Does Anyone Else Not Mind Being Hungover?

Think of all the movies you get to watch!

01.02.17

Hangovers aren’t so bad. Not always.

Sometimes, when a hangover isn’t squeezing your brain to make stale juice which it then sucks through a straw like a vampiric asshole; when it isn’t borrowing pots and pans from the kitchen to create an acoustic symphony of mystery and pain between your temples; when it isn’t pressing elevator buttons inside of your belly like an unsupervised toddler (vomit going up — nope, going back down — up — no down — pause on the fifth floor — up!), a hangover can almost be pleasant.

It forces the lazy-averse into a state of sloth. It’s a brilliant excuse to cancel extracurricular plans, one almost always met with empathy and understanding. It conserves water by discouraging showers. Or face washing. (That eye makeup still looks great.) Or doing dishes. In fact, during the hangover period, all chores and errands are banned. For those who refuse to admit when they’re legitimately sick because of ego-related immunity complexes (hi), hangovers entice the afflicted to stay in bed.

Certain hangovers — the fuzzy ones that come from good, weird nights with friends — remove standard morning anxieties. Festering to-do lists, awkward encounters from evenings prior and the general torture of being a human being who once in a while suspects she may actually be a sea monster (hi again) are wrapped with gauze, if only for the time being. The threat of Sunday Scaries is there, but easily shelved until later.

With the good kind of hangover, laughter comes easily. You’re tired and delirious and the lights inside your head are dimmed low. Your verbal filters and insecurities are gone and you say whatever is on your mind. You wear what feels most comfortable. You do not judge your body or wardrobe or your bank account. You do very odd things because you just don’t care, probably with the not-cute kind of “messy bun” falling off your head. It looks like a drunk koala lost its balance.

You accept that drunk koala bun for what it is. You two are in this together.

Hangovers encourage you to expand your interests. With an army of at least two hundred beverages by your side, all movies sound amazing and exciting. Take this opportunity to check, “I can’t believe you haven’t seen X classic” off your list while adding esoteric documentaries that make you sound very cool and wise to your own roster.

Food is, without a doubt, the most glorious perk of a non-debilitating hangover. There is no second-guessing your cravings, no worries about nutrition percentages. There are only possibilities. Your stomach — a hungover incubator of culinary ideas greater than any currently in existence — brainstorms quickly and ferociously then seeks action: Bagel. Doritos. Bacon, egg and cheese. Nachos. Pasta. Pancakes. Fried rice. Pad Thai. Queso. Nutella. Wait, wait, no, or yes, but: all of that…together. On one plate.

Last night, you may have been an idiot. But today, you are a genius.

Photo via Bettmann/Getty Images.

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  • Adrianna

    I hate hangovers, but I hate it even more when people whine and complain about them. It’s self imposed! You didn’t suddenly come down with the flu.

    Also, two words: charcoal pills. I take a serving before going to bed and when I wake up.

    • Amelia Diamond

      charcoal pills!!

  • dietcokehead

    Yes, I, too, enjoy Tuesdays.

  • BuffyAnneSummers97

    once was so hungover that tracking the actors’ movements across the screen made me nauseous and I vommed. Yes. i was so sick I could not move my eyeballs.

    • Amelia Diamond

      Oh I know that well

  • Jayne

    I cannot do anything when I’m hungover and the hungover fear is the worst but I guess the not caring about anything does have its positives… until the not caring turns into full blown anxious worrying later on in the day. Not one hangover is the same though, unpredictable. Loved reading this.
    http://www.electraviolet.co.uk

  • Alex S

    “With the good kind of hangover, laughter comes easily. You’re tired and delirious and the lights inside your head are dimmed low.”

    So accurate. Being hungover with friends who are also hungover has created perhaps more laughter in my life than being drunk with friends who are also drunk.

    • Amelia Diamond

      My friend’s mom calls it the “dim witties”

  • Allison Baughman

    I don’t know why, but when I’m hungover my wit and humor is like, off the charts quick & hilarious.

    • Anna

      Totally. Although sometimes there’s a hazy line between still being buzzed from the night before and slowly realizing you’re hungover. Technically I think the hangover sets in when your blood alcohol level is back to 0.

  • My friend calls it the funover. Because you had fun last night and now, it is over. But after reading this, maybe it ought to mean the fun has rolled over to the next day.

    • Suzanne Magi

      Awesome!! My new phrase for a not painful hangover!!!!

  • lily

    i just ate a mcdonalds breakfast in my sweats and i feel truly like i can conquer the world (i have work in 2 hours and I threw up in an uber)

  • pamplemousseismyjam

    i’ve actually said that i sometimes enjoy being hungover more than being drunk, and agree this is only if the physical symptoms dull my brain/anxiety and not if i’ve fully death level poisoned myself. Pedialyte popsicles are key to this state. Everything is amusing and people seem more tolerable, the way I imagine I would view others if they were muppet versions of themselves. Kind of wish I was hungover right now.

  • Jennifer

    Hangovers are totally enjoyable if they’re not too bad. A reason to let myself lay around all day and eat comfort food. They can be quite cozy, especially if the weather cooperates (sun with a hangover makes me feel guilty). I’ve also had quite a few hangovers spent with friends/roommates that were better than the night out.

  • Suzanne Magi

    At 48 I couldn’t fully describe your writing to my 14 year old daughter…. so when she came down and asked, “Why are you laughing?” I left out the alcohol part and just said, “you know how sometimes you just wanna be you, so you let your “messy bun” just be, wear your most comfortable clothes even if they’re dirty or don’t match and just lay around watching movies or whatever and eat whatever sounds good?” She said, “yeah, that’s what I’m doing now.” Thanks for giving me a way to talk to my daughter about selfish and well deserved self-care and love 😘