Pet Instagram accounts are my favorite genre of literature. To say I was born to review them would be to understand me deeply and implicitly. My Instagram feed is essentially an animal slideshow, interrupted only by the odd meme and occasional outfit. I keep a tight ship. It’s stuffed with quadrupeds. There’s almost nothing I love more than a paw, but a claw or hoof will do.
Animals are perfect. For one, they can’t speak. Contrary to popular and scientific belief, this puts them ahead of the human species by several evolutionary leaps. Humans simply can’t be trusted. We ruin everything and never understand each other. Pondering what a person is thinking is stressful; pondering what an animal is thinking is my personal passion. They inspire me to live a simpler life. They’re pure little angels.
Pet IG accounts, just like animals themselves, are never braggadocious, spicy or dramatic unless you want them to be. They never have ulterior motives. Unless they’re selling you something, which — listen, animals make the cutest sales associates. Kylie Jenner selling weight-loss tea is annoying. A cat selling a Pavlovian-esque automatic feeder is adorable and meta.
None of this is new information for the modern heart-having Instagram user. We all know our our Toasts, our Grumpy Cats, our Marnies, our Lil Bubs, our Menswear Dogs, our Cats of Instagrams, but do you know your Pinpins, your Pumpkins, your Bagels? It’s time to get more niche. Below, I’ve catalogued 16 of my personal favorite animal Instagram accounts. This is a mere starter pack. And I’ll warn you, I have very specific tastes. Also, please consider my self-editing re: the number of cats on this list as the sole token of my restraint henceforth. Then go ahead and tag the shit out of your fave animal IG accounts below because there’s always room for more on MY feed.
Below, my recs, categorized by [a loose definition of] species.
Pumpkin is chill as fuck. First of all, she lives with two dogs. Second of all, she’s a fucking raccoon living in a house. She sits on the couch like this exclusively and she breaks into the trash constantly because she’s LITERALLY a raccoon. Follow immediately.
Guinea pig: @ludwik_guinea_pig
Ludwik is a hairless guinea pig and he’s incredible. His facial hair is genuinely stomach-turning. All of his posts are styled shoots and all his captions are shallow, unattributed aphorisms. This one was: “Be strong. You never know who you’re inspiring.” Where’s the lie?
Shih tzu: @dailydougie
Dougie is a living stuffed animal genetically engineered to turn your heart into a dog bed. His ears are always fashioned into a chic bob and his body is stuffed with cotton. Follow.
Sara4309 is bold, and not just because her handle has four numbers at the end of it like a popular girl’s AIM screen name in 1998. Her knit bowler hats are out of style and yet look on-point. I can’t say I know a lot about Sara4309 personally because all of her captions are in Japanese, but her life is colorful & inspiring, so.
This is an account for six animal siblings, but you’re going to want to concern yourself primarily with Hedgy and Lulu, the hedgehogs. Reason being they’re palm-sized dreams come true and look like the above. All beach photos that aren’t this photo suck from now on.
Fluffy cat: @brimleycat
Brimley has a talent for exceeding expectations. My jaw drops every single day, I’m not kidding. He looks exactly like Wilford Brimley, his namesake, but is somehow always smiling. Brimley is a meowing cloud pillow that can solve all your problems. Follow and see for yourself.
Goats Gone Grazing Acres is not just one goat, but a goat farm. More bang for your buck, really. I have to admit it took me a min to get on board with goats, as I think they often look taxidermied or something (why so stiff?). But, not to exaggerate, this account makes me want to live out the rest of my days on a goat farm.
Mr. Bagel is a chinchilla that will make your forget bad things happen. Please look at his ears. His eyes are absolutely 180 degrees from each other. His fur looks softer than silk and his tiny rotund body will add two days to your lifespan every time you look at it. Trust me.
MacGyver is gigantic lizard who loves grapes. Follow MacGyver so that you can constantly send all the posts to your friends who don’t find it funny or cute. I send out MacGyver posts almost every day and it’s never appreciated. I love my friends!
I cry every time Wonton posts a photo, especially if it’s a slow-motion video of him running, which is about 50% of the account, thank god. Wonton is a mop with eyes. I cannot confirm he has any limbs nor do I think he needs them. Follow.
Halloween cat: @graveskullthepersian
This cat gives her mom MASSAGES. You heard it here fucking first. Graveskull makes me livid on a daily basis, as I’m convinced she’s too perfect and was created to shame my own cat, @bug.tv, for not being affectionate nor sitting in his cat condo like a grownup cat. Graveskull and I are in a fight actually. But you should still follow, the content is hot.
Sumo, Ayumi, Tonka and Mochi are the four dog sibs behind 3bulldogges, but who’s counting? These dogs are extremely relaxed. Looking at this account is akin to attending therapy and/or going to the spa. Don’t know why you wouldn’t follow?
Exempel is half-bunny, half-koala and enjoys more outdoor activities than I do. His name resembles a misspelling of the word example, but I’ve managed to look past that because his ears have been scientifically proven to make me more optimistic and it’s working.
It’s important to follow a pony on Instagram. In fact, it’s required. Teddy is a tiny blond one with attitude and tbh he’s very relatable and down-to-earth. He loves dogs and horses alike and hates leaving work late on Fridays. Don’t touch that dial A.K.A. follow.
Jk this is also a cat. LOOK. AT. HIM!!!! He looks like a werewolf cat!!! Atchoum is low-key one of the best IG follows out there. He has a disorder that makes his hair grow and the side effect is that he always looks surprised. I love him so much. Please please follow. #hairynotscary
Chill wildlife, generally: @chillwildlife
If you take nothing away from this except one thing, let if be Chill Wildlife. It’s peak animal Instagram and every post is exceptional and meaningful. Look at this creature. It’s a sphere. If you love yourself, you’ll follow this account.
Okay that’s all…FOR NOW. Please share your faves below!