I think you have holiday fever. Sneezing a lot? Yup. That’s because of the sparkles that enter the atmosphere this time of year from all of the glitter paraphernalia. Headache? Due to the dramatic spike in festivemetric pressure. Unable to focus? That’s because we have been trained like Pavlov’s dogs to not focus during the holidays thanks to grammar school teachers letting us have a free-for-all from November 28 through January 2nd! And the reason they did that is because they were trained in the same way and it’s a cycle. It’s a cycle, and you’re the soul.
This explains why, on the Monday team Man Repeller got back, we spent a good hour doing nothing except talking about going home for the holidays. You know: family stuff, home clothes, freezer food. The good stuff. Here’s our convo — assuming you’re like, “Yeah, this Excel sheet can wait,” please join in. We are doing any and everything to co-procrastinate.
Amelia Diamond: Hi guysss. Good Thanksgivings?
Leslie Price: I’m so tired. I need a vacation after that holiday.
Jasmin Aujla: I feel like that after every holiday! I had, what I imagine to be, the typical American Thanksgiving this year! It was so lovely.
Harling Ross: I don’t feel like my stress diminished over the holiday, but my sleep increased. Balance!
Elizabeth Tamkin: Harling, that nightgown! This was the first time I’ve ever had a holiday with my family where I genuinely didn’t feel handcuffed to a chair. One, I didn’t stay at their place — they just moved from my childhood home to an apartment on the Upper West Side. And two, I feel like I truly, truly need them at this moment in my life.
Patty Carnevale: Being in my teen room makes me revert back to teen sleep habits. I slept. So. Much.
Leslie: You revert when you go home, just generally. I was thinking about this: I am the worst when I go to my parents’. I wouldn’t be like that at a friend’s house. Like, I leave dishes in the sink.
Harling: Hahaha, yes Leslie!
Elizabeth: I drank copious amounts of alcohol and got to cry to my sister who gives outrageously great advice.
Patty: I drank a lot of my dad’s wine.
Leslie: WHAT IS THE DEAL with parents having a refrigerator that is so overstuffed but at the same time there is nothing to eat. How? And the freezer, so full.
Amelia: Hahahah. Parents love to utilize their freezer.
Harling: I hide food when I go to my parents. Mainly from my siblings. Like if I see the Reese’s Pieces bag is dwindling…I’m like a squirrel.
Leslie: Tell me why my parents are still drinking orange juice, the kind that comes frozen in a can. I have told them so many times not to.
Patty: @Harling, gotta do what you gotta do.
Leslie: That frozen juice stuff isn’t healthy!
Harling: My parents are TOO healthy.
Leslie: Parents are just strange.
Harling: My mom tried to give me my dad’s jeans. To wear.
Jasmin: Wait Harling, were the jeans kinda cool though??
Patty: Did your mom offer them to your siblings after you declined?
Harling: No they were NOT. They were literal men’s jeans. And my mom was like, “They’re cool and baggy.”
Yvonne: My dog is about to die and my mom wasn’t home for Thanksgiving (I was home alone, long story). And my mom left me details of what to do if the dog died on my watch.
Leslie: That’s such a mom thing to do.
Patty: Yvonne, I was at my dad’s house without my dad!
Haley: Omg Yvonne. WELCOME HOME! The dog might die.
Yvonne: Sorry if the dog dies! bye!
Amelia: Omg Yvonne! You looked cute at your bf’s family’s Thanksgiving dinner, though.
Amelia: Did anyone have any awkward family encounters? I was on a mom-and-me vacation so we bypassed the full family thing this year, which was nice in some ways (including the vacation bit) but also sad! Any politics stuff?
Haley: I was at a Friendsgiving, and all of us were so fatigued about…basically everything that we were talking about…that my friend challenged us to all just shut the fuck up, as a joke. So we sat in silence for 20 minutes. Literally. That’s how tired we all are. Lol.
Amelia: Silence is “the sign of a good meal,” says every dad ever!
Patty: My liberal aunt came up to me and gave me a long deep hug. We rested in that for awhile.
Leslie: My parents discussed it. They commiserate because they aren’t super active on Facebook, I guess.
Amelia: Thanksgiving tables are the OG FB walls.
Harling: The hardest thing for me is dealing with older relatives — being respectful but also disagreeing.
Haley: There were so many memes about being the one super-dressed up person at Thanksgiving. I never dress up when I go home. Like, at all. Do you?
^ From the first time I did Christmas in Rhode Island when I didn’t pack warmly enough so I had to wear my mom’s clothes.
Kate: The trick is to not then take the pieces of the home clothes back with you.
Jasmin: I kinda love the two-tone.
Harling: You look very Balenciaga.
Leslie: Another way I’ve reverted — this time back to college: I’ve started bringing home my laundry.
Jasmin: Laundry is a must!
Yvonne: I took stamps from my parents.
Patty: OMG. This year. My aunt gave me a box of letters that my grandparents wrote to each other their first year of marriage when my granddad was in the navy. THEY ARE SO CUTE AND THERE ARE SO MANY. IT’S LIKE A REAL LIFE NOTEBOOK.
Amelia: That is so cute. I love to snoop when I go home. You just suddenly have this interest in rooms that used to look so boring when you saw them all the time.
Jasmin: I look around the house for new things.
Kate: Within four hours at my mom’s house I go into the special drawer in the fancy cabinet and steal as many mini peppermint patties as I can without anyone noticing.
Leslie: I def don’t do that.
Kate: You don’t snoop?!
Leslie: I don’t need to go looking for extra stuff. It’s like, Oh, here’s a geode. Here’s a set of encyclopedias. Here’s a desktop from 10 years ago. The wifi password is like 20 characters long, good luck.
Amelia: Do any of your parents know their wifi password? Neither of mine do.
Harling: My parents’ password is so hackable.
Kate: My mom knows her last five wifi passwords because apparently she “gets hacked.”
Jasmin: I don’t even know my own.
Amelia: Everyone, fav thing about going home, GO!
Yvonne: The roses my mom always leaves next to my bed <3
Jasmin: Going grocery shopping with my mum and putting everything I want in the trolley. Ironed bed sheets and my welcome basket. <3 <3
Harling: How much my parents love me, even when I’m being annoying. Wearing pajamas all day. Round-the-clock desserts baked by my sister.
Amelia: My favorite thing about going home is seriously just being taken care of. And not having to answer the phone. I had so many chores when I was living at home but now when I come visit it’s like I am being welcomed by the townspeople of Oz.
Leslie: Driving their Prius to the suburban strip mall grocery store. Just driving it like a total asshole with loud music on.
Kate: Beach walks and going to Grumpy’s with my sister, which is the dive bar directly behind my house.
Yvonne: Oh and my niece. I like her.
Jasmin: This was convo was fun, guys.
Harling: I already miss being home.
Kate: We get to do it all again at the end of December!
Photo from Warner Bros. via Playbuzz.