Monocycle: Episode 46
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This week’s episode of Monocycle is a real doozy. It’s the first time in a long time that I stuck my head into that sound booth without a clear idea of what I would say once I was in there. Then words started pouring out, words I can’t even recall having uttered. Did I listen to this episode several times over the course of the editing process? Yes. Obviously. Do I remember a single damn thing I said? No. I think my eyes have been staring a large computer screen for so long that it is impacting my memory cells.

Is that an unfounded excuse? Absolutely.

Will I stop asking questions only to answer them immediately? Maybe.

The bottom line is this: our theme of the month is Ch-Ch-Changes, but it’s not a Man Repeller theme without a dash of irreverence (I can’t believe I just wrote that in women’s-interest glossy type, but I’m not going to delete it because, you know, it happens to the best of us). The point of this isn’t to stunt growth or improvement, or to make you feel like a lesser version of yourself. On the contrary, it’s to cut yourself some slack! Just be, with a B. Let loose in that incredible mental way that doesn’t require ordering an extra glass of wine. Tell yourself setbacks are okay, give yourself a high-ass fucking five when you do something you’re proud of. Etc, etc.

Or something like that.

Just listen!

Then meet me back here, I am literally waiting (I get comment alerts) and the last time I said that, I sat frozen for hours, EVEN DAYS!, waiting for you. So…

Related Stories:

Welcome to Ch-Ch-Changes Month on Man Repeller

Monocycle: Episode 45, Resolutions

Monocycle: Episode 37, Uterus Envy

Monocycle is edited by Nicholas Quazzy Alexander. Logo illustration by Kelly Shami; photo by Harold M. Lambert/Lambert via Getty Images.



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  • *guts-out-of-vagina sound*

  • Mary

    Thank you for making me feel okay about the fact that my January hasn’t been off to a fab start. 2017 feels much better but I still haven’t started the new year/new me, fitness journey, spiritual cleanse, detox diet, become best self, year of yes, etc. Feeling just fine though!!!

  • Celin

    I love that you exist on this world and on this time!! You are so beautiful person! Thank you for every post you make!!!

  • KY

    Thank you for your honesty! I can relate.

  • gordana

    Dear Leandra, thank you for your honesty and realness. As someone who’s been going through the same struggle, it is soothing to hear another woman’s experience and tell yourself that if these microcosmos of struggle repeat, then the success ones must be as well… Wishing you all the best.

  • Becky G

    This might be a dumb ask, but maybe on one of these podcasts you can talk about why you want to be a mom. I’ve never been able to relate to women who want that, so I’m curious.

  • Fransje Bolwijn

    Thank you Leandra, this podcast made me feel so much better (January sucks)

  • Delaney

    In resonance to previous comments, this really did make me feel better. I’ve been feeling like my days have been going in an upward spiral and that I should reach a happy climactic event soon, but nothing is happening and things have been dull. I guess that’s January, and I guess I’ll appreciate sunshine when it comes out of hiding in April.

    But it helps to know that this community exists and that we feel all this together (misery loves company?). Thank you for your frankness, Leandra.

  • Grace

    Hey guys I’ve signed up to the MR newsletter about three times and have got nada ! So sad – please help xx

  • Maria Chammah

    Dear Leandra;
    Your “guts” really remind me of my mine at your age, i am now 39, with 2 amazing boys… I was you from 28 through 33, when I finally got pregneant. I am jewish, i used to be super thin, I work in fashion, lived in NYC for a bit, but my hometown is Buenos Aires. I know its a strech… but I have a fantansic doctor here and he gets everyone pregneat…
    Ps: read psalm 103 every day… that will also

  • sarita szerer

    Hi Leandra,
    So much admiration for all you are sharing whilst in what is a huge challenge many of us face. I personally struggled to get pregnant for 5 years. I felt all the feelings you are describing such as jealousy, shame for feeling jealous, and so much anxiety. Now that I have passed this challenging time and get to see the incredible miracle that are my twin boys, I am embracing the experience and integrated it into my work as a Health Coach. Check me out at and on Instagram as @purefertility Sending love and light. Hang in there!

  • I live for your honesty and authenticity. Your appreciated.

  • Melisa Bello

    Dear Leandra, Im from Argentina and I heard your podcast long ago and now im feeling the need to write you. My story is quite different, my husband was diagnosed with rectal cancer and since then im feeling all kind of emotions. But last week we found out that the wife of a friend is pregnant…. and im in a roller coaster of emotions. Its the same thing, im feeling sad, jealous…. because I was suppose to get gregnant this year, and now we are dealing with this. My husband doesnt get it why i’m so sad or angry…. Its not because we had to delay our plans, its because im ungry with the situation. Its because i dont understand WHY we have to go through this stuff. I suppose every one handle their problems the way they can, and im not beeing god at it…