The Non-Boring Sweater Market Report
12.08.16

Grab a chicken and raise it high if you agree with the following statement: Getting dressed in the winter sucks.

It has taken me so much time to come to terms with the fact that I don’t know how to get excited about clothing when it is cold out given how much I love the holiday season and my birthday and sequins, etc.

The main culprit of my aversion, I think, is how awful and boring the most dreaded (and yet most comfortable and obvious) combination of clothing — a sweater with jeans and boots — can be. Ugh! What can you even say in a pair of straight leg jeans that are cropped and paired with ankle boots that you loved in 2012 but can’t stop rolling your eyes at in 2016. “Hey, I’m Martha from accounting???”

As if that wasn’t bad enough, it’s too cold for your cool-ass graphic T-shirt, and you’ve been drinking a lot of chocolate (hello, it’s the holidays), so you’re not trying to tuck button-down blouses into your jeans (Am I projecting? Yes. Do I regret it one bit? No.), which leaves you caught at the intersection of sleeping and boring. In your sweater. And jeans. And boots.

WHAT ON EARTH COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE!?!?!?

Kidding, guys. I’m totally kidding. It’s just an outfit and frankly, winter is awesome because you’re covered as fuq and can wear whatever the hell you want. No one knows, no one cares. Put on your leggings and the same sweater everyday, heck, just roll out of bed and into your office. It’s your life, your rules, and if anyone suggests otherwise, please direct them towards me.

But it is true, you know, that sweaters can get snoozy this time of year, particularly because your holiday antenna is up, so every time even a slightly festive sweater crosses your purview, you’re forced to wonder: how high am I ranking on the scale of Psyched for the Ugly Christmas Sweater Party?

This is why we are bringing you five of the least boring sweaters to buy now, on sale, and also wear now until later. Clothing proprietorship is so much cooler than food proprietorship because you really do get to have your cake and eat it too.

Pass me a fork, would you?

Photos by Krista Anna Lewis.

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