Don’t Buy a Swimsuit Before Reading This

I have the best strategy

05.19.17

Is it just me, or did the weather suddenly turn from a confused toddler navigating the terrain of a seasonal change to a sassy teen rebelling against the concept of “transitioning” courtesy of a full-blown, 93-degree, armpit of a heat wave?

I’m actually one of those people who prefers being “too hot” over “too cold,” so my dubious reaction to this impromptu sauna is probably the result of spending two hours literally running — or rather, sprinting (my teammates were very competitive) — around New York City for Man Repeller’s first annual summer kick-off scavenger hunt, which was SO, SO FUN but also so, so sweaty. We wrapped up the hunt at Mr. Purple on the Lower East Side, which happens to have a glistening, perfectly aquamarine pool on its roof deck. I caught myself looking at the pool like a scurvy-riddled sailor might look at half a grapefruit. I would have given my left arm for a swimsuit. Okay, that’s dramatic. Maybe just a fingernail.

Anywho, the first thing I did when I got home was open my laptop and start looking at swimsuits online and adding them to my fantasy shopping cart. During my perusal, I discovered something rather tantalizing, which is that a bunch of perfectly wonderful suits from last season are currently on sale. On SALE! During peak swimwear shopping season! Forget rainbow toast; these are the real unicorns. I broke them down by category for your shopping pleasure, because it’s Mom Month and I’m a fun mom:

Regular bikinis

High-waist bikinis

One-pieces

Don’t forget to put sunblock behind your ears.

Collage by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.

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