If you’re avoiding the news right now to temporarily preserve your sanity, allow me to keep you abreast of the hard-hitting stuff: Apple released hundreds of new emojis yesterday in iOS 10.2, thus changing the way we’ll communicate forever. For example:
There’s a high-fidelity potato and so much more to unpack here. Please go update your phone and then come back because I’m going to need you to follow along IRL.
First and foremost, we have our gender and race-progressive emoji additions:
A firewoman! Can you imagine? I’m planning to use that top left one next time I’m cooking up a devious plan because look at that mysterious green liquid. It’s important to note all careerist emojis remain doe-eyed and innocent-looking — a mark of a far more pure and warmhearted society than our own.
Next, we have our cultural touchstones:
Super confused people, for one. Harambe (RIP), a liar (lying is so hot right now), an askew pita sandwich (this world is crazy!), a person laughing and crying at an existentially chaotic angle.
Remember last month when someone leaked the new peach emoji, revealing it would look less like a butt, and the world panicked? That was November 1st, a more innocent time. Two weeks later Apple responded and was like, “Omg, we’re so sorry. Nvm.” And they changed it back. This is democracy.
And now, on to the most relevant additions (I’m sorry to have wasted your time on anything less):
A man in goggles committing a soccer penalty (or whatever), a clown (for when you’re feeling happy and murderous!), a pregnant woman (a new way to announce pregnancy or that you’ve overeaten) and, most importantly, our gorgeous Pantone color of the year, seconds from vomiting.
Then we have some important reactionary content:
Such as this severed arm taking a selfie (do we even exist?), a face palm (general preparation for 2017), a curiously detailed rhinoceros (for when someone asks you a hard question and you don’t want to answer) and a more efficient way to drunk text. Plus, a blue butterfly for alternative tween Instagram bios.
There’s also an avocado, two strips of bacon, a croissant, paella, a kiwi, peanuts, champagne and salad. Useful for theoretical discussions and lazy Venmo descriptions alike.
There is so much to say in 2017. Thank goodness we won’t have to use actual words. Tell me your new favorites!