write a book Hayley. You will be amazing at tapping into people’s imaginations.

  • Bo

    You all keep saying that INFJs are so rare and whatnot but like everyone in this comments section is one and I’m yet to ever meet another ESTJ in my daily life. Come to think of it though I’m yet to ever meet another person in my daily life who has actually done a Meyers-Briggs test

    • Amy

      I’m an ESTJ too and I’ve also never met another ESTJ. Also almost all of my friends and people I’ve dated are ENTJs… not sure what that means

  • Simone

    Not sure how but I suspected the writer was an INFJ right off. I appreciate her article because it addresses the potential pitfalls of using MBTI for everything while still admitting that it is useful for some things. Once I discovered MBTI, my whole world changed. It answered so many questions for me. (I can’t believe some people equate it with astrology because it’s obvious to me that MBTI is so much more than that).

    I think it’s only natural to try to type everyone you meet once you understand the system. Some people are just SO their type it’s freaky. My dad was a cardboard cut-out (and highly intelligent) ENTP (bless his soul), my mom very, very SFJ-ish (She tested XSFJ).

    Honestly, I probably *would* break up with a partner upon finding out that he tested opposite on the N/S scale from me. I think that scale probably IS the most important of all four. I have tried to have friendships and work relationships with people opposite from my type in that area, and with only a few exceptions, it just doesn’t work out. In certain cases, it was simply Hell on Earth. That being said, I have had a friend since high school (25 years ago) who is opposite from me on every letter except one, and we get along great. It’s awesome when that happens but it’s pretty rare I’d say.

    I could talk about MBTI all day….

  • lateshift

    Guys [whispers]: you do know Myers-Briggs is a useless crock that was thrown together randomly by a pair of hucksters? (if you’re bored sometime, google “Why Myers-Briggs is meaningless” for one of the best takedowns…actually, my favorite assessment, from a Psychology Today article that called it “The Fad That Won’t Die,” was: “If you put a horoscope on one end and a heart monitor on the other, the MBTI falls about halfway in between.”) It uses the same approach as the palm reader at the county fair, with roughly the same degree of “accuracy.” I too dump people over Myers-Briggs, sort of, in the sense that if they post their category on Tinder, I automatically swipe left. I was waiting for the wink conceding that there is ZERO science to Myers-Briggs – not even a shred of helpful info – and the whole idea behind this story falls in the same category as dumping a guy because he’s a Pisces, but unless I missed it…it never came. 😳

  • teonen

    Thank you for this – while I am not an INFJ, and I don’t know what my partner’s results are, I know to my core I have N and he has S in our four letters. What you described is exactly how I feel, and this article is what I needed to hear after feeling trapped with someone I didn’t understand and who didn’t understand me, leaving, then realising in less than a week that I was a fucking lunatic for leaving someone I love. I’ve since apologised and we’re working on it. Thank you for showing me I’m not alone, and helping me laugh about it after the fact.

  • Lisa Glam

    Honestly, I think we over analyze everything and this is why we (INFJ’s) are in here. I am a researchaholic. My questions are never totally answered and I worry about everything. I have the worst time dating as I can spot a faker a mile away. With that being said, I can totally relate to this article! I would totally overthink my whole relationship like the author. Such a good read.

  • Jackie Homan

    I think I’ve collectively spent multiple days of my life on the 16personalities website and have taken the test 20+ times, and I usually fluctuate between INFJ and ENFP. But what I also love looking into more than the 4-letter results are the type dynamics, which are essentially the dominance of the different functions and function pairs (because while my 4 letters change a lot, I’m always the NF pairing, which is what I identify with most anyway). You can learn more about the type dynamics on the myers briggs website (http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/understanding-mbti-type-dynamics/) if you want to be sucked into this stuff even further :))))

  • Kristi Ellis

    So obsessed with Myers-Briggs it ain’t even funny. In fact I recently read a book called “the Complete INFP Survival Guide” and it says that INFPs (me) and INFJs (everyone else on here) often consider each other to be soulmates. So come at me ladies…needing some BFFs

  • DeWayneLehman

    ENTJ here. I think you are all doing a good job with this discussion, though it is wandering a bit. However, we could be a little more efficient if we organize our threads by type and appoint a head of each type, ergo, each discussion thread. I’ll provide feedback on focus, and we’ll definitely see improved results. Thank you for your continued cooperation. (I am an ENTJ, but that was all a joke, just FYI lol).

