Jimmy, Jimmy and James: The Hosts of the 2017 Award Shows

Awards season has never been so James.

12.06.16
MIAMI BEACH, FL - DECEMBER 02: Actor James Corden speaks onstage during Madonna presents An Evening of Music, Art, Mischief and Performance to benefit Raising Malawi at Faena Forum on December 2, 2016 in Miami Beach, Florida. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic for Raising Malawi)

Are you a jovial-seeming, average-funny, okay-looking white dude named James? If so, I have good news for you. You’re probably hosting an awards show next year. Congratulations! If not, I’m sorry, but you might have no future in show business. Or at least in its most overrated ephemeral spotlight.

In August, it was announced that Jimmy Fallon would be hosting the 2017 Golden Globes ceremony, to which I was like, “Okay, sure.” In November it was announced that James Corden would be hosting the 2017 Grammys, to which I was like, “Oh, lol. Alright.” And then yesterday, it was announced that Jimmy Kimmel will be hosting the 2017 Oscars, at which point I was like, “Ummm, okay Hollywood, who are you and what have you done with all the funny people who don’t host late night talk shows and burn easily?”

But then we know exactly who Hollywood is, or what: the tiniest of echo chambers whose walls are particularly effective at bouncing off the sound of white dudes’ punchlines. The star-spangled microeconomy that mirrors our larger one. (Remember when the Times reported that “fewer women run big companies than men named John?” Four letter name that starts with J!!!) I want to trust it’s expanding — I look for the small victories every day — but this awards show line up feels almost comically regressive. But like, darkly comedic. Because they’ve all hosted so many times before and they’re all named James? Which I have to admit: I kind of love. It’s the sort of narrative move in a dystopian novel that would make you roll your eyes and go, “Come on, at least make it believable.”

But you know what? Maybe this is good. Give these guys the awards show hosting gigs! It’s a job engineered to embarrass all who hold it anyway. The few people who have succeeded only did so by defying expectations. Which…I mean…line-up all considering, I’m not holding my breath.

So good luck, James(es)!

Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic for Raising Malawi via Getty Images.

 

 

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  • Iva Quint

    I actually was reading an interesting article about how the Oscars host was picked this year. Ordinarily it’s a bit of fight between ABC (who pays to broadcast the ceremony) and the Academy, but this year, since ratings have been down and the Academy are in a few million in the hole because of a new Academy Museum that’s in the works, ABC got the last word on the host. So they picked their man Kimmel (who airs on ABC). Talk about a self serving echo chamber

    • Perla

      That’s so interesting.

  • Greer Clarke

    Alternate title: “Penis, Penis and Dick: The Hosts of the 17th Century Awards Shows”

  • Alison

    But James Corden is hilarious!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln3wAdRAim4

  • Grace B

    I love James Corden to pieces no matter what anyone says. You have not lived until you’ve seen Gavin and Stacey. I’m a huge anglophile, what can I say.

  • Lucy Korn

    I would love to see Chelsea Handler host, she wouldn’t but that’s a show I would watch. OR anyone listen to the Who? Weekly Podcast? How great would it be if they hosted.