Quiz: Are You Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive or Honest?

Which one are you?

02.21.17
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Listen. I have taken so many online quizzes that assess various parts of one’s personality, like “What Kind of Burrito Are You” and “Which Auxiliary Character From the Shitty College Year Season of a TV Show Originally Set In High School (Degrassi) Do You Most Identify With” that my therapist told me I could stop seeing her. She said I didn’t need any further evaluation into who I am or why I am. You probably feel this way, too. Still, as I always say, one more round of self-introspection won’t grow a boil on your nose. So which one are you:

Passive

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Do you get mad at stuff but then you’re just like, ugh? Do you find it more annoying to build up rage than to just forgive the roommate who didn’t replace your toilet paper for the thousandth time, never mind the fact that you’re stranded, cold and half-naked in the bathroom, to drip-dry? It’s fine. You’ll deal with it tomorrow — your show’s on now, anyway. Do you go to bed to avoid confrontation? Do you sometimes pretend your roommate is actually a cat so that all you hear is meowing, which then drowns out what he or she is saying, and then you just agree with him or her because it’s easier and cats are cool?

You might be passive.

Aggressive: 1 and 2

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Aggressive 1:
When an office colleague accidentally throws out your homemade salad dressing (because it made the whole refrigerator smell weird, according to another colleague), do you black out for a sec then come to, only to find yourself growling, your hair sticking out all around your head like a pissed-off reptile on the National Geographic Channel? Have you ever smashed a glass jar on the floor over a Lyft cancellation or library fee? Do you sometimes grow fangs out of nowhere?

You might be aggressive.

Aggressive 2:

When someone Judy — “accidentally” throws out your homemade salad dressing that you made because you were trying to save money while lowering your cholesterol, Judy (oh, and by the way, you never said anything about her gross hard-boiled-egg-in-small-public-spaces habit because you didn’t want to embarrass her, and totally still don’t!), do you write a little Post-it note that says, “Hey! I think someone threw out my salad dressing! Could you please be more careful to not touch my stuff? Happy to show you where the salad dressing aisle is located at Trader Joe’s or send you a link to my very extensive organic recipe! Thanks :),” and then stick it to the fridge with a flower magnet?

You might be passive-aggressive.

Honest

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Do you calmly explain your emotions as they come in an effort to better communicate how you feel during moments of tension or conflict so that those who caused you discomfort understand what they did wrong and how to act in similar scenarios going forward? Does this help you avoid fights and nasty text messages? Does it resolve issues more quickly?

You may be honest.

…In which case please, I beg you: show me your ways!

Illustrations by Maria Jia Ling Pitt. 

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  • Alanis

    I could be all three, just depending on the situation. If somebody messed with my cookies or brownies, I might be a little aggressive! Most of the time I am passive though.
    Oh and pretending that your roommate is a cat is a good idea! I’ll try that next time I’m annoyed haha

  • Julissa

    All of the above?

  • Lanatria Brackett Ellis

    A co-worker just told me another co-worker was just leaning their elbows all over the hood of my damn car! Let’s just say they might wanna proceed to engage me in a round of fisticuffs on the exterior of the building(cash me ousside)! true story
    p.s. I eat hardboiled eggs as my work desk .Now I feel bad …well a little.

  • Michelle Morgan

    @amelia another great one! I am personally trying to be more honest with my feelings and frustrations with people in 2017. I find that I can be passive at times to avoid confrontations. I am a pretty easy going person at heart and feel it is best to pick your battles instead of being nit-picky about EVERYTHING. However being honest and talking about WHY I’m upset directly with the person really is so helpful in the end!! And it allows me to place boundaries within my friendships/relationships. I believe that just because a person is chill doesn’t mean that they deserve less respect.

  • em

    These ways work:
    Non Violent Communication (NVC) by marshall rosenberg at amazon books but there are also workshop classes everywhere. He developed this for the UN and now it’s available to the world.

    • em

      oh look:
      The New York Center for Non-Violent Communication
      http://www.nycnvc.org/

    • em

      oops sorry, apparently not FOR the UN but I did read somewhere that they used his program…

  • I really love Amelia Diamond.

  • Nat Ch

    Is this post the passive-agressive way to send a message to a real life Judy-with-another-name? I’ve done it in short stories (call someone out about something). Thoughtful and long text is the new shading tweet!

  • Katia Luyo Angeles

    Can i be three? lmao

  • Online quizzes are my adult Sims. I’ve had to stop myself because I could literally spend whole days doing them.

  • my favorite passive-aggressive thing is responding “k” to a text
    BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY

  • Meg S

    I drink tea and buy myself fancy creamer because I like the way it tastes with English Breakfast. Someone else liked it too, because even though my name was on it, half the bottle was used and I wasn’t the one who used it. The “friendly reminder” note is still on the fridge about which coffee creamer is for the coffee club and which isn’t. No one dares to remove it. To be fair, the ‘microwave etiquette’ sign wasn’t my idea, but I found one and put it up after a lot of complaining. I’m more of the “this makes me mad and there are too many of us who work here for me to tell you all individually and I’m not putting it in an email that you’ll all ignore so I’m making a sign” variety. I don’t know if this is passive aggressive or if I’m just lazy and pissed off.

    I’m a stickler for workplace refrigerator etiquette, that’s for sure. If it’s not yours, ask to use it or don’t touch it.

  • Hannah Cole

    Um, what about if your co-worker throws out your nicely containered, homemade, DELICIOUS lunch….and then you proceed to get them to go to the bin and find it?
    The eggplant made me do it, I swear.

    • Beffgus

      They didn’t include a My Hero category but now they need one.

      • Hannah Cole

        legitimately made me cackle

  • Miss J

    I consider myself an honest person, but most of the time my honesty comes off as passive aggressive. It’s not that we’re trying to point stuff out with a post-it note, it’s just that (most) people need a friendly reminder. 🙂

  • Suzan

    I’m all about the third one, but let me tell you it isn’t what it’s cracked up to be either. With an angry outburst it’s just that and you can move one, but I notice with me and my friends that fall in the third group is that you talk things through to death and by doing so blow them out of proportions and are talking over an hour rationally and giving some things way to much attention because of it (and then feeling a bit guilty for going on about it). It does avoid fights and nastiness but I’m not sure if it’s the quickest way 😉 We’re just big old overthinking softies.

  • Isabela Alves

    Ok… So where is the quiz?

  • Aulia Putri

    thanks

  • Beasliee

    I used to be very passive aggressive and now I am more honest.
    It’s a real struggle to comprehend the rational reasons behind why you feel a certain way and explain them clearly, but it’s worth the effort.
    You also need to have people around you that you trust.
    I find having a few little mantras to recite helps calm me down. It helps to assume that people don’t know they did wrong and didn’t do it deliberately – play devil’s advocate with your aggressive emotions, defend people or behaviours you don’t like and then go with the side of you that tries to see the innocent side.
    I think also generally training yourself to avoid bitchy conversations and judgements means you kind of forget how to be like that and you forget others can be. For me that is key to avoiding going to a negative place too quickly.
    I do still get road rage though….

  • sweetlooweeze

    im honest but even honesty can be perceived as aggression if the person doesnt wanna hear it, so it doesnt necessarily keep me out of fights. only being passive does. which eventually leads to me being agressive! its a cycle

  • O’ ohhh – hitting close to home here… I’m definitely aggressive, my new years reso EVERY. YEAR. is to not be so Damn trigger happy. We’re learning in this lifetime 😂

  • Salome Popiashvili

    Passive-aggressive honey! I don’t want to feel myself like a wilding, but also I have zero wish to catch my negative feelings to myself, It causes wrinkles.