    My partner it’s an INFP, so I get news alleys from Google about MBTI results all the time. Great article, BTW!

  • I’m also INFJ! Woohoo 1% of the world

  • Car

    There are forums where you can read other people analyzing their relationships by Myers-Briggs types??? **runs to find them**

    I definitely put too much weight into this too. I’m INTJ and have gotten the same results ever since I first took a test when I was like 15 for some career aptitude type thing. My boyfriend took the test for the first time early in our relationship, without me telling him what I was, and got INTJ too. I don’t think he’s a true INTJ but we have a lot of similarities and definitely run into problems because of it 😐

  • oliviafortune

    Haley, VERY IMPORTANT Q. Do you know your ennegram???

  • Amanda Spence

    I’m an INFP and have definitely done the same thing. I can get irrationally obssesd with Myers Briggs thinking that because I’m an introvert, and because I can get so out of touch with reality, I’ll never be able to make a connection with someone enough to be in a relationship. Much less someone of a type that’s said will match mine.

  • Lebanese Blonde

    I’m an ENFJ! And tend to like INFJ’s, in my experience. Myers-Briggs is sooooo silly and ridiculous but somehow also soooooo interesting and great.

  • Sophie

    I am an ENFP, my darling fiancé is an ISFJ. If you know ENFPs, you know I went down a similar path! But, true to my type, I got bored with finding MBTI related problems and we’re getting married next April. We couldn’t be more different, but we couldn’t be happier either. Different perspectives make a rich relationship. 🙂

  • Florian Munteanu

    Another INFJ fellow here. Very interesting article

  • I (infj) had my husband do an online test, too, “out of curiosity”.
    And then thought the result was wrong :-), still do (because we are too similar, according to my brain cell).
    But yes: an infj does feel alone, often. It’s just that I like being alone.
    Also: while being aware you might be special can be a way to douchebagerry, it is also helpful when confronted with people who very much dislike you for not fitting enough. Especially if you cannot avoid them for some time – this can be your … iron core to help you through.

  • gracesface

    Just wait until you take the enneagram test (I’ve mentioned it to Harling already in another comments section). We 4s (there are 9 numbers) are the most specialist snowflakes. Yup. also an INFJ. #takeallthepersonalitytests

  • Beasliee

    ESTJ here….
    I hope next time you need to analyse a partner you will also add in the 5 Love Languages. My boyfriend rolled his eyes particularly when I forced this conversation!

  • Greg

    The demise of any relationship is not just about personality traits, but personal history, past experiences, culture, love language, and a gamut of other thumbprint characteristics.

  • Aydan

    I’m an ENTJ and actually started talking about this test when I initially was chatting with this guy who I eventually ended up seeing for three months. We were TOTALLY different in letters. I can’t quite remember exactly what his was, but it def started with I. It was interesting to see how the differences in our personality played out over those three months. Things eventually ended because there were irreconcilable differences between us for him, which I just viewed as a challenge and a learning opportunity, not relationship ending! So interesting how we all rationalize things so differently from one another.

  • lilyelle

    I have met sooOOoo many fellow INFJ’s in real life, there’s no way the 1% thing is accurate. Or maybe we’re all pulled to each other through some psychic magnetic snowflake force field we have yet to discover 😀

  • freudianslippers

    Oh my gosh the special snowflake line made me snort. I am also an INFJ and I also obsess over tiny details that I believe will be the demise of my relationship. Maybe that is part of our MBTI?!

  • Rheanonn Perez

    i’m INFJ!!!! i know a few others IRL so sometimes i wonder how rare it actually is lol


  • CD Pascual

    Based on what you wrote, the problem is at 16personalities, not MBTI. That free personality test takes no regard of the cognitive functions that Carl Jung talks about which have been backed up by Dario Nardi’s studies. Also, most MBTI “manuals” use stereotypes to describe certain personalities, which kinda messes up the personality theory’s credibility.

  • mant

    Lot’s of mistyped INFJs out there btw but I know you’re not one of them I just know it.
    ENFP reporting in and I have never related to an article so much in my life. You’re great you get it ily <3333

  • Sofia

    As an INTJ woman, I totally feel you.

  • Alex

    Another INFJ over here!!! This is me to a T. I did my thesis on introversion because of course I did. Such an INFJ thing to do.

    Haley, your articles are always my favorite. No wonder!

  • Joella Almeida

    Yes yes yes, was in NY two weeks ago and I swear you walked by Ippudo and kicked myself for not having the courage to say hi. This is so accurate – especially the studied it like a law student part. Ha.

  • DarthVadersCats

    Buddy, I relate to this.

  • Lizlemon

    Back in my psych major days I learned that J types tend to have a strong sense of style. So we’ve all come to the right place. INFJ too.

  • anne

    first year clinical psychology doctoral student here. we have to take a year class on personality testing, and I was shocked to learn that the myers-briggs was created by somebodys’ grandparents. there is essentially no empirical support/method behind it!! crazy, since so many corporations use it.

  • Kattigans

    This piece is too funny, and I can really relate because I’m also an INFJ

  • Lauren

    omg INFJs unite

  • Noori

    INFJ! & 100% agree with this. I make every single person I’m friends with take the test and then judge them senselessly for their results forever.

  • Lisa

    EMPLOYERS use this test in hiring decisions?!? Is that a good thing? What “types” are employers looking for–and against which “types” do they DISCRIMINATE? Will somebody please tell us more, including how to get employers to stop doing this, and/or how to beat these tests? (What ARE employers looking for? Good obedient little “sheeple” and “team players”? Innovators who nevertheless don’t challenge established ways of doing things? Extroverted “glad-handers”?)
    The use (and misuse) of such “personality tests” in the workplace would make a great topic for some investigative journalism. (Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?)

  • Catie

    ESFP here currently in the downward spiral of S/N dating dynamics after briefly dating an INFP. (Full on spreadsheet with hundreds of friends, family, coworkers and their SO’s MBTIs to test this theory out.) Did your relationship continue with said ISFJ and if it ended, was it for reasons outside of him being simply an S?

  • Caroline

    As an ENFP who forces all of my friends (and even strangers) to take the Myers-Briggs assessment, I can say I can completely relate to everything here. I almost had the opposite experience as you though as I tried to force my terrible relationship with a INTJ into working based off of forums of successful ENFP/INTJ relationships. These assessments are eye-opening and helpful, but you’re right – definitely just guidelines!

    On another note, I love your articles and your writing style! Every piece I chose to read on MR tends to be written by you. You are killing it.

  • Megan Cox

    Are there any other MR writers besides Haley? THE ANSWER IS NO. HALEY IS #1. PLEASE MARRY ME (P.S. I am INTP – is this a deal breaker?)

  • Amanda Orlando

    I did that test a while back and got “the protagonist” (I’m not sure what the letter code is). My boyfriend refuses to take personality tests but I know he’s definitely the “concrete, logical” type. It’s funny because we nearly always see things differently, but I think it makes our relationship more interesting. My friends and I pored over these tests for a few hours while stuck in traffic one day and then it totally left my mind. I think they’re fun to do and can you learn things about yourself, or see yourself from the perspective of an outsider. But, like horoscopes, if I get too into them it’s like they start dictating my actions and I know I need to take a step back. When I start asking myself, “what would myself do?” instead of just doing, I know I need to just step back and chill lol.

  • I feel like I wrote this entire article. From being hyped about rebranded 14 personalities website (so cute) to analysing everyone to bits. I’m also INFJ. I also read somewhere that INFJs aren’t the rarest special snowflakes in MBTI land. But I’ve no source atm, so never mind. Funny thing is, whenever I learn that someone is INFJ, I automatically have more respect towards them, lol. Second the INFJ group meeting. We’ll just stare at each other’s souls in silence.