Gird Your Loins: “The Devil Wears Prada” is Coming to Broadway

It’s about time.

01.27.17
Anne Hathaway during Anne Hathaway on Location for The Devil Wears Prada - October 26, 2005 at The Museum of Natural History in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by James Devaney/WireImage)

There is a maddening dearth of information about the musical adaptation of the film/book The Devil Wear Prada being developed for Broadway. Not even a smidgen of a timeline or a rumor about who’s playing Adrian Grenier and his passive-aggressive grilled cheese. To ease your heart palpitations, I have assembled a short list of what we do know to be true:

  • Sir Elton John is writing the music.
  • Veteran playwright Paul Rudnick is collaborating.
  • Broadway heavyweight Kevin McCollum is producing.
  • The project has been in the works “for awhile.”

In the words of Miranda Priestly, “THAT’S ALL.”

The lack of detail is particularly irksome given how much the world is in need of a mood boost, and I can think of nothing more boost-ier than an entire song about the importance of cerulean.

Thus, I have naturally taken it upon myself to assemble a subsequent, slightly lengthier list of what we hope to be true (by “we” I guess I mean “I,” but I feel relatively comfortable speaking for all of us on the topic of Prada-wearing devils):

  • Meryl Streep is reprising her role as Miranda Priestly. Meryl Streep has accrued more Oscar nominations than any actor in history, but she has never won a Tony Award. I see this as a ripe opportunity to do just that.
  • Anne Hathaway is reprising her role as Andy Sachs. HEAR ME OUT: We know she can sing. Did you see Les Miserables!? Returning to this beloved role is the perfect way for her to unite pre-backlash Anne Hathaway (Andy Sachs) with post-backlash Anne Hathaway (Fantine) and potentially erase most of the damage. Singing show tunes about fashion while wearing a pageboy hat is an excellent way to show how relatable you are.
  • Emily Blunt and Stanley Tucci are involved in any and every way possible.
  • The tagline for the musical is “The Devil Wears Prada? On Broadway? Groundbreaking.”
  • An entire act is devoted to Andy’s makeover.
  • Anna Wintour has cameo role as the kind and caring mother of Christian Thompson — or my preferred name for him — “Tiny Scarf Man.”
  • The ushers in the theater are required to tell guests, “By all means, move at a glacial pace” as they find their seats.

Meet me in the comments with your additions.

